I Wish I Didn't Feel This Way While Pregnant with #2... and School.

Well, I haven't been in your precise situation but we've all felt stressed and overwhelmed before. It's worse for you, of course, since you're probably feeling guilty for not being happier about this pregnancy.

Here's the cold hard fact. You are pregnant. Whether by choice or by accident, you and your significant other have created life together. You have a child already and know more than anyone how incredibly special he is. In fact, I imagine he's the center of your world. The reason you live and breathe. Well, as a mother of two, I can tell you that your world is about to change. Your heart, already so full that it's near bursting, will somehow miraculously expand to allow for an even greater love...as mind-boggling as it is amazing. You won't understand it yet, how could you? Just like you could never have expected the life-altering joy you have experienced from your son.

I'm telling you all this because it's something to try and focus on other than your problems. Let's be clear...raising a human being, loving them and teaching them to love others, is THE single most important job on this planet. It impacts our family, our society, our future.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't work! There's no reason why you can't be a loving and involved mom while working. Many women do it every day. What I'm saying is that you shouldn't let anything come between you and your primary role as a mother to your children. If school is causing you anxiety and stressing you out to the point of depression, you need to let it go for now. I don't think the question here is, can you complete your courses while pregnant. I think the real question is, are you simply taking on more than you can reasonably and sanely handle while trying to be a loving and effective mother?

Let's face it, you can't get un-pregnant...unless of course you would consider an abortion, which I assume (and hope) you wouldn't. So I think it's time for a little self-honesty here. If you are so stressed out about school that you can't even find a shred of enjoyment in your pregnancy, if you are resenting the fact that you made the decision in the first place, it's probably time to start examining your priorities.

I'm not sure of your financial situation or the necessity of your employment, and I certainly don't pretend to understand how nursing degrees and licenses work, but I suggest giving yourself a little breathing room. Assuming that you won't lose important credits and have to start all over again, why NOT wait until next year? Are you afraid you will lack the motivation to finish it then? If so, I seriously doubt that would be the case. You seem like a driven, hard-working person having come so far in your degree program with a small child at home. And I know you have worked hard to get where you are, but remember that babies have absolutely NO say in when they are conceived. Your little O. did not mean to wreck your class schedule or your plans, he/she is simply surviving...growing.

When I'm stressed about a decision, I try and look at it this way: At the end of your life, when you are sitting in a bed surrounded by your children, your grandchildren, and possibly your great-grandchildren...will getting this course finished O. year sooner really have mattered? Will you look back on your life, on all your joys and accomplishments, and mentally kick yourself for not taking on that class while you were pregnant? Or will you treasure each and every moment you took to delight in your children?

Look, it's completely possible that you can take this course on next month and ace it. It's also possible that much of your "depression" is caused by the raging hormones of early pregnancy and will fade as time passes. The fatigue certainly will. But even if you decide to go ahead with the program in August, please find a way to cut yourself some slack. You're growing a child inside you and that depletes your reserves on many levels. Take a hard look at the things you take on in your life. What can be cut out? What can be delegated? Since your fiancé played a rather crucial role in this pregnancy, perhaps he can help take on some of your workload (housework, shopping, etc) while you rest or study? Do you have family nearby? Parents, siblings or close friends that can help out with your son...maybe take turns babysitting him O. evening a week so you can catch up?

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best. Try and give yourself a break, though, huh? There's nothing wrong with being a little frustrated at the timing of the pregnancy, and it certainly doesn't make you a bad mom or mean that you won't love this child with all your heart. But try focusing on ALL that you are gaining rather than what you might be losing.

And buckle up. O. way or another, your life's about to get interesting. ;-)

____

3 moms found this helpful

Don't beat yourself up for having these emotions at this time. Your hormones are running high being at this stage of your pregnancy. You need friends who can come alongside you and encourage you and give you help where you may need it at this rough time in your life.
when I am going through stressful times, I find that giving the problem or situation over the the Lord (as hard as it sometimes is) is the best thing I can do. We try to do so many things totally on our own with our own strength. He is right there waiting for us to ask him to take our hand and walk with us through these difficult times.
Are you tied in with a good Bible believing church where you can be surrounded by others who love God and can help support you in this. Get a good Mother's devotional book at a Christian book store that you can read each morning before you start your day. Most of all, our loving Father in Heaven wants to love on you and help you and all you have to do is ask. It doesn't take away all the stress but it sure makes a difference having him with us every moment and helping us through these problems.

