I Need Help to Adjust to Being a Working Mom!!

You may want to consider what kind of daycare you have her in. I have a 9month old daughter and although if I could chose to stay home with her I probably would, My daycare is so wonderful I don't feel guilty.....In fact she has progressed so well there that it actually makes me feel like I made the right choice. Her teachers are incredible and her place is so clean and organized I feel very safe.....keep in mind i am also one of those moms that is scheming every eay i can to spend time with her even if that means TV dinners or pizza so I dont have to cook and we can be togehter more...so I know how you feel. I can't help but think that if you had a better daycare you wouldn't mind it as much.....I use Primrose.

Hi B.,

I certainly understand what you are dealing with, although my children are older now I remember the first time I had to take them to daycare. Have you ever thought about possibly WORKING FROM HOME? I have found this GREAT business opportunity that would give you the ability to set your own hours, allow you to have more time with your family, be paid well for hard work - without the office politics & help others through your work achieve financial peace of mind. NO PARTIES, NO SALES, NO INVENTORY, NO RISK & UNLIMITED TRAINING AND SUPPORT!!! I really wish that I had found this opportunity when my children were younger I would have been able to be there instead of having them being raised in daycare. If you would like more information please do feel free to contact me I'd be happy to share this information with you. You may contact me at ###-###-#### or you can visit my website www.healthelife.fourpointmoms.com. I hope that we will speak soon.

A. K

I know how you feel B. because I felt like you do now!
Have you and your husband ever thought about having your own business to where you can run a business out of your home and be with your children. I would love for you to meet my business partners Roger and Roxanne Holt they live in Altamonte Spring FL and she is a stay at home mom because they both worked there business for about 6-12 months and they replaced her income working for Lockheed Martin and now Roger is about to come home very soon because there business is going to replace his income. My husband and I have our own business as well from home and with a little more work I shall be a free mom in America. If you would like a chance to see what we do I might be able to talk with my senior business partner Roger Holt to set up a lunch or a quick over view about the business plan with you and your husband.
Thanks I hope I can be a blessing for you:)

Hi B.,
This of course is one of the most difficult transitions of being a new mom. We need to raise our own children SO, try to make any kind of adjustments you can. Money of course is the issue, so cutting expenses can possibly give you the opportunity to cut your hours or days and/or give up something...I believe the one on one is so important and if you work with your husband and expenses, maybe you can work from home...your feelings are right on...
Best to you,

D. Geymayr, R.Y.T., HBCE, CD, CLD
Prenatal Plus - Yoga
www.prenatalplusyoga.com

B.,

I understand your dilema, I have an AMAZING opportunity for you. NO PARTIES, NO SALES, NO INVENTORY, NO RISK!!! Work from home with this wonderful wellness company and a support team called the mom team. If you are interested in hearing an overview call with me I would love to tell you more. Call me at ###-###-#### or email me at ____@____.com or you could check out a website at http://www.themomteam.com/cgi-bin/mom.cgi?id=de499983&amp.... Hope to hear from you soon.

D. C.

ah B. here's more from me then. your daughter is at the age she needs socialization. take this from me. i kept my kids (twins) at home with me until they turned two. from about 18 months there was nothing we were doing together that kept them happy for too long. in daycare if nothing else they get to socialize. i work from home full-time and i can drop them off anytime i want and pick them up anytime i want. yet their teachers say they're very happy playing with kids and when we get home i am also on the floor with them yet they don't seem to be entertained for too long.
i know you think the grass is always greener on the other side but when your second baby arrives and you do the nighttime feeding and attending to the newborn constantly you will be happy knowing that your daughter is at daycare doing the stuff toddlers are supposed to do. now you might even be emotional (all pregnant women are) so just enjoy yourself. there are always weekends you can do stuff with your daughter. and when the baby comes you'll get a day gere an hour there leave your husband with the baby and you go out with your daughter.
good luck
V.

