I Would like to Communicate with Moms of Young Children with Adhd.

Updated on November 08, 2015
A.R. asks from Elmhurst, IL
13 answers

My 5year old just started taking adhd medicine. He is so much more tolerable and like a normal child but i feel soooooooooo guilty! Like ive failed as a parent! Please help

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your support! I try to look at it like treating his asthma or any illness. Im just use to him being loud and very active. He seems very happy like that now hes calm and plays and colors for hours! I really hope this helps him in skool. Kindergarten just started a few months ago and they already say if things dont change he may have to repeat it. Would be terrible because for one hes very smart ...two hes 5 and 4'7" so he already dosent fit in with children his age

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S.L.

answers from Savannah on

I have 2 children on ADHD meds with zero guilt! It is a disease and this is part of what makes him whole.

5 moms found this helpful

More Answers

J.S.

answers from St. Louis on

As someone who lived through being an unmedicated child with ADHD I felt no guilt putting my kids on meds. They never had to go through the struggles I did.

5 moms found this helpful
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E.B.

answers from Beaumont on

Please don't feel guilty. I struggled for several years before getting my son medications. We tried it all in an effort to avoid meds but they were just necessary so he could succeed. I know exactly how you feel but now that I'm on the other side, I see how necessary they are.

3 moms found this helpful
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N.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

I guess I don't understand why you feel guilty....can you explain? Let's say it's because it's meds.

If your child was diabetic and had to live on insulin would you feel guilt and like a failure for giving him medication?

If your child had seizures and had to take Phenobarbital every single day for the rest of his life would you feel like a failure for giving him meds?

Since your child has a chemical imbalance that can be corrected by medication you should feel guilty? I'd feel a lot more guilty if I didn't treat his brain imbalance and made him suffer so I could feel like a better parent.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.O.

answers from Atlanta on

Mine's a little older (started medication at age 9 for ADD) and I feel guilty that I held off for so long. I held off because I expected him to compensate and I felt guilty putting him on medicine. But, it has improved everything so much - his grades, his attention, his self-confidence. In thinking back, I kick myself for making him struggle so much through 1st. 2nd, and 3rd grades.

2 moms found this helpful

A.C.

answers from Philadelphia on

My 10 year old son has been on ADHD medication for 3 years now. When we had a hard time making the decision to medicate him, his psychologist said it wouldn't be fair to him to not medicate him. That made me think! Now of course I know we made the right decision. He's so much happier, does so much better in school etc.

2 moms found this helpful
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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

Our son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5. We started him on meds right away. Best thing we ever did for him!

I read posts on here all the time of parents looking for alternatives to meds (when their doctor has recommended meds). It makes me so sad! If a child needs meds for just about any other medical condition, there's no guilt. It's what the child need, right? There shouldn't be any guilt here, either.

Hey, I do get it ... or at least I would have 20 years ago. I grew up thinking ADHD meant "behavior problem - parents never disciplined" and Ritalin was a drug to give a kid so that the parents and teachers didn't have to deal with the child anymore. I feel so blessed that I have heard many, many, many parents talk about their own struggles with their child's diagnosis and decision to put them on meds and struggles with finding the right med. Because I heard about their stories, I was so much more educated and had no hesitation when it was clear that this was in the best interest of my son.

We all have "Mom guilt." But try not to feel guilty about giving your son a medicine that his brain needs in order to function. You are doing what he needs you to do for him.

2 moms found this helpful

B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

If he were diabetic, would you feel guilty for giving him insulin?
Of course not!

2 moms found this helpful
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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

Check out the Parents With Children With ADHD support board on Facebook. Also join CHADD. You'll feel less alone in this challenging journey.

We started our son on ADHD meds at four and it was the best thing we ever did for him. Before that, he was getting nothing but negative feedback from everyone and was kicked out of preschool. He still has his ups and downs, but medication has allowed him to continue in mainsteam classes. He's even had years when he's made Honor Roll.

There is nothing to feel guilty about. You are helping to give your son a normal, productive life.

2 moms found this helpful

D.B.

answers from Boston on

What do you feel guilty about? You didn't cause this!

There are a variety of approaches to dealing with ADD and ADHD, including meds and diet and behavioral modification and many others. They can be done individually or in combination, based on what works, what fits with your philosophy, and what services are available through early intervention. I work in food science, for example, and we work with kids (and adults) like this all the time. Certain things influence it, but kids often have other conditions or traits at the same time. Epigenetics is showing tremendous promise and results with changing the way genes turn off and on - which affects cell functioning, whether it's in this organ or that, neurological pathways, digestive issues, and so on. These are changeable situations, for sure. But the "undesirable" changes come from many sources that have little to do with what parents do: environment, disease, heredity (but not genetic - epigenetic! So changeable), stress, emotions and many other factors. And these factors work in combination.

Stop feeling guilty. Getting educated is a big piece, and you will find all kinds of support in many areas. You will also find multiple opinions. What works for one child may not work for the next. But parental guilt does nothing but increase stress, and that helps no one.

1 mom found this helpful

S.C.

answers from Kansas City on

My son is in third grade and has been on medication for several years now. As you say - if your son had an illness, would you feel guilty for getting him the help he needed? On the other hand, if you knew he had ADHD and did nothing, how would you feel to watch your child fail socially and/or in school? You need to kick the guilt complex. If someone is making you feel this way, they have no idea what they're talking about and you need to ignore them. Educating yourself would also be a good idea - ADHD has NOTHING to do with your parenting. NOTH. ING. Please Google it and do your homework. You will feel much better. Start with WebMD and go from there. You owe it to your child NOT to make this a stigma against him or you. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.S.

answers from Chicago on

Never feel as if you failed as a parent. As I've been told-if a diabetic needed insulin would you withhold it? Certainly you wouldn't. Same here. You have done a loving thing providing your child with medicine. If the dose is wrong you will know it, just keep checking with your doctor. Over the years I have worked with children I have had to deal with unmedicated children. It is very difficult at times. They can be bouncy and distracted and even impulsively doing dangerous things, or I have had to pull them out from under classroom tables, chairs, clean up paints they have knocked over and try to help them when they are taking tests or listening to lectures in classrooms. They are often unable to concentrate or control themselves. I don't know where you were at under these circumstances but you have given your child the wonderful gift of being able to learn and survive in an often confusing world anyway. And with the advent of continuous computer use classes move quickly and children need to be onto the next step. Good luck.You are a wonderful parent!

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A.N.

answers from Orlando on

I tried every single ADHD alternative with my son and nothing worked! I finally caved in and put him on medicine, which works well. With that said, everything helps, so if you're not already giving your son a good quality, high levels of EPA/DHA fish oil, you should start doing that. If you're not already giving your son vitamins and minerals, you should also do that too (good quality liquid vitamins are better than a chewable). Also, make sure he is getting plenty of sleep! I would do a 7:00 bedtime. I have a 7 y/o and his bedtime is 7:30. Sleep is so important, especially to ADD-ers. I believe all of this helps, however, unfortunately, my son still needed to be medicated. Good luck!

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