I Really Don't Know What to Write Seeking Opinions for My Worry

Hi, my 2.5 year old son does the same -- sometimes early, sometimes midnight! I noticed you said *SOMETIMES* he does this. I am reading Vicky Iovines' "Girlfriend's Guide to Toddlers" and loving the humor and perspective. Toddlers are energetic, independent and unpredictable -- to get 100% perfection in anything during these trying years is all near impossible.

I also love William Sears' advice in "The Discipline Book" or "Nighttime Parenting" which basically says the most important thing is to not make going to bed a negative thing (i.e., don't force or struggle with them), be flexible, and just work on the the daytime routine more. They will go to sleep when they are SLEEPY -- no sooner and no less! Especially during times of stress, transition or turmoil toddlers will also tend to act out more.

My suggestion would be to not be hard on yourself on those nights when he won't go to sleep and just try to keep it all in perspective. Not everyone has perfect, go-to-bed-easily-every-night kids and I suspect to try to convert one into that won't happen overnight. If you try to at least stay positive in the more difficult times -- like when trying to read books to him at midnight while he bounces on the bed and sings at the top of his lungs -- at least you'll have happier memories in retrospect! :-)

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I don't think I have enough info. Does he have his own bed? Is he sharing a room with you and your partner? If he's sharing your room, are you able to do the bath, book routine, put him to bed, turn out the lights and leave the room until he's asleep? Have you tried a night light and soft music? Do have a set bedtime and a regular routine?

If you stay in the room with him and especially if you have a light on he is probably unable to settle down. He also needs to have a regular bed time and a regular bedtime routine. Once you've been able to do that you can then put him back in bed each time he gets up. Do this all night if necessary. Do not talk to him. Just put him back in bed. I've seen SuperNanny help parents do this successfully. She says it may take several nights of sticking with it but the preschooler eventually realizes that you will not waffle and will stick with the routine until he stays in bed. The parent has to be willing to do this consistently for as many nights in a row as it takes.

If you or your partner are in the same room with him when he first goes to bed he has an audience. Since you're living with family it may be that you stay in the room to have your own privacy. I think the only way this would work is if you turn off the lights and lie quietly yourself, not responding to him except to put him back in bed. If he shares your bed I suggest that you will have to stay out of the room, except to put him back in bed, until he is soundly asleep.

If possible plan for him to have more outdoor exercise. Take him for walks. Does he have a trike he could ride while you walk with him? Don't push him in a stroller. Have him walk if he doesn't have a trike. Play chasing games with him. Go to a park, if possible. Try different times of the day for the park. You may notice that there are more kids present at certain times of the day which would allow him to work off energy chasing and being chased by other kids.

I expect that living with family is difficult. Do other family members get involved with your son near and/or at bedtime? If so ask them not to do so. He needs a cooling down time away from lots of people, the TV, and other activities. And he needs one person to consistently go thru the routine with him. You and his dad could be doing this together if you both agree on a routine or you could take turns. But if others get involved it's more likely to cause chaos.

I wish you success as you try something different. A great many 3 yos have difficulty getting to sleep. A firm consistent quiet routine of several weeks standing really helps.
Also remember to not make "threats" that you aren't able to keep. If you say no rading if you get out of bed then do not read when he does. It has been my experience from watching SuperNanny and watching my daughter and other mothers teach their kids to stay in bed that putting them back to bed and back to bed and back to bed as often and for as long as it takes usually works.

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You don't mention of he still takes naps. If he does I believe that is the answer right there. If we put our daughter 4 in May down for a nap she is literally up bugging her brother in bed until 12-1 in the morning. We got rid of her naps almost a year ago!

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If he is napping, stop the napping.

Also start getting him up at 8 o'clock regardless of his readiness to get up or not. That will make him ready to sleep at night--but no napping.

And check to see if he is allergic to anything. Talk to your doctor about this.

Start providing more exercise, but not at night. Swimming lessons or gymnastics are good for his age. On the weekends have his dad take him to the park and play catch or football. Run and jump until he is tired. But no napping, even if he falls asleep in the car.

And ask your doctor for help if all the suggestions provided her don't work. You don't need to do all of this alone. Blessings.

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Hi M.,

Every child needs a bedtime routine, and the "cues" given by the bedtime routine will help him settle his mind. At our house we eat dinner, then play something quiet to digest for a bit. NO TV or movies at night...as others have mentioned, they will get your son amped up vs. settled down. After he's digested for a little bit, we start the bath ____@____.com to make sure you do everything at the same time each night - it will help him structure his world a little better. We tell stories in the bath with his bath toys while listening to soothing music (mozart is great). After the bath we bring him to his room to put lotion on (a little massage with the lotion might help relax him) and get him dressed in his PJs. We floss and brush his teeth, then let him select 3 books he'd like to read. We read the stories, then he kisses each member of the family (including the cat!) and is tucked into bed. Our son has always gone to bed with a little music on, so we have his iPod programmed to play "Baby Einstein - Lullaby Classics." We have a night light on in his room, and he always goes to bed with one or more stuffed animals.

