I Want to Quit My Job

YIKES!!! Sorry - this is going to come out harsh - but you sound like a hovering helicopter mom who micromanages everything!!

Your children are VERY lucky to have their grandparents in their lives like this!! So what if they have a cookie for breakfast?! If your kids are happy and healthy - LET IT GO!!! At 2 and 5 - your kids can tell YOU if they like it, if they are happy with their grandparents. And really?! I know my kids will state (even at that age) what they want for breakfast. Grandparents see themselves as "spoilers" - so what if they give the kids a cookie for breakfast?! Make raisin or peanut butter cookies so they have something else...but seriously - DO NOT STRESS OVER THIS!! You are making sooo much more out of this than is necessary (this is MY opinion) but personally? My kids would LOVE it if Mom-mom (my MIL now deceased) was here to feed them cookies - it's a GREAT memory for them. My mom? she lives on the other side of the US - they would LOVE to have her here to do that for them. STOP MICROMANAGING your family - let them live!!

If you feel the need to control such things - get up earlier and prepare breakfast for the family. If that doesn't work for you - seriously - let it go! The more you over react to this - the more stressful your life becomes!

Try living off your husband's income ONLY for 3 to 6 months. Put ALL of your $$$ in a savings account and DO NOT TOUCH IT! PERIOD.

Find out HOW you can cut back in your daily lives that will allow you to quit your job and not be stressed over the loss of income. You can get money in the door by selling all the items that you don't use - toys your children have outgrown on ebay and craigslist....it's amazing to find what you don't use!! If you haven't touched it in 6 months - it's gone!!!

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Will your 5 year old go to kindergarten in the fall? Can you wait until then and then put your younger child in daycare two days a week? The kindergartener could be in after schoolcare until you get home or daddy picks her and the younger one up. That would be cheaper than two children in daycare if you started now, though more expensive than free childcare.

The daycare and afterschool care would have plenty of structure, and it would be better for you overall.

Have you talked to grandma about how the difference in rearing is affecting you and the kids? Is she totally oblivious or does she just not care? Has your husband talked to her?

If you can possibly afford it, I'd go the daycare route as soon as your older child starts kindergarten.

Good luck,
D.

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When I worked I always said ""I want to quit." Now a SAHM I can't quit, yet sometimes wish too. The grass is always greener on the other side.

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Teh only thing i can say is to look very closely at your budget. Is there anywhere that you can cut? Cable/cell phone plan? Lattes 1x per wk? can you switch to generics? Entertainment? I always see articles about how to do this so I bet if you looked into it you could find some places to cut. And then figure out your 'work' costs...commute/gas, lunchs, clothes. If you can get this to come out you can make a case for not working.

And as far as your inlaws....I realize it can be tough b/c their style is different. But it is FREE and they are family. This should really help to offset any problems IMO. No offense to you and I am not saying you are like this b/c I have no idea but I just want to say how troubling I find it when adults complain about their free childcare being given by their parents. There are such high expectations of grandparent caregivers. In my neighborhood alone I see grandparents EXPECTED to do so much for their grandkids. And I see their adult children pouting when their parents don't do it all and do it exactly as expected. My neighbors father drives a half an hour EVERY DAY to pick up his grandaughter, take her to preschool, and then picks her up. All because mommy has a 1 year old who she doesn't want to drag out in the morning. I call them co-parents b/c that is really what they are.

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If you are unhappy with your current child care then by all means change child care. If your family needs the money from a 2 day a week job so much then you might qualify for child care assistance.

Otherwise cut some luxury items like a cable, cell phones, second car payments, there are all kinds of things one can give up if they other thing is more important. Sell some items, my friend is currently deciding to be a stay at home mom and made very good money in a professional field. She has both motorcycles up for sale, a lot of her suits and professional wardrobe is for sale at a consignment store, she is considering putting the kids in public school, she also has an older car they have for use if one breaks down and they are selling a newer car that still has payments so they can save that money.Again, there are many ways to save money and quit working.

But if there is nothing else to do but have that income then you have to decide that having a cookie is not all that bad and as long as you let some control go then you can be happier and still help your family meet their financial needs.

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Well sis, if your income is needed, what are you gonna do?

I do not know how to help you or how to answer your question...but I do know that I hope you find an answer and can make peace with it, whatever it is.

~It sucks wanting to be home with the kiddos and not being able to be.

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I think you answered your own question, that the income is needed so you can't quit. Can you have their meals pre-made, so there's no confusion over what's for breakfast, lunch, etc? Maybe having no cookies or sweets in the house to tempt them?

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If your rules, expectations and routines go out the window after two days of being apart, I think that is the bigger issue. Try talking to your inlaws. Try finding another sitter, even if you have to pay.

Heaven forbid something happen to your husband's job. I went from being the "extra" income to being the sole provider when my husband lost his job last year. I went up from .75 teaching to full time, and having that job, and the ability to get healthcare, was a godsend. Yeah, I sure wish I didn't work as much, but I'm glad that we can put food on the table.

