I Really Cannot Take Anymore..... Please Help!!

I self-medicated with valerian and vodka. I tend to get anxious when the anniversaries come around, because I relive the marked dates and times leading up to the deaths. One year, I had my doctor prescribe an anti-depressant, because I felt it coming and knew that I would be fine after. He was my gynecologist, but they knew everything that I was dealing with because I had cried on the table through it all. (This is the only doctor that I see "all the time".)

I dont' recommend self-medication to you because I don't know you, but I do recommend a therapist.

I've been there. I lost my mom and MIL in a little over a year from each other. It is tough, so I understand what you are going through. I too suffer anxiety and depression. I lost my mom in June of this year. I couldn't function meaning, I had a hard time getting off the couch and I was overwhelmed with grief and sadness. But, I have a life and a family that counts on me. So, I went to my family doctor and explained what was going on. I have never been an advocate for medication, but my doctor prescribed a small 50mg dose of Zoloft, a multivitamin (Alive, by One a Day), and grief counseling. After taking this drug, I NEVER felt so calm, energetic, and put together as I have in the past few months. My mind is not overwhelmed with grief or worry. My OCD has stabilized. I have been able to do stuff around the house that I haven't done in years. In fact, I look forward to every day and give it my best. I am truly enjoying life and living. Every day, I also take time out and go for a walk just to get some exercise and breathe.

It takes about a month for the antidepressant to fully work. I do not feel drugged up or out of it either. I have not experienced any side effects. Yesterday, I went to see my ob/gyn and I told her about my situation. She told me that she has many patients who are on antidepressants and have only reported positive feedback.

It's an option you may want to consider. Honestly, don't take this wrong, but you need to put your big girl panties on and deal with your issues. The first step is acknowledging that you have a problem--which you did--awesome, congrats--now, do something about it.:)

I hope that my response has helped you.

Talk to your counselor or psychiatrist. You need to garner together some coping skills, mom. Life has certainly sucked for you, losing so many family members. I hope so very much that your mom does not have cancer. I don't know how old she is, but I do know what it is like to lose a parent, and as much as I loved my daddy, he's in heaven now and I don't have to worry about him anymore. The time we actually live is as a blink of an eye in the grand scheme of things. I'll be with my daddy one day. As you will be with all the loved ones you have lost.

What we are supposed to do is "tarry", Rt. I haven't looked up the word "tarry", but it basically means that we are to soldier on, live our lives, take care of our business and that of our families, and help each other. You have children, right? You are to be here for them. You are grown now. Yes, your mother is your rock, but you need to be a rock for your children as she has been for you. You have to CHOOSE to be their rock. It just doesn't happen all at once.

Please tell yourself that your children are more important than your fear. If you paralyze yourself with fear, HOW will your children cope?

Go see your doctor. Get some help. Even grief counseling, should your mother get sicker, could help you. Try hard not to wallow in this. You will only make things harder on everyone around you, including your mother.

Hugs to you,
Dawn

Are you on anything for this? Zoloft has helped me tremendously with my own anxiety attacks that were brought on by having cancer. It also helps with depression.
I urge you to get to a therapist as well. I resisted this for so long but am now amazed at how good it feels to have someone truly listen to you with the intent to help you and without the guilt that you feel you may burden or scare friends and family. This will be esp important for your situation because I can promise you that your mom's fear is magnified greatly with the thought of what it will do to you.

people handle it, because most people don't have panic/anxiety like you do.

have you talked to a psychiatrist? not saying that to be rude...this is beyond anything we can help you with sweetie. you have a medical condition that should be managed with medication and therapy. if you're not coping, what you're doing isn't working. hang in there.

only you can decide to move forward with a healthy mental attitude.

get the help you need.

Death is a part of our lives. We have to cope with it each day. & cope we do....for ourselves, for our loved ones, & for strangers.

Losing my daughter was the hardest. Losing my Dad on my daughter's death anniversary.....Damn near killed me. Now, I find Peace that they are together.

Wishing you Peace & Serenity, & the Strength to move forward with your life....

You need to start seeing a grief counselor. This will not be easy or quick but it is very necessary. Your counselor will help learn to deal with your griefand anxiety.

You need to take charge of your life. That means you need to become healthy.. Physically as well as emotionally.

Go to your doctor, go to your therapist and tell them what is going on.

