26 answers

I Want a Girl!!

I have 2 adorable little boys who mean the world to me, however, if we were to go for a third I would LOVE to have a little girl. I am a girlie girl and would love to have a daughter. I am not sure I could handle 3 boys. Is having IVF totally unethical? (besides expensive, I have done lots of research). Please no mean answers! My husband I are also considering adoption.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

I think adoption makes more sense.

Also, keep in mind that not all girls are "girly," and some of them are very hyper!

Best wishes to you. :)

4 moms found this helpful

I completely understand how you feel. We have twin boys, and I so want a little girl. However, I'm of the mindset that a third baby should be wanted and welcomed regardless of the sex. So, if you want a third to have a third, go for it. If you only want a third if it's a girl, this might not be the right decision.

4 moms found this helpful

Having IVF won't guarantee what sex the baby will be. There was recently a couple in Australia who did IVF and aborted twins b/c they were not the sex they wanted. So sad.

You would need to go through a different process for that. I've read that there is a place in VA that specializes in this type of request. there was an article about them in People (or maybe readers digest??) a few years ago... why don't you just google the subject and see what comes up.

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We tried for #3 after having two boys and couldnt' conceive again. We chose to follow our hearts into adoption and have been home with our daughter for almost 7 months. :) She was 3.5 when we brought her home from Ukraine and is now 4. She has mild cerebral palsy but is doing fabulous, walking on her own now and just a complete blessing.

Adoption is amazing. Its not for the faint of heart and we'veh ad our ups and downs, but every.single.day is worth it, watching her blossom and grow, and learn and enjoy things we take for granted, like toes in the sand, sunshine on her face, freedom to be outside and do what she wants and not be stuck inside four walls of an orphanage.

10 moms found this helpful

You are so blessed to have two healthy boys and I respect that you are honest with yourself regarding being able to handle 3 boys. If you go ahead and conceive the old fashioned way then you run the chance of another boy and if you are going to be any more than a bit dissapointed for the first few minutes then don't do it. It's not fair. I am all for adoption, lots of people do it and there are so many wonderful children out there, many of whom are a bit older and you pretty much know what you are going to get. As far as IVF goes, its expensive, painful, and then what are you going to do with the fertilized eggs? I personally am against the destruction of fertilized eggs but in this case it seems even more unethical, But that is between you and God.

7 moms found this helpful

The fact that you came here to ask this question tells me that you, yourself do think it is, in fact, unethical, on some level.

I would not do something like that unless I really wanted another child & couldn't conceive the traditional way.

Everyone has different ideas of what is ethical & unethical. No one here can tell you how to feel or make the decision for you.

6 moms found this helpful

Adoption seems the best route to get what you want to complete your family. Think about it and do some research

6 moms found this helpful

Unethical? I don't know, but I would go the adoption route if it were me.

5 moms found this helpful

I think adoption makes more sense.

Also, keep in mind that not all girls are "girly," and some of them are very hyper!

Best wishes to you. :)

4 moms found this helpful

I completely understand how you feel. We have twin boys, and I so want a little girl. However, I'm of the mindset that a third baby should be wanted and welcomed regardless of the sex. So, if you want a third to have a third, go for it. If you only want a third if it's a girl, this might not be the right decision.

4 moms found this helpful

The question is: how long will you keep trying, to have a girl... and at what expense? Be it emotionally and financially?

You are a girly girl. That does not mean, your having a girl, will be a girly-girl experience. A child is an individual. Their own person. Not to be made into, a connotation of what a 'girl' is.

I have a girl, and a boy.
My daughter is her own person. Sure, she went through 'girly' phases. But she has her OWN style and her own likes/dislikes. Just like any other individual. I don't put my ideas of style/dress/personality onto her. She is herself. Her Aunty, would try and buy my daughter "her" idea of what a girl should wear. ie: Ralph Lauren type styles. My girl, is NOT that way. She has her OWN style and ideas. Regardless of gender... you need to let your child, be themselves. Regardless, of "Your" ideas, of what a girl or boy... is.
Right now, my girl HATES dresses. LOVES jeans. But is such a girl.... and a dichotomy. She is girly AND rough and tumble too.
She is also not, me.
I know that.
I don't live through her.
So you have to let them be, themselves.