If you need the money, you need the money. Find a way to make it work.

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I think you need to decide what the issue IS, exactly. After I had my son, I returned to my career FT and made a very nice salary. My mom & SD watched our son and I was ery grateful b/c I figured if not me, who better than my parents to watch him. Working 40 hrs /week quickly became old as I only had about 2-3 hrs with my son per day and that wasn't working for me. I switched to PT (along with a signif. pay cut, and guess what? We managed. Then I was laid off. We managed. Then I took another PT job at about half of my original PT salary...we managed.
Now I'm back to PT at my original job making more $$$.
Point is--you CAN manage to live on whatever the income is or will be. BUT make sure you're leaving for the right reasons.
Currently I work Mons & Tues and I do also feel out of the loop with school assignments, etc until I'm back in the groove by Wed. BUT I also need a few days OUT of the house..maybe you do too?
Can you set a schedule/menu/etc. for your in-laws?
I realize no one is going to do things exactly like you do, but if they love and care for your kids, is a cookie such a big deal?
Good luck!

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Try to live on your husband's salary for 3 months and see if it works. Also, you need a talk with the in laws. Two days is not just an occasional treat, they need to strive towards healthier foods and boundaries w the kiddies. What does hubby think?

It seems like everyone is viewing this as a black and white situation. You either keep working and keep hating life OR you quit and not be able to afford your life. Maybe the answer is a happy medium! I was in the same situation--between a rock and hard place, hating my job but needing the income. Plus, I had the added stress of being married to a military pilot--AKA we move a lot. So, I needed a job that paid well, that had the flexibility to move with us, and that I enjoyed (fingers crossed). I'm thrilled to say that I found it! It was a long shot (I originally thought), but I did it. I'm Stylist for Stella & Dot. I work very part time from home (meaning more time for more control of the things in my home), leave the house occasionally for girl's nights and trunk shows for the business, and most importantly, I'm loving it. Bonus--it pays better than my last job. I think you should check it out. Maybe it could work for you, too? I really feel for you in your situation because I know exactly what it's like. I was on anti-depressants and crying constantly by the time I finally got the courage up to make the jump. I wish I'd done it sooner. Check this out~ http://bit.ly/hcpFgg and please feel free to contact me with any questions or concerns you might have.

P.S. I alos *TOTALLY* feel you on the "in law water torture" thing. Unfortunately I haven't figured out the answer to that one yet ;-)

it doesn't sound like your issue is whether to work or not. it sounds like your actual issue is your inlaws.

i get a sense from your post that your actual problem is that you can't handle your inlaws letting your rules slide with your kids two days a week. is it really that big of a deal? i feel more like this is a control issue. it's actually healthy for you to get away a couple days a week. it's also healthy for your kids to be in someone else's care occasionally. i wouldn't say that i necessarily agree to handing the kids a cookie for breakfast (that might require an actual adult conversation, rather than just quitting your job and not letting them watch the kids anymore). but the idea that your inlaws are undoing all your hard work with just two days a week is kind of ridiculous. your kids should know that mom rules are mom rules. just because your inlaws are more lenient shouldn't translate into little terrors once you are back home. my son has been spending weekends with my mom almost since birth - he knows the difference between grandma's and home. grandparents are supposed to be more permissive, it's their job! my actual advice, rather than quit your job, is to have a grownup conversation with your inlaws. okay maybe they can use some common sense and not feed the kiddos a cookie for breakfast. but then, and this is most important - lighten up and let go a bit. you can't have 100% control over them forever - it's not good for you or them. a healthy blance is key. it's possible that the kids are still in transition from a new routine, you don't mention how long you guys have been doing this. i would give at least 4-6 months before i would give up. kids thrive on any routine. what you describe is a routine. if you were to change things now it would most likely cause even more behavior issues. good luck.

then quit...
money isn't everything and maybe there is more than you "see" right now?? This is what happed w/me...I am seeing a lot of $$ in my life and letting things go...ie. we don't have a new car, fancy lifestyle, no credit cards, cheaper lifestyle, ect, but it is worth every "missing penny" to be able to be with my kids...
the "stuff" they get out of you being there is better than any stuff $ can buy...
have a yard sale work from home do whatever it takes because if you keep working you will someday regret it...
it's hard work making it work but stauing home is possible and sooooo worth it.
you can't take back your kids childhood.
I gave up a 20-30,000 ++salary for my kids so believe me when it is hard at times (i want to get them something new and not used but can't because i have rent ect and i think "maybe i should go back to work" or worse is when i need $ for new tires but can't afford it...but when I see my babies darling faces i remember that they are worth way more and every penny lost is worth every minute gained with my babies...
And things always seem to work out $ wise.

P.S This is if u plan on actually being there for your kids (ie. homeschooling ect.) because if not then what is the gain? if they are gone all day anyway then why quit?

