Im Lost!

Updated on May 10, 2009
R.D. asks from Harlingen, TX
43 answers

My four year old has used a pacifier since she was first born and I know its time to take it away but I have no idea as to how to go about doing it. I dont have the heart to just toss all of them, she would be so hurt. Any helpful suggestions would be greatly appreciated. The binki's gotta go.

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So What Happened?

Thank you so much to everyone for the wonderful suggestions and responses. We're doing what Coach suggested and restricting it to the bedroom then bed and nap time, we went and got her a special doll just for when she can't "find" her binki like when she's downstairs playing and not in the bedroom. She's doing good, Thank you all again I was really lost I know 4 years old is a bit old for one but im a sucker when it comes to them lol.

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B.D.

answers from San Antonio on

I see you have lots of suggestions, but I have one more. A friend of mine planted the binkis in the ground and grew a flower! Her daughter dug the hole and dropped it in, then watered it. After her daughter went to bed, she went back out and planted a flower where the pacifier was. Her daughter was thrilled!

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E.K.

answers from Houston on

This is what I did: We had a little one in the family (baby) and I told my daughter that she had to give her binky to her....strangely enough, it worked. Maybe if she thinks she's helping, she'll give it up...just a suggestion! Good luck!!

1 mom found this helpful
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C.B.

answers from Austin on

My friend used the "Binky Fairy" with great success. The "binky fairy" gathers up all the big girls and boys binkies to take them to babies that are just born. My friend told her daughter that the binky fairy had called and said it was time. She made a "special bag" and put the binky in it. They left it on the table with a note. The next morning the binky fairy had left quite a glittery mess but with a note and "prize" for the big girl. Any time after that if K. asked about binky, Friend would tell her that another baby is using it and will have to give it up too. It worked pretty good.

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S.J.

answers from Austin on

I saw a really cute idea. Where a mom gathered up all the binki's and put them in a box. Had her child pick out her favorite one and then tied that one to a bunch of balloons. And told the child that it's time to give the binki's to another little child or the binki ferry. Then have her go out side with the ballon and have her say goodbye and release the ballon. As she is watching it go away talk to her about how she is now a big girl and how proud you are that she is willing to share her special binki with someone else in need. Then of corse get rid of the box with out her seeing it.
She will probably cry for it for a few days. Or for me i've always cut the tips of the binki to where they don't work any more and my kids got rid of them theirselves. But they were only 2. And didn't fully understand what happened. All they knew is that their binki no longer worked and mommy couldn't fix it.

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T.E.

answers from Houston on

I used Bribery.
My son was 3 and he wanted the hungry,hungry hippos game. I told him that if he threw them out ,he could have the game.
I did keep one in case of emergencies and meltdowns ,but I didn't need it.
Good luck.

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G.M.

answers from San Antonio on

Take her on a field trip to the zoo and show her the baby elephant, zebra (what ever baby animal), then when you return, you can't find hers! Maybe the baby zebra kept it cause he's a baby...and you're a big girl!

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J.A.

answers from Houston on

By 4 yrs of age, she probably has a dentist by now. Let the dentist tell her it is important that she give up her pacifier so she will be certain not to have trouble with her big girl teeth coming in. She also won't want it when she starts school. Our three boys stopped the very day the dentist told them to stop without any ramifications whatsoever. They knew this dentist and had been seeing him for several years just for cleaning, etc. Hope this works for you!

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I.H.

answers from San Antonio on

Hi R.,

Yes, she should get the pacifiers taken away already...I saw this episode on the Nanny show......where you talk to your child about it being time to give up the paci's because she is a "big girl" now and that other kids need them. Jo told her that they needed to mail out the pacifiers to the pacifier fairy ASAP so she can take them to new babies that don't have paci's....they put all (make sure not 1 is left behind) the paci's in an envelope and put them in the mailbox to send it out.....of course let her do it so she can feel she's doing a good thing.....and of course once she's asleep go take the envelope and throw it away so she can think that they came for it......I thought it was a cute idea....try it you never know. The nanny has some awesome tips...

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E.J.

answers from San Antonio on

have her do it. Just tell her that she is a big girl now and big girls don't use binki's anymore, they drink out of cups! The most important thing is not too offer it as a choice. Tell her it is time to throw them away and have her gather them up and throw them in the trash, then reward her with a new cup or something...Worked for my son and bottles, he never used a pacifier and my other son stopped using the pacifier on his own at about a year...good luck-girls are more head strong!

