I Was Never Meant to Be a Stay-at-home Mom

Let them play together. Just because you're at home with them doesn't mean you have to entertain them 24/7. Take them to the park with a picnic lunch, and pack yourself a lawn chair and a good book. Ahhhhh... happy vacation! :)

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Well first of all, it would be helpful to know the ages of your girls. And second of all, the way I do it is remember that I am not my kids best friend nor playmate. I am their mother. I do play thing with them sometimes, and interact, and have conversations, etc. I did play more interactively more often when they were much smaller. But they are 12 and 9 now. They play on their own and with each other or with friends and don't really need me to "keep them entertained", and it really isn't my "job" to make every day a "vacation day" for THEM.
I do what I need to do, usually. I get them up, I make them breakfast, I clean up, have some coffee, I run some laundry, I sweep, take the dog out, pay bills, go online for a bit checking emails, FB, and my coupon sites. Make a grocery list. Put them to work picking up this or that after themselves. Answer questions. OK my daughter downloading a new game to her ipod. Listen and give suggestions to my daughter practicing the piano. Remind my son to take his inhaler when he goes off on his scooter. I check and sort the mail. I file papers (bills/statements) and run my own budget assessment. I vacuum. I clean the roller on the vacuum. I sweep some more (we have dog--did I mention that?). I check a few times to see what said dog is barking at THIS time. I go online to check my kids' grades at school. I tick check the kids when they come in. They beg to get in the pool---I say yes, and grab a paperback to sit out there with them. Somewhere in there I feed them lunch and clean up. And maybe eat something myself. I empty the dishwasher and clean up the kitchen and have son take out the kitchen trash. I start dinner. I have them get showers and comb out my daughter's long hair after her bath. We watch Jeopardy together. Clean out the coffee pot and set up for tomorrow. Take the dog out. Give the dog her meds. Make sure she's fed and has fresh water.
Cut pills and fill her pill dispenser for the week. Tell my son to get off the computer, he doesn't need to spend another 1/2 hour looking at the PSP he wants to buy.
Depending on the day of the week, I ferry them to karate classes, piano lessons, school, church, allergy shot appts, karate (again), and sometimes something that is just for fun (a movie, the beach, shopping, the bookstore, the library, Target- just to look at electronics- you'll know what I mean when you have a pre-teen, lol). Throw in the odd all day birthday party, karate tournament, summer camp activites, or favor to relatives in the nearby town, inviting them over to hang out and cook out, etc, and well... You get used to what you have to do.
Oh, and I check this site a lot. LOL

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1 1/2 years ago, I quit my job to go back to school. School kept me busy during the quarter but my breaks are soooo boring for me. Like you, I also like to be busy. This quarter, I took the quarter off while I wait for acceptance into the program I will be going through. I thought my 2 and 3 week breaks were horrible, I am 6 weeks into being a temporary SAHM and I still have another 7 weeks to go. I find myself just sitting staring into space sometimes wondering what to do.

I too have wondered how SAHMs stay so busy. I have the house cleaned, laundry done, meals planned for, and kids bathed in a couple of hours then I don't know what to do. I do play some with the kids but I also believe that independent play is important as well. I take the kids to the park, the zoo, and on playdates but I also don't like to be out running around all day everyday either due to nap schedules for the babies. During my down time, I catch up on my reading, organize something (toys, garage, clothes,etc), I also found that doing something that exercises my mind (sudoku, word puzzles, etc) helps me maintain my sanity. I have a bunch of scrapbooking to get caught up on so I plan to get that done before I go back to school.

For you, I would recommend enjoying some of your down time since this is a vacation for you. Read a book, take a bath, put your feet up and let your mind relax.

I am definitely looking forward to my return to school and my future career.

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I'm a stay at home mom. Not offended at all or anything. It isn't easy, you are right. It truly is enough to drive you crazy. What keeps me "sane" is getting out of the house with the kiddies, going to a picnic, park, playground, the library, etc(this is very helpful especially after you clean the house- they can't mess it up if they aren't home, and it is really nice to come home to a clean house after an outing). I always have them "help" with the chores-even the 2 year old. I do a lot of chores after bedtime. I Have a glass of wine to ease the nerves in the evening sometimes.

