51 answers

I Was Not Invited to My Best Friend’s Baby Shower, I'm Crushed, How Do I Move

Hello Mamapedia Community,

I have an odd thing that just occurred and I could use support so I thought I would see what type of advice I receive here.

I just discovered that I was not invited to my best friend’s (since we’ve been ages 12 - 41 years old) baby shower. I am heartbroken and so confused. We have always been close. I would even say that she is a great friend to me except for what I just discovered. We speak regularly and have shared all stages of our life from Jr. High to College to now.

We’ve traveled Europe together, even loaned her $10k at one time in our lives (she did pay me back) and she is a person who I would want to always “have a key” to any home I have. We always speak on the phone and I never imagined that anything is/was wrong.

She shared news that she was expecting with me as soon as she knew. This is a person who I had as a beneficiary on my equities. I am not speaking about an acquaintance here.

When she shared that she was expecting I wanted to extend a “shower type” gesture and suggested we arrange a nice lunch at an upscale restaurant to celebrate her joyous occasion. When this conversation occurred, I inquired if her family was doing anything and she brushed over it with a “yeah” but did not share a date or an invitation. So I just kind of kept waiting to receive an invitation but deep inside sensed the odd response. I have shared holidays with these people. I also need to add that I have not done anything wrong to her or her family. I thought we were all amicable.

I can only imagine that she excluded me because she may want to invite another high school friend who had an awkward ending to our relationship some twenty odd years ago. However, if this was the case, I would have been able to become reacquainted with out a fuss.

So time passed and we had our lunch with another friend at an upscale ocean view restaurant and I gifted her four nice infant outfits nicely & lovingly wrapped. She invited me to stay the night as her husband was out of town and I gladly accepted. When I was in her home, the baby shower invitation was on her refrigerator. I was crushed but did not address it and just painfully let the evening go by and left the next day. On my drive home I had to pull over and vomit because I know that everything is changed and different. I lost my best friend. It is just not possible to have a best friend who excludes you from a baby shower.

I can appreciate advice that I need to call her. I also do not think “lost in the mail” holds water. Was not lost in the mail. But I feel that on some level she must know that I saw the invite on the refrigerator and it is just such an odd thing. Yes, I am sad and carrying this upset feeling and the mature thing to do I suppose is speak to her about it.. but gosh, I just am so miffed. I really can not think of a good reason to have not included me.

Anyway.. any shared insights are appreciated. Thanks.

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

Hi Ladies,

Thanks so much for your input. You were all right. I decided to ask her via an email and it turns out it was a family only shower thrown by her mom. In my own mind this really never occured to me.

You were all right and did help me reach out. I assumed this whole story and made myself sick for 72 hours for what turns out to be nothing. Well mostly nothing.. I still think it is odd that the invite was on the fridge and she never thought to say anything.. oh well.

I am relieved that my imagined scenario was not reality but to me it hijacked my thoughts.

Thanks again. I'm glad that I did not lose my best friend.

Featured Answers

Ask her. I can think of a million good reasons you were not invited including the fact that it was family only. I have had occasions like that where my families behavior and/or personal needs dictated that I NOT invite others out of respect for the people outside of my family. I cannot imagine that this is a way anyone would want to get rid of a friend of 17 years. Also try to cut her some slack if this really is an oversight. I stopped at 2 kids because of how profoundly forgetful I got with each pregnancy

3 moms found this helpful

the only way to resolve this is to communicate - as you would with anyone else....

I'm sorry that this has happened. I truly am - but you are not in high school anymore and you are a grown woman...so instead of ignoring it - address it...tell her you saw the invitation and how you are feeling...

Again - the only way to resolve it and find out what is going on is to communicate to HER!!!

You CAN do it!!! I hope it's a misunderstanding...I hope you will be able to move past this and enjoy the friendship again!!

3 moms found this helpful

There could be any number of reasons why you were not invited and you will never know what they are unless you ask. She may not like many of the people there, she may be having more than one, she might not have had control of the invites, she may have considered the lunch/gift/night over as more important than the shower because it was a more intimate event.
If you don't ask, you will just harbor ill will and could lose a freindship. It is possible there is something wrong but not asking won't fix that either.

3 moms found this helpful

More Answers

Since finding out that it was a family-only affair, have you considered throwing her a surprise friends-only shower? I think you almost owe it to her for doubting your friendship to the point of making you sick, before even asking her about it.

5 moms found this helpful

I'm sorry you feel that way, but wow, you're such a "girl" as my husband would say. If I saw it, I would probably wait until I could be cool about it, but then just say "Hey, this may or may not be stupid, but it's bothering me and I just want to make sure that we're still good, or if I've offended someone, because I noticed that invitation and didn't get one. Your friendship means a lot to me and I don't want all my "what if's" to mess that up."
I had a friend who I love very much just blurt out something over lunch one day, a strange request but it regarded something that was hurtful to her. I didn't realize it was hurtful to her, and fixed the situation immediately. Noone wants to hurt their friends. It might be awkward (ours was regarding an old friend from 20 years ago that hurt my friend badly, but I didn't know it was still an issue after all those years...). Just be honest and nonconfrontational and get it dealt with. A 29 year relationship is worth WAY more than a stupid baby shower. (I detest all showers anyway, lol).

5 moms found this helpful

Is the baby shower passed?? Maybe you were invited, but it was lost in the mail? When feelings are hurt, sometimes you read more into things then are really there. "FEELINGS ARE REAL, JUST NOT ALWAYS TRUE"

If it was passed, you really need to address it with your friend. Not in a mean get back at her attitude, but a sincere truth. Get to the bottom of the confusion. Hope your relationship with your friend connect the way it was! :-)

5 moms found this helpful

Don't tell us tell her. If this is your best friend you should be able to say anything to her. Call her and tell her how hurt you are.

5 moms found this helpful

Is it possible the invitation was lost in the mail and SHE is wondering why you did not attend?

Maybe you are both being so polite, you are not communicating?

I would out an out ask her about it. If you are that good of friends you should be able to speak with each other about anything any time.. Without worrying about it hurting the friendship.

Mention, hey, I noticed that shower invite on your fridge. Was there a reason I was not invited, I hope I did not upset someone..

4 moms found this helpful

Just talk with her about it and ask her.
Otherwise you will not have any answers to it.

4 moms found this helpful

Why not just save yourself the stress and hurt by asking her?

If you are best friends and so close its sad that you cant be honest with each other. She might have a perfectly good reason for not inviting you, and then again there might not be. Either way you have to ask her. Its the only way you are going to feel okay again.

If it is about that old High School friend then tell her that you can and will be civil and its sad that she thought that you wouldnt be. Tell her your feelings are hurt and that you hope that you can get past this, and that you are still friends.

It would be a shame if your close friendship got thrown away because neither one of you made the initiative to talk and put it in the open.

Go talk to her, and ask her what is going on.

4 moms found this helpful

A similar thing happened to me when I was in college. My "best" friend handed out invitations to some people whose addresses she didn't have in one of our classes. I assumed mine would come in the mail. It didn't and I was so hurt. I didn't buy her a wedding gift.
Our friendship continued for many years after. I should have asked her about it at the time. The invitation was probably lost in the mail. She was probably also hurt because I didn't show up or buy her a gift.
So get up the nerve and ask!

4 moms found this helpful

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