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A.M.

answers from El Paso on

I was a paci kid. When I was 4, my mom told me my neighbors needed some pacifiers for their younger son but couldn't afford them. She sent me next door with all my pacis in a brown bag and I delightfully gave them up since I was helping someone else. I found out years later that our neighbors were in on mom's plan... Still, I think it was a pretty great idea... And mom kinda worked it so I thought it was my idea. Wasn't traumatic at all...

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L.J.

answers from Houston on

Cut the tip off a little at a time, let her decide she wants to throw them away when they get too small, she will feel like it was HER decision instead of you TAKING it away!
Good luck!

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A.O.

answers from Sherman on

Have her help you box them up to ship to some babies that need them. Then have the babies "deliver" a big girl gift to her.

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E.S.

answers from Austin on

Hi R.,

When I took the paci away from my two year old I let him be a part of it. At that point he was only using one, so when he got up one morning I told him it was broken and we had to throw it away. I let him put it in the trash so he could remember what had happened to it if he asked for it later. He did pretty good with that! He asked for it a few times over the next couple of nights, but he didn't really cry for it or anything. I think if you let her be a part of getting rid of them that will help a lot! Good luck!

E.

P.B.

answers from San Antonio on

Hi R.,

Great responses all around as usual. As a parent coach and fellow mom, I have another suggestion.

Kids who use the pacifiers do so as a way to comfort themselves. When my children were of an age to wean them, we restricted all pacifiers to the bedroom for a few days. Next, we limited the pacifiers to the bed for nap and night sleep for several more days up to a week or two. Be sure to help her pick a special luvee or two to add more comfort through these times. When we deemed the child ready, we had the child send all the pacifiers as a present to younger kids who might need them.

Celebrate the big girl status when she is done. Let her hear you praise to others her efforts and then her success.

Good luck!
Parent Coach J. B

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M.T.

answers from Houston on

R.,
You've recieved such great responses! We did something similar in nature to the paci fairy responses. With my second son, we put the paci's out in a bowl with the cookies, milk and a note for Santa. We had talked about it for MONTHS and he was mentally prepared by Christmas Eve. He still cried for the comfort of the paci for a few nights, but we reassured him that Santa was taking them to the babies that did not have any paci's and left toys in return for his kindness. Santa also left a note with the toys at how proud he was of him, and that he was in the "big boy club" now. It's tough, but you have great responses to pick from. Clearly, this can tug at the heartstrings of many of us mommas! Good luck!

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L.B.

answers from Houston on

I did the paci fairy with my 4 year old. We got the idea from our dentist (who has children the same age as mine). The one thing I did a little differently was to start preparing my daughter WAY ahead of time. She has never responded well to change so I knew I couldn't just suddenly spring it on her. When she was 3 1/2 we acknowledged her 'half birthday' and started talking about when she turns 4, the paci fairy will come. She takes the paci's and gives them to the little babies who need them, and leaves a gift for the 'big girl.' My daughter had her eye on a Mariposa Barbie, so I told her I'd see what I could do to have the paci fairy bring it for her. We talked about it weekly, for the entire 6 months before her 4th birthday. Then, on the night of her birthday (not the night before--I didn't want big tears and drama on her birthday), we put the paci under the pillow, the paci fairy came during the night and left her the barbie gift she'd been wanting. She was thrilled when she woke up and found it. She has never asked for her paci again, and she will be 5 in four months. Oh, and the other thing we did during the 6 months before her birthday was to limit her use of the paci to just bedtime. At first she would try and sneak it out of her room but when I found her with it I would just calmly tell her we had to put it back in her room. We eventually stopped taking it to preschool so then she didn't have it at naptime either. I think limiting her use of it actually caused more tears than stopping it altogether. The reason we did it on her 4th birthday was b/c the dentist said any damage to her teeth caused by the paci before age 4 would correct itself; damage caused after age 4 would require orthodontia. The paci fairy worked for us! Good luck to you!