I saw that you said "I can see they are getting bored with M. already". Keep in mind, you are not their "entertainer" but, you are their mother.

I wasn't always a stay at home mom, so it takes a while to get into the swing of things. It gets better as you get used to it. I've been a stay at home mom for almost a year now, but I'm just now figuring out some stuff to do that makes things easier. The plain fact that I WANT to be a SAHM helps in itself because it is like a self-motivator... "This is what a want, this is what I feel is best, I better do all I can to make this as great and cooperative as possible!!"

That's how I "do it". I love that question "How do you do it?" It is funny to me. I love to answer back: "AM I even DOING IT? What is "IT"?" LOL. I get that question a lot because I've got FOUR very rowdy (yet also sweet and loving) girls ages 7, 6, 4 and 2.

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I've been a SAHM since I got pregnant with #1 (I now have 3) and honestly don't have a spare moment in my day! I have never been stir crazy--nor do I sit down on furniture (if I sit, I do it on the floor with the kids). On most days I forget to eat breakfast or lunch. I often wonder when working moms go to the doctor, post office, grocery store, etc. If I had to do all of that "after hours" I'd be miserable. I am *usually* home for the day once I pick my oldest up from school at 3:30. After school we play and work on dinner. I am definitely a "can't sit still' type of person, but am rarely given the chance. Oh, did I mention my husband is deployed?

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My children are grown now, but I was a SAHM until they went to middle school. I NEVER entertained my kids. I did my housework, meals, and hobbies. They played in their rooms, or outside. I marveled at their imaginations. My oldest loved to play hospital, and one day I walked into their room and she had taken a zip-lock bag and filled it with water, hung it from a coat hanger and glued a string from the bottom of it to her sister's arm. They were in k-2 grades then. My oldest also wanted to cook, but I detested having a child in my kitchen! She learned to cook in spite of me! So I don't understand mothers today running all over town taking kids to so many activities. What's wrong with letting kids THINK for themselves? And when kids are bored? I used to tell mine I'd gladly give them a job--like cleaning the garage. They usually found something to do, but dealing with boredom is also a lesson in life. Everyone has to learn it. Just my opinion.

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I could never be a permanent SAHM either. I would lose my mind.

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5 days together is nothing compared to day-to-day. If you were at home with them all the time, you would get into a routine appropriate for your family.

I was a project manager in my former life and I run my house like a business. With taking care of my daughter and her social activities, my husband and his clothes/lunch/dinner, the dogs and cat needs, the laundry, the finances, coupons, etc... I can't imagine how I would work outside of my house and still maintain the relationship I have with my girl. My daughter has quite a social life with soccer, ballet and weekly playdates. I also make sure she helps me clean around the house so she understands that doesn't just happen on its own. We do a lot of art projects, baking, playing and enjoying time together.

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A vacation huh? LOL Surprise! =0)
I went from a high stress medical professional to a full time mom and while I love it, it was very hard to "change gears". After the "newness and novelty" wore off, I went thru a period of feeling a bit lost before I found my stride as CFO (chief family officer =0) It's now been 3 years that I've been home and I LOVE it! Yes, there are days that I'm ready to jump...but most days are good. Try to see if you can find some friends their age that they can play with, go to a library or local rec center for some "out of the house" time, find a local "moms club" that just notifies you of activities at local parks, malls, etc. I'll be honest, with my husband deployed this year and a 4 year old and a 1 1/2 year old at home, I'm a bit nervous about the summer. Our days go much better when we have activities like preschool, MOPS, gym class, play group...and over summer it's all out the window!
You'll survive. Just remember, you don't have to be "entertaining" them 24 hours a day...
Try to enjoy!

