I Want. I Feel. I Know.

So you completely understand everything he says? Your words say otherwise.

Men and women communicate in a different way. It is almost like a different language but a closer analogy the difference between English and American. It sounds the same but means something different.

The easy solution is find a translator, or therapist. If not at best accept you don't understand (or listen to) him anymore than he does you.

Not to nit pick but look at your title. What the hell is that supposed to mean? Sorry I am one of those strange women that speak man. All that title says to me is I am trying to be creative and don't care if anyone understands what I mean. If you speak in that manner to your husband well he isn't going to get it either.

This is why we have mom's and girlfriends... for those times that husband just doesnt "get it".

Women and men communicate differently.
They also hear differently.

Women, talk emphatically and can talk about 10 different things all at one time, within the same conversation. A man, cannot. They short circuit.

My Husband told me, that after about 3 seconds of me rattling on.... he is just looking at me but is not knowing what the heck I am saying.
Men are more linear.... when talking and thinking.
Women are not. And, women talk with innuendo, not directly and 'expect' the other person to get the "hint' at what they are saying.
Men, are not like that.
And 'expecting' them to read between the lines and figure out hints... are useless. They don't think that way.

You and your Husband, have 2 different comprehension and communication, abilities.
You can't make him, become like a woman communicating.

My Husband also tells me, that if I need help with something, just SAY it. Don't go around being bitchy because he can't 'guess' at WHY that is. He just sees it as being bitchy. BUT if he knows I need help and am going bonkers, then he said just SAY IT. Hinting is not helpful.

After awhile of a woman going on and on and on about something... they just tune out. All they hear is "blah blah blah blah blah...." like Charlie Browns Teacher.

Do you and your Husband have 'conversations?' Talking and chatting???? Or is it just the two of you talking at each other?
Or, if you want feedback on something, you have to ACTUALLY SAY "Dear, I need feedback on this..." then proceed to tell him about it. If not, they just think it is mindless whining.
Or if you need to just vent about something, then SAY so.
When I just want to ramble on and vent to my Husband about anything I SAY "Okay, I just need to vent, I don't expect you to solve it..." then I have a conversation... with him about it. And it proceeds, as a conversation.

Then, is your Husband hearing you, but not listening???? This is 2 different things.

My Husband, says I don't listen to him, that I just hear him.
But I DO listen AND hear him. He is just not getting the response from me that he wants. But.. I do listen and hear... AND ruminate on whatever he tells me. AND I can tell him, verbatim, what he said. BUT he also thinks I don't listen/hear him... because, I am often doing something else while he is talking. Because, I can. But for him, if I am doing something else while he is talking.... he "Thinks" I am not listening.

"Mars & Venus In Touch", you know he lives on another planet right?

Be direct. The thing that we women don't seem to understand is that MEN DON'T GET HINTS.

They don't pick up on our little hints, nuances, and dirty or annoyed looks. They don't do this because they aren't women.

We can't expect them to pick up on the things we pick up on...we're wired differently.

So, if you want him to "get" what you're trying to tell him in your round-about, female way....tell him directly. And try not to be angry when you do it, or resentful of the fact that he hasn't gotten ALL the hints you've (seemingly obviously) laid out there for him...just tell him.

He'll appreciate it.

Listening is a learned skill.
Many men, not ALL of them, are not great listeners depending on how you communicate things.

One exercise they did with me and my husband in counseling was to get a timer and take turns talking for 5 minutes then having the other repeat what was said.
You'd be surprised!
5 minutes isn't that long, but often all that's heard is "I need you to take the trash out more".
Often men tune things out like the fact that it hurts your feelings if he knows you're tired, you've had a rough day and it never dawns on him to LOOK to see if the trash needs to be emptied and you feel like you always have to ask or end up doing it yourself.
Often, men actually hear all of that, they just repeat it in a condensed version.
Your husband loves you.
It can't hurt to try this exercise.
The one rule is that during the 5 minutes, you can't interrupt the other person or interject anything. It's about listening and then repeating.
In counseling, our sessions were recorded so we could listen to things afterwards. It's amazing what can be lost in translation.

