20 answers

I Think My Son Is Dealing Drugs

Hi ladies. This is so horrible & unmentionable but I really need some help here. My 17 yr old son who has been more than a little unruly, constantly goes out for "walks". Tonight a car stopped in front of a neighbors house & it seemed like a "transaction" was going on. My son came home right after it. Since then, cops have been patroling our 18 house street, never seen a cop here before. I don't think he's doing drugs. But a high school drop out with no job that always has money? I am so embarrassed to post this. I can get over embarrassement.... Please anyone that has been through anything thing similiar, please help!!!! He's turning 18 in April & I am so afraid what decisions he will choose when he's on his own. HELP!!!!!

What can I do next?

More Answers

I've had experiance with this...
Initially, you'd want to ask him about it, but don't know exactly what to say, when to say it, and how to say it.
You say he's been a little more than unruly, so you have reason to believe that if you ask him about his "walks" and him always having money when he has no known legal legitimate job, that he will be a little more than "defensive". And that's fine...But, if he is downright angry about you asking him about something like that, then something is wrong.
Personally, I would put him out of the house because if your intuition is right, he is a danger to your house and home. But you don't want to do that because it seems to me that you are a caring mother, and you have that attatchment.
If you are right, please don't think you have done something wrong as a parent. Because it is not true. A person is who they are because of the people they surround themselves with. And negative people like that have large impacts on the life of a young man.
So...all I can say is get some help...And if he doesn't want help, then I don't know what to say because you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
I hope I helped you..

~Kiki R.

1 mom found this helpful

This is life threatening for your son and your family. Talk with him, get him into therapy, get a drug test immediately!!! It's a very hard time seeing as you just transferred and he is probably trying to fit in any way he can. Have a family meeting ASAP. There is no shame, reach out and get help NOW! Are you involved in a church? Get in touch with the minister, youth pastor. Also, once you find out details, get your family into Alanon. I pray that this is not true, but reach out, people care!!!!!!
May God guide you and protect your family.

1 mom found this helpful

Im praying for you.

1 mom found this helpful

I want to start out by saying i'm sorry to hear about your troubles and there is no need to be embarrassed.first remember that you are the parent and as the parent you have all the power....we as parents have to learn when our children get up in age it's sooo much easier for trouble to find them.he is 17 years old he should not be going for walks at night anyway.(very important)Who are his friends?people do not love our children like we do,they will not hesitate to harm him.who care if he gets mad at you.put your foot down ,it's called tough love.let him know what you suspect and since he has so much time at night he can apply that energy in night school to get his ged.i am a single mother i have a 19 year old and he can not go anywhere without my permission.i beleive in raising my children old school style.trust me they will appreciate it later.i will guide my children until i feel they are mature enough to guide themselves.i don't care how old they are.your son is still home ,so it's not too late and don't outrule drug use .keep your eyes open,he may think he know all the answers and don't know squat.from mother to mother,let me tell you.a lot of the younger generation black and white in south carolina are disrespectful and they don''t care.keep a close eye on your son.these are our babies we must protect them.good luck !!!

1 mom found this helpful

Read the books Beautiful Boy and Tweaked. It will help you with tough love. Drug test him. Force him into treatment. Force him into a GED and work. Go to Al Anon. There are many treatment options but the longer you wait the worse it will get. If he is dealing, turn him over to the law to make him accountable for treatment, education and employment. Read about addiction, intervention and treatment. Your son will use you until he destroys you and your husband. Do not let that happen.

1 mom found this helpful

My heart so goes out to you! I have not experienced this with my child but my mother has with my two older brothers.
I am sorry to say they were so disrespected as children. My mom never knew about it when they were young. She was a single mom who had to work and do her best. They did the trouble/drug thing to escape. They both ended up getting jobs... They really needed help. They needed to be "Scared Straight" and have very good counseling and outside safe support very young. Scared Straight is a program I looked into while in college interested in becoming a mentor. Check it out. I am very sad to say they both committed suicide. I am not saying this is what will happen in your case, but I beg you don't just sit back. Seek out programs, take action, and be serious about your approach. I have a friend who may be able to offer some mentoring support or know of some suggestions. If you don't find the answers with him keep on seeking! His name is Dr. Michael Scimeca, Roswell, GA. You can call even if you live far away.
In the end the truth is we all have to make our own choices. Just do your personal best. That is all you can do.
Best of everything to you. All the moms here are pulling for your family. I hope all our blessings can be immediate lightening bolts of support for you!

