I Need Help!!! - Anchorage,AK

I put signs up in my bathroom for wiping and flushing. I made it very clear that not wiping isn't acceptable. I told my daughter that it is part of being a big girl and if she doesn't wipe it could cause pain down there.

It isn't much to ask a child to do.

I also use the flushable wipes, that helps with the stuff toilet paper misses. I wouldn't wipe for him anymore though, it will just prolong the process.

Good luck!

You have taught him already but because you continue to do it for him he has no need to do it for himself. While he learns to actually do it thorougly for himself you will have some stained shorts. We all do new things imperfectly. He will also forget at times because he's 6 yo and wiping his butt is not high up on the importance of doing things. He's excited to get back with the rest of the kids or to go outside. He's learning a whole lot of new things.

My nearly 7 yo granddaughter still forgets or doesn't actually get down between the cracks. It's no big deal. When she's with me I remind her and we talk about the reasons Mama and I want her to do this everytime. She is slowly catching on.

My daughter captured her children's interest in doing this by using Pamper's Kandoo wipes for awhile. Because they are more expensive than toilet paper she stopped buying them when the children lost interest and decided for themselves to use toilet paper. But they still forget or do a messy job of it. Oh well, they're still young and personally I'd rather have them running off energy or learning some new thing. My granddaughter notices every little bug or worm or new plant and asks about it. She is developing an inquiring mind now. Later, when wiping is important to her she will wipe.

I get the stains out with liquid non-chlorine bleach. Just pour a little on the spot. Rub fabric sides together and throw it in the washer. My daughter doesn't even do that. She sees stains in their panties as just one more step in maturation. And removing the stains are low down on her priority list.

Another thought. When doing something becomes a battle of wills i.e a power struggle the child always wins. Could this be happening for you? Wiping is so important for you that you will stay in the bathroom and do it for him while he's learning how to become more independant. Not wiping is his way of showing his independence.

The best advice I received from my aunt who had a severely mentally handicapped daughter who live with her mother all of her life was to pick my battles. Focus on the important things, instead of using up energy trying to make everything perfect.

Kids seem to pick some of the most gross issues to express their need for power and control over. As I raised my daughter, I became exasperated over some of them that she chose.

At the time, I thought that the solution was teaching, teaching, teaching, and more teaching.... consequences rarely happened because I was trying to be such a thorough teacher and give her the benefit of the doubt. As a result with some of her self initiated power struggles, I ended up just struggling through teaching her how to do the task -forever- never being able to let go and allow for natural consequence. She still seems to be unable to get her brain in gear to do laundry, make her own peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches, and completely clean her room. She's 16 now. For a long time now, though, I realized that by her NEVER being successful on her own, she was manipulating me by punishing me with her stupidity (on purpose). I know it sounds mean, but what I mean by stupidity is that she would stupify her own brain and absolutely refuse to think for her self and accomplish the task, thus putting the burden on me to struggle with her through it, take my time to keep her on task, and just be a burden in a way that she KNEW was irritating to me. It was all about power and control on her part. And believe me, whenever I did LET GO - absolutely nothing was accomplished - until I kicked in and helped her. She went unfed, unbathed, uncleaned... and just didn't give a damn herself.

My husband's take on it was "Good, if she stinks and she can't find clean clothes in the mess, the boys won't like her." So, I let it go.... I let her stink up her body, room, life and go hungry for her peanut butter and jelly snacks.

It took years but, she's finally come around a little bit. She's still a much grosser person than I. I personally feel uncomfortable with a dirty butt... and whatever... but I had to come to terms that if it just doesn't bother HER -well, so be it... that's how she want's to live.

So, for my kid, she did choose the cleanliness issue as her favorite issue for power and control. She's had a hard time overcoming it and only rarely "gets it" that she's only hurting herself by doing it. All I can do is hope that someday she'll give it up.

So, that's all the experience I have to offer. It would be that this uncleanly issue may not be due to your teaching, or lack there of... or even the option of baby wipes. It just might be the one thing that he loves to do to punish you... the stinky butt. He may have chosen that to be his source of power and control. But, he's not the first kid to use that technique. Someday, he'll understand that he's only hurting himself (and other's noses with the smell) when he doesn't wipe his bottom. ---It may be a while.

My 4/almost 5 year old son went thru the same thing. The flushable wipes were a perfect solution. However, my son loves to flush things in the toilet. He went in and used the potty all by himself, which is normal, but he used ALL of the wipes. Needless to say, I had to go out and buy a toilet snake cuz the plunger just wouldn't take care of the clog. Unlike toilet paper, the wipes don't break down in water very fast.

I agree with a lot of this advice on here. The most important thing to remember is that he is only 6 years old. He has only been living on this planet with you for 6 years. We are so much older and have learned so much with our time here. So many adults tend to forget that. We expect too much from such a young person. Gentle, kind reminders to do a good job and daily bathing will help. It takes time for some people to learn things. I know it's gross but sometimes we have to endure things we don't want to. Have patience and remember not to give negative or demeaning remarks that bring on low self esteem. Not that you would, but I have to say it just in case because I don't know you. I say it with love not judgment. I am not perfect by a long shot and feel like I have been given a second chance with my two youngest.

Fist you cuold get those wet wipes that are flushable. Then you can tell hime it's ok to use more than one. I had to go over this with my kids. Jut let him know to look at the toilett paper and if theirs still poo on it, he needs to use another one. Explain to him and maybe even show him his dirty underwear so he understands. He really probably thinks he's doing a good job and doesn't know there are skid marks for days. I have had this problem with my boy and girls. But it's better now. GOod luck.

Well, I can't really give you the magic answer; I'm hoping someone else can, though, because I have the same issue with my son, who is 8 1/2! It's not terrible, he does try, he just doesn't do the most 'thorough' job sometimes. But here's the thing; I wonder if boys (and men) are just not as used to the whole 'wiping' thing and so don't pay as close attention to it as girls do ... ? :)
~Tracy

Useing baby wipes removes more.Tell him to use 1 at a time and look at them when he is done ,"when theres nothing on them your done."

You might try giving him those flushable wipes, it will not hurt as bad to "clean up"

Gosh...if you get any great suggestions, let me know! Seems like I'm always finding poop in the kids's underwear before I'm throwing them in the wash!

Have you tried the Kandoo wipes? They're a bit spendy, but they help!!!