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what's wrong with them playing together? at least for an hour or so while you relax a bit or do what you feel you need to do. it doesn't have to be structured activities all the time - this could be like a mini vacation for them as well...

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it's funny coming to this right after i read the question about what our moms' lives were like. although i lost my mom young i really did follow her parenting style, which was much more hands-off than most modern moms. mom read to us a lot, told us stories, was always there for us, but wasn't often down on the floor playing with us and we never looked to her for entertainment. and i don't remember being bored for one second of my childhood (and am still never bored if i'm left to my own devices.) even when alone, 'let's pretend' was always available. and it sounds as if your kids are well-equipped for that. so why not let yourself off the hook? every minute of the next few days does not have to circle around 'how can i entertain the kids?'
it is NOT bad parenting to say 'what do i want to do?' and let your kids figure out for themselves how they'd like to spend their time. it's a skill too few kids today have mastered.
khairete
S.

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I've been a working mom for 16 years and the one thing I've learned is being a mom is WAY harder than working. But I wish I had your problem . . . I'd love nothing more than to have a few days to "just" be a mom.

You mention that a good friend watches your girls. Well, what does the friend do with them day after day? It is unlikely that they are in constant entertainment mode. I think the one mistake we working moms make is that, when we are with our kids, we must constantly be doing something or entertaining them in some way. But kids need to know how to self-entertain or enterain each other . . . it encourages creativity and independence. And it sounds like your girls know how to do that. So it seems the issue is on your end . . . that you don't know how to slow down and "self entertain." I say, enjoy the moment . . . isn't there a book you've been itching to read? Or maybe yardwork you may enjoy doing -- and the girls may enjoy as well (plant some flowers, etc.)? Clearly you enjoy your work (I envy you!) but honestly, try to relax and enjoy your family time. They grow up so quickly . . .

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My first response was a complete defense of stay at home moms, I was one for 16 years and recently started working again and had a TERRIBLE day at work today. However, as the mamasource mama's usually do, I have been reminded how to give honest advice :)

You are not living in the shoes of a stay at home mom, you are experiencing a full time mom vacation. That is a very hard vacation!!
Take this weekend as a fun, dress up party, karaoke, play wii, play board games, read books, do crafts, whatever is age appropriate your kids. You will be going back to your busy adult world next week, your kids will only be kids for a short time.

Have fun!!

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I used to work and travel for my job before I was laid off and then got pregnant and now that I am a stay at home mom to a 3 month old, my days are just as full as they were when I had a job outside the home. I have so much laundry, household chores, errands, dinner, etc. that I barely have time to shower. I am the heartbeat of my home and family and I love it. (*love* the Chief Family Officer reference below!)

But there are times when I need to talk to an adult and not to a 3 month old. So I joined a mom's group with a lot of different moms and activities. I joined a fitness group for moms where babies are part of the work out (Stroller Strides). This mom's group has an activity planned every day of the month so I can pick and choose what suits my likes. There are activites for moms and kids, moms only, and families. I love it.

My days are very full. When I need time to myself, I give my husband the baby monitor and go read a book or watch a movie or something at night.

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They say it takes two years to really adjust. I believe it! I have been a SAHM for 11 years now. I tell people I have a new career - Domestic Goddess! Since my kids are a little older I am now their social director, cleaning lady, chauffeur, therapist, nurse maid, graphic designer (helps with projects), hair stylist, personal shopper, and the list goes on and on. Since you have 5 full days with your kids, try to keep doing what you are doing. Enjoy the time with them. You are doing the right things. Maybe go to the library. Sometimes they have special events for little ones during the week. Go to a mall and let them play in the kiddie area. Teach them how to cook or bake something - it will be messy, but fun and memorable. Have them play at a park and take a ton of photos of them. Then when you get home, if you are able to, upload the pictures to your TV and get some popcorn and watch the show!!! Just get creative. The kids are going to love just having the time with you. Also, remember it is OK for them to just play by themselves. You do not have to entertain them all day!!!

Good luck!

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I've done both . . . now we homeschool (what a shock for me that was).

