If Your Husband Plays Video Games...

hi my name is L. i am a mom of three 11,7,and 16 months.my husband is also on his xbox360 all day and all night.he really doesnt do anything around the house and does ignore everyone while he is playing i do complain and gripe to him that he should help me out they are his children.she we decide to put one full day that he can not play atall and he has to help or oldest w/homework and he cant play until the baby is in bed.it has helped alittle.it does totally aggravite me when he plays so i hear ya lady they should have never come out with stuff like vidoe games.

Just talk to him about it. My husband and I both are gamers. If he has games and you are not into that, then you should find something else you can do to de stress. You have to divide up the responsibilities equally (which is always a challenge) and like others have said....Men don't just notice things that need to be done and do them like we do. If you notice something that needs to be done that he could do, ask him if he could do that before he plays or inbetween or something. It does sometimes bother me when I am doing a bunch of housework and he is sitting on the computer, but overall I would say we probably have about equal time on the computer so it doesn't bother me as much as it could.

My goodness why do men behave like children?! I had a similar situation with my first husband - he couldn't put the controller down and everything always came second to the playstation. Unfortunately, this was not his only issue, hence we're now divorced. However, if he insisted on playing games and not helping around the house and with our child, I wouldn't cook him a meal, I wouldn't put his clothes in the laundry, etc. It sounds childish to have to respond in this manner, however, it soon started to bug him when he was getting home to no dinner and up in the morning to no clean undies.....

I so feel your pain on this one!! My husband used to play hours and hours of online flight simulation games. I literally almost divorced him over it I got so mad. I let it go on for a while, but one night after working a twelve hour day we had no milk, he hadn't gone to the grocery store, and was playing a game....I just lost it. I literally had to get to the point of it is the games or me. Now we have sort of a truce...he plays for limited amounts of time before I wake up or after the kids are asleep. He knows when there are things to do it is OFF LIMITS!! I think if you don't lay some ground rules now, it could get really out of hand. For a time I felt like I didn't even have a husband. I took the kids to soccer (he played games), did the shopping, and worked full time. I was very resentful too. We had to go to counseling over it, and I can tell you I have never fully lost the bitter feeling I have. I think it is so irresponsible and inappropriate to put a stupid game before family. Sorry to vent, but this one hit a nerve. It is only my two cents....good luck.

L.

T. this is my life too. I have gotten so furious that I get tempted to take a sledge hammer to his Xbox. I understand his need to blow off steam, but I told him he puts it ahead of his family. I swear because of his game playing it's made me the nagging wife which I hate!!! He hates it too but maybe if he helped me out with out 2 boys I wouldn't nag him just to spen time with us. I told him to play when the kids are asleep but that has not worked. He is so addicted to guitar hero. It's bad that when the minute you enter your house your son immediately grabs the guitar and hands it too your husband since he knows that is what he wants to do. And even when I ask him to watch the kids, I see my 2 year old running around and my 5 month old son lying on the couch next to him while he's playing.

Anyway, you first have to discuss this with him. I've tried many times with my hubbie. Let him know how you feel. Try to come up with a compromise on when he can play that will be okay with you. I do like the suggestions that some girls made about dividing chores and if he's done with them he can play. I may have to try that. But I totally understand how you feel.

And you definitely need to find something to de-stress. I am having issues with that myself too. If I do go out it may be just once a week if that, but he gets to play Xbox everyday and I too have become resentful. It's worse when I play too. I do like guitar hero but I am not as addicted as he is. I can just pick it up and drop it, he can't. Ugh! But when I play, my son gets upset and I barely can finish a song anyway.

Good luck!

I've totally been there. My husband was laid off just before our baby was born and he literally spent 24/7 playing video/computer games. It was really frustrating.

I divided our shifts as best I could. From 8pm to 1am it was his job to care for our baby and then from 1am-to 8am it was mine and so forth. I would just lay our baby in her bouncer next to my husband while he played and when she cried, he would make her a bottle since I can't breastfeed. Since you can, he can at least get up and bring him to you. It bothered me that rather than interact with her, he would just play games, but I honestly was just glad to have a break.

It's hard not to let this turn into a parent/child relationship especially since he is acting like a child. One thing that worked for me was to ask him to set his own limits. Nobody likes to be told what to do, so he decided what times he would play video games and when he would do something else...like find a job :)

It's not ideal, but there's no point in the alternative, which is nagging and clearly doesn't work. Good luck to you and just know that nearly all of us have been there. Take a break, leave the baby with his daddy and go out for an hour or two.