1 mom found this helpful

Sorry to hear that, I kind of know what your going through. My son was 16 at the time that I found some stolen goods in his room while cleaning it up - hid them and then one night I smelled pot coming from his room so I called the police. I've called the police on him twice, he knows that I am not afraid of calling for help. Later my son told me of places he'd go to get pot which was by the house or places he'd drive to get it. He is now 17, very smart and has great potential but says he enjoys smoking pot. A police officer told him that if he wanted to smoke pot not to do it in our house - to honor us as his parents. If he has done any pot I don't know but I do know that it's not done in our house. If he happens to be out of the house check his room carefully, call the police and tell him what you know otherwise they can say that you were contributing to the delinquency of a minor. It's for his own good, what if a drug deal goes wrong and they come after you or your other children? Your not helping him any by not saying anything. What does your husband say about this? Is he involved in his sons life?

I have 4 children, 24, 20, 17 & 11 but unfortunately after 25 years of marriage my husband didn't care enough to stay married to work on it so we are in the midst of a divorce. Very painful.

1 mom found this helpful

Dont be embarrassed! You need to think of the safety and security of your family as well as their long term wellbeing. I think you already know the answer to your question as to wheather or not he is dealing. You and your husband should consider calling the local police dept to ask for their advise. I am sure your son is a wonderful and caring person, but he might not be that same person when confronted about drug dealing. Therefore, getting an officers opinion might help. In addition, if this is true your son needs to get help NOW before he ruins his life and possibly yours as well. BEST OF LUCK!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I guess you know once he turns 18 you have no rights to him anymore. Sadly to say the gov't has done this to us. You need to talk to him looking him in the face to see his facial expressions b/c you will know if he is telling the truth. Maybe help him find a job. Do you have any friends that will call him and offer him a job? Or have a policeman that someone knows that will come to your house that will talk to him and scare him. That he heard what he was doing. I had a friend do that and it really put everything in perspective. You need to give him drug test. Call your local drugstore about that.

1 mom found this helpful

I hope you are a praying mother, if he is dealing or just possibly using! My heart goes out to you either way!
Our mother's 'gut feeling' usually has some foundation on what we feel our children are into, trust the gut, but don't point fingers just yet? I would keep my eyes open for sure signs, and also talk to your son about where he is getting money that he isn't working for? You might share with him what you are hearing and share your concern with him on what is going on in the community. Talk to him about the dangers as if he isn't involved and see where it leads. If he is involved his reaction will possibly tell on him. Either way - love him as I know you do as his mother or you wouldn't share this concern. I know for a fact that this is one of the hardest things to admit to ourselves as parents, we tend to put our heads in the sand which leads to no where. It needs to be gently dealt with to find the facts before any accusing goes down. My prayers go with you! My husband found mariaunja in my son's vehicle on two different occasions, we have two younger children in the home and told him strike three he would be out of the house. He graduated and moved out into his dad's home. He is now 27, and thankfully around 20 years old realized that type life was going to lead him no where. We also suspected that he was stealing my husbands pain medication at the time, my husband had Rotator Cuff surgery and was taking Loratab, that was never founded but we had our suspicion. I did call the school to see what or if he was showing signs of taking the meds and he was not. We thought he could be selling. One sign I do know now - is he slept most of the time he was at home. I put it up to he was going to school and working. That was really hard on me, I went through depression during that time dealing with teenagers. His twin sister quit school and moved in with a boyfriend, became pregnant, got married, lost a baby at 24 weeks, got pregnant again and divorced, - all this went on within a year's time. Whew! The Lord is who got me through this hard time in my life, it did however help me grow in Christ! But, I don't wish the heartache on anyone. My prayers are with you... Good luck in the talking - seek counsel for yourself in dealing with this - Stand firm in the Lord - 1 Corrinthians 15:58 - a friend recently shared this verse with me. Pray over it and I'm sure the Lord will give you strength as needed. Best of luck - and hopefully you are wrong, but don't count on it... if you are concerned it needs dealing with...

1 mom found this helpful

My first question for you is:Are you saying that your son is a highschool drop out? If so, that is the first problem in why it may have led to dealing drugs.If you suspect this is going on in YOUR home then you have every right as a parent to search his room and all his things. He is not 18 yet and he has no rights here.Good luck with that!

I am the leader of a support group for people just like you. We meet in Kennesaw Thursday nights from 6:30 - 9 p.m. at Cobb Vineyard Church. There are other meetings around the Atlanta area and across thecountry. If you are in our area,even if you are not, email me at ____@____.com in there, youwill make it through this. There are definite things you need to know and what to do/not do. Also consult Al-Anon and attend meetings as many as you need to --I'd say give it some 6 months or more before you say you don't need help. You may save his life and future by caring enough to go to a meeting. Sad to say, it's a lot easier to get a drug dealer to a meeting than a parent . .

I have a 5 year old so I havent been through this and I hope I never do..I would check his phone for stramge numbers check text messages, get print outs of both..I would have him do a drug test and i think there are some scared straight programs that might help. These are some things i would do if i were ever in this situation with my son. hope it helps. good luck!!!