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Hi M.!
I just wanted to let you know, I know what you're going through! I am currently going to school to get my degree in accounting, and I am 12 weeks pregnant with my second. We decided to get pregnant now, rather than after I graduate so I could be home with the baby for a little while before I need to start looking for a job. I too have found that I barely have the energy to get to class, let alone do homework and study. Just within the past week or so I've slowly started to feel better, and while I don't have tons of energy, I have gotten a little motivation. Soon I will be starting my advanced accouting classes, and I'm trying to prepare mentally.
I think your feeling are perfectly normal. Going to school is hard enough, but add on the ever exciting feelings of pregnancy, and you're going to feel overwhelmed from time to time. But I really think you can do it! You will start to feel better, maybe slowly, or maybe all at once, but it will happen! I don't know if this makes sense, I'm terrible at giving advise, but rather than thinking you can't do it, you need to get excited about what you're accomplishing. I know, easier said than done, but I think if you just change your approach and line of thinking, it will make a lot of difference. You're doing something great for your family, and for you! You should be proud and excited about it, even if it is difficult.
Anyway, I hope it helps a little. I really think you can do it! If you want to talk more, feel free to send me a message.

2 moms found this helpful

I'm going through something similar now. I have a two year old daughter, work full time as a soldier and I'm taking 4 (yes 4) classes this semester. I am desperate to finish my Bachelors before this baby is born. I'll just make it. The semester ends in a week and I'm due in three. With work, a toddler and this huge school load, I feel overwhelmed at times. I find I'm just making my deadlines, but I am making them.
It helps that I'm only working four hours a day now that I am so close to my due date, but there is always so much to do. My baby's room isn't ready and the house is a mess, but right now priorities are getting through this semester and my little girl. I have a schedule that works for me. I get home, take a nap and have a few hours each day before I pick up my daughter from daycare to work on assignments. I spend most of my weekends working on whatever is due while my husband plays with our daughter. I'm not sure that there is a secret other than pure diligence. What keeps me going is knowing I am so very close to finishing. I have my baby around the 20th and a few weeks later I get my diploma.
I think you need to find what is right for you. It is so very hard balancing being a mother and your personal dreams. I'm 27 and finally getting my Bachelors. I'm already looking into a Master's program, but not sure when I'll start. I think I want to wait until the baby is a little older.
My grades are ok (A's and B's) but they could have been so much better if I had taken it slower, but that degree was more important to me than a perfect 4.0. You can do it, but it will not be easy. Some things just have to wait. Your finance needs to understand how badly you need his support. Have him take your son out for a few hours while you work on a paper or assignment. He'll have to make dinner, ect.
After this semester, you can take a smaller load and work a little less, or even wait a little longer to go farther. Try not to resent this experience. In the long run, it'll all be ok. You'll have two healthy beautiful children and the degree you have worked so hard for.

2 moms found this helpful

The beginning of most pregnancies is extremely exhausting. When you have anything else going on..job..another child..sometimes it seems that youll never be able to take care of everything. But somehow, you do. You can do this. You can go to school and be pregnant and raise your child. First of all you have an amazing man helping you out, so..use this. Go to bed early, and dont feel bad about it. The tired stage of pregnancy dosent last the entire time. And you will get through this. Second...dont feel bad about how your feeling. Your hormones are in control right now. You will have varying levels of severity in your emotions. Right now your not so happy about this and your exhausted. Amonth from now or even sooner you will probably feel elated at how amazingly you are doing taking care of so much. And you will probaby get your energy back. If you are severly tired and no energy, I would check the iron levels to be sure your not anemic. Just remember that you can do this. I dont even know you and I have faith in your ability.