Omg T.. My husband and struggle with this too. Actually, Im the only one who struggles. He plays an on line game and it drives me nuts because he can't just put it on pause. He recently started to play at night - after I go to sleep and on the weekends. It irratates me because I am constantly going to bed alone, and as crazy as it sounds, its really lonely. The weekends wouldn't be so annoying but he wants to play durning 'peak' hours so he can get into a good 'group'. That would be fine and all but the 'peak' hours are the times that are good for us to do things as a family. I can totally feel your pain. I dont have any advice as we haven't figured things out in our household yet either but I just wanted to vent and let you know that you are not alone. I mean how do we allow them to have their time but not annoy us at the same time? When I get my free time I usually go to the gym for a couple hours but he will be on his game anywhere from 2-5 hours...ugh, and then I feel guilty when I want or need help/ or just time with him.

My husband loves his playstation too....MEN!!! My son is 4 and they play together alot(cabin fever). But otherwise my husband plays "his games" after my son is in bed. Which only really happens when he gets a new game.

Seriously, I was reading the other responses and I'm shocked as to how common this is. Since when is it ok to ignore your wife and kids for a stupid game? And this is coming from the one in our marriage who asked for PS2 for Christmas! I used to enjoy the games and the computer games and stuff. But once we had kids the PS2 went to the basement TV and I haven't touched it since. I've been wanting to get a Wii, but after reading some of the posts, I'm scared. LOL.

I love to surf the net. Love it. I do it all day at work (like now) and I enjoy it at home. AFTER the boys are in bed, the dishes are done and the house is picked up. If you've read my other posts, I'm big on having my own time with my husband and I'm big on having my own time for ME. But, my boys come first.

I agree with Julie's post. If you've talked to him and tried to be reasonable, I'd STOP doing things for him. Don't do his laundry, don't make his dinner, whatever. And if it still doesn't work. I don't know, I'd be taking the unit and hiding it or eventually throwing it away.

Good luck.

T.

Hi T.,

My husband also loves his Playstation. He generally plays at night after the kids are in bed. He will play on the weekends, but only kid-friendly games that he can play with our 5-year-old daughter.

As for your escape, give yourself permission to ignore vacuuming or cleaning up the toys once in a while. Take a bath, read a book or pick out a video game you can play together.

There is always housework to do. It never ends. So let the little things go occasionally while you take a break. You do deserve it!!!!

Best of luck!

M.

Hi T.,
Like the previous moms, I agree to talk about it before it gets to be a fight. My husband (like the others) is only allowed to play when the kids are asleep. I had had it one day and ended up fighting about it with a "I am a single mom during the week while you are at work, I refuse to be that way on the weekends when you are here!!"

Now, I don't suggest that you do it that way, but definitely talk about what your expectations are. My husband and I both understand the need to "de-frag" and we each get time outside of the house with our friends and not be a mom or dad.

But, yes, you need to do something other than work and be a mom . . .even if its going to the store by yourself and shopping for you.

Good Luck with your discussion,
B.

Hey T.,
Totally understand your deliemma. My husband and I have had many fights over that. He would even go so far as to watch our son while I was making dinner and I would find the baby in his arms while he was playing playstation! Finally, I had enough. Our son got to an age where he was watching the game and I made it very clear that the images are not appropriate for a baby. And will not be appropriate for a young child to watch either. So, now he plays his games only after our son is in bed or napping. And if he stays up too late playing them, it is absolutely not an excuse to not go to work. I know it sounds easy to say. I would even go so far as to take the game system away. I made it absolutely clear to my husband that if he was going to act like a child I would treat him like a child. I have a father that didn't spend any time with us kids and I don't want that for my child. These bad habits start soon and are hard to break. I know this sounds a little harsh, but my husband was pretty riduculous with the gaming systems. Now, it's not a fight anymore. I think he has realized that the game is not going to go anywhere and playing an hour or two a day is plenty. He spends a good amount of time with our son and is enjoying that more then the games. Hang in there!

Hi T.,
My husband is a video game junkie so I can relate. My husband plays a lot and tells me he needs his down time. I've tried explaining to him that I need some of that too but it doesn't happen as often as it does for him. My husband does encourage me to get together with my friends but it is not as often as he gets to veg out with his games. He tells me that it will change once our son is older. We shall see! Ha-ha!
Good luck and I feel for you!
M.