Even though you don't know many working moms, there are many of us. My husband and I both wanted me to stay at home but for us it didn't work. I have two daughters which are now 13 and 11. It was hard for me to go to work at first and after I got over it. What I would recommend is that you take some time each day for yourself. If you are not happy and healthy your daughter will not be happy. Your daughtere will sense your stress and react accordingly. Remember she learns from you. Let your husband take care of her sometimes, fathers are a very important person in a child's life. With my first daughter my husband and I worked opposite shifts to lessen daycare. We did this for the first 3 years. Even to this day he spends time with the girls without me. This has created a great relationship between him and the girls. One on one attention is good for a child but they also need to learn how to interact with others. You will see after your second is old enough to play with your daughter they will play on their own even more. I suggest to spend a little time with your daughter every day. Also spend some time for you, what ever you enjoy. As for letting her go to daycare when you are sick, it is probably better. You are exposing her to your sickness keeping her at home, and you will take longer to get better. If you feel like you can't adjust your life to feel better I would suggest looking into your mental health of your healthcare. I go to a great Therapist, her name is Anne Rutherford, ###-###-####. She has taught me that it is very important to take care of myself first and that helps me take care of my family.

Lots of luck

K.

I don't know. I am wondering the same in my first pregnancy. Would your husband stay home? Maybe he would stay home if he realized the alternatives are an unhappy wife, or more than a 50% reduction in income.

On another note, let your husband get up with her sometimes--we sometimes try to do it all.

Where did you take your daughter for care at 3 months? Were you satisfied with the service? I have no idea how I'm going to do this!

I understand you very well. My husband never had a stable income and I am a primary breadwinner for our family. So it is not a suprise that I went back to work when our first baby was 2 weeks old,second - 2 month old and 3d - 2.5month old. Also,in spite of all my efforts and struggling with pump I could not keep my milk supply for more than 5 month for each of them because of work stress. I also was very jealous of my husband staying at home and taking care of babies for several months. We were fighting a lot over this issue,but it did not help. I do not want to raise my children as a divorced mother and I do not beleive in happy step-families. Also,kids love the father and they do not care if he is a money maker or not. So I want to tell you that only solution to this dilemma is to pick a right man while you do not have kids yet. Afterwards - just stick with a father (of course,I do not talk about abusive guys) and live for your children as much as you can.

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I never thought I'd be happy staying at home with my daughter...but my husband gave me a year to stay home full-time and as such at 18 mos. I put her in daycare 2 days a week. She got out of the house a couple days a week and I got out on my own too. I realized that we're constantly sent the message that we CAN HAVE IT ALL, and frankly, I don't buy it. I can't DO it all. I also learned that sinking feeling in my stomach when I thought about having to go back to work was a message that I needed to listen to. I finally gave myself the permission to be OK with not "having a career" but a part-time job gave me both. I don't know your financial situation at all, but for myself, I had to learn to say no to a lot of stuff, but I was saying yes to so much more---time with my daughter, energy, my marriage, my home. I realized one day that I will never pass this way again with her, but I can always have a career!
I hope you're able to work part-time or maybe your husband can find a creative way to earn money on the side...once I told my husband how much it meant to me to stay home, he understood. I'll be praying for you!

I felt the same way, I was a flight attendant and returned to work when my daughter was 3 months old and it killed me...I cried everytime I left. I have since left the aircarrier and am a stay at home mom...I started my own business as a Mary Kay consultant and it has given me the ability to be with her and to earn big girl money. We have tons of professional women like yourself earning 6 figures a year while being able to raise thier own children; we have Lawyers, Magistrate Judges, Doctors, Nurses, CPA's. just to name a few. According to Forbes Magazine, 1% of the women in the US are making over $100,000/yr and 70% of that 1% are doing it via Mary Kay. I would be happy to get you some information if you would like. I may be able to help you with your dilema.
Sincerely,
S. F