I like what Riley J. said.

4 moms found this helpful

I totally understand your desire for a girl - I have 3 and love all the hair-doing, nail-painting and dress-wearing that goes on in my house :)

I think adopting a little girl to love and spoil sounds like a great idea! There are many cultures where girls are considered second-class to boys. Good luck!

4 moms found this helpful

OK, for what it's worth, my two cents.
My son is a dream, good kid, went through a slightly gloomy awkward phase in middle school, no problems to speak of. We even have a lot in common :)
My girls....
they are in the other room SCREAMING at each other right now, hormones running rampant. My son has closed his door yet again (I don't blame him.) I have learned to stay out of most of it as I only add fuel to the flames. Sigh.
My oldest daughter is NOTHING like me, never has been, is actually much more like her father (and was never a girly girl, much to my dismay.) My younger daughter has been somewhat easier, but not much :(
I guess what I am saying is yes, little girls are so sweet and so much fun to dress, etc. but honestly you never know WHAT you are going to get. So be happy with your little guys, and if that's all you ever get, maybe it's not so bad. I hope I'm not being insensitive, I don't mean to be, just trying to give you an "experienced" perspective :)

3 moms found this helpful

To me using IVF or another precedure for gender selection is playing God. I just don't get it. I'm not trying to be mean, that is just how I feel. I think it makes more sense to adopt a little girl. There are sooo many children out there waiting for a family to love them and a place to call home.

3 moms found this helpful

Well, I suppose if you have the $15,000 lying around to go it then go for it. Your insurance won't be paying a penny for 'wanting' a girl when you are able to conceive without intervention. Even if you had a medical need that would require infertility treatment, you won't get to skip ahead to IVF. You'd usually start simpler like with Clomid and move up from there, and even then (again, unless you're willing to shell out the money) you won't be able to pick which sperms are eligible for fertilization.

If you're dead set on having a daughter, domestic or even international adoption (China) would be a better, quicker route.

2 moms found this helpful

I dont think its right, but thats me. You need to decide if your alright with it.

2 moms found this helpful

Sorry to be blunt, but my opinion is that if you wouldn't be able to handle a third being a boy, perhaps adoption is a better option. None of us can tell you if IVF is unethical...only your opinion about IVF matters to your final decision.

2 moms found this helpful

I'm of the camp that we should let nature do whatever it does best. If you are one of the lucky who can conceive without IVF, I would not encourage IVF. I don't know a ton about IVF except that it is not fun. It is very trying on the mom's body with all the hormone injections. Then, there is a higher chance of multiples which introduces a whole slew of additional concerns. I also have reservations about gender selection because it messes with nature. It is my belief that we as humans need to have more trust in our bodies and their creative power. There might be a reason that you have 2 boys instead of girls. I would encourage you to talk to couples who have had IVF to see what they think about the experience.

The other day my friend told me about some epigenetics studies that show that babies conceived by IVF develop in a different manner. For example, they don't communicate with the mother's body in the same way that natural fetuses do. This has led to more c-sections among IVF moms and other complications. That is how she explained it to me, and she was paraphrasing too. I have not had a chance to look into this, but it does indicate that IVF may not be all that simple and effects outcomes beyond the day of conception.

I, too, have 2 boys. I am pregnant right now and convinced it's another boy! I'm only 5 weeks along, but I rely on the very scientific (wink wink) Chinese gender prediction calender.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

1 mom found this helpful

A thing to consider... which some have said is this:

Just because she's a girl, doesn't mean she'll be a girly girl. In fact, she may be far more masculine than either of your boys. Would you be able to love on her just as much if she HATED dresses, and wanted her hair cut short, and was a rough and tumble tom boy, and rejected out of hand everything you love? If you're blessed with either a tomboy OR a butch-lesbian would it break your heart day in and out?

