I'm at My Wits End! Help

Don't bother asking why. There is no reasoning at this age. Just discipline immediately. If time outs are not working, up the ante.

Discipline him every single time he does this. Let him know it's not okay and make a consequence. A couple swats and time out or whatever you use for discipline. My two older ones are 19 months apart. They are now 16 and 18... =D They eventually stop this behavior.. =D Good luck!

You gotta let him see you get angry. I don't mean hit him and yell at the top of your lungs, but when my kids would do something that would hurt each other I was furious and they knew it. Maybe by the look on my face or tone of my voice. I also have an older son and daughter 18 months apart and the first time he hit her I was furious, it scared him and he never did it again. Well now she is a little older and they do fight sometimes but they generally play well. And my kids are not afraid me at all, or unhappy.

Let him know "since he cannot be soft and gentle with sister, he is no longer allowed to play with her". He can just stay in his room and play alone.

He is not to sit down to breakfast, lunch or dinner, until your daughter is safely in her high chair.

I also would shadow him and the moment he goes in for a hit, snatch him right up, and hold him in the air, look him in the face and say very strongly with an angry face "NO HITTING!"

Then place him back in his room by himself. You need to let him know you are watching him at all times and you will not tolerate that behavior. This behavior ever. Make this the priority over cleaning the house for a few days. it is worth it,

Child behaviorists recognize that all behaviors are tactics to meet some authentic need. The needs are always valid, event though the strategies little kids use to try to meet them may stink. But I'd guess your son is experiencing a classic case of "sibling rivalry." And if you're angry at him often, he may be beginning to identify himself as bad or less lovable.

You could hit him for hitting, but this confounds some kids, and simply scares others into compliance. It may (or may not) get the result you want but not for the reasons you'd want it; that your son has learned to control his jealousy and rivalry and develop more tender and protective feelings for his little sister. If spanking fails, it will probably be because it deepens his need even further to know that you feel tender and protective toward him, just like you do for little sister.

So if you want to try another route, read the brilliant little book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk, by Faber and Mazlish. This will help you coach your son to help solve his own problem, and help you understand his needs better. I've used this approach with my grandson since he was 2.5 years old (he's now almost 6) and it has gotten outstanding results.

And catch him NOT hurting her, and appreciate his self-control. He could be seriously craving more positive attention. If he can get that, he may resort less often to negative behaviors so that at least he can get some of the attention he's longing for.

Good wishes!

Let me tell you what worked for biting in my house. DD kept biting DS. I
would tell her no, move her away, time outs etc. etc. Nothing worked. One
time I saw her open her mouth and go for him. I immediately grabbed her
and plopped her on the couch. It happened so fast, that I shocked her. I
yelled, grabbed and plopped in one move LOL. The look on her face was
priceless. Never bit again. It was the element of suprise I think!!

Next time, I would pop him one on the rear hard and get in his face and growl "no hurting your sister - ever!" and then plop him on his bed and shut the door loudly behind you after telling him that when he can apologize and show respect for you and her he can come out. It sounds mean I know but until you show him that you take it that seriously, he won't either. If he doesn't come out and say sorry within about 10 minutes I would go back in and ask if he is ready to say sorry and tell him if anyone hurts him or sister, you will protect them and that he can help you protect sister. If you can get Dad to start teaching him about protecting women, I think that would be good too. Good luck, it will all be fine. I remember beating the crud out of my little brother...until he outgrew me at 13 and then I was in trouble from then on ;)

Get firmer. Time outs are not effective for lots of kids. Scan this book on Amazon. If you can relate, it will really help you make him stop doing this and other tough 3 yo boy stuff. Back to Basics Discipline, by Janet Campbell Matson. I used it, and my spirited boy (same ages as your kids) would NOT ever be aggressive to his 2 yo sister. They're best buds.

A different approach... might be to help him find better ways to express what he's feeling - frustration, jealousy etc. If he his her,say firmly "we do not hit" and remove him from the room or where she is. Then get him aside and calm and say, were you feeling angry? frustrate" etc. Basically, help him identify his feeling, THEN a way to better express it or get it out. "Use your words..." Tell me what you are feeling...

