I'm "That" Mom

Oh hey, we're all "That Mom" (mom of a kid who is throwing a tantrum) sometimes.

When I see a parent with a child who is rolling around on the ground screaming, I do look...because I want to make I eye contact with the parent, and to give 'em a little smile. I try to pass on the telepathic message, "you're doing just fine. It'll be okay. We've all been there." Tantrums are hard enough to deal with, without thinking the world is against us.

That said, I do leave public places if one of my children throws a fit. It's just about disciplining (teaching) them that screaming, throwing a fit, kicking, etc. are not okay. After they're calm, we do the, "it's okay to feel frustrated, angry, and sad. It's not okay to scream, yell, flop on the floor, etc."

It really stinks to have to leave, especially when we are at the store with a cart of food, or at the park and the other child is having a fine time getting along. Nonetheless, we pick up, and leave. We don't have very many (public) fits anymore.

Good luck.

i dont coddle them when they throw a fit. I just stand back and watch, ignore it, or laugh. A tantrum will never get its status as a means to an end. People seem annoyed sometimes that i am ruining their peaceful quiet dinner(i dont take them to fancy places though), or their shopping experience. Sometimes i feel them judging me for not giving in. Usually these people are single and childless. I will wait until the tantrum dissipates before i resume my interaction with them.

Im THAT mom.

****perhaps its a little insensitive to ruin the atmosphere at certain places, but when i think of the choice im making, their 5 minutes vs my childs life lesson. The answer is clear.

Pack up and go home - it will only take her a couple of times to realize that is the consequence. It sucks for you right now, but will pay off later!!

This is the age.
This is also the age of rudimentary "cause and effect." ie: them doing it and them reacting TO it.
They will not 'hear' long drawn out explanations. So keep it short and to the point. Not lengthy.

They don't have coping-skills nor at-will impulses.

Also, at this age they CANNOT do, what they have in their heads. Their ideas, gets ahead of them. It is not yet, congruent with each other. Hence, they wig out.

But boundaries does get introduced at this age.
And like a rock collecting moss... they over time, will get it.
If you are consistent.

Also make sure she is not hungry. Hungry kids, can wig out. Low blood-sugar.
So give her a snack, beforehand.

Just leave, when she is like that.
Don't try and talk her out of it. That will make it worse.

You are not 'that mom.'
You are a Mom... with a young child.
They do this.
No worries.

My 2 year old throws tantrums in public too. I ignore them. I really don't care if it bothers other people....he's 2, he's not an adult with adult reasoning skills or ability to understand appropriate social behavior. If he was 5 and throwing tantrums I would deal with it differently. When my 4 year old throws fits in public its a totally different story. It drives me nuts when people expect babies to act like adults. I see adults throw tantrums and fight with each other in the middle of Target (husbands and wives being snippy with each other) but we don't turn up our noses at them for acting inappropriately. Anyone who has children understands what you are going through.

In my experience you must head this off before she gets upset in public. Once mine get started there's nothing to do for it but leave immediately.

My kids tend to do much better in public when I give them plenty of advance notice of where we are going and what is expected of them and then what will happen after that etc., etc.

When we arrive someplace, I have a nice talk with them before we get out of the car. Something like, we're going into the grocery store now. If everyone behaves you may choose one (1) special item. They do not allow screaming and crying at this store. If you behave well I will be very proud of you. Will everyone behave? Okay, lets go!

I also made sure I was organized enough to get in and get out rather quickly. No meandering around the store with the kids in tow. I would also have my little ones in the cart and be singing songs & playing games with them the whole time to keep them distracted.

Good luck!

Might be best to hang low for a few months until her emotional maturity changes a bit and she's more in control or controllable. Sometimes just a few weeks makes a huge difference in our babies behaviors. She sounds like a pretty stubborn littly tyke :)
I've had friends and family that plain just didnt take their kids ANYwhere for a while because they knew it could be a disaster for all involved.
I'm not telling you to lock yourself down or anything like that, but I bet a few months from now it wont be happening anymore.

