I Need Help with My son...his School Behavior Is Not Great

Hi M.,
Boy does this sound familiar. In 6th grade, my son's teachers insisted he was ADHD. Come to find out they tried to label a lot of their students. I didn't buy it and after investigating learned he did not have the symptoms, but more like what you're describing.
The more I learned, the more I found that eliminating artificials in foods, getting toxic cleaning products out of his environment and some proper nutrition solved nearly all his symptoms. Actually, I've heard many testimonials of children's behavior and even school grades being improved tremendously without medications or special treatment by the schools. Don't despair. Let me know if you want to know more.

Is he in private school? I identify with you issue here as I believe I am going to have the same issue with my son in a couple years. He is the sweetest boy int he world but has the energy of a whole town!!! He started preschool last month I have already been advised that my son does not like to come in from outside playtime (meaning he is throwing fits when he has to come in). I am an advocate for as much outdoors time as possible. Unfortunately the schools are not designed for overly active children - they label them as ADHD or hyper - which is not the case. I would be very clear that punishing him from playtime is not the answer and I would throw a fit if that continues to happen - we have school boards for these types of matters. I would also find a way to maybe get him some activity time before school (although I know it is the crack of dawn, but it may help him with the time he has to stay focused in school) and he must have a let out for his energy afterschool. I asked about private school because they can be very accomodating to overactive kids - he needs a different type of learning than most public schools can give. Although, keeping in mind, I have heard of private shcools being the same way towards kids with short attnetion spans and extra-energy.

Hello my son had the same problem in school also when he was in kindergarten and first grade. He was not hyper. But would stare off into space and be pretty obstinent about doing things. Daniel was very smart also. They told me he had ADD. OK. They were the professionals. So I took him to the doc and he said ok, checked him out and put him on meds. Needless to say the meds did nothing for him. I stopped the meds. As Dan got older they told me that he had ADD. Put him on meds again. The teacher never noticed any change in Dan, I did not tell her that I put him back on meds. So again I took him off. Come to find out in 8th grade, Daniel is an epileptic. Now they think all these years he was having little seizures, and not ADD. Some kids just need to vent more energy. Recess for a child is a relaese, especially if they are a little rambuncious. I would not let them put him on meds unless absolutely need be. Tell the teacher to give him something like cleaing the erasers, picking up the classroom to let some of his energy out. He just needs to focus on something all the time. Teachers now a days want the easy way out some times. They want you to put the kids on drugs so they dont have to deal with them. Please just be very careful!! For your sons sake. Don't let them talk you into anything until your completely satisfied, one way or the other.

Debbie

I also have a gifted child and a child with ADD. There are some similarities. I do need to modify my "gifted daughters diet for a while red dye 40 put her over the moon. But she did not need meds. There are several good books on parenting gifted children. Being active is one of the many signs of giftedness. Also they don't want or need a lot of sleep there minds want to absorb as much information as they can for as long as they can.

It does not take these kids as long to get it in school so they can have a lot of extra time, which if not put to good use can become a problem. Does your school have any kind of gifted program. Ours does and the teachers seem to have a wealth of knowledge on how to deal with these kids not only academically but emoitionally. The other thing I know is gifted kids sometime have problems with peers because the kids there age just don't get it as far as how the gifted mind works. It would be like a teenager hanging out with an elementary student.

Our school has a great program and my daugher is one of the younger ones in her class so that takes care of a lot of the social stuff. Good luck.
J.

Have you thought about e-schooling? We are doing Ohio Virtual Academy. The webpage is www.ohva.org . You might want to check into it.

Hi M.,

I was a 5th grade teacher in Virginia and it was school policy that the children were not allowed to "sit out" recess. If my students needed to have a "punishment" during recess, they were required to walk or run around the track so that they still had phyiscal activity, but it was away from the other students. I would also speak to the teacher and the principal about this because there are better solutions to this problem. Good luck.

I second the recommendation to investigate further whether diet or environmental allergy could be contributing to his behavior - highly recommend the book by Dr. Doris Rapp, MD, called "Is This Your Child?"
http://www.drrapp.com/products.html)

Also sleep issues - lack of sleep can cause symptoms similar to ADHD. Check out: Sleepless in America by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
http://www.amazon.com/Sleepless-America-Misbehaving-Missi...

Lastly, the bullying! A great read for those being bullied AND the bullies themselves, starting from preschool all the way up:
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander
by Barbara Coloroso

Best of luck!

I would talk to the teacher and principle, if necessary bring in your pediatrician and INSIST that he participate in recess. If he is misbehaving and needs some sort of corrective action it can be something else!

I definatly (sp) would talk to the principal and the teacher it sounds like the "label" is sticking from last year. I have worked in schools and some teachers do label when Some kids just need a different outlet and way to learn than others. Most teachers will try to work with you to help figure that out. Good luck!