YOU can do this. Your children are learning from you,so be at the best you can be.

If you do not have the energy or the strength emotionally to get started, ask your husband or a friend to help you make theses calls appointments and help you get there.

How do people handle this? Faith. I don't know if you are religious, but you don't have to be. Just find a higher power to lean on and give it all to your higher power. You will be amazed at how you can actually feel your burdens lift off of you when you turn your problems over to your higher power. "Let go and let God."

Just pray that God wraps his arms around you giving you comfort and solace and the strength to face whatever is in his plan for your mother.,

And STAY OFF THE INTERNET. If you KNOW you are like this, stop fueling your own fire!

it's very hard when you get nailed with grief over and over, and it seems to happen that way, doesn't it? you think life would give you a little time to recover from each whammy but they seem to come in big waves.
fear is so pervasive, and so damaging. it creeps into all layers of your life and poisons it. i strongly, strongly suggest you seek some counseling, and probably better living through thoughtful pharmacology. strength and courage are great, but if your brain hormones are messed up, you can't just will yourself into better mental health.
one of the worst things about fear is how easily and unwittingly it is taught to children. if you can't get motivated to get help for yourself, do it because you want to spare your children this degree of crippling terror.
losing your parents is awful. having one with terminal lung cancer is so hard, but it's also a weird back-handed blessing. every day i spend with her and tend her and fuss over her and care for her is sweet. unlike my other losses, which were sudden, this slow exit has lots of time for deep discussions, laughter, and expressions of love.
get some help, hon. you do not have to live this way.
khairete
S.

If this site depresses you, then get off of it. There is no sense reading other peoples issues if they upset you and depress you. Unfortunately there is no ability to filter out the depressing stuff and people write on here for all types of advice.

Take advantage of any sun shine you can get. Go outdoors and go for walks when possible and breath in the fresh air.

Sometimes I hear the saddest stories from people at work. It makes me want to cry, but I know I have to keep going. I just slip out for a quick walk and breath the fresh air. I can usually return with full strength.

My mother is in remission. I don't even know for sure what year it is because I won't look back. I was scared too, however, I told myself I had to accept the possibility of her loss. Now I just feel every day with her is a blessing.

First - stop reading medical stuff online. The online world is full of wrong medical information.

Ok, so it ssid to confirm cancer. But, that has two sides to it. The other side is that it tell you it's NOT cancer. Let me tell you, Pneumonia can cause all sorts of things to show up on an xray. Also, lots of people have scarring on their lungs that are considered masses. I know you want to panic at all of this but try not to. Just reassure yourself that whatever happens, you will help your mother through it.

Good luck!!

You have got to keep your own strength up. I have suffered from depression and I have several friends who dealt with depression and panic/anxiety. There is help and you may need a number of different approaches to deal with it.

One of the very hard things about getting to "a certain age" is that you start to deal with mortality. In some ways we don't feel that we are getting older, yet those around us are. A lot of us go through phases of losing a lot of people - that happened to me as a teenager. I would get up, see a suitcase opened up on my mother's bed, half-packed, and I would go downstairs and ask, "Who died this time?" And off we went to another round of funeral activities.

Your feelings are made worse by a sense of being out of control. If you have OCD, that's an attempt to exert greater control over things - many of which are beyond your control anyway.

You need to be careful about google - you get all kinds of information that may or may not be helpful. It may make more sense for your to go to one of your mother's appointments, if you think you can handle it and not be one more person for her to take care of.

Your mother smokes. She has taken on a whole set of risk factors that are beyond your control. If she is addicted, she may feel it's beyond her control as well.

Your daughter is seeing you in ways you don't even comprehend. Do not think you are shielding her from this. Your anxiety is going to be palpable even to a young child. You need to get help.

I have a a few friends in your neighborhood who has done very well with nutrition to help her health issues. You can also benefit from counseling to help you cope. Do this for yourself and for your daughter.

Please consider seeing a psychiatrist for talk therapy and "retraining your brain." It will be hard work, but totally worth it. It might also be worth discussing anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications to help you learn to cope while also getting frequent talk therapy.

I have a depressive disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. They can be as debilitating as my chronic pain disorder. Luckily, I did get treatment and am still in treatment. It's my lifeline. I'm much better at coping than I was 7 years ago, but it's good to have the maintenance therapy and learn new techniques even after all this time.