I have 2 kids almost the same age (and I'm pregnant again). I have 2 boys and the older, H., does the same to my younger, L. H usually acts out in this way when he wants his younger brother's attention or if he feels he isn't getting enough attention from me.

I've found that the best way to handle it is not to punish H but to pay SO much attention to L. The negative attention that H gets is enough to make him continue the bad behaviors. Instead, I gush over L, hold him, snuggle him and talk about how sad it is that his big brother can't keep his hands to himself. When L gets all of this positive attention and H gets ignored, it makes H want to be the good kid again. Usually he will go get a favorite toy or something and bring it to L.

I had something similar happen with my kids. I gave the offender a swat on the hand and then wouldn't let them be near their brother until they could be nice. They also lost favorite toys.

There is a great book called "siblings without rivalry". It does a great job of explaining how to foster a loving sibling relationship. I would also say that your son is jealous of the attention his sister is getting. Maybe you can make it a reward to get special time with you (without his sister present), if he helps you with his sister.

Sweetie you need to firmly discipline him, discipline is not to punish the bad behavior it's to correct it, my son as a toddler bit my daughter, who was 2 years younger than him, I disciplined him, not time out, not take a toy away, no punishment discipline, it happened once because I corrected it not punished it, time out for hitting a 2 year old, that does not even come close to fitting the bad behavior. Gety daddy envolved, my husband taugh our sons not to hit/hurt girls at a very young age, J.

Dr. Sears is an expert has some excellent advice on discipline here:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior

and hitting here:
http://askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/botherso...

Why are you trying not to yell at him? He's doing wrong, and at 3 1/2 he knows it. GET IN HIS FACE AND YELL AT HIM, so he knows that you are super serious about this behavior stopping. And keep your girl with you at all times, or him at all times. And give up the fantasy about harmonious sibling relationships at this age - maybe later. But until he can not hit her for 6 weeks in a row, keep them apart as much as possible, be super vigilant and jump all over him when he hurts her.

I have similarly aged children, though they are 21 months apart.

My daughter likes to bite or pinch. We have gotten it under control by doing a bunch of things: 1. shower the younger with attention and tell the older to go to their room, they are not welcome playing with you, 2. Take something away from the older (I take a piece of candy out of her stash if she is hurts someone), 3. shower her with attention when she is well-behaved and make sure I give her lots of one-on-one time when her brother is sleeping.

I also always ask her, why did you do X to your brother." If she does something seemingly sensless like hit for no reason, I then ask, are you missing mommy? Do you not like your brother today, etc."

It sounds to me like he's trying to get attention. I agree with the poster who said separate them. I do this with my girls and it works beautifully.

Also, I highly recommend the book "You Can't Make Me (but I can be persuaded)" by Cynthia Tobias. She is a genius at dealing with strong willed children. The book gives concrete examples of what you can do in various situations so that you and your child both get what you want. Everyone wins so everyone is happy. It's great!

Best of luck to you and your precious babies!!

So the suggestion I am about to offer you seems very extreme, but I tried it worked beautifully! You just need some patience.
I saw this in response to a very similar question I saw in the sunday.
The psychologist also a parent that answered said that at that age kids don't really get the concept that hurting others is no good. They view thier siblings as a very cool toy. If you hit the toy it cries or hits back, make faces at the toy and it laughs. All in all what the child sees is a life size interactive toy! So since your son can't treat the toy nicely you must seperate them. He suggested a period of a week to two weeks and you make it so they c an't play together. Take your baby gates and gate off two rooms. your son stays in one your daughter in the other. At meal times have them sit at opposite ends of the table, don't let them sleep in the same room etc. Before you do this you need to explain why he can'tplay with his sister anymore. I don't remember what this guy's logic is-all I know is that I tried it and my son hasn't hit my daughter in a VERY long time. Also if he helps her or plays nicely with her at all tell him you are so glad he is being a gentleman to his sister. Kids really do great with positive reinforcement!