M.,
I'm pretty sure your school doesn't have a leg to stand on in denying services to your child, or in ignoring bullying. As a teacher and a mother I have a couple ideas:

First, I wonder if an official "label" of ADD (if it could be appropriate) wouldn't give you more options? For one thing, if your child has such a label, it would require the writing of an Individualized Educational Plan. You would be on the committee that planned this, and your doctor could be as well. If it was written into the plan that recess could not be revoked, the school would have to follow the IEP or be held legally accountable. Such a label would not require that you medicate the child, as any medical treatment would still be up to you and your pediatrician. Of course, if your doctor doesn't believe that he has enough symptoms to warrant a diagnosis, this won't be an option.

Second, consider the ramifications of moving teachers, even if you were allowed to do so. I'm concerned that it might send your son a couple of negative messages, such as that if he has a difficult time working with someone or if they aren't nice, he won't have to work with them. This isn't the case in any other part of life. Also, he may get the idea that he isn't strong enough or smart enough to deal with people that are difficult, which isn't the message I want my children to get.

Third, document everything. If you go above the principal, you should have dates, topics of conversations, copies of emails, etc. to show that it's been an ongoing problem.

Fourth, many researchers, teachers, psychologists and others have been questioning the ways positive reinforcement is used. She may not be understanding the current debate or maybe not relaying the ideas to you well. In any case, I do want my children to learn to do what's right simply because it is. Granted, in the meantime, I use positive reinforcement as a tool. But many teachers, parents and others have discovered that our children get addicted to the prize or reward, and without it, make the wrong choices. So it's an ongoing debate that lots of reasonable and well-meaning people are engaging in. I'd ask her what she means by that and what she is proposing as an alternative to behaviorist approaches.

I know that nothing here provides definitive answers, but some things to think about. I wish you and your son the best!
J.

Everybody has a boss, everyody has to report to somebody.

If the principal is a part of the problem- go above her or around her (all communications should be in writing- if they are ignoring you- narc them out.. if they are too slow to respond- report them again, if they are rude, inappropriate, or just plain stupid- forward their responses on to the assistant super for the district).

Dealing with the school can seem like a full-time job. Trust me, I've taken it on and I have a diagnosis for my child's disability. They will always go the path of least resistance and the least amount of work and money. They will make you fight hard for anything and everything.

The only kids that get any good or real help- are those who have parents that keep on pushing (you're doing good so far, don't think you have to stop at the school level if you're not getting any help). Keep up the pushing- you will see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck!

Hi M.,
We've had years of experience with my son in similar school related "misunderstandings". Since he was little, he had a hard time sitting still and not talking to the other kids during class. He's just an active kid with a busy mind. He's had a mixture of understanding and not so understanding teachers. The great ones would allow him a little breathing room (let him get up a little more often, send him on errands, or sit alone to help him resist temptation.) They realized the kids can't sit like little adults all day. I found the main catalyst behind him getting in trouble (fooling around in class was the main problem) was no active/free time. They actually took away recess before third grade at the school he went to. The other thing was that he lost respect for himself because he got in trouble too much and acting more foolish was how he dealt with it...avoidance, or covering up his feelings, sort of. Anyway, you can see how it snowballed. He's never been a bad kid, nor done anything mean and everyone loves him. He just wanted to be a kid and enjoy life.
We have kicked ourselves for years because we never took him to a private school, or something. We just couldn't afford it.
Now, they have some really awesome charter schools that would be much more likely to work with him or at least give him more of a chance. These schools are free just like public ones. Many public schools just can't spare the time to give any kids a little more freedom. They have too much going on and too much expected of them.
Last year, as an 8th grader, we had him in a Math/Science magnet school for 7th & 8th grade. They were good the first year, but changed administration the second year and changed their ways. They became completely intolerant and treated minor fooling around as a criminal offence. So, we finally pulled him out of school and homeschooled him for some months while we were able. That has changed our relationship in wonderful ways! We got much closer and he learned to like himself again. Now, he has entered public high school and is loving it. So, looking back, I so wish we had made a move when he was little to save all of us so much grief (and strain on our relationship with our son!)...don't wait! Move your child where he can have a more relaxed environment. His body and brain need breathing room - especially the smart ones need that. Good luck and God bless!

M.. My child is having issues at daycare. I have found lack of structure and his "spiritedness" to be a problem. There is a book I am just about done reading that has given me many ideas to imporve his situation. At home they have made a world a difference and I am owrking with his teacher to install them at school. The book is "Normal Children Have Problems Too" by Stanley Turecki MD. It is a very easy read. What you describe is address in detail here. Good luck and best of wishes!

Your not going to like my opinion but I'm going to give it to you anyway. Nowadays everytime a child doesnt fit into "normal" guidelines he/she is give a "DIAGNOSES". I think its ridiculous. Bottom line is whatever "DIAGNOSES" your son has. Rules are Rules and he must follow them just like the rest of the children in the class. If he refuses to obey the teacher I dont see that as an issue he is having he is just "misbehaving" and should have a consequence just as any other child would.