When your daughter is throwing a fit, the worst thing is to try and make her feel better. That re-enforces the poor behavior. She doesn't need to feel better, she needs to be taught that is inappropriate behavior. I'm not suggesting you have to punish her all the time. It has to start at home. When she acts this way at home, put her in a time out, ignore her, and make sure she knows that behavior is NOT OK. When it's under control at home, begin working on it in public. When she does this, pick her up and leave. Don't try to reason with her, comfort her...just leave. If you are in a place where that's not possible (like with a basket full of groceries, waiting in line to purchase something, etc.) completely ignore the behavior. This works well with my son.

The big thing is, this is not a time to make her feel better and comfort her. She is throwing a tantrum, plain and simple. This is a time to teach proper behavior, and discipline (not punish) when needed. Her tantrums will get worse and worse, if they aren't nipped in the bud.

.

I have 5 kids and they all had different temperments. Only one of mine was really laid back...LOL My 13 month old is worse than all of them. Anyway, you really need to stay on top of her behavior at home. Deal with it. Don't let her get away with any tantrums. There needs to be a consequence for them. She can still be sure of herself, happy, outgoing and still have manners. You can be stern and discipline her and then be happy and cheerful other times. We all have fun with my 13 month old and we love his silly personality but we have to stay on top of his behavior so he's not a nightmare to deal with other times. It's takes time and consistency but well worth it!! Good luck!!

*added* I read your "so what happened?" and you're just like me!! =D I'm a softy at heart but my kids could walk all over me. My husband was better and keeping control than me so I learned from him. I learned that consistency is the key and you don't have to be angry. You can be stern when you need to but be happy and joyful. It's easier to be a cheerful mom when you're consistent because you have happy children. If you're 100% consistent than they learn faster. That's good that you don't yell. It doesn't work and makes things worse. Time outs are good. Hang in there and keep it up. You're doing great. HUGS!

I honestly think that you need to have higher expectations at home. It is confusing when you have different expectations depending on where you are. If you don't like it in public, don't allow it at home either. That devilish grin IS cute, but that's when you teach her to do what you tell her. If she takes off running, no matter how cute, she needs a consequence.
Also, when we went out in public, I could always tell when a meltdown was brewing. I would change my plans and head home before it happened, if possible.

It sounds like you need to stop dealing with it at home and make her behave at home how you expect out in public, for the most part. I know she is only 2, but you are fostering for her to always get what she wants. If she even starts to throw a fit, remove her from the place immediately - even if it means you have to leave your $5 coffee on the table (I have had to do this with my kids and they learn quickly what happens to a M. who is dealing with a momentarily bratty child without my coffee!) Taking things away from her, or even a swat on the butt when necessary. Not saying to beat your kid, but if you honestly can't get her attention, get it. Do not cuddle her or give her what she wants, refuse to give her what she wants, and she will learn soon enough. Don't baby her anymore, make her act like the big girl that she is and she will learn. (My niece will be 2 next month also and I do these things with her. She does not have meltdowns with me because she knows she will lose whatever it is she wants.)

Hi A.-

I am right there with 'luv'...pack up and LEAVE!!!

I have left full grocery carts behind and gone home...each of my kids tried it maybe once...and they learned I meant business!!!

SOOOO worth it!

Best luck!
Michele/cat

I really do think that the "ignoring" method works well. The tantrum is a power struggle for her, she knows that you will try to comfort or console her, and the louder and worse she gets, the quicker she will get what she wants... she needs to be "reprogrammed" so that she learns that tantrums WON'T be the quickest way to her goal, being polite will.

When I say "ignore" I mean... if she starts "spinning up" calmly ask her to 'be patient' or 'use her words' to tell you what she needs or wants. If that doesn't stop her... let her fuss for a moment, and ignore her... don't leave the area, of course... but bite your tongue, take a deep breath and look away from her. Many kids will scream and scream and then peek... to see if you are watching them! After a few peeks and they see you looking away paying attention to other things they just give up... when the tantrum is over... come down to her level and help her to express calmly what she wants. Part of the tantrum could be that she knows what she wants but not how to say it (yet)... so make sure to ask her to show you what she wants if she is having trouble explaining it.