I just ask because I VERY much wanted a little girl. I've come to realize it's a durn good thing that I have a little boy. With HIM I have no preconceptions about who he "should" be, or "should" like or dislike. I just get to 'get to know him'. I was kind of mindblowing when I realized all the preconceived notions I had about what KIND of daughter I wanted. (also a little embarrassing... I mean we ALL say we'd love our kids no matter what, etc. so forth and so on... but I would be trying to mold her into who I thought she should be, and I know it.) Whew. That poor little girl dodged a bullet by not having me as her mother. Now, you may be totally different than I am, this is just what I've learned about myself.

1 mom found this helpful

I know it's possible with IVF to determine the sex of the baby, so as to implant only girl embryos. Do I have that right?

I don't see anything wrong with that, really, if you have the money to do it. Adoption is a great option as well but it can be a difficult process.

God bless, I hope you get the little girl you are longing for!

1 mom found this helpful

If you have the resources for IVF then go for it. But know that it is very hard physically and emotionally going thru the injections, harvesting of the eggs and such. And you need to make hard decisions about what you will do with the embryos that don't get implanted. There are 3 choices-they get donated to science, they get destroyed or you can allow them to be adopted in a "snowflake" adoption. None of them easy choices.

I have family members that thought they were done having kids (tubes tied and everything) and then decided years later they wanted a 3rd. Because the hubby had cancer in the past the embryos were screened and in the process they knew the sex. They really, really wanted a girl. They had 2 that made it thru the number of days (like 5 I think) and they had a boy and a girl. Both were put back and the girl implanted. She is a happy healthy little monkey about to turn 2!

While adoption is expensive as well, you have a gaurentee for a girl. We have friends that recently adopted an older girl (8-9) and she is a doll and the light of their life.

1 mom found this helpful

Does IVF guarantee the sex? I googled this issue and found a site that will do gender selection for $3000. http://www.gender-select.com/?gclid=CJ-tsf2r7agCFRNrgwodx...

On rereading your post sounds like you've found it's possible. So I don't understand your question about ethical. A doctor could not do it if it were unethical. What counts is whether or not you consider it ethical.

1 mom found this helpful

I have one son and I really want 2 little girls next too! Read the book "Determing the Sex of Your Baby". Pretty interesting info.

1 mom found this helpful

I can understand where you are coming from...Luckily my oldest of three is a girl and I wanted one very badly.....however, now that I have two boys I can't imagine my life any other way. I personally think you need to leave it in God's hands. I think selective sex practices like that are unethical. Be blessed with what you have and not what you don't have. I have friends with three boys and friends with three girls and then the mix....Adoption is a great option as well. I know its easy for me to say but if I had had all boys it would have been fine.

1 mom found this helpful

Having IVF won't guarantee what sex the baby will be. There was recently a couple in Australia who did IVF and aborted twins b/c they were not the sex they wanted. So sad.

You would need to go through a different process for that. I've read that there is a place in VA that specializes in this type of request. there was an article about them in People (or maybe readers digest??) a few years ago... why don't you just google the subject and see what comes up.

If not already suggested, read "Taking Control of your Fertility" -- talks all about scheduling and the actual biology behind why we have boys or girls. You don't have to pay for ovulation tests if you know how to chart!:)

Your vaginal PH might affect it (good idea to look into this), but scheduling gave me a girl and a boy when I wanted them, based on this book, and I can hope the same for you too! Good luck!

We have three kids. Two boys and one girl. I was so shocked the scan indicated it was a girl. I made the tech check mult times. I would type on yahoo " how to conceive girl" i recall if you eat certain types of food that could help. Also my youngest is 5 yrs but after I found I was pregant their were kits to see if how to increase your changes of having either sex. Good luck.

Updated

We have three kids. Two boys and one girl. I was so shocked the scan indicated it was a girl. I made the tech check mult times. I would type on yahoo " how to conceive girl" i recall if you eat certain types of food that could help. Also my youngest is 5 yrs but after I found I was pregant their were kits to see if how to increase your changes of having either sex. Good luck.

No, IMO I don't see why it would be unethical. Do whatever you can to get your girl (short of aborting a boy).

I prayed for a boy & a girl & God sent me 3 gifts from him 1 my son & 2 daughters.He has blessed me with 3 great children.I wouldn't of even thought of IVF if I were to do it all naturally

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