What I've noticed is that the more time I spend with my kids, the easier it is for us to hit a "groove."

You're doing something new, and your kids are not used to it. Anytime you change the routine there will be an adjustment period. When my youngest son started homeschooling (first, before my oldest) it took us about 6 months to get in sync. With my older son it only took a week!

Another perk of homeschooling - my kids rarely say "I'm bored." It's counter-intuitive, I know.

Enjoy it and have fun.

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We do get crazy sometimes....everyone...We are also very hard "working" moms 24/7...Some of us keep things pretty organized, and some other cannot, but we also feel overwhelmed sometimes. I like being at home and I am lucky and blessed I can afford it...we can afford it..It is hard, but very rewarding with all its ups and downs....
Little by little and one day at a time.....one day this and another day that, kids will learn what you teach them..My kids know that it is not possible to go out all the time and have fun all the time every minute of their days....

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I was a SAHM until my oldest was almost 4. I was SO ready -even more than I realized -to return to work! I literally had memberships at every children's place, museum, zoo, etc. in Atlanta, and between those and parks and playgrounds, playdates and jumpy places and pools, we rarely stayed at home for a full day every day. In retrospect I'm not so sure that's a great way to go, because my oldest has a tendency to expect to be entertained constantly, and that's been hard to break. I was doing it as much for them as for me though! I couldn't stand being at home all day trying to get stuff done with the constant need of the kids interrupting it all. If I dropped it all to do stuff with them, then I felt awful about the state of the house; if I pushed them off to clean house -then I felt guilty about ignoring them. I've found for me and my family -the quality of time spent together far outweighs the quantity! I know many people who love being SAHMs and don't want to go back to work, but just like everyone's personality is different -so is their attitude about being at home with kids. I'm a much better mother not being a SAHM! Many SAHMs feel though that trying to get everyone together, dropped off, deal with work issues and then pick them up, come home, etc. would be a nightmare -it just depends on you as to what's best.

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I AM a SAHM. I was doing laundry one day and started singing, (pardon the mis-spellings) "DDDDD Da Dora..DDD Da Dora. Dora Dora Dora the Explorer!!!!!......
I go to tumbling, the park, the store....play games wth her...but it DOES come to a point...."Daddy will play blocks with you when he gets home"...go watch Yo Gabba Gabba for five minutes!!!! Do I feel bad? Yes. Am I crying about it? No.
Mommas need time too......

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McDonald's to play in the tunnels...no money? Buy one soda and ask for two water cups. Share the soda and eat at home. Let them run and play. Parks are good, library time, invite a friend over?

It sounds like you've done well so far.

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You don't mention how old your kids are, but some ideas for the next 5 days: library, parks (every summer we have a mission to find new cool parks in our town), get a sprinkler and play in it, crafts, cooking, gardening. Try the Family Fun magazine website for craft ideas. Clean closets (my little kids love organizing, go figure), get some watercolor paints and let them paint, etc. I'm in the Chicagoland area and belong to a Facebook page "Free Things to do in Chicago," which usually has cheap great ideas.

I used to work 60-80 hours a week and now work part time from home 15 hours, life is very different. It can be hard to fill up the days and they can seem long, but it does go by quickly and someday they'll be too big to want to hang out with you, so try to enjoy it and soak it up. I never have a spare moment during the day so I can't relate to being bored, but I can relate to trying to keep your kids busy :) Because bored kids = trouble, for sure :) Good luck!

I think anyone who has had a busy job before becoming a mom knows how you feel. I had a very fast-paced job and now I stay at home with the baby. It is VERY hard!
Have a picnic in a park if you want to entertain them, go camping, visit beach/forest/mountains. If not, I would let them play with themselves while you have some down time for yourself. Nothing wrong with that!

Me either...
I take a 'vacation' when my sitter has one. I just took one for Spring Break.
you don't have to do a ton of activities with them every day. Perhaps one or two. One day we straightened the house, one day we went shopping, one day we went to the circus, one day we had an egg hunt (dragged it out to last a bit), one day we went to a park, one day we went to visit museums.