Oh I feel your pain! It's great that they have grandparents who are willing to help, but it doesn't sound like it's working, especially with the crazy work schedule you have. The long long days leave "work days" so incredibly different from "home days". If you don't like your job, perhaps there is something that you could do a few hours a day (maybe 4-5 days) and much closer to home - that way, the grandparents wouldn't have 10 hours to upset your routine, and you would see your kids more every day. However, I know jobs are hard to come by, and maybe the grandparents aren't available every single day.

Working from home is a great option, but there are thousands of direct sales companies and you need to know how to choose. Several people have suggested you go this route, and it's an option, but you need to do some homework so you don't get burned.

I would suggest that you make sure you have a necessary (not luxury) product for a wide spectrum of the population, and one that is consumable. There are some great jewelry companies, for example, but you are limiting yourself to women; once they buy something, they don't use it up and need more next month. So you have to keep finding new people. This is a luxury item that many people go without in difficult times, and you have to sell through home parties, which means you are out a lot. It's also pretty saturated in many areas - if it's an extremely well known name (e.g. Mary Kay), then it's at least a $1 billion company and everybody already knows somebody doing that business.

Find out if you have to stock a lot of inventory. For example, Silpada is a great jewelry company, but you have to invest a lot of money up front in order to have something to showcase at parties or gift fairs. Same thing for Tastefully Simple - nice food but you need to have a lot on hand. My stepdaughter did both, and she was never home and found the parties to be a lot of work and set-up.

So you want a company that has products needed by men, women, kids, and which is consumable. You want top research & development. You want a top compensation plan - and I would advise you against a binary plan which requires you to sponsor 2 people and then build down in just those 2 "legs" -- if one person doesn't do well, your income stops. You want to be able to build down but also "go wide". You want to be sure that, if you bring someone up to your level, they don't "break away" and you never earn any income on them anymore. Most direct sales companies have a distributor retention rate that is pretty low - meaning that after a few years, most drop out because it wasn't for them or they never made any money. You want to be sure that the company has high ethical principles and has been invited into the Direct Selling Association, which only chooses about 200 of the most honest and transparent companies as members. 200 out of - what? - 7000 or more? That's a great endorsement.

That's what I did and I'm glad I'm with a company I can be proud of, that doesn't require me to continually buy inventory, that has a top compensation plan, that is needed by everyone, and that lets me work with business-builders all over the world.

I want to urge you to check out anything very thoroughly and don't just believe one person who got big bonuses and lots of trips - you have to look at the company overall and its track record.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Have you thought about finding work you could do at home? I do not want to sound like an ad because it bothers me when others do that, but direct sales is an option that works for many moms. I did not start my business for income reasons, more to just get out of the house and have some extra money for myself. There are tons of businesses out there - maybe one is in an area you are interested in. My business is in home decor which I am passionate about.
Other people enjoy jewelry or food products. You would still be away from your children, but on more of your terms with your husband being the caretaker. Just an option. Feel free to bounce ideas regarding direct sales off of me: ____@____.com luck in whatever you choose.
M.

I just finished reading thinking I'd get to a question.
I feel like this is just a big rant. I often felt similar working when my children were small. I wanted to just stay home with them instead of dropping them off to school. You pose no question, only a rant. So basically you have a decision to make... work 2 hrs, which really isn't a big deal and your children will out grow these stages. Grandma's can spoil their grandchildren and then hand them back..they have earned that right! :) I WISH my kids had had grandparents that took that much interest in them!! Count your blessing... free childcare, a Grandma doting on her grandkids, only working twice a week.... you have it made and don't even know it! Step out of the box and view it in a different light.
s

I am late in responding to this and you've gotten a bit of flack but I totally hear what you are saying. I guess I am quite similar - I have my routine with my little one and feel quite strongly that nobody should mess with it. My Mom watches her two weeks a month and then a nanny 8 days and my MIL does just TWO days per month but always manages to do something that gets under my skin. As you say, I am totally grateful to get the free care (and on the flip side I would think she is grateful for time with one of her only two granddaughters and the other one is already 11 and she only sees her twice a year). ANyway, it's the fact that I specifically ask her to do things a certain way and she completely ignores me to the point where sometimes I wonder if she's got a hearing problem or I spoke in another language! Today I told her to wake up my little one from nap at 2:30 - called at 2:45 and she hadn't woke her yet! SHe was like " Oh she seemed really tired". As for the food thing - i have taken to setting out each meal so she doesn't have a chance to mess up, AND leave specific written instructions about the routine written down (ie put her in for a nap by 11:45, feed her a snack of a cheese stick and an apple at 3 etc).

What does your hubby think? It might be useful for him to stand solid with you and leave the instructions as well as they may hear it better from their son. Again, while you are lucky they are watching the kids for free, they are also lucky to get all that time with their g-kids so should respect your rules.

best of luck