Imaginary Friend to Blame....

I remember my imaginary friend, my parents told me that she could stay as long as she was good and played nice, but that if she couldn't be good she would have to go away. One day she told me to do something I knew I wasn't supposed to do so I told her she couldn't play with me any more and she left. It's strange how the brain works as a child.

A similar rule might help here in the long run, children often tend to blame imaginary friends for misbehavior. You can even try punishing the imaginary friend if things get more boundary stretching then just back talk, if they want to be in your home they have to obey the rules and if not they get punished right along side of your DD.

When she talks back to you then blames it on her "babies", just look at her and simply tell her "Alright, but you shouldn't talk to them that way either, it's not very nice and you still have to do as I say, now go on please." When she corrects you when you answer her questions, you can try asking her before you answer the question if she's talking to you or her "babies". Tell her she has to be clear about who she's talking to because you and daddy can't tell. You can even warn her that you'll start ignoring her questions, I know it sounds mean but you can tell her that you can't tell who she's talking to so you won't be rude and answer questions that aren't being asked to you. I hope that makes sense. You can even punish the two for simple back talk, tell her that it doesn't matter if the two of them were talking, that you only hear DD and to you it was back talk and for that they need to sit out (or whatever you use as discipline). I think treating "Babies" like they are real will help your daughter in the long run.

Good luck. I hope this helps.

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Dear B.,

This one takes me back a long way. ;-) I'm a grandma now, but when my son was little, he had a friend named Joe. Joe got into all kinds of trouble. I played along, even setting a place at the table for Joe one night. I said, "Joe must be hungry, and he must need some love. I think he would like to have dinner with us, don't you?"

I began to include Joe in other activities from time to time. I'd tell him it was time to settle down for a story and song at bedtime, etc. because my son needed his sleep. I think that surprised my son, and he seemed to decide that he wasn't pulling the wool over my eyes. It became a harmless little game that we enjoyed together. Once Joe was welcomed into our family, he seemed to hold less magic for my son.

When Joe got into trouble, I would tell my son that what Joe had done was wrong, and that my son should explain that to Joe so that he could learn to be nice. Then, I would give my son and Joe some "alone time" (time out) to talk things over. For a while, our little posse grew to "Joe," "Good Joe," and "Bad Joe." It was pretty hilarious. After a while, the Joes all left the scene, and it was just the two of us again (well, the three of us, including our wonderful cat).

I hope this will help you a little bit. Imaginary friends can be so frustrating, but I think that if we enlist our children to help teach those friends the difference between right and wrong it can help them to let go, and to learn to take responsibility.

Good luck with the Babies/Sisters!

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I would just explain to her that when she blames something on her "babies" that is actually her, it's actually lying. Lying is not allowed, and so everytime from now on you hear her blaming something on her babies, she will.....(choose discipline). Just remember, children will ONLY get away with what they are ALLOWED to get away with. If you let her get away with the blame game, that that's exactly how she'll handle her getting reprimanded. If you choose to NOT allow her to get away with it, the behavior will stop. It's really more up to you than her.

It's also very very important that once you put a consequence out there, you follow through every single time. If she begins to argue at all, do not listen to her and do not take part in the argument. Girls are very good at thinking they can negotiate every rule and every punishment. If your punishment is for her to stand in the corner, than the next time she does it, tell her since she's chosen to lie by placing blame on one of her babies, she has also chosen to stand in the corner. If she begins to say "BUT!!" Just stop her by putting your hand up and tell her it's not a discussion, and to go to the corner now. If she continues to defy it, pick her up without talking to her, place her in the corner, turn her head to face it, and walk away. With my kids, every time they turned away from the corner, I said "That's another minute because you aren't looking at the corner"

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Simply ask her to "point to " her babies or sister and get down to her level. Look at the babies or sister and tell them what you would tell her and then look at her and back to them and tell them BOTH the consequences of "their" behavior. What she maybe seeing is just not an imaginary friend but sometimes angels or spirits. When you feed one - feed the other in smaller portions. When you drive, put both in seat belts. When there is punishment/correction issue it out to both. This is not uncommon. Relax.

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B.,

These friends are delightful! We had one named "Hubba" and he lived with us for a very long time.

I think that you should call her on telling you a fib, and this scenario has very little to do with the imaginary friend. She was talking to you, you know it and so does she. If you don't acknowledge that she was untruthful, she may expand by using a more complexed fib the next time she is uncomfortable with someone's reaction to her behavoir. Kids are smart, they know what works, and they are going to keep trying sucessful strategies.

We always treated Hubba as imaginary, she could talk to him and talk about him, but we never made a place at the table or let her blame him, and I don't think it does your daugher any good to let her hedge her behavior with her babies. We often heard our daghter discipline Hubba, much like we had just done to her, kind of passing the buck, but she had to own the concequences for her own behavior too!

I so love the idea of telling her that (even if she were talking to her babies) it would not be OK to treat them like that either! That is perfect! Just be sure to tell her that you know that she was not!

The babies will be gone soon, and you will miss them. I have often wonder about Hubba!

M.

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Put her in timeout as you would anything else she does wrong. Like you said, she is smart. She knows what she is doing. It is cute now, but you don't want to encourage her to make up stories.

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Ask her if you cn speak to her babies. Then proceed to task the babies why they do whatever it is she is blaming them for and tell them how saddened you are they are doing these things and good babies should not. My oldest son when through this and I spoke with his friends all the time. He soon out grew it. Sometimes they donm't really realize they are doing things. My youngest would sit and color on something he should have right in front of me and when I asked him about ithe truly didn't realize he had done it. You could tell on his face he was serious.

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I would say something like, "I understand you like to pretend, but it's still not okay to talk that way." And then give her whatever consequences you normally would, such as a time out. This will not squash her imagination. She is using it to be defiant, and you need to nip it in the bud.

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Regardless of who she is talking to you can still teach her how to properly speak to another person real or not. She may be using it as an opportunity to misbehave. If you teach her she needs to do this at all times may be she will let go of the imaginaries because she can't misbehave there either. All kids go through having "friends" and she is still young. SO I would not discourage it but not let her use it to do or say things she wouldn't be allowed to say. It sounds like you have a creative child. I would find ways through theater or other art forms to build on it. She may be a future creative writer. Good luck to u.

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You need to explain to her when you are asking her to do something her immediate response is to be to you, not her babies. That when she says "no" it is a response to you and she will have to take the punishment.
In reality I found this kind of funny and laughed about it before I could respond.

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my youngest child did that her imaginary friend was called johnny femur it lasted til she started school.its just a phase.however tell her that you will also punish the imaginary ones to for what she has done.dont worry she sounds like a lonely child.she will work it out.

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You need to tell her it's inappropriate to talk to her babies or friends that way. Discuss other options that could be said. If she doesn't take heed and insists, then make SURE there are consequences for the inappropriate talk/behavior. DONT GIVE IN! She needs to know you mean it.

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Go ahead and reprimand her for her tone of voice and disrepect, no matter who she is talking to. I would also explain that since you don't know if she is talking to you or her babies she needs to be careful because you will always think she is talking to you and you'll have to punish her for being sassy or rude. That way the ball is in her court. She sounds very bright and quite entertaining!

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