For me, we had a few nasty looks (mostly from people with no kids)... BUT if you fix the behavior while she is still little, you won't be fighting or bribing a school age kid in a few years! Plus, MOST people will understand... and your daughter will probably stop throwing grocery store tantrums after a few times being "ignored"- so it won't be something you'll have to do long term. At least, it worked great for our little "diva"!

-M.

Well you DO need to get a little tougher. In fact the length of the phase will depend on how tough you get.

Ignore the behavior, not the child.

Hope it's a short one for you!

:)

She doesn't sound "sassy" but she does sound like she's two years old and figuring out how things work and that she has a will and mind of her own. She's outgoing and has a strong personality. She needs boundaries. She just needs help identifying her emotions and the rest of it you're doing fine with. Just be consistent. It's not as if you're giving in to tantrums or making strangers tolerate screaming fits. You're doing a great job. Right now your daughter doesn't have any impulse control and she reacts based on these new emotions and not knowing how to respond to them. Pretty soon she'll figure out that tantrums don't work, and that if she doesn't like being removed from situations she'll have to tone down her reactions.

Don't worry about comforting her. She does have to learn to comfort herself, and sometimes trying to comfort a child that's angry or upset or disappointed will make things worse. She needs to work through those feelings rather than have them comforted away by Mommy, you know? They're not bad feelings to have, she just has to learn how to cope with them and work them through without having meltdowns in public and other inappropriate times. :-)

Check out Love and Logic. And try a mixture of ignoring and education. You don't want to reward her tantrum, but you want her to learn that she can count on you to follow through. It really does help them. Believe me, people - especially fellow parents - appreciate it when you DON'T give into the tantrum.

I once had my son flip out in a parking lot; he wouldn't calm down so I picked him up, carried him like a football (he was 2 so it wasn't easy!) while I put the stroller in the trunk, and got him into the car. Another person was walking toward me while this was going on, and I was embarrassed BUT they said to me "Good for you!" because I wasn't letting the tantrum take control.

One of the keys to beating the tantrum is teaching the kiddos that you will follow through - with good stuff as WELL as discipline. I tell my son that we can't do something at the time, but can do it in a few minutes or whatever. Then I do what I say, so he knows when I ask him to wait for something, he won't be disappointed. If you tell a child you will do X (for them/with them), and then don't follow through, they won't trust that what you say will happen. It does work (not 100%, but a lot).

She sounds a lot like my 2 1/2 year old daughter, she also is really strong willed and has tons of "s****". I love that she has this personality, but I also want her to have boundries on her behaviors. What has worked best for us are time outs, and leaving the situation immediately if she is pitching a fit. Also having similar rules for at home and out seems to help because for a little kid it makes a lot more sense. Also, we recently started a star chart for her which works so great. It has nothing to do with being naughty, but rewards good behavior. Every time she does something really well that we have been working on, (like stopping before she reaches the driveway out front of our house, or being a listener in the grocery store...) she gets to pick a colored star and put it on her chart... she loves it.

Oh I hate that! It is a power struggle like the other mamas said. I do the 123 thing. She knows she gets a spanking on 3 so I get to 2 and stops. Took a while to work but its saved me! Good luck!

First and foremost....stay calm...always stay calm. they feed off of your emotions and there is no use in talking logic to a toddler/preschooler during a meltdown. I always use the logic before going in to the location such as; "This is a library,or store or you fill in the blank. They have rules and mommy needs to follow their rules and so do you." THis works on my 4 year old all the time...even today at the library.

As a mom I try to be very understanding of parents with kids throwing tantrums in public. I try to make sympathetic eye contact. Little kids simply break down. What does irritate me is when parents are screaming back, or worse swearing at their little one. I also feel for the kid that looks totally exhausted cuz it is during naptime or well after bedtime or right during mealtime. That breaks my heart for the little one. Heck..I have trouble coping with life when I am hungry and sleep deprived!

Looks like you are trying to avoid all above mentioned situations.

When my kids throw tantrums...we leave. But I do have to say I can count on one hand how many tantrums my 3 kids pulled in public places. I really think setting the tone of how to behave begins in the home.

Planning ahead is always good. Snacks,some activities,board books etc.

Don't worry about what other people think when you are out and about...just work on staying calm and working with your daughter's behavior.