2 moms found this helpful

Other than aborting, life is going to be difficult if you attempt to finish nursing school now, OR later (next August) with a newborn. I'd try to finish as much as you can now, to be fair to the very dependent newborn who is on the way. (I hope you plan not to work/school full-time after the baby is born....little ones need their moms way too much)
Sorry...but it does look like quite a bind...is it possible to finish nursing school a few years later...or find a school with a slower track plan? Being a full-time mom is a most enriching experience...you don't get those precious toddler years back.

2 moms found this helpful

The same extreme exhustion happened to me with my first daughter. Seems I was severely anemic. Suggest you have the doc check you because there is an easy cure with iron supplements. Hopefully that will get you over your depression. Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Being pregnant truly does suck. Luckily, things will pick up. At the end of your life though, you will have a nursing degree, and at least two kids. You would trade the RN degree 100xs over just to keep your child. Hang on for now, and put regret behind you. The best is yet to be. :D

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Dear M. O

I am so sorry that you're having to work so hard while you're pregnant. That said, hope you're taking your prenatal vitamins, resting, drinking lots of water, etc. The first trimester is hardest, so you should be able to complete your course, although the timing is awfully close. You'll feel much better with the end of the first trimester and the end of the hottest weather. I know that the heat just took it out of me when I was pregnant. Try to enjoy this beautiful little person who is arriving in your life, and remember that the child comes first, no matter what happens. You can do it; I have faith in you. It is not such a great tragedy, after all, if you are unable to complete your coursework on the timeline you have set for yourself. I had my first when I was nearly 33, and the tiny baby phase was very difficult because I was older. I think we just aren't as resilient as we grow older. I think you find things much easier once you have heard the baby's heart-beat, and seen it on the scans. Talk to him/her, and love your baby, even now. The most important thing you can do now to to feel joy that you are a part of the miracle of new life, and realize that you are going to be an excellent parent. Pregnancy has a way of getting us ready for the coming little person :-) Hope this helps- S.

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I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I've been there, and it's totally consuming.

You are doing the caloric equivalent of mountain climbing all day, every day. That is pregnancy. Are you getting enough iron? Does your healthcare provider have any suggestions?

It's very possible you will feel better at other stages in your pregnancy. Hang in there. I wish I had an answer for you, but I just want you to know you have my support.

1 mom found this helpful

Hi
I am sure your feelings are valid with how disappointed you are in your situation.
However you need to not look back and move forward with a more uplifting and positive attitude for you and your present and soon to be family. I am an R.N for 23 years and I have 3 kids, 9,13, and 15. I don't think its good for the health of you or your unborn child to be feeling these negativity, so, my advice is to sit and make a NEW plan, your old plan is GONE, you can still accomplish ALL your goals and dreams if you really want to . A baby is a gift form God, do you know how many couples would scream at you right now for thinking that this has burdened you. You also should consider future birth control so this does not happen again while you are trying to complete your goals. I hope this helps.
Find the strength you need to do what is right for YOU.

1 mom found this helpful

School is a tough O. - I am a new nursing mommy to a 5 month old little boy. My husband and I have waited 5 years to have children. It was time, but I am a high school teacher (we can't afford for me to stay home) I am also working on my Master's Degree. I too fell behind in my school work both of them)during my pregnancy and early baby days. Thankfully my teachers were wonderful about working with me. You have to stop and think - what in this life is really more important. I heard a quote once that went something like this - In 100 years no O. will remember what job I did, the clothes I wore or the things that I had, but the world will be a better place because I made a difference in the life of a child. Your family is the most important thing you have. Your personal goals will come in their time too, but what a precious blessing to welcome this little piece of heaven into your home and what a wonderful experience to share with O. you love so much - enjoy every minute!!!

1 mom found this helpful

Right now, your children need to be your top priority. I was teaching high school when I was pregnant and had to take the last 5 weeks of school off. It was too tiring and I didn't want to put my baby at risk. I thought I would go back teaching part-time but after she was born, I realized that I was the only person that SHE would want to take care of her. The only jobs I would ever take after that were when my husband was home with the kids or they were at school. The rewards were so worth it for having to go without all the nice things other people had.

I was much happier around my kids and my husband when I only worked part-time. The few times I tried to work full-time, it affected my family in such a negative way that I had to stop.