First, you are not helping your daughter or yourself by stuffing your emotions. Expressing our emotions appropriately is healthy and showing our children how to do this is vital to their well-being. Your daughter needs to understand that emotions are a normal part of life and it isn't the emotions that are the problem, it is how we express them that is the issue.

Second, one of the emotions that you are likely internalizing is anger and that is what is contributing to your depression. Too often we feel that it is awful to feel angry at the person we have lost and the universe for allowing that loss. However, if you allow yourself the time and space to really feel the anger and express it fully then it will pass through you.

Do not invalidate your experience by comparing it to other people's losses. Loss is loss. Pain is pain. Each time you say to yourself that other people have it worse and that you shouldn't feel the way you feel you are essentially attacking yourself. You have every right to each and every feeling you have.

Please, reach out and get some support. Find some counseling, or coaching, or groups, even books, seminars, workshops, etc. We tend to think we should be able to fix it all on our own and that only keeps us stuck. All of us need support when it comes to life and all the things that get thrown at us. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with you if you reach out for help. It simply means that life is overwhelming and it is time to bring in what you need to support you. Support is healthy, isolation is destructive.

You need support with becoming aware of your thought processes that are really driving your fears and support in questioning those thoughts. I highly recommend Byron Katie at www.thework.com.

Just know that lung cancer is not a death sentence. My mother had almost the identical scenario -- suspected pneumonia, went to the doctor, discovered a 3.5" mass, stage 3 lung cancer. During the process of chemo, they discovered she also had 4 blocked arteries in her heart and needed bypass surgery. It was a long road, but she is now clean 6 years at age 75. Her health is not strong, but I'm grateful for every moment I get with her. I understand how devastating these losses are -- I only recently came out of several years of panic about death that started when my children are born. I know someday, probably soon, I will lose someone close to me, and I worry it will trigger a strong depression. It may be very helpful to you to find someone professional to talk to, if not a therapist, then perhaps a clergyman. Our pastor often has people from outside the church come and talk with him about problems -- they don't have to be church members or methodists.
Just know that you're not alone.

It's a natural reaction to be upset when someone close to us is ill or potentially facing something serious, but it does sound like you are struggling more than you should. I hope that your mother gets well and that this is just a passing illness. Even if they diagnose lung cancer, it's amazing how they can treat it these days. My mother survived two bouts of it with surgery.

But the bigger issue is that you are going to have to face the fact that some day it will be her time. This is just one of those facts of life that is incredibly sad but part of the life cycle. (Unless you go first, which would be so hard for both your mother and your children, you don't want to to wish for that.)

Lately I've noticed that many survivors are holding a "celebration of life" of the person who has passed, rather than a funeral or wake. I think this is a good way to look at it- the person will always be with you in your memory, so why not take the time to celebrate their life while they were here.

So if you feel that you are going to have difficulty managing the loss, please get some professional help. Do it now, rather than later. Some people have a harder time coping with loss, so it isn't anything wrong with you. It's just that if you know it's going to be hard, addressing that now will help to prepare yourself for it.

Hang in there. It is hard and I know how you feel. My mom is going through tests now and has to wait to get another test done on her stomach. We are very close so I know how much you are worrying about your mother. You are in my prayers and try and stay strong and not think the worst.

I am not trying to be mean...but few people on this site are qualified to help you. Those who are know treatment via anonsmous site is not only unethical but malpractice. You need something more than this site.

As a librarian I can tell you that googling medical information is dangerous. Even if you find authorirative sites, how will you know? If you you a professional site like WebMD or NIH.gov, are you trained to know what applies and what does not?

I rarely reply to the site but felt compelled in this case. Turn off computer and turn to real people...people who know you and people trained to help. This is just my opinion...but you see many of us are concerned for you AND YOUR DAUGHTER...and many are advising the same thing.
if you can't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter

My friend who smokes had something similar. She kept coughing and coughing. She finally went to the ER and they did the routine X-Ray too. They said she had a mass about 8 centimeters long and 2-3 centimeters across in one of her lungs. Like the size and shape of a banana...freaky.....

Anyway, she did the scans and everything and they found it to be nothing. She took meds and the mass went away. I hope this is what they find with your mom. My friend still smokes like a train and has no intentions of stopping. If this had been me another cigarette would never touch my lips but she figures if she was going to have cancer that would have been it.