Go to the Library for reading time
Go to the playground (after school hours if needed)

Ask your sitter what her normal daily/weekly routine is.

Many libraries have a story time or craft time every week... I would call and see what they have.

I would suggest a weekly bible study if this was going to be the new norm. Our Bible study had child care which is very nice for the kids and mom getting free time.

I completely agree!! I couldn't do it.

Can you arrange a playdate? Do you know anyone else who is home with kids to meet at the park? Library? I hope the weather is good, because outdoor time passes the time best, in my opinion.

Good luck!

I would go stir crazy too. I went back to work when DS was 4 weeks old because I would have started hitting my head against the wall. My sister is a SAHM and loves it. To each his own I guess.

we do a lot of crafts, play games, ect, but just like yours my kids often like to play with just each other, which is when I catch up on the house work, or if I am lucky I get time to read, or do a craft of my own.

Not a SAHM, but you could cook or bake with them. My 5 yo often makes bread, cookies or cupcakes with me on the weekends.

My daughter loves crafts. Teach them to sew (a square pillow). Buy some playdough. Make bead necklaces. Make up a story with them (like, take a fairytale and think up a similar story with a modern or futuristic twist. For example, Little Mermaid in space or on Mars/Marsian setting). Then the next day, they could make pictures to illustrate the story.

Have fun!!

Board games and playing cards are other ideas. Basically, you want to spend time with them, since this is something you normally don't get to do.

It's not easy. I was home for awhile and needed something to get my identity back. I started real estate but wanted something more fun. I ended up opening internet franchises. I get out a couple times a week on my own schedule and I get to hang out with adults and make tons of new friends. It's so much fun. But I am with you. I couldn't be home all the time. I completely lost who I was.
:)

I'm sooooo ready to go back to work!! LOL. It does get frustrating at times. I'm normally a very social person. But since I'm home with my son, its me and him for the most part. But then I think about it. I am blessed to have spent the first 15 months of his life with him. I got to see him roll over, crawl, first step, first word!!! I couldn't image not being able to experience it. So you ask how do we do it? I do it with patience and love for my family.

I GO CRAZY! I have my art and work now to keep me busy...That didnt come about until six months ago!

I remember many days when Living in my third floor apartment...staring out onto the parking lot just wondering what all the world was doing...It would get very lonely. All my friends work, go to school or live further then I want to drive on a daily basis. I found myself going to my moms alot...so much so that she had to tell me to come less often!!

I tried play groups and stuff like that...I am not very social when it comes to setting things up and so they felt weird for me.

I got a good routine down once we moved into our house. It has worked out fairly well. I have noticed that I am not as stir crazy nuts or lonely anymore.

I also have appts everyone, so the sets in stone I have to talk to other people. I have counseling, my youngest has speech therapy and OT. I am a sitting room friendship with alot of the families that go to his therapy place...We have to go two days a week so I get new faces each day!!

The ladies here fill my time too...There are certain people I know will make me laugh..others are good for thinking!! but everyone together equals pretty amazing!!!

Its not so bad...I still try and get my husband to trade me places. I want to go to school. I cant do it with my youngest around. He is too active to allow me to study. I tell him if i could go to school...get my degree and certification in Midwifery, he wouldnt HAVE to work anymore...we could pay our debt down...buy the house we want, where we want and grow old....

It is going to happen.....just out in the future. Patience is the best thing a SAHM can have!!!

Its the hardest job I have ever had. You got it extra bad though because Daddy is away and is not able to relieve you of your duties. As a stay at home mom, you really need to have time to yourself. After I put my kids to bed, I would usually go to the gym or do something just for me. You have to have a break! Could you send them to your parents one night so you can be free? Gooooood luck!!

I don't know how old your kids are, mine are 2 and 5. I took mine on an hour and a half nature walk this afternoon. I take them to the park or someplace outside most days. Other good bets are cooking or baking and art projects.