Good luck. My youngest is now 4 and it is sooo much easier going out and about..it does get easier.

She's SO young! some of this is her age and lack of verbal skills. You are going through what we all go through. some of us are saying spankings and punishments worked after a few months and some of us are saying they outgrew it after a few months. Hmm Whats the commonality here? my advise I strongly recommend you read Happiest Toddler on the Block (not just the video but that's a start). Read books about difficult toddlers and BE prepared! When child gets cranky, is asking for something they cant have be ready to distract before a meltdown!
I never went to a store or outing without a baggie or Two of cereal or goldfish in my purse and a small toy to suddenly materialize out of my purse(matchbox car or tiny doll they havent seen in a while) A lot depends on the childs personality! It's good you see the positive, a determined toddler will be a determined teenager who often feels an intrinsic desire to get good grades. I had a layed back boy and a tantrum throwing girl (now I have a layed back 22 year old -not good) and my daughter is a go getter.

With mine, I usually just pick him or her up and walk out the door. I get lots of looks, but oh well. I even have people say to them "Oh, you can come home with me." That's upsetting...they must have never had kids or if they did they had given in to everything their child wanted. Otherwise, all the other moms out there sympathize with you and know what you are going through. My daughter was the worst. She could do it when I would take her shopping at 10 am....it would be a different story if it was 10 pm or something.

Good luck. It will pass....I think!?!?

I would say immediately leave if you need to, however if she is throwing a fit because she wants to leave I would just take her to the car and see if you can get her to calm down then go back in to finish what you need to finish. She needs to know that she can't get her way from throwing a fit.

I remember when I was little being pulled to the car and had a talking to then going back into the store with tears streaming down my face while my box finished her business. It didn't take me long to figure out it doesn't pay off to make mom mad!

I am also "that" mom......it's hard. i get tired, angry sad, I've cried lol.
you're not alone girl! Try the parenting w/ love and logic book. BIG HELP to us!

I as a Mom have really high expectations at home that tantrums will not be tolerated, touching Mom and Dad's items without permission will not be tolerated, misbehaving in general will not be tolerated. Mine from the time they started walking were led with the expectation that when going in public there is usually a mission to accomplish something and I WILL accomplish it. I have 3 kids and they will push the envelope as far as I let them. As long as kids have plenty of sleep, play time and positive attention there is no reason that they can't handle going to a store and pulling it together for a reasonable trip. I do not expect a 2 year old to do a marathon of 4 stores in a row as they do get bored or tired or hungry. Just remember you are the adult and have control. Don't feel embarrassed about others around you, parent. If they have kids even if they are adult children now, they remember these moments and feel for you and are not judging you. Those who do judge you will have their moment...trust me. Those who choose to make comments don't get that you are in the process of creating good behavior so as a teen they don't spit on their car in the Mcdonalds parking lot because they were never taught respect. Everything you teach them you will tolerate now is exactly the teenager and young adult you will get. It helps you be stronger as a parent to think about them this way rather than be in this one moment that you can hold over their heads when their children are acting up.

You know, I really think there are several approaches to this, and ultimately I don't think it really matters which one you pick because your daughter will grow out of this. Most of it is her age.

There are people who will tell you that they "just don't put up with it," and punish their child for tantrums. I guess that's fine for some kids, but with my younger daughter, it just made her worse.

I tried to figure out WHY she was throwing tantrums (when my older daughter really hadn't), and I came to realize that it was because my younger daughter couldn't speak very clearly. She is/was crazy smart and a big daredevil, but just couldn't communicate effectively yet. I really think she was just incredibly frustrated, and the reason punishing her didn't work was that I was punishing her for being frustrated. Obviously it just made her even more frustrated. What I learned worked for her was to remove her from the situation. At home, I'd put her in her own room calmly and tell her, "You can come out when you're feeling better." She'd rage at the world for anywhere from 30 seconds to half an hour, and would come out calm and happy. If we were in the grocery store, I'd leave the cart where it was, haul her out of there (kicking and screaming) and put her in the back of the SUV. She would have her tantrum and then we'd go back into the store.