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a difficult time, especially since it's evident you are wholeheartedly devoted to your daughter and your family. As I was reading your post, the first thing that popped into my mind is that it seems to me you may be suffering a bout of depression, especially because of the overwhelming amount of guilt you seem to be feeling. Then I read that you are currently pregnant. The hormones themselves may be playing a huge role in this, but please consider discussing with your OB/GYN the idea of post-partum depression. Everyone knows that post-partum depression is common after childbirth (and the risk increases with subsequent pregnancies if you've dealt with PPD before), but not everyone knows that post-partum depression is also very real DURING pregnancy... I suppose PPD isn't the exact medical term but pregnancy depression and anxiety are very real, are very common, and are treatable even during pregnancy.
Good luck and best wishes.

Hi B.,

I can understand what you are going through, my daughter is now 22 and my son is 12. I have been through everything you are describing, however; for your health and that of the unborn baby you have to stop feeling guilty also if you give every bit of time to your 15 month old when the baby is born she will get jealous. Also your marriage will suffer. I know it is hard but we as moms have to learn to juggle our time and also have some time for ourselves or you will burn yourself out and wind up sick. Remember this when you spend time with your daughter and husband quality not quantity counts. Also there may be times when your baby girls is engrossed with playing all by herself - she will learn all the more to be and independant woman like her mom. I was in the military when I had my daughter and I only got 6 weeks to spend with her before I sent her to daycare it killed me but I always juggled and gave her quality time and today she is married to a military man and is a very independant hard working young woman with no kids of her own as of yet. Hang in there be strong and one more word of advice - it shouldnt matter what your inlaws prefer - talk to your husband and maybe instead of working the full 40 hours a week or more you could do the minimum (I think it is 32hours that you are still considered full time) so you dont lose the health benefit and are not in a financial bind - but you may have a little more time at home for your daughter and time to spend with your husband when he gets home. It is all about compromising - he should be considerate of your needs and counting down a little should help everyone and not hurt your finances too much. Take care dont stress it is not good for you be happy and enjoy your life, your children and your husband. E.

B. I have 2 kids and with my first I did not have the opportunity of staying home. I miss out on all the first time things for my daughter other people enjoyed those moments. and when I had to take her to daycare the first time, i still remember how I cried all the way to work. It is not easy. No one said it is. This life is not easy. But everything you do remember it is for them. With my son I knew I had no one to watch over him. So I knew either my husband or I had to stay home. I made less so we made calculations and it turned out that between all our expenses on me going to work it would be best for me to stay home. so 3 years after my first I was blessed to stay home with my son for about 18months. I was blessed to experience the first time things with my son. However, staying at home brought so many problems to my marriage that I was crazy to go back to work. The stay at home mom is always very under estimated. They don't have it nice and great it is alot of work. Dr. phil says it is an equivalent to having 3 full time jobs. so you can imagine our problems. anyways. Now that I work again I miss those moments more than they can imagine. So I built a business that I believe will take me home again and this time my husband can not give me any issues because I would be working. The best thing I can suggest is; if you long for this more that anything, work hard in your job to fund a business of your specialty that you can work from home. In the long run you can leave this business to your kids for their future. For now just wake up in the morning thinking about their future and what you have to do to make it better. Forget about what your husband paints in the picture or his family your kids are the most important picture you must focus on. you can never go wrong when you do things for love. Remember only you can make it happen no one else.

Believe me, B.. I feel your pain. I'm a single parent, who was getting help from the state while trying to find a job. The hardest part for me was putting my daughter in daycare when she was 7 weeks old. That's right: right after the all-clear from the doctor I ventured into the job market. I had no other choice. It killed me for the longest time. My daughter was so happy to see me and there would be days she'd literally be attached to my leg until she went to bed. It has truly paid off. My daughter is 3 now, and she's the most active child you'll ever see. Everyone is stunned by how well-behaved she is. Plus the friendships she has begun to form are priceless. This will work for you as well: this will give you the opportunity to meet more moms, who may or may not be in your same situation. Trust me, it does get better. Good luck!

