40 answers

If You Got Pregnant and Then Married...(did Things in Reverse!)

...did it turn out "OK" in the long run? Was there resentment from your spouse?
This question is for women who got married and have been for a significant length of time!
Do you (did you) feel that the baby was the reason that the man married you? has it caused additional issues?

My FIL married my MIL 50 years ago because she "got pregnant" (we all know it takes 2 to tango!).
I've gotta say, they are two of the most miserable people I have ever met.
There is SO much resentment on both sides. She HATES him and he says she ruined his life.
Are they the exception?
(ETA--this isn't the cute 50 years of marriage bickering (I think that's cute too)--this is seething resentment, hatred and, truly, a boulevard of broken dreams!)

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I got pregnant first. We were young(21), had been together a couple of years & had already discussed marriage down the road. I told him that I was pregnant & would be having the baby but if it was too much for him to handle that I understood that & I absolutely did NOT want him to marry me because I was pregnant. I told my parents that were planning on getting married after he finished flight school. My Mom's advice was that if we were going to get married at some point anyway, we might as well get married before the baby was born just to save a lot of headaches with name changes, etc. down the road. We got married 6 weeks later. This was back in January, 1999. He still hasn't been to flight school, ha!!

4 moms found this helpful

I was pregnant when I got married, but the father and I had been best friends for a long time and both knew we would eventually get married. It ended up working out for us, we're very happy and I doubt there will ever be any kind of resentment.

My parents, on the other hand, got married when my mom got pregnant with my sister, and then had two more kids together. My mom never knew my dad resented her until they had been married for 26 years and he divorced her out of the blue. He said that he never wanted to marry her in the first place, he only did because she was pregnant. My mom was (and still is) completely shocked and devastated.

I guess it just depends on the situation, sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. :-)

3 moms found this helpful

Id say back then when wedlock was the norm a lot of people who are married now are unhappy and wonder what would have happened if...... Although I see a lot of people who married under the right circumstances that constantly yell at eacother and bicker, i honestly think old people bickering is cute. Better than seeing an elderly person sitting all alone at mdconalds having their everyday morning coffee. Maybe spending 50 plus years with the same person just brings that out in us. We can only be polite for so long before we just don't give a sh*t anymore what hubby thinks and that the tv is too loud.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

I don't have an answer - I just think it's sad.

My 2nd husband and I had our child before we married, mainly because I was determined to not make such a bad mistake as getting married again (because I'd already blown it once). He wore me down (LOL) and now I'm so glad we did marry. We're still nuts about each other.

Personally I think that if two people love their child, and each other, to make a life together then it's a beautiful thing.

Now if you're going to spend 50 years blaming someone else for your problems that's a different story.

JMO.

4 moms found this helpful

I got pregnant first. We were young(21), had been together a couple of years & had already discussed marriage down the road. I told him that I was pregnant & would be having the baby but if it was too much for him to handle that I understood that & I absolutely did NOT want him to marry me because I was pregnant. I told my parents that were planning on getting married after he finished flight school. My Mom's advice was that if we were going to get married at some point anyway, we might as well get married before the baby was born just to save a lot of headaches with name changes, etc. down the road. We got married 6 weeks later. This was back in January, 1999. He still hasn't been to flight school, ha!!

4 moms found this helpful

Id say back then when wedlock was the norm a lot of people who are married now are unhappy and wonder what would have happened if...... Although I see a lot of people who married under the right circumstances that constantly yell at eacother and bicker, i honestly think old people bickering is cute. Better than seeing an elderly person sitting all alone at mdconalds having their everyday morning coffee. Maybe spending 50 plus years with the same person just brings that out in us. We can only be polite for so long before we just don't give a sh*t anymore what hubby thinks and that the tv is too loud.

3 moms found this helpful

I was pregnant before my ex and I got married but that sure wasn't the problem. Sweet mother it developed over time and it wasn't until ten years in that things started getting bad.

I think people just like an excuse to point to for their bad behavior. Being pregnant before marriage is just a good one to use. :(

3 moms found this helpful

I was pregnant when I got married, but the father and I had been best friends for a long time and both knew we would eventually get married. It ended up working out for us, we're very happy and I doubt there will ever be any kind of resentment.

My parents, on the other hand, got married when my mom got pregnant with my sister, and then had two more kids together. My mom never knew my dad resented her until they had been married for 26 years and he divorced her out of the blue. He said that he never wanted to marry her in the first place, he only did because she was pregnant. My mom was (and still is) completely shocked and devastated.

I guess it just depends on the situation, sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. :-)

3 moms found this helpful

i think its diferent now....at that time you were more forced into marriage ALSO every couple i know married that long has a love hate relationship....where they frustrate eacother like crazy but when it came down to it they'd take a bullet for eachother

3 moms found this helpful

My hubby and I got preggers unexpectedly and waited for a long time before marrying. We didn't want to marry just because of our child. We wanted to marry for all the right reasons--so we waited and I am happy we did that---We are happily married and still super in love! I want to be with him for the rest of our lives....:)

3 moms found this helpful

I know plenty of miserable married couples, even those who got pregnant after they were married.

If they hate each other so much, they could have gotten the big D, right?

Anyway, I don't know anyone who got married because they got pregnant and then resented the other party for it. But, most of my married friends are married 10 years or less, so maybe in 50 they will want to claw each other's eyes out.

3 moms found this helpful

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