If You Have NO Family in Town and Are Having/had a Second Child...

B.,

I was in a similar situation when my second child was born, although not quite as extreme. At any rate, I can appreciate your situation, and even though you don't know me, I just wanted to say that I would be happy to be an "on-call" person for you. Please feel free to write back and get my phone number if you'd like to talk. I live in the Park Cities, so we're close to all the major roads in Dallas.

It sounds like what you need is someone to help in those crucial moments and hours as you go to the hospital and have the baby. If you just know you have someone who can respond any time night or day when you go into labor, and can keep your two year old until your other "people" (whether family, friends, or babysitter) are available, you'll be fine. I have a five year old who just started kindergarten and a two, nearly 3 year old, who is home with me. I'm a SAHM so I have some flexibility (and the incredible blessing of a couple of nearby neighbors we carpool with).

When my second daughter came early, we had family we could call on for emergency help, but they couldn't help beyond picking up my other daughter for the rest of the night and day. That "tided us over" until we could make other arrangements. Out of all the people we knew well, and family memebers within a day's driving distance, it turned out to be a relatively new friend I had made, with two toddlers of her own, who helped me at the most crucial times. She came to the hospital with flowers, and then came again on the eve of Halloween (which is a big deal with her kids!) to stay with my oldest so we could go back to the hospital to get my newborn (who had been in NICU for several weeks). I'll never forget her! I would love to "pay it forward" and be that kind of friend to anyone who needs it. So please feel free to contact me, and we can see if it's something you would like.

Best wishes, whatever you decide! It's an exciting and sometimes overwhelming time of life!

S.

I understand your stress and was in a similar situation when my second was born. My parents had offered to come to town and help, but put tons of stipulations on their trip. My dad traveled at the time and my mom will not drive on the highways to Dallas. If the weather looks bad she also will not come, and if my grandmother has one of her usual fits my mom will not come. Fortunately, my parents arrived at my house the evening my contractions started and they took my son to day care in the morning and stayed with him the next night.

Char had a good suggestion about taking your first to the hospital with you. Your husband can get you settled then take your daughter to the sitter. While it’s nice to have your husband in the room, there are plenty of people to take care of you once you are at the hospital. I wouldn’t take a child into the delivery room. My son thought it was very scary to see Mommy in a hospital bed and would have had an even worse response if he saw me in pain.

You may want to also talk to a temporary nanny service. If you find someone, they can come over in advance to meet your daughter to limit the anxiety of the situation. There are 24 hour nanny services.

I hope it all works out. I was very stressed myself, but things she seem to come together despite the worries.

T.

Do you have a church home? If not, one of the local churches might be able to help you find someone who could be available to watch your toddler while you are going through labor and delivery...maybe for a day or two afterwards, too. It's a good way to get started in a new place.

Also, do you have a favorite grandmother or aunt who might want to come a spend a couple of weeks with you...ahead of time? They can be a big help with those last minute details. I was fortunate enough to have my grandmother stay with me. Then she was here with my older daughter when the time came. We had a closer relationship than I had with my mother; so it was a very special time for us in a lot of ways.

B.,

I too am pregant w/my second child. Are closest family is 4 hours away as well as many of our friends down here. Coming from a friend's perspective we have always told friends down here if they need anything during a time like that to please call us-and we meant it, regardless of it being in the middle of the night or whenever. We wouldn't see it as a burden at all, what are friends for? We enjoy being able to help our friends out and know that they feel the same way w/us. We feel that the friends we have down here are like 2nd family. I am sure that your freinds feel the same way and would be honored to get to help you and your family out. Like someone else said, you could then do something nice for them like a gift certificate to a restaurant later on. Hope that helps.

J.

B.,
I have 4 kids and NO family anywhere close (California is about it). I DID burden my friends! They were sweet enough to ask so I took advantage of it! I have also been sure to return the favor at various times and in various ways (rides to the airport at 3AM, sibs while babies are being born etc...).
What I did was after I was back to "normal" (OK, I may never be
normal again) I gave my friends a gift card for a restraunt and took the baby over and babysat for them so they could have a date night.

Best of luck!
D.

Hi B.,

I don't have any family or relatives living in the DFW area (closest is in Houston) and we're expecting our second in 3 1/2 weeks. But, my in-laws are coming from Finland to stay with us, so they will be taking care of my daughter during the delivery (we have a planned C-Section scheduled). If something should happen prior to their arrival here on 9/29 though, I'm not quite sure how we'd handle it, especially if something were to happen in the middle of the night. My good neighbor friends of mine said they'd be "on-call" for us and wouldn't mind coming over even in the wee hours to stay with our daughter. But like you, I don't waant to burden anyone with that responsibility. My daughter was born 8 weeks early, so we've been planning that anything can happen at any moment!

Given your history of the early birth of your daughter, can your doctor go ahead and schedule for an induction maybe a week prior to your due date? A friend of ours was pregnant and although this was their first child, the in-laws wanted to be there, etc. so their OB scheduled an induction so they had a firm date on the calendar and everyone who wanted/needed to be in town for the birth could be there. If you explain the situation to your OB that you need to make a plan for your daughter, surely he would understand. Another friend of mine had her second baby in March and her first child was barely 15 months old. She had a scheduled induction. They got her to the hospital and then her husband took the daughter to a friends house for the day and was able to pick her up once the baby was born. Do you have other friends with children your daughters age that could possibly do the same for you?

Just try explaining the situation to your OB, I'm sure yall can work something out. Good luck and congratulations!!!

-Char