The structure of the routine provides mental safety. The music is soothing. The touch of a massage and hugs at night is reassuring. If there is chaos in your current world, no doubt your son will pick up on that. It sounds like you've had a rocky road lately, and your son might not know what to do with all of that. Try to keep as much of the adult worries to yourself so that your son can still be a child. I'm hoping that you have a great support network to give you what you need to get through everything too. If you are taken care of, then you will be able to give your son everything he needs to settle his own mind at night.

I wish you the best in recovery and in caring for your son!

(PS - the local libraries have fantastic music selections for adults and children. After your son goes to bed, maybe you could do the same routine for yourself! Pick some music you love and take a nice hot bath). :)

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Hi M.,

I recommend trying a couple of energy medicine techniques. My son loves them.

(1) Before bed, have him lie on his back and pull the energy down his body and off his feet. Pretend to 'crack an egg' on his head and very slowly and gently pull it down his face, arms, chest, legs and feet. Squeeze the sides of the feet gently and shake the energy off your hands. Repeat. My son sometimes asks for this 6-7 times before bed. You can experiment with how quickly and how firmly you pull the energy off. Sometimes - very slow is better, sometimes more pressure on the body helps, other times, I barely touch his body.

(2) With your little finger (which carries the heart meridian energy) trace from his temple, behind his ear, down the back of his neck, the outside of his arms and off his ring/fourth finger. Shake the energy off your hands. Do both sides. Repeat.

Good Luck!

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M.,
I can't really suggest anything to you because I've never had that problem with my kids but I did want to comment on the sugar issue. It has just recently been proven, after a thirty year scientific study, that sugar does NOT make children hyperactive. It is suggested that any increased energy or activity sees in one's children after they have had something with sugar is purely the parent's imagination. I have to say that I am in complete agreement with the results of this thirty year study as none of my children ever reacted to sugar whatsoever in any way. Maybe it was because I didn't expect them to...we very often get what we expect. Perception is everything.

I do have one simple suggestion about your son and his nighttime difficulties. It's more a question I suppose. My question is when you are approaching his bedtime, the time you'd like him to go to sleep, what are you focusing on in your mind? Are you dreading the event because he never goes to sleep when you want him to? Are you beginning to feel frustrated before you even begin to put him to bed because you expect that it will be like it is every other night? Your son can sense your feelings, your energy, even if you aren't showing what you are really feeling and thinking on the outside. Your feelings of frustration or irritation could very well be triggering some of his behavior. You might try to expect a perfect evening and also try to find some relaxation exercises for you so that you can approach his bedtime with complete calm.

Good Luck...remember that he can't be enjoying this behavior much either...

Regards,
C.

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My son is 2.5 and is sometimes having the same troubles. After researching I have come up w/ some causes and some solutions for him. Kids they say need 12 hours of sleep plus a 1.5 to 3 hour nap. I started putting him to bed a little earlier in 15 min. intervals. I lengthened our night time routine to be able to spend more wind down time together. Bath some nights, brush teeth, read a few books, ask what he liked most/least about his day. Then we do some relaxation and breathing. Sometimes, I rub lotion when it's jammie time. No tv before bed because it's a stimulant. I also found out that when I turned on music before bed and it wasn't there in the middle of the night it was hard to teach himself to go back to sleep. So, no music before bed except sometimes at nap time. The conditions need to be similar to when he falls asleep. In the middle of the night I try the least amount of interaction necessary. I let him know he's just sleepy and to find a comfortable spot to lay, take deep breaths, relax his body and sink into the pillow. Any time I changed the routine he needed time to adjust and would have more difficulty. Part of it is that he's testing me to see how far he can get away with things. He even went as far to try to cry when I put him down and I would explain you're just crying because you're tired and I'm not coming back in. He would wait until he heard me go and then would try to get daddy. Good luck.

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Dear M.,
I wonder if a nice bath before bedtime would be good. We've started doing that with our son because we were having some of the same difficulties. Try to establish a bedtime routine. You could give him a bath and then try reading to him or singing him a song. Something else that might work is to rub his back while he's trying to calm down and go night night.
Good luck!
J.

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M.,

I would suggest at least 1 and 1/2 hours outside time per day. A 1/2 hour in the morning before 10am then a full hour after lunch (or after nap if he takes one). My oldest son was much like yours at age three. Sticking with a schedule, limiting sugars and TV and lots of fresh air/ outside time will go along way towards making bedtime easier for everyone. Good luck to you! And don't forget, it won't be this way forever! My boy is now 12 and now we have other "issues" :). Enjoy this time despite it all!