Nursing will always be around. Your kids will not be and your fiance may not be if you are so miserable.

1 mom found this helpful

Having emotions and doubts about a new baby is completely normal! Especially when you aren't feeling well and you're overwhelmed with school and a child already at home and a fiance. You will most likely feel better when you can feel your baby move inside of you or when you hold your precious O.! I had three of my children while I was in school. It was difficult but so rewarding! I wouldn't have changed it for the world! I now have 4 and I homeschool them and love it! I recently got pregnant and we weren't wanting any more (surprise) and I had a miscarriage! I've been grieving so hard over my loss! Hang in there! I believe things will look up for you!

1 mom found this helpful

I have not been through the same experiences as you are currently having but I think I do have some advice that may help. First of all, congratulations on the new pregnancy! As you know, being pregnant brings up a lot of emotions that you didn't previously have prior to being pregnant. The fact that you are only 7 weeks along and are already having these feelings must be hard. You've got a long way to go. You have to keep telling yourself positive things, not the negative ones like "can I do this?" Tell yourself that going to nursing school is a great opportunity to further your career that will in turn help both your children and yourself. You just have to push yourself through this time and keep your head up. Thankfully your husband is there to take up the slack on the things you can't do, make sure to thank him for taking care of things. Be strong for you and the baby!

1 mom found this helpful

Being pregnant is MUCH harder when you have a child or children already. Being pregnant with your first, you can nap or rest as you need to, but with other children on the scene, you can't, and this makes is really hard.

I found the first trimester, when I was nauseated and exhausted all the time, almost unbearable when pregnant with my second, third and fourth children. The last month was pretty bad too. With your first child, were you sick in the first trimester but felt okay in the second? If so, just focus on "13 weeks" as the light at the end of the tunnel, and console yourself that you'll feel better once that blessed second trimester comes.

1 mom found this helpful

My heart goes out to you. I don't have much in the way of advice, I know O. thing that actaully really helped me feel better while I was in my early pregnancy was to stop drinking coffee. It was making my soooo sick and tired. Something to read that might help you sort through your feeling is A New Earth by Eckheart Tolle. It really helps you to put things into perspective.

Good Luck!

Sue

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I just wanted to let you know that I can truly relate. I have 2 children (18 months apart) and I experienced extreme fatigue and was also "depressed" throughout both pregnancies. My fatigue did not go away with the first trimester like most women experience (or so I was told it should), so it was really tough. It's great that you have a supportive fiance to help out! Don't be too hard on yourself. My biggest suggestion to you is to get lots of sleep and check your multi-vitamin -- maybe you can get a supplement of B vitamins since that can help with fatigue. I don't know how you feel about "alternative" doctors, but I really wish I had sought help from O. while pregnant. I believe I had adrenal fatigue or some sort of endocrine/hormonal balance that might have been at least partially alleviated by the right vitamin and mineral supplements (maybe even something herbal - but I don't know what might be safe to take while pregnant). Another thing I wish I had done is to force myself into some mild exercise everyday. It really should help, although I know it sounds like it would be impossible to accomplish - but really try! I hope some of this helps. I would be happy to hear more or try to offer more advice if I can - don't hesitate to contact me!

1 mom found this helpful

Hang in there:) God doesn't give us what we can't handle and you will get through this. Hopefully the fatigue will wane as your body adjusts to the pregnancy. Try to keep a positive outlook and tell yourself you can and will do it. I also would try to stick through with school as much as you can. I've spoken with other moms who paused their education when they had kids and they regret doing so. It was still paused years later. Drink your water and eat well. Prayers are with you--

1 mom found this helpful

I won't write a novel.

You sound like a DYNAMIC woman, someone I'd love to know, because you're trying to do it all and aren't afraid to admit that its difficult being ambitious!
I come from a family of overachievers and workaholics, and perhaps some of my obsession with success, education, and long offie hours derives from issues of inadequacy from my past. But I wouldn't trade my attitude for the world! My attitude got me through my pregnancy, albeit an easy O.; but I think it was easygoing because I didn't treat myself like this pregnancy was altering life taht greatly (other than I was tired all the time). You've been pregnant before--you know the tiredness passes and you get all this energy in the second trimester! PLOW through this tiredness, take your naps and focus on some schoolwork (not ALL) and don't regret what you couldn't get done, and then when your energy level picks up, prepare yourself for school and for the changes the baby will bring, but stop obsessing about it.