Those who know me will tell you that in general, I'm a hard-core disciplinarian. My kids behave because there are swift consequences if they don't. But in this regard, being harsh just didn't seem to get results for us. What my child needed was to learn that when she is upset, she needs to remove herself from the upsetting situation and calm down, and then when she is better able to control herself, try again. She has learned this lesson well, and now that she is 6, she will often stomp to her room, shut the door, and I can hear her in there going, "Grrrrrrrr!" - then she'll come out and be totally fine and happy.

But like I said, she will grow out of it. It's just a matter of doing whatever won't make you crazy in the meantime. ;)

Sometimes a kid can't be calmed. All you can do is try to work with her and get out as soon as you can, even if it occasionally means you just bail on whatever you were doing. My DD started screaming in the grocery store, in line between people, and I just grabbed my stuff and left as soon as we could.

I would also practice the behaviors you want out and about at home. If you can teach her not to tantrum at home, then you have something you can do at the store, too. Sometimes it is effective for me to tell my DD to take a few deep breaths. Depending on her mood, it actually works, inside or out.

Lol, in your first few sentences I thought you were talking about my 25 month old! ; )

I have to stay 2 steps ahead of him to avoid him grabbing the keys, phones, remotes, or what ever is out. He is very high energy and inquisitive. When he's caught in the act he flashes this "how can you be upset with me?" smile, already trying to manipulate. And he will cry and scream to get his way at times and I just don't give in.

I learned with my oldest that when he began to throw a tantrum at home to calmly walk (or carry him if he refused to walk) to his room, explain that he could come out when he stopped crying, and close the door. He wanted an audience and when he realized he didn't have one he stopped. By the third time I took his hand to take him to his room he stopped immediately and he thankfully never threw another tantrum. His sister was harder, being very theatrical, but this eventually worked with her as well since she also wanted an audience. With her I experienced the in-store tantrums and we left the store or wherever we were and I learned to not take her to the supermarket or anywhere we would need to be longer than 10 -15 minutes until she was a little older and more mature. She didn't like having to leave places so when I reminded her to behave the next time she usually would. And I learned to be consistent, as hard as it was and is for me to do so at times.

Toddlers get frustrated by not being able to communicate their needs and wants to us, they have lots of words in their heads but don't always know how to put them together to communicate, they get hungry or tired and then cranky because they don't like feeling that way. They also see things they want and can't understand why they can't have them, so I learned to do expedited shopping, and not linger in stores. I took her to restaurants when there weren't so many people between 2 and 4, and made it special to her by us both dressing up, so it would be something she wanted to do and less likely to cause a reason for us to leave. I let her know that because she was unhappy it wasn't OK for her to throw a fit. Basically, I had to teach her how to behave because she didn't know, and am doing the same with my youngest now.

After the tantrums with the older ones and now with the youngest I get at eye level and acknowledge his unhappiness, and try to find out the reason. Whether he can give me a reason or not I let them know I understand his frustration and unhappiness and how it's hard for him to tell me, but tell him that we can't scream just to get our way. People will say he doesn't understand all this yet, but that is why I'm teaching him. I don't want him thinking he can have his own way and becoming increasingly manipulative when he's older.

So, I would say don't coddle at home or away, don't assume she knows how to behave ~ teach her, have consequences you've explained in advance and carry them out consistently.

Above all, hang in there! : )

Ahh don't worry about it, I think we have all been there. This starts at home. When she acts up at home put her on time out--in the corner ect, tell her she can come out when she settles down. She will get it soon enough, then when you are out with her and she acts up -- look her in the face and say 'do you want to go home and sit in the corner'? I am sure she will say no, so you answer by saying then calm down or we are going home. You can even do the count to 3 -- start packing up 1 -- put on you're jacket 2 -- start to pull her out of the highchair 3 --behave or we go. After a couple of times all you have to say is 1 and she knows she isn't getting her way and she will settle down.

I am learning the Love and Logic technique mentioned by Patricia G. I also recently watched the video for The Happiest Toddler on the Block, and think some of the techniques there are helpful. As others have stated relax and just be a mom...other people's glares don't matter but teaching your child is what does matter!!!

what i do with my daughter is this. i will give her 2 warnings that if she doesnt stop i will take her in the bathroom and swat her. i started this at 1 and she is 4 i rarely have to swat her anymore. swatting isnt for everyone. but i feel for you being THAT MOM. i know how that feels.