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S.N.

answers from San Antonio on

Hi R.,

Our daughter was 3 1/2 when she stopped using pacifier. We struggled and avoided getting rid of it - but luckily for us, she weaned herself from it...!? But, I was going to do the 'paci fairy' idea. I was going to tell her we were giving them to babies that need them, and each night take one away. Finally, we'd end up with 1 left and I'd tell her that we were going to give that one to the doctor to give to a 'sick' baby and was actually going to get a nurse at my pediatrician's office in on it.......Maybe you should start with limiting it to sleep times only, then start getting rid of it. Good luck. Trust me, she'll struggle for about 3 to 4 days and then she'll be over it!! Steph

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T.R.

answers from Waco on

My son was really in to Rescue Heroes at the time we were trying to get him to quit the pacifier. We traded him two rescue heroes and a vehicle for his pacifiers. It worked perfect. He never asked for them back. The only downfall was the day he gave up his pacifier, was the last day he took an afternoon nap. (I guess if he was to big for pacifiers, then he was to big for nap (lol)

We tried the trade because my sister had done it with my niece and it had worked for her too.

Best of luck with whatever you try.

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C.P.

answers from Austin on

a year ago we got rid of my 3 1/2 yr olds... we put them in a baggy and put them in the mailbox to go to other babies. she was ok with doing this though the next few days were rough until she figured out how to fall asleep without it...we put a cd player in her room and played some soft music to help her. good luck!

L.A.

answers from Austin on

Cut a big hole in the bottom of all of them and tell her they are just no good.. Each day cut a little more till there is nothing.. Just tell her that is what the paci's do when they get too old..

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J.S.

answers from San Antonio on

I've been thru this 3 times and will go through it once more. Although my kids didn't have their's past 3 I think the results will be the same for older children. The first child I gave the choice of binky and a nap or throw the binky away and she can skip nap. She threw the binky away, didn't have nap that day. Later when she asked for it I reminded her she threw it away and that was that. My son I took to build a bear and he put them all inside the dog and they were sewn up. He was a little young to understand the concept but it kept me from giving in and giving him his binky. My 3rd child, I just cut the tip off. She'd put it in her mouth and say "it's broken" I'd just say yes it is. She would hold them in her hands for a couple of days but not many tears were shed. Best of luck. I like the fairy idea.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

I saw a cute post from www.beanpaste.blogspot.com where she took the paci and hung ribbons on them and put them up in a tree. They were doing this for the paci fairy. She would come and get them in the middle of the night. I dont remember if she left a big girl gift or not. I think it was cute and it seemed to work for them. Make sure you get all the pacis and do not buy any new ones. The fairy gives the pacis to new babies that need them now was most of the point if i rmember right!

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J.P.

answers from Houston on

You can take her to build a bear and when the bear is being stuffed and they add the heart, she can also put her pacifier in there. It can be her special "big girl" bear.

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N.S.

answers from Houston on

I would try to find and hide all by 1-2 pacifiers. Then snip the top of each one off. When she starts sucking and it "doesn't work" tell her it must be broke.

After a week, snip some more off - again with the same reaction. Continue this for a few weeks until you reach the nub - she will not get the same satisfaction and will stop using them.

It took about 3 weeks to get our daughter off of hers by using this method.

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H.P.

answers from Corpus Christi on

I'm going through the same battle with my 2 year old. I was told to cut of the rubber/silicone piece and give her the rest. I worked great with one of my friends kids. I just don't have the heart to do it because her dad just went on deployment so she has it as a comfort thing at bedtime.

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J.S.

answers from Austin on

Declare a day for them to say good bye. Have them gather all their binki's and have them throw them away themselves. Prepare them first and tell them it is time to go spend time with...(you fill in the blank with what you think will work for them.)

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T.B.

answers from Houston on

I love Jen P's idea about putting in a build a bear.
But, my own daughter who is now 5 1/2 and pacifier free gave it up on her own. We had discussed the "binky fairy" and told her that if she set the binkies in the window on night the next morning there would be a surprise for her. We had discussed this for several weeks and at first I was prepared with a surprise and then I gave up on the idea and must have given her the "present" for something else. Then one Sunday night she decided to give up her binkies, I scrambled through the house for some "treat/present" to put in the window and she has never looked back. No horrible days/nights afterwards either. Good luck!

D.F.

answers from San Antonio on

You have gotten some great advice. Mine called his a "BOO" and it was attached to him clothes by a string. When he was 3 he threw one out the car window, and I knew it was time. He would walk around crying "BOO, is it?" and I would find another one. We had about 8 of these things. I told him I was not buying any more when they were gone that was it. It affected his speech, of course with a big paci in their mouth you cannot understand what they are saying, so I would not listen unless he removed it to talk to me. Then my oldest would speak for him, Nicolas wants a drink, Nicolas wants ..............., it was pretty funny. I told them no way, Nicolas had to speak for himself. It took about 2 wks and they were all gone. He threw each of them away himself. For one reason or another it would be BAD. Either the string or the BOO would be dirty and he would go to the trash and throw it away. He is still my clean freak when it comes to hygiene. No dirty hands, no dirty face. Four is plenty old enough to explain why to get rid of it. Good Luck and God Bless!!