Hello... you know when I read your story.. I felt like I was reading something that I would write.. I have a 20 month old little girl and I too had to leave her when she was 3 months old so I could get back to work.. I too am and accountant.
and let me tell you to this day I feel like I am missing out on the little things that her teacher tells me she does.. and I feel so sad.. my husband and I have talked about me wanting to stay home .. but my job is the providor for the better health care.
this comes to what I wanted to tell you.. I tell myself that I would be a "worse mother if I stayed home and we were struggling to pay bills and not able to fully provide for her and I also think ..that I would be a horrible mom if say I get sick or any of us get sick including her and we would not have a good health care to be able to take her to the best doctors."
as for no time for yourself you cannot let that happen.. you have to take care of yourself because she needs you. take time to go out maybe once a month with your spouce..you are not doing anything that you should feel guilty off ! you are being a great mom! you are doing everything in your power for your daughter to have a good upringing. when you feel the emptyness remember that you are doing this for her and the baby that is on the way.. and that is how I overcame that feeling.
you are being responsible .. if you quit your job and were left without healthcare and 1/2 of your income then that is when you should start feeling horrible.

As the mother to a 3 1/2 month old first baby I understand your struggle. My pregnancy wasn't planned, and I wasn't sure I ever wanted a child, but I think if you have kids you should raise them yourself. So, you can understand why I get depressed when I think about my daughter starting daycare next week. However, I work as a nurse and I feel my work is too important to give up (even if I could afford to!). I'm not sure what your religious beliefs are but I believe everything happens for a reason. God had to know when he sent my daughter to me that I wouldn't be able to afford to leave my job. He also had to know that she would have to go to daycare. Knowing that (or maybe I should say "believing that") has helped ease my mind over putting her in daycare. I don't know if this helps you, but it's a way of thinking about things that might make you feel better about your situation. Besides, by continuing to work you're teaching your children that women are capable of being the breadwinner and dad's really can do domestic chores/activities! Good luck!

Hi B.,
I can empathize with how you are feeling. I have 6 month old twin girls and I work full time. My husband works nights and weekends so he is able to care for them during the day, but having to leave them every morning breaks my heart. I am very fortunate that I work for a company that is very supportive of working moms and I am able to work from home 1 1/2 days per week to accommodate my husbands work schedule. Have you looked into a flexible work arrangement at your job? Sometimes you can work 4 -10 hour days and have an extra day off during the week. You should continue to be open and honest about how you are feeling with your husband. How would he feel if you went part time? I understand the financial struggle but think how much you would save in day-care costs, especially with another one on the way! I understand the guilt and struggle to give as much of your time to your daughter with little left for yourself, I feel the same way. Just remember it's quality not quantity and it sounds like you are giving her everything you can. Bottom line you know what is best for you and your daughter and no one can tell you different. Hopefully compromises can be made both at work and at home, don't give up! And know you are setting a wonderful example for your daughter on working hard and providing for her in the best way you can. Just make the time you do have together extra special for you as much as for her. Hang in there!

Hi B.,
I am a working mom as well. I understand everything you're going through. Have you considered finding a way to stay home and still make money. Being a CPA really lends itself to contracting yourself out to small businesses. My sister is also a CPA and a mom struggling as you are. She has a 6 figure salary and wants to leave it in order to be home with her daughter.
If you really want to stay home, stand up and fight for it. Find a solution you and your husband can live with. I had to fight with my husband to stay home with my daughter after she was born. He never fully appreciated me or valued what I was doing with her until I went back to work. The same might happen with your husband. Perhaps he may see a happier wife and children if you stay home.
I was a nanny while I was home with my daughter for 2 years. It allowed me to be with her and make some money. It wasn't easy and my husband never saw it as work, but I know the sacrifices I made was worth it to me and my daughter.
I wish you the best. Remember, your children will love you no matter what. I know mommy guilt. My son, who is 9 can detect it a mile away and will try to profit from it. Know that you're doing your best and that is good enough. Guilt robs you of joy.
Good luck,
W.