And if it gets to be too much, DON'T feel like a failure if you have to postpone school for the benefit of a healthy child. You can ALWAYS go back. Your new man needs to know that having his first child is as exciting and as much of a blessing as if it were your first, too....know what I mean?

I wasn't in school and pregnant, but I was running a company, traveling all over the place until 7 months, taking masters-level courses at 8.5 months pregnant, and the Sunday night I went into labor I had spent at the office getting work done.

You can accomplish everything you want but you have to prioritize sleep, good nutrition, and your relationship with your man to get through it. I admire you!

1 mom found this helpful

I felt that way about my second child, too. Now, I wouldn't trade her for the world. And I did Pima nursing school when she was 2 and her sis was 4. It worked out fine. AND there were 3 girls pregnant just in first semester, so don't worry about it, it can be done. Just think, in other cultures the moms don't have a choice but to keep going until the day they give birth. We actually have it pretty easy here in America, just keep that in mind : ).

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Hi It looks like I am O. of a few who have been in your position. I am pregnant with child number 2 and am about to graduate with a graduate degree this month. I had my first child while in my second year of school. I am now 15 weeks pregnant and have an internship which is like working 40 hours a week and not getting paid and it was hard for the first month or so because of the pregnancy. I started to feel my energy return around 12 weeks and I am taking advantage of it. I just completed my comprehensive exam to complete my degree last weekend, which I will find out in a few days if I passed. It was hard studying but what I find is that I study better in the short amount of time I can. I think because of having a kid, and being pregnant I was a little more focused and I think that helped. During my first pregnancy I was open with my professors and they were very accommodating at times when I needed especially that I gave birth via c-section during spring break and had to take the next week off due to recovery. THe school wants you to complete your degree. Just talk to them and see what advice they give you. They may advice waiting a year which is not as bad as it seems. I had to extend my program a little longer due to O. class I did have to drop during my first pregnancy. For my this second pregnancy is much better, well I say that now but the first 12 weeks was tough. Hang in there, your goal is still there. Actually think about how cool it will be to tell your child that they went to school with you. Thats what I plan on telling my kids as they get older. Good luck and congratulations on the pregnancy. Try to enjoy it and not stress, study when you can and be assured you will pass. And remember do talk to your advisers they will be more than helpful

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Hi M.,

Although I haven't been in that situation, I have had friends who have been. It may be a difficult time, but you will get through it. Start with a CAN DO ATTITUDE. Every morning when you get up, say I can do this and start working that into your schedule. I would also talk to your OB/GYN about the depression as well. It is very common during pregnancy. Don't worry about all the household stuff falling behind. It is much more important that you do what you can and not worry about the rest especially with the school work. Do the school work first and the house will be fine as long as you get to doing 1 thing each day in it. I felt really exhausted all the time in my first trimester as well, but it quickly faded when my second trimester started. Just try not to stress too much right now as it is not good for you or your unborn child. Take things 1 step at a time and take care of your 1st child and yourself first. Congrats on being pregnant with your second.

D.

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Just remember you should be getting some of your former energy back soon... the first trimester is the O. where you're the most tired! I've been in school my whole pregnancy so far (I graduate next week... at 37 weeks along)... it can be very trying... you just have to picture your ultimate goal and keep going. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