Give it a try and make it something fun at first so it's not a heavy or dreaded thing.
It's not about dumping. It's about listening.

Best wishes.

I don't think you're alone in this....it seems to be a guy thing!

Women and men are so different. We are layered. It's not what he did, said, didn't say or do, it's what it represented. Men are not that way. Everything is what it is. He didn't listen, he was tired. He listened but he heard almost nothing you meant, he only heard exactly what you said.

This has caused more confusion or argument in our lives than anything else. It drives me a little bit crazy, but I have had to learn how to talk in a way that he hears exactly what I had to say. I have even asked, "What did you hear me saying?" It is usually followed by, "No, that's not what I said, let me try again."

I have also said, "I need to talk some things through with you, I would like your imput. If you can't listen and respond I will make the decision I think best without your imput and you will have no one to blame but yourself. So, if now isn't a good time, tell me when is."

Men and women communicate differently. Check out the blog What Women Never Hear [http://wwnh.wordpress.com] for more insight and advice from an older gentleman (I think he's 80 now) on what men are like, and how women can best work their relationship so that both husband and wife are happy.

If you don't think he is listening, try writing your thoughts/feelings out on paper, but try and use "I" statements instead of the more accusatory "You" statements.
Also sit down and try "reflecting" which is one person says something and the other person says what they think that person meant....it can be tedious but it can really help when you are feeling misunderstood.

Also even though it has not worked for me personally, I LOVED the movie Fireproof and think the Love Dare is an awesome thing for any couple to go on.

"5 LOVE LANGUAGES" I was hesitant to do this through my church. I thought it would be a waste of time...I was wrong. It was so helpful. If you can get the DVD/book combo that would be best.

After the kids go to bed walk into the room wearing very little ** when he finally looks up at you** say "good now that I have your attention" put on your robe or sweats and say " I feel hurt and abandoned when I feel you are not listening to me". "Can we please talk about it"?

Timing may be everything. If you try to talk to him right after work, he may need some down time. If you try to talk him before his morning coffee, he may be in a fog. See if you can establish a time for a daily talk. Maybe he can help clean up the kitchen and while you are loading the dishwasher and putting away food, you can talk. Exchange how your day went, what is new with the kids, any dinner or other invites, plans for the weekend ect. It usually takes 10-30 minutes to clean up a kitchen and it will be about his limit for talk. Try to keep it light and cheery, if you become a downer he will retreat back to his little world.

Hopefully he will enjoy the talks more and more and start to seek you out for more talks. It's too bad that men don't understand real intimacy comes from talking, not sex. Sex the action of intimacy, talking is the reality.

Sometimes I feel that way, too.

I have found, in my situation, that sometimes when my husband is not listening/paying attention to me, it is largely because he is already feeling disconnected from me. When I start working on that, he magically starts listening to me.

Here is an example: my husband tends to thrive on physical touch, a lot more than I do. Not just sex, but hugging, kissing, tickling his back, rubbing his leg, etc. I personally am not that way- I don't really like someone in my personal space very often, even those I love.I am not touchey-feeley, so I really have to make an effort at it. (You might consider reading The 5 Love Languages). Anyway, a post here on Mamapedia yesterday made me think I needed to make more of an effort of showing him I love him, so yesterday I took a break and went and sat next to him on the couch, hugged him, rubbed his back, etc. The rest of the day, he seriously gave me so much attention. We went in the bedroom, shut the door, and TALKED for a few minutes, without the kids. It opened up my eyes a lot. It is hard to make the first move, but it is possible that once your hubby gets what he needs from you, he is more willing to give you what you need (listening, his attention). Might be worth a try. Good luck!

oh girl. I KNOW what you're talking about. TOTALLY. Wish I knew what on earth to do to fix it. (my husband would never do the timer 5 minute thing).

I learned a lot about men reading the book "For Women Only" by Shaunti Feldman (not sure on spelling exactly). And yes they have a "For Men Only" too. Husband never read his book. Of course.