44 answers

I'm Upset at My Husband. Am I Being Too Sensitive or Is He Being a Jerk?

My husband is out of town - in San Francisco, since last Sunday. He went to a 'conference' for business. He calls a few times throughout the day, but usually I am busy with the kids, homekeeping and errands and I don't have much time to chat. The best time to call me is after the kids are in bed, when I am relaxed. His schedule is a day full of seminars, followed by light snacks and then they go to mixers and dinner about 8-ish. I called him the other night, about 9pm, thinking he was in his hotel watching TV and getting ready for bed, and he was out having dinner. Okay..fine - he's having a good time.. I call again at 11pm and he says he's on his way back to his hotel.

So why am I irritated? I think he should call me and say "goodnight" to me. Last night, I knew he was out again and I found myself getting pissed off because he couldn't take a few minutes out of his evening, at the mixer and dinner, to call and say goodnight to his wife.

But, instead of breaching the subject and calling him, I thought I would ask you ladies what you thought about it. Is it too much to ask? Am I being to sensitive -- too needy? Or is he being a selfish jerk?

Thanks.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I am a little jealous of him; the fact that he gets to go someplace fun, have adult conversations, eat in nice restaurants, etc. I love being a SAHM but sometimes his job perks make me a bit envious. I also missed him. I'm not used to being away from him and the last person I want to talk to before I lay down to sleep is him.

I chose not to 'bug' him this time about my wish that he would call me after the kids are in bed. He doesn't travel that much, overnight, for work. The next time he goes, if I can't go with him, I will ask him to call me, after the kids are in bed, if he can. If he can't, that is okay too...but maybe he could call me first thing in the morning before the kids get up.

I'm glad I asked you ladies. I felt better after reading your responses. The mom's that have actually traveled for business helped too and the mom's that understood, right away, that I was a wee bit 'green with envy', helped too. He's back now, albeit at work. So looks like I will have to wait a little longer to catch up with him.

Thanks again.

Featured Answers

I think he has no idea what you want.
Men have very small pea sized little brains, they have to be told do this, not that. They are like puppy dogs.
Serioulsy, these words came out of my hubby last time I blew up at him.

So assuming my hubby is right, telll hubby what makes you happy. For us it's hard because we assume he would know anyway.

9 moms found this helpful

If he calls you througout the day then no-I don't think he is a jerk and you are being a little sensitive. Have you told him that you would like a good night call? If not, you need to. He is not a mind reader and stuff like that is not as important to men as to us.

9 moms found this helpful

That's what you do on a business conference. You are expected to attend dinner with the group and socilaize. I call it forced corporate fun - I had to do it all the time. Back by 11 PM is tame by some standards. You're being too sensitive.

8 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Hi K., my guy is gone most weeks Mon-Fri. He is working a lot, but of course there's dinner and drinks out and other social occasions as well. We text on the phone throughout the day, sometimes we chat on gmail or skype at the end of the day, but most often it's just a good night i love you text before we doze off. I can't even remember the last time I talked to him on the phone!

Like someone else said, if you want a call in at a specific time every night he's away, you should def say so.

So no, I don't think he's a selfish jerk and I don't think you're too sensitive, you just have different expectations! Just get on the same page is all.

:)

12 moms found this helpful

Well, do you think he gets upset when you dont have time for his calls? Its kinda the same thing.

11 moms found this helpful

Hi Kellly,
Probably depends on your type of marriage.
I'm not a clingy-type wife. So when my husband travels, either for business or pleasure, my thing is--let me know you get there safe and I'll see you when you get back. Then usually he might call every other day to say "hi" and check in. That's just me and that's just "us".
We are both busy living our daily lives and responsibilities and each of us is confident that the other is doing what they need to be doing when they need to do it.
No point getting upset that his schedule when out of town is different than when he's home. LOTS of people go out to dinner at 8:00 for several hours! (Remember the pre-kid days?)
He IS talking to you several times per day, after all, which IMO, is a little over-the-top. That would tick me off unless we had something super important going on that we NEEDED to update each other--sick kid, applying for a mortgage, etc...
I think you're feeling a little jealous. Business traveling is a drag, usually, so don't make it more crappy by being more demanding.

10 moms found this helpful

If he calls you througout the day then no-I don't think he is a jerk and you are being a little sensitive. Have you told him that you would like a good night call? If not, you need to. He is not a mind reader and stuff like that is not as important to men as to us.

9 moms found this helpful

I think he has no idea what you want.
Men have very small pea sized little brains, they have to be told do this, not that. They are like puppy dogs.
Serioulsy, these words came out of my hubby last time I blew up at him.

So assuming my hubby is right, telll hubby what makes you happy. For us it's hard because we assume he would know anyway.

9 moms found this helpful

Being a little sensitive - yes....but is it understandable? Yes. From your point of view, he's off having a good time, free meals and drinks, sleeping in a bed alone without the kids while you are doing all the work at home keeping up the home front. From his point of view, he's away from the wife and kids, has to sleep alone and has to participate in the activities (even if he likes them). He may not want to excuse himself (if he's interacting with others at a dinner, bar or mixer) to say good night to his wife. It may be something he's completely overlooked because he's been busy and realizes you are probably in bed. I'd mention something to him in the future about when he's gone you'd like a goodnight call or text just so you can hear his voice before you go to sleep. Also, why can't you call him and tell him you are going to bed so you wanted to say goodnight? It works both ways :)

9 moms found this helpful

I think you are being too sensitive, especially when you are brushing him off during the day. He is probably calling you during dead times when he needs to talk to someone and wants to be one of those people looking busy on break with a cellphone propped to his ear! Seminars can be very boring. Bunch of strangers, trying to make small talk in between speakers - maybe he needs to hear a familiar voice. And the real point of attending seminars (generally) is the dinner and mixing at night and it's usually much easier for men to "mix" with a cocktail in hand, especially if they can hook up with a couple of people that they know. Honestly, staying at home with the kids is hard, but working is hard, too, even "conferences" that might sound exciting to you are actually awkward and hard. Everybody's doing their part for the family - dont be mad at him. You'll be back on the same shift soon!

8 moms found this helpful

I think it's 'a little of column A, a little of column B' going on here. I think you're feeling a little jealous that he gets to go away and have dinner and drinks every night while you're with the kids ALL day and ALL night. I think this because this is how *I* feel when my husband goes away for work.

It's frustrating to know that his biggest issue at dinner is deciding between steak and lobster, when I'm fighting tooth and nail with my almost-3 year old to get her to eat 2 more bites with a crying baby in my lap and a 4.5 year old trying to tell me about her day at preschool. Sometimes, I really hate it when he's gone, and when I feel like that - it's ALL his fault!! hahaha

But, then I remember that when he IS home he's a totally involved husband and father and that he deserves a little peace and quiet. He calls when he can. If I want to get a hold of him, I text. That way I'm not bugging him with a ringing phone, he can ignore it if he's busy but he knows I'm thinking about him.

8 moms found this helpful

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