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C.W.

answers from Waco on

Hi R.,
four is a little old to still be in the Binki- but you might try giving her the idea of "giving them away" like to a younger child or a new baby- "because she is such a big girl now" almost ready for school......etc- or something lkke that.........let her know that others might think she is still a baby if they see her with one- then. sometimes you have to make the decision for her-
good luck and blessings

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K.K.

answers from Houston on

My kids were also big pacifier children and I got both to stop around 3 1/2. I heard on a talk show that Marie Osmond had done this and thought I would give it a try. You cut the tip of the pacifier off. Then the child can still have it. It is not easy to suck at this point. You just cut a little everyday. My duaghter threw it a way the first night thinking it was broken. We made a big deal about her doing it by video and applause. She never wanted it again. My son got rid of it after couple of days. It was the easiest thing.
K.

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T.G.

answers from Austin on

This is what my sister did.
She had the paci fairy come to get the pacifiers. My neice was told that the paci fairy would give the pacifiers to other babies who needed them. They put them all into a basket and put them on the front door step. During the night the paci fairy came and took all the pacifiers and left her some small surprises. Little girly things that she would like along with candy. She seemed to really like this and it was easy to say good bye and be a big girl.
I hope this helps!

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T.V.

answers from Houston on

My girlfriend had a similar issue and they put all the paci's in a box and 'mailed' them to the poor children who don't have any. It was a big deal, with stamps and all.

Or you can have a going away party, tie them to some balloons and let her let them go out side sending them to the 'Paci Fairy' who again will give them to little boys and girls who need paci's.

Good luck!

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C.F.

answers from Sherman on

I read somewhere to start snipping off the tip of the binky, then snip a little more until there was nothing left to suck on. I tried this with my daughter and it worked better than expected. The first time I snipped, she tried it and didn't like it. Within 3 days she was weaned off it.

Best part was I didn't have to withhold the binky. She could still have it whenever she wanted... it just didn't have the same appeal. She would fuss about it and I would say, "Oh, no, your binky is broken!" She would suck a little more then give it up.

My only caution is to make sure your snipping doesn't impact the integrity of the binky.... you don't want a choking hazzard!

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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

I am totally with Julie and Christina. My middle son was very attached to "paci."
We tried everything, but the thing that worked at age 4 was to make a tiny snip in the very end with manicure scissors. Teeny tiny, cut.....barely noticeable.

But he held on and had a funny look but still used paci at night! So 3 days later, little bigger cut in the end. He made a weird face when putting paci in his mouth at night....we told him he was getting too big for paci! 3 days later little bigger slice in it b/c he was still using it! We couldn't believe it. He put "paci" in at bedtime....had a look of total disgust on his face and went over and threw it in the trashcan. On his own. He declared, "I am TOO BIG for paci!" And that was that.
Make your snips gradually and without being seen. And of course, like the others mentioned.....never in a way that can be a choking hazard.

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J.A.

answers from Austin on

My child was almost four years old and was very attached to his pacifiers - he had several. He used them to reduce his stress, I think. He wanted a Thomas the Train set so bad. I told him that when he said goodbye to his passies he could get a Thomas the Train set. He was still not able to let go. Then I put a little slit in the tip of one passie with some scissors. When he picked up that old passie, it did not work anymore. He said that it got too old and threw it out. I think he must have had 5 or 6 of those pacifiers stashed around the house. Over several weeks I clipped one pacifer at a time, and he threw the clipped one out when he discovered it could no longer be sucked on. I let a few days pass before I clipped the next one. When he was down to his last one, I clipped it after about a week. He tried, it did not work, and he went and threw it in the trash. He told me that was his last passie, and said he was ready to get that train set. He never looked back on that - and he never knew that I had cut the slit in each pacifier. I did this over a matter of a month or two so that it was slow. He was so happy with his train set!!! He never replaced the pacifer sucking with thumb sucking, either.