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M. my son was like this when he was a boy try coffee I know it sounds funny but it realy works on kids that are hyper well it did my son just try it cold or warm no sugar little cream makes it taste differant if he dont like it black.let me know if this worked for you good luck.PS a doctor gave me this advice 29 years ago when my son was 2.like I said just try it a little bit not a lot & if it continus you may wont to ask your doctor,hyperactiveness can run in the family there are a lot of other things to do as well more activitys shorter naps if he still takes them I dont know what his attention span is my sons was short thats why I ask a doctor & he said coffee would not hurt him so try it small amount if it works thats good if not he may have to be tested ask your doctor or your Mom may even have some ideas good luck I had 3 boys & I know they can be a hand full.but there is help if you ask for it.

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Definately, no naps. Also, around bed time, give him a warm bath and then put him directly to bed with a story. This quiet time will help him settle down. Maybe some warm milk before he brushes his teeth.

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Sounds like your little guy's body clock is out of sync with the rest of the household's. When he does finally go to sleep, wake him up in the morning when you want him up. Don't let him nap until later in the morning or early afternoon. Make sure he's getting his lunch and afternoon snack. Make sure he's up and ready to go around 3:30 pm so he's wide awake for dinner and Dad time. Bath, story, snuggle and bed around 7:30-8 pm. You need to stick to the schedule you want him on, wake him up, tire him out, keep him up until you want him to nap and then wake him up in time to play, eat and get ready for bed again. It's work, but the outcomes are good. Best of luck!!!

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M.,
I know you said you thought it might have been sugar that made him really active, but I have another suggestion. I would never have thought of this, but I have a friend who has dealt with it and her children, and her kids have some behavior allergies. That means, when they eat certain things (for them it is artificial preservatives and such, especially red dye) it manifests itself in their behaviors. Her son especially by being really emotional, and super active and agressive and physical. They have tried to cut anything artifical out of their diets, and especially things that have the red dye in it. It may not be your problem, but I thought I would share it just in case!
Hugs, J.

Studies have shows that sugar isn't what amps kids up, but the artificial colors and flavors that are in most sweet things. Maybe try to avoid all artificial colors and flavors for a few days and see if it helps.

I can tell a difference in my son's behavior almost immediately after he eats something with artificial coloring. He becomes hyper and aggressive, and he's usually a very sweet, mellow kid.

When I let my kids stay up too late, they do the same thing. They become wired and tired. The trick is to find out what time is a good one for him to go to bed, and stick with it. Be consistent.

My son did this same thing around 2 1/2. I realized that it was time to cut out naps. Some kids just don't need as much sleep. If he's taking a nap, it's time to stop it. Good luck!

I had the same problem with my son. I started looking on the internet and decided to look at natural alternatives. I bought the book "Is This My Child", by Doris Rapp, MD. In it she talks about the elimination diet. So I took dairy, wheat, soy, nuts, and corn out of his diet. I'm not saying this wasn't a challenge but I had to try. There's alot of information on alternative foods to eat to replace these. Rice milk, almond milk, rice bread, wheat free cookies. You can introduce them back into his diet one at a time. Then you can figure out what he has problems with. Anyhow my son started sleeping through the night in just a few days. Please give it a try, your child is just as miserable as you are. Please buy the book too, you can get a used one online for a little less than a new one. Good Luck, if you ever want to chat I would be happy to help.

My first thought is to ask if you have a regular bedtime routine? For instance when it is 8 pm I tell my daughter who is very active that it is time to get ready for bed. We turn off any TV that might be on, put on jammies, brush teeth, read books, give kisses and hugs Multiple times, drinks of water and then she is off to bed with very little complaints. Sometimes she is awake in there for a bit but she stays in bed. If she does get up I just shuffle her right back saying, "no no it's time for bed" We have a night light in there and she now likes the door closed. For awhile it was door open. The important thing is to be consistent, I think. Always do the same routine.

Also, if you do have a good routine in place, you could find some inexpensive toys wrap them and do a star chart so that after a few days of staying in bed he gets to pick out a prize.

it sounds like you need to establish a bedtime routine. TV is not a soother, it is a stimulant so i would cut that out in the evening before bed. We give the kids a bath and then we read books. My son will bounce around sometimes, most of the time, but i just keep reading and eventually he will settle. Sometimes I have to threaten to stop reading and that usually settles him down. Then it's lights out. YOu may also try running your son around before the bath and get some of that energy out. Just be persistant and consistant. Put him in his bed and walk away. It may take a few times, or a lot of times, putting him back in, but if you stay with it then he should respond in a couple days and it won't be so hard.. I would also not let him sleep in in the morning. Get him up so he is tired by a reasonable bed time. Good Luck!

Hey, you have enough advice already. I just want to DITTO the movie idea. None at night, it is a stimulant. In fact, very little screen time at all. I hope all the ideas work for you. A.

I am dealing with this too. So thank you for asking for help. I think that we need to get on a better wake and sleep routine. Good luck with getting more rest for your household.

Hi M.,
As a mom to a grip of boys I have found that they really need exercise! Maybe enroll him in a gymnastics class or something?

K.

"Healthy sleep habits happy child" the best book ever....

Your child is over tired and needs a regular routine. Including a nap.

Read the book its amazing.

Have you tried reading to him in or by his bed or singing to him right before bed time?