M.,
I was in a similar situation. I was finishing my pre-req. for nursing school and had been accepted into nursing college the coming year in Jan. Then I found out I was pregnant. Now both my dreams were coming true at once: to be a mom and to be a nurse. I managed to organize my classes and labs so that I had a big gap in the middle of the day. Each day I could go to the Library 'couch' and prop my feet up and rest/nap. I'd pack my healthy lunch and snacks each day so I did not spend money and could feed myself 'good-stuff' -- my favorite snack was celery with p-nut butter and a bottle of cranberry juice. In the end I made it through all the prereq as the 'pregnant-person'. I sort of stood out in the crowd. My teacher's were kind. O. even exempt me from some A&P labs as he was afraid for me to be around the formaldehyde in the cadavers. I had to postpone my nursing school until my little boy was 9 months old. Then having been re-accepted in to the school of nursing I plowed through until I had my nursing RN. So having to postpone O. dream for another is okay. It worked out find in the end. I choose being a mom first. It was the right choice for me. Nothing comes easy. It all takes tenacity. Going to school pregnant, or going to school with a toddler at home. I remember how incredibly tired my body felt at times. I figured I would have another spot open-up in nursing school, but I might not have the chance to love this baby again. As women we make sacrifices for our children all along life's journey, many of which no O. will ever know. You just have to follow your heart.

You can do this!! You are a great mom and will be a great nurse, too. A caregivers heart. Believe!! Breath deeply and slowly and know that deep with in you that you will create a positive future for yourself -- it just takes time.

HUGS and Strength to you!!
M.
www.Z-Powerof7.com

1 mom found this helpful

oh i feel your pain...and let me tell you it gets better. I was pregnant with my first child in the first semester of nursing school and had her about 3 weeks before my second semester was over. I worked my tail off and finished all of my clinicals early so i would not have to go back after she was born except for tests. That means that i did 8 hours of clinicals every day and then went to work for 8 hours got home around midnight and had to be up by 5 to be at clinicals by 630 again...it was exhausting. Then to top it all off i accidently got pregnant when she was only 6 mos old and was pregnant my last semester of nursing school...i was absolutely exhausted...but i finished and have beena nurse now for 3+ years and loving it. The point is YOU CAN DO IT!! and the exhaustion will pass...i promise, and this will all seem more do-able!! Good Luck and for now do what you can and get as much rest as you can!

1 mom found this helpful

DON'T GIVE UP!!! I found out I was pregnant with my second child right before I started nursing school. I took the 2nd block off, and returned the following semester. This same child had open heart surgery between 3rd & 4th block and I found out I was pregnant with #3 right before block 4!! I did fail the 4th block (by a few points!) and took the next semester off to have #3. I'll be finishing up this Fall. So don't give up... it can be done. Also, if you're taking courses through the Maricopa Community Colleges, the NA is part of the first semester of the RN program now... you might want to check that out which would give you this semester off. Good luck and DON'T GIVE UP!!

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I have Chronic Fatigue and have found out there are supplements you can take to help with fatigue. Gogi Juice may help, it boosts energy naturally. But most important talk to your doctor and ask for help. Hormones get wacked out and so much of your own body is going to this new life within you. My prayers are with you...that Jesus will give you the strength to go forward. Your little unborn baby is His gift to you, yet I do understand your feelings. My fatigue brings me down too. I'm 60 with 2 grown daughters and 2 grandaughters who live in North Carolina. No longer do I have the strength to fly or drive 1800 miles to visit. Much sincere love for you and your children.

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The fact of the matter is that you didn't wait to get pregnant and now you have to positive. People are pregnant all the time while they work or go to school. Set your mind to it. It took me 2 years to get pregnant and I had a 40 mile drive to work O. way. I am a 1st grade teacher and my days were 10 hours long between teaching and drive time, then I still have work to do at home. I think you are being very negative and this only perpetuates the anxiety you have about being able to finish. My mother is a nurse and I know it is hard to finish the schooling but be more posititve. it sounds as though you have a terrific fiance who is doing whatever he can to help make this as easy as possible for you. Now that you are pregnant your ultimate goal should be to have a healthy baby. Nothing is going to "ruin" your school goal unless you let.

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There is something that is not clear in your message: it sounds like you are starting nursing school in January and having your baby in March. Or are you talking about starting nursing school in January of 2010?

Hi M. -

Start supporting your body nutritionally - with Spirulina. Support your pregnancy with Red Raspberry - and support your emotions with Flower Essence Therapy.

If you need more specific information, drop me a line.

Blessings,

M. M. Ernsberger
Certified Clinical Herbalist