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E.G.

answers from Houston on

here's an idea, talk to your sweetie about the tooth fairy and how she'll come around when she looses her first tooth, well then let her know that there is also a pacie fairy who needs pacies for new babies and have her put it under her pillow or in a special place for the "pacie fairy" to come pick it up and don't forget to leave a nice little note thankin her for her pacie. let me know how it goes, good luck and it will be ok, she'll soon give it up when you least expect it.

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J.P.

answers from Austin on

Did this with both of mine and it worked.
I take a pair of sharp scissors and just nick the tip part of the paci. I don't make a big huge one because I did that once and it pinched my son's tounge. I just make a nick on the tip big enough to let it some air when they were sucking and it would not allow the suction to hold the paci in. SOOOOO, they would litterally have to hold the thing in with their teeth!! They complained and brought it to me and said "mommy, baba broken" and I just said "Oh well. Baba's break when you get too big for them, it just happens". I let them carry them around when they wanted but at night it would fall out. After a day or so, I make the hole a tiny bit bigger (every couple days, when it gets big enough, I just cut a "V" in the bottom and remove a chunk" After a week or so of just hugging the poor thing at night because it wont stay in anymore, they just forget about it.

**********CAUTION************
NEVER CUT THE BABA AT OR NEAR THE BASE!!!!! IF IT COMES OFF THEY COULD CHOKE ON IT!!!!! This is why I ONLY cut the TIP!!

Good luck..... BTW, I am a single mom too and I promise you it will be harder on you than on him!!! I hate the first temper tantrum without a binky!!!

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M.M.

answers from Austin on

A friend of mine had a long talk with her son about this first to explain, but basically she tied the "binky" to a balloon and sent it to the angels to take to a new baby who needed one. I thought it was pretty sweet myself. She did advise that the balloon was not strong enough to float it away and she had to rip it off to send it to the sky so you might try 2 balloons if you do this :o). Good luck!

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S.

answers from San Antonio on

We finally got rid of my son's paci when he was 3. My sister had a baby and we told him that the baby needed the paci's and he didn't because he was such a big boy. He put them in an envelope and we "mailed" them to the new baby. He kept finding paci's around the house, but instead of using them he would give them to me to mail to his cousin.

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T.B.

answers from Austin on

Toss them! My oldest used a pacifier and when he turned 1 I wouldn't let him take it out of the crib. Then if any little thing happened, e.g. it had a bite mark, got dirty, etc...I would tell him we had to throw it away.

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L.C.

answers from Killeen on

Throw them out!!!

My friend went through this, and he was almost 6 and already in school by the time he stopped using them. He's now in speech therapy because his mouth grew to the pacifier.

He would come home from school crying because the other kids were making fun of him and calling him names. So he stopped using them at school, but as soon as he got home the pacifier was right back in his mouth.

If you want it gone, then throw them out and tell her they are only for babies. She's a big girl and big girls don't use pacifiers.

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N.T.

answers from San Antonio on

Many years ago when my daughter was 3 years old I had watched this Dr. Lyndon Smith on some TV show and he said to break them from the pacifier without just tossing it, cut the tip off one day and then the next day cut a little more until they no longer want it. He said they would not like it and would not want it at all. Well I didn't want to wait for 2 or 3 days so I just cut the thing in half and she told me it was broke and wanted another one. I told her I didn't have another one and she would just have to use the broken one or throw it away and then there would be no more pacificers. She did think about it and then walked over to the trash can and threw it in and told it goodbye. I never had another problem after that and I think what helped also was it was really like her decision and she was so proud of herself. It really worked.
Good Luck......................

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F.L.

answers from Houston on

My little girl used a pacifier quite a long time as well. When we were finally ready to break her of the habit we talked to her and told her that now that she was a big girl that the pacifier was just for bed time (or nap time). We had Honey Pot (her room was decorated in Pooh) that was her special place to put her pacifiers. When she got up we would get down the honey pot (for obvious reasons it was kept on a high shelf in her room) and she would put the pacifier in it herself. She could still see it on the shelf so she knew it wasn't gone... it just wasn't time for it right then. When she wanted the pacifier she had to lay down (like during nap time or time to go to sleep)... Once she got up she couldn't have it any more. It got to the point where if she came downstairs from her room with it in her mouth we would take it from her and then hide it (you would be surprised where we find those old pacifiers:-)... but usually he honey pot worked pretty well since she was the one who was in charge of putting them there and then at bed time she got to select which one she wanted (we had a lot of different colors). We still had some tears of course but it seemed to work prety well at least for us.

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