Hi T.,
My husband is also addicted to the XBox, and that is not an exaggeration! He plays online everyday. He plays in the evenings or at night after everyone goes to bed. I can barely get him to help with anything around the house. This has been going on for years. Maybe I'm not the best one to take advice from, since I haven't been able to get him to stop. But I do suggest that you talk to him now and let him know how much it bothers you, before you let years pass like I have. I have gotten to the point before that I've hidden the controllers, or the games, or even the console itself! I refuse to give it back until he's done his "chores". Sometimes, while I'm trying to do dishes or something else, I'll hear the baby crying and he doesn't even stop playing to pick her up. I've gotten so mad that I just walk up and turn it off while he's playing. That usually results in a big fight, but I feel like I have no other option, and hopefully it gets my point accross. It's like dealing with a child!

I wish you the best of luck. And if you do find a solution that works, please share!

Mine is only allowed to play when the kids are asleep for many reasons, the most of which stem from the fact that neither him nor I get free time until the kids are asleep out of respect for each other.

My best advice is to head this off before you get more resentful, because the resentment is hard to shake once it develops.

We had that argument and I hid the remote and both controllers in 3 different places throughout the house. I gave them back on the weekend after his chores we're done. I had tried everything, talking, compromising and nothing worked. This helped out alot.

Communication is key. Divvy up responsibilities. For example, my husband is responsible for baths and putting the kids to bed every night. He also does the grocery shopping (I do the list) on Saturday or Sunday. Every Saturday, husband gets to sleep in, and I get every Sunday.

My husband loves his computer games, but only plays them when the kids are in bed and after we've had "our time." He usually sticks to the same schedule on the weekends. He might play a bit more, but not that much.

Do not feel guilty if you want some time for yourself. Take it! Ask your husband to do the dishes or put the baby to bed while you take a long, relaxing bath. Or, if you want to meet a girlfriend for lunch and shopping, just tell him the baby is staying home with him. He has to learn how to be a parent too.

And I know our spouses should be able to see what needs to be done around the house, but they don't. Your husband can't read your mind either, so best to tell or ask him to do the things you want done than to fester in resentment.

Good luck!

You should be infuriated! Shame on hubby. Remind him that he helped create this precious child and he needs to step up and always put that child first!!! Exbox and similar toys should be outlawed..men act like babies and children spend more time on "play" then any "family time" at all". p.s. after the childs needs are met with dad, SHOULD BE YOUR TURN! Good luck with that immature mate.

As an avid gamer I can tell you, it is an addiction! You do need to sit down and talk to him about this, do a role reversal for one weekend. You sit and do nothing but play the game (even if you don't like it), let him watch the baby (pump the week ahead of time so he HAS to feed him) totally ignore him. It doesn't feel good.
If that doesn't work ask him to get a game like Everquest where you two can play together! It does mean you will need two computers though. The point is to be doing something WITH you, right? Ask him to only play after 8pm, between 8am and 10am and after 8pm on the weekends. Find something the two of you can do together (eventually 3 of you!). Have a game set up on the table you two can play. Put in his favorite movie. Find something that he will find just as, or more actractive than his x-box.
My husband and I play Everquest together, it gives us a chance to do something together without leaving home (ie. spending money) and it also gives us an alternative way to communicate. There is IM in-game and sometimes if I have something I want to talk to him about but don't want to do it face to face I IM him and we "talk".
Remember, men are big kids, they like to play. After 40 plus hours of work a week all they want to do is Veg and of course that is when we want to "talk", DO! Deep breath...try this and see if it works. =)

OH WOW!!!! I'm greatful for your request... my husband plays a lot of PS3 and now even more online poker---not for real $, but cents basically. However he does play with our 1 yr daughter sometimes or just has her on his lap while he plays online, but I cannot sometimes talk to him about my day or what I learned about child raising when he plays---he calls me bad luck..... b/c he cannot concentrate. duh, it's just a FFFFFF ing game. I feel your pain. My hubby also does do housework, but since I'm a part time SAHM now and cannot always keep the place neat, he still makes me feel like he is doing EVERYTHING...including making the $ to upkeep all.
what the heck is wrong with men---boys will always be boys...all my other friends with husbands say the same thing. no wonder the females are the ones carrying on the human race. :) good luck and oops for a bit of venting also.