My older son Joe now 17 went through a terrible time in elementary school. Problem is he was absolutly a good child. He never got into trouble at home only in school. I argued with the principal non stop about his behavior. I could tell endless stories tuns out that he really wasnt being challanger enough. He was way ahead of everyone else in math so when he finished his work or if they were going over something he already understood he would clown around. After a while he got used to the negative attention and it just became a habbit for him. Needless to say this all caused him to start falling behind and to be labeled by the school sesteym as a problem child. I took him to a counselor and psyciatrists, turnd out he was add not adhd. The difference is he just has a short attention span, he is not by no means hyper. Be patient things will work out. Good luck T.

Hello, the only thing I could think about when reading this is that a lot of times children who are somewhat more intelligent than the other children get bored very easily. You say that he is very active, so things that other children may be doing is too easy and it makes it hard for him to pay attention or sit still. He needs something challenging to his mind. It has to be frustrating to him that no one understands him in this situation, (besides mom) and that makes him also want to rebel in a way. I would suggest giving him a challenge. Maybe there is something that could be a big responsiblity to him that if he behaves properly then that is his reward. If he acts out then he loses the opportunity to have this "challenging resposiblity" I would also suggest maybe a journal to get down how he feels about things going on at school. maybe if he can get out his frustration on paper, he might be less likely to "rebel" against the teacher. I hope this makes sense, sometimes I cant get my thought down properly. I hope this is helpful to you. I understand what you are saying, and this must be hard for you to watch. Good luck and let me know if you need anything. I do before and after school care in Amelia if you need anyone for that or if you know of anyone who does please pass them along to me I would appreciate it! Thanks and again... good luck!

Have you thought it might be the teacher? My son is a bright boy. And if he feels that he isn't challanged he gets bored. I went to his teacher, then princpal. (If the princpal will not help go to the school board or supertendant.) It came down to changing classrooms. Since his move, he was motivated and happy. If you are not sure about ADHD have the school check him.

There are alot of different techinques that teachers use. Some teachers are straght out of the book, and they are great for colleges, yet there are several in elementary schools. There are some teachers that use a hands on method, which works best for my son. There another type that shows things visually. Find out what teaching style works for him. Then find a teacher or school that promotos that way of thinking. Also, when you are looking into a teacher, see if she looks her job. Burnt out teacher tend to not care as much. That type of teacher is there to make retirement, a paycheck or security. That teacher will not be excited to be there and neither will her students.

Another problem could be another student. Maybe he is being bullied or teased. If a child doesnt know how to express himself it may look like a tempermental child.

Basically, sit him down see what is going on in the classroom and at school. Or you can even go and see for yourself. Most schools have a open door policy (just find out a good time) and hey the teacher might beable you use an extra set of hands.

M.-

My sister had the same experience. Unfortunately, schools don't make special accomodations for bright and active children like they do for special needs kids. She couldn't afford the montessori school in the area (Cincinnati), but couldn't fathom the thought of sending her son back to the school where he wasn't getting the attention he needed. He is ADHD (although, personally I think that is over-diagnosed). Anwyho, she decided to homeschool him. She is a SAHM anyway.. she has 3 other little ones at home too. She now has the the 2 girls in "class" too. I know homeschooling is not an option for everyone, but its an alternative to a school that won't address your son's needs. Is there a charter school that might address his needs? Just a thought!

Good luck!

E.

M., I went through something similiar with my son in 6th Grade. There was one child who continually instigated fights and would say terrible things to Gary about his sister and I. Fights would ensue and of course my son would get expelled. I met with the principal and even the superintendent. Their suggestion was that I escort my son into school each morning and be there to pick him up and walk him out everynight. Just what a 12 year old boy wants. I felt that my son (although wrong for fighting and he knows I do not condone that behavior) was getting the brunt of the punishment and no one as doing anything to stop the other child from instigating. I have never had a problem with my son acting this way at home or anywhere else.

I was fortunate enough to transfer him to another school through the school of choice program where he absolutely flourished. Grades went up, attendance, the whole deal. In the meantime, I spoke with other parents who's children attended the school I transfered him from and they all were having the same issue. We all started writing letters and together our voice was heard. The principal was let go and in 8th grade my son returned and has been fine ever since.

You pay taxes, it is your child and you have every right to make sure he receives the best education. If school of choice is not an option for you (it's a real pain transporting sometimes) I would see if maybe some of the other parents are experiencing a lack of cooperation for school officials and maybe as a group voice your concerns.

Probably not much help for all the rambling. Good luck.

Hello M.! My name is L. I had some friends who was dealing with the same thing. Have you ever consider using supplements? The supplements I am referring to has Fructose Compounding (simply a mineral delivery system) which increases the absorption of important nutrients. Parents who have tried these supplements have seen an improvement in their child behavior. These supplements help calm the nerves so the child is more relax. Something to think about.