I had a two year old that did that too! She is now 5 and is much better at controlling her emotions, but she is a tempestuous child! I think that someday she will bring that passion and force of will to her job and her relationships and it will be a great trait for her to have! In the case of a public meltdown, I would speak in a very calm (kinda loud) voice and tell my child that I loved her but that she could not have the pony (or whatever). Paste a smile on your face and try to look apologetic towards the other adults in the room. Get out of there as fast as you can and strap your flailing child into her car seat (or lacking that, her stroller) play soothing music (I had one CD of lullabies that was ESSENTIAL) and just drive for a while (walking in the stroller works too, but you do get suspicious looks; try to show by your actions and expression that you are NOT kidnapping this child!) Eventually, the screaming WILL stop, and in your best calm-and-soothing-but-also-firm voice briefly review the incident and explain things to your child, for example: “You really wanted me to buy that pony at the petting zoo, huh? But Mommy is not going to buy you a pony. I love you, but I will not buy you the pony. I know that is disappointing and it made you mad, but it is NOT OK to scream and throw a tantrum. What are you going to do next time Mommy doesn’t buy you a pony? NOT SCREAM, right? Right.” Of course, this is not how I ALWAYS handled things, but I got better results this way than when I threatened to sell her to the gypsies (they’re not in the market for angry toddlers anyway) or tried to silence her with candy (then you end up with a screaming child spitting M&M’s across the room, not pretty.) I can laugh about it now, but for a while there I thought I must be a TERRIBLE mother and that I had failed my child somehow, but it was just her personality! And she is a wonderful little girl! And so is your daughter! Luckily, 2 year olds grow older! Now we just have to get through teenager-hood…I wonder if the gypsies will buy her then…

I'm laid back too and I know how you feel! This is how I dealt with my son when he was that age (and my daughter is getting close to age 2 so I'll be doing it again if needed). If it is a time when I can just turn around and leave this is what I do: I remind him before we get somewhere (grocery store, friend's house) what the rules are and how he needs to behave. I tell him if he does not listen and is not good then we are going home. Then if he had a temper tantrum in public, I took his hand or picked him up and we went home. (With his strong personality he continued to have a full body screaming tantrum all the way home till he was exhausted. I just ignored it). I did not have to do this too many times...he was SO upset from having to leave certain playdates that he stopped acting out. If I could not leave a place (if my grocery cart was almost full and I did not want to go back again!) I took him out to the car and told him he was having a time out till he could calm down. Then I sat there quietly while he had his tantrum till he was exhausted. Anyway, I just immediately removed him from the situation and let him have his tantrum (with no comfort or positive reinforcement). Then we talked about it afterwards. It took me a little while to learn to be really black and white about things and to not give in to him or bribe him or to try to comfort him. It worked much better that way. Good luck with your daughter! (PS - Now my son is 7 and is very well behaved most of the time. I'm so glad those days of crazy tantrums are long gone!)

Thank you so much for writing this. It's as if you were talking about my 25 mo old. We just had to walk out of her reception for her end of year awards ceremony at MDO because she started throwing a fit. She started screaming and bucking and threw herself on the floor two times before we could get her out of there. We were mortified and had to miss the reception but that was probably the best idea at the time. Just remember that you are not alone. I felt like I must have the worst behaved child at the school. I too, had to remind myself that I am not the only one.