I wish I had an easy answer for you. All I can tell you is I used to be in your sons shoes. I lived that life. I am afraid to say that there is not much you can do or say to him to change his lifestyle. He has to want to change. He has to see the future and know that living this way gives him nothing. I would not support him in the least. I would let him know that too. Tell him that you do not condone these actions. Unfortantaley you have let him drop out of school which doesn't help. So he hangs around all day doing nothing. You will either need to kick him out and stick to your guns. Or you will need to put him in a treatment home for more than 6+ months.
My mom supported me and I was living the life. I had no reason to change. She put me in a treatment place for 2 weeks. Not enough time to chnage me in the least. I saw the error in my ways when people around me started growing up and I was not. I finally grew up. I was lucky though I never got arrested. Hopefully your son won't either. I will pray for you and hope that he finds the light that he needs. If you have any question or problems. Please let me know. I will try to answer them. Good Luck and God Bless.

I come at this from a different side of the story. I was the other child. My brother was using and selling. My mom out of love and wanting to make things better for him and give him another chance was ALWAYS bailing him out of trouble. THIS DOES NOT WORK! Believe me, I watched my moms heart break as she made the decision after ten years to let him suffer the consequences of what he had done. It literally killed her! But, BUT, once my brother had to deal with his issues himself he quit! Just once my mom didn't cushion his fall and he decided that drugs were not what he wanted. You haven't said if there has been any trouble yet but the cops are showing up so the trouble is comming soon. Whatever you do.. Don't waste years of your life and allow him to wast years of his life by bailing him out of trouble. Its not easy but I promise it will snap him out of the funk he has gotten in! Also, after years of all of moms money going to get him out of trouble and him steeling our cars, TV's and whatever else he could take to get money for drugs, I became to develop a resentment toward my mom for putting all of her resources into him and nothing for me.

Point being, the best thing my mom did for him, herself, and me was to let him answer for his own problems. To the point where he was homeless and ended up spending some time behind bars. If he wants to make adult decisions to do something like he's doing then he will have to suffer the adult consequences!

Hi S.:
You can confront your son or you can do some detective work yourself. I am assuming your son has a cell phone and you are most probably paying for it. When he is in the shower or careless about leaving the phone around take a look at the text messages he is getting and sending. You can also go to the cell company and get a print out of all the numbers he is calling and receiving. I never did but ask the cell company if there is a way to get a copy of the text messages that come in and go out. It is an eye opening experience for a parent to see the text messages. Doing this check on the cell will answer your question. My husband and I had to do this because our daughter was involved with a very troubled young man.
R.

First, my heart goes out to you for being in this position. I can not imagine what it is like to be at your rope's end with a child, and perhaps feel powerless in motivation him/her.
If your son has dropped out of school what are the expectations for his behavior. Is he to be looking at getting his GED? Or trying to get in another school? Or getting a job? Are you making him move out on his 18th bday? Not everyone has to go to college but everyone HAS to have a plan. What is his plan???
And it is his plan- not something else for you to do. Is he paying for his own vehicle, insurance, gas, food,etc?Is he kicking in for the mortgage? If he thinks he is an adult he needs to anti up! Take the full responsibilities of an adult. Make him present his plan to you and your spouse, and revise it until the two of you are satisfies.

Regarding the drugs: if he is storing drugs in your home the police could get a warrant and search you home. In front of your younger child and all your neighbors. I think you should look around your home, including his room, and see what there is to find. Perhaps any money you find you keep and put in an account for the rainy day that is he going to have sooner than later- if what you think is true.

Kids will make bad decisons. As parents it is important that they feel the sting of consequences before the consequences come from our legal system.

I think it is important to shoot high for achievement and then recognize the acomplishment, however it turns out, in a positive manner. Conversely, It is important to require a high commitment of participation in the family.

Good Luck!

Dear S.: Don't be embarrassed - you are not alone - many of us have gone through this as drugs are rampant in this country now. We went through this with our daughter and yes, it was a nightmare but we got help for her and she is on the straight and narrow now thank God. You need to do some snooping around his room and find evidence of drug use and if you find he is using drugs, you need to confront him and get help for him. Once he is 18 you will not be able to intervene without his consent as he's no longer a minor. God bless you and help you during this time. M.

It sounds to me that you need to trust your motherly instincts. Most 17 year olds feel bulletproof, so if it acts like a duck, walks like a duck and looks like a duck...its probably a duck. I know you must be terrified. In the state of GA, 17 year old are considered adults, so if you know of a cop that would be willing to do a "scared straight" I would try that. A little intervention sounds like the remedy. Hoping and praying for the best!

I don't have any solid answers for you. I would contact your pastor to see if he has any ideas. Church youth leaders may also be a resource. You might even talk with the police to see if they have any ideas ~ maybe ............ I am worried aobut my son and drugs, can you help? Or have a trusted friend have this conversation with police. I know police have a bad reputation, but most care and will try to help. Have you thought about the military? The best choice is the Marines, who will put your son in boot camp for 3 months. That will be long enough to keep him clean and away from the people the may be dealing with. God bless.
B.

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