Well if you are able to take yourself to a place that you can thik about the fact that anyone within eye and ear shot of your DD's freak out with either A. have kids and will be able to relate and understand because they have been there (and any parent that says there kid(s) hasnt throw a temper needs to start being honest with themselves) or B. doesnt have kids and is probably annoyed but they are the ones that dont get to feel the joys of what parenthood is all about
Dont worry about what others think and just remember that the older she gets the better it gets and at least when they get a bit older you can bribe or bargain with their fits at leat while you are in public
Good Luck

Just remember, she won't be two forever, she won't be two forever. This is a time when you need to be particularly patient, and avoid those situations. I know it sounds cruel (for you), but it is actually kinder for her. What you don't want to do is set up a pattern of responses for her that are self-defeating. I'm sure it's more stressful for you to deal with her behavior, than avoiding it. What about the drive-thru? When she is older you can "practice" by taking her to grocery stores, toy stores, etc. If you practice your responses, you will be teaching her what is appropriate behavior. It's been many years, but what I would do, is set up my son, take him to the store with the full intention of leaving when he starts the behavior. You can't do it when you really desperately need to go shopping. Go when you are planning a learning experience. When my son would start, I calmly gave a warning, if necessary, a second warning, after that, I would follow through by picking him up, leaving the entire basket full of groceries, and leave the store and go home. This accomplished my goal of teaching him the "natural" consequences of his behavior, and showed him I was consistent, calm, and I was in control even though he wasn't. I would try again in a few months. I only had to do this "practice" twice.

You also have to consider, just what age is too young, to expect them to behave appropriately. My grandchildren, 7 and 4 have been with their parents, eating out in real restaurants, since they were in the carriers. They are very well behaved, enjoy the experience, and are delightful to be around. I used to think my son and his wife were out of their mind, inviting me to one of their restaurant trips. I was amazed how well they took turns, holding playing, and entertaining the kids, and showed them how to control their own behavior and responses. Okay, enough bragging!

One more thing, children could be telling you that they just don't like where you've taken them. If someone took me into a fishing store, I'd be doing anything I could to get out of there. Now if there was something in it for me, I might be a little more patient. It's all relative.

2 things.
1. Start teaching her sign language. My son now who is 19 months can communicate pretty well with me. If he wants more, he signs more please and I ask more what, then he points to what he wants. Sometimes it's confusing because he uses more for everything he wants, even if he didn't have anything to begin with. But it's better than him being all of a sudden being upset and I don't know why. He also says please and thank you. I have to remind him, but it's never to early to start manners.
2. Do you take things like goldfish, books, dolls to distract her??? At home my son doesn't get more than a snack in between each meal. When we are out and about, there is always something healthy in his hand. Dried fruit, pretzles, organic yogurt bites. It keeps him happy and distracted.

IMO she's not an upset baby, but rather a manipulative, tantrum-throwing toddler. I'm not trying to be mean - but I know, because I have one. Don't worry about what other people think and do what you know, deep inside, you need to do. And then be consistent with that behavior. For me, with my daughter, I totally ignore her meltdowns. What works for your family may be different - but only you know that - not the folks passing you by who roll their eyes. And most people realize that you don't have much control over a two year old. And remember that she isn't a helpless baby crying to be fed. Good luck!

Comforting doesn't work for tantrums and isn't the right method. When she's having a tantrum, she isn't a sad baby needing mommy's comfort. She's frustrated at not being able to have her own way. She will use this to manipulate. If you give her attention for it at home, she'll surely do it elsewhere. I wouldn't distract her, comfort her or give her any attention at all. It's not a time to make her feel better. It's a time to ignore her. If you (or other people) give her attention, she'll continue to have the tantrums.

Take some Love and Logic classes so you can feel better about letting her throw a fit in the store and not letting it control you. It can be embarrassing but it shows her that she is your boss when you leave and don't set boundaries for her and enforce them.

I would talk to her doctor to see if there is something you are not thinking of. But if she is doing it just because, or maybe b/c she gets a reaction out of you, I would ignore her. The next time she throws a fit, takes your keys, etc, ignore her. Tell her that is not nice or that is not a good girl and that you will not allow her to act this way and walk away. You can try putting her in time out but I wonder if some of this is b/c she gets a reaction out of you. Ignore her several times and see if her attitude changes. Try getting on her level and saying, "no mam, that is not good behavior, that is not a good choice and mommy will not let you do that" or something along those lines and then stand up and continue shopping, etc If she throws more of a fit, leave your cart/buggy and walk outside holding her hand without talking to her or looking at her. Get outside and tell her that was not good behavior and take her to the car until she can calm down. Ask her if she plans to be a good girl now and then try going back inside. She may be too young to completely understand but she will learn soon enough.