My son has been acting up in his preschool class. He is hitting other children with toys. He will not share. He is screaming, not only when another child takes a toy from him or he doesn't get his way but when he gets in trouble and has to sit in time out. He screams at his teachers and he tries to hit them. He wounders around the class when he is suppose to be listening at circle time. I have tried time out, taking sugar away, taking away things that he likes, spanking him,and taking TV time away. I am so upset about it all that I don't know what else I can do to make it easier at preschool. I have to work. I'm off Saturdays and Sundays. I spend as much time with him as I possible can durning these 2 days. durning the week my husband and I both work full time jobs. We all leave the house at 7am and we do not return until 6pm. Sometimes I think he does it cause he is tired of going to school and maybe he just needs a break.I feel so gulity about having to work. What should I do to help my son?
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The previous posters have all given great advice. As a former teacher, the only other thing I would suggest is do NOT punish him for behavior that happens at preschool. He is too young to make the connection between what he does at preschool at why he is being punished many hours later at home. The preschool teachers should have experience with boys like him (because it is not unusual for young children to resist structure in the ways you are describing). I would work with the director and teacher to come up with a plan that rewards his cooperation, therefore it will encourage him to continue cooperating. In the mean time, spend as much of your free time with him as you can. Good luck!
First, see a nutritionist, email me privately and I'll send you a name,
Second: It would be prudent to get a neuropsych exam at Our Childrens House at Baylor or the equivalent of that, wherever you live.
That said:
Third and most important and the hardest thing to hear! In general, boys are often not ready for these formal group settings. Consider his age. Really, kids are not meant to sit quietly and listen at pre school age, especially not boys All children develop at different rates. Putting kids that are not developmentally ready into schools and school like settings has had a considerable impact on our society and created a thinking pattern that it is acceptable to medicate small children ( so they will "behave")
Your kid is crying out to you with his behavior. Spanking him and punishing him for reacting completely normally will really confuse him. Think about it.
What is he? 4? Remember being 4? Nope, neither do I. Other than I know I was not in a school setting and my mom was always around and I was encouraged, not discouraged to explore and move about and play.
I urge you to take a long hard look at your life. You have a child. You are barely with him. I understand what it is like to have a career, work all day and have a child. You have to make some hard decisions. Do you want your child raised by daycare? Do you want to have to deal with these problems because believe me they will keep happening. Your kid needs YOU.
I urge you to re evaluate your life. Being a mother IS a full time job. I had to re evaluate and when I did, I walked out of a lucrative career because my child needed me. You bet it is hard. Our entire lives changed when I did this. Our financial picture is certainly not as rosy as it would have been had I kept growing in my career. My son is 12 now and I can tell you,it took me until he was about 6 to see I was the only one who could make the difference in his life. I will always wish I had not waited that long! I'm not saying you can't work, you just need to think about how you want to work. Are there things you can do, ways you can change your career path that will enable you to perhaps work part time until he is in school? Perhaps you can take a different path to be home with your child during these crucial years. You will be glad you did. I know I am.
My daughter never had these issues so I really don't have any advise but I can say that quitting my job to be home with my daughter has been the best thing that I EVER did.
I had my daughter in daycare for the first two years of her life and kept talking to my husband about staying home with her. He kept saying "maybe one day we can make it work". Finally I hit my breaking point and told him that today was the day. We went down to one car (cut off $700 between car payments and insurance not to mention the gas), we cut back on at home expenses and made it work. It has been really hard but it has been worth every "sacrifice" to be at home with my little girl.
I am sure that you can make it work it is just finding the things that you are willing to cut out. I know that if you do decide to quit that you will find it incredibly rewarding for you and your son. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.
I'm not sure what advice to give you, but I felt for you and wanted to say "hang in there"! Kids go through these things... they don't know how to respond and just scream or throw tantrums. Hopefully he just needs time to adjust, if that's not the case (he's been there awhile)then I would definitely streamline his diet, cut down on tv (they learn bad habits from some of those shows), and work very closely with his teachers! I use to give my son (about 4 at the time) "mommy rocks" .. together we found some special rocks (even one shaped as a heart) and I would hold them in my hands and kiss them and blow happy thoughts on them and then he would put them in his pocket. I told him any time he was sad, angry, or just missed me.. to put his hand in his pocket and feel the rocks for some happy thoughts and love. This worked for us, maybe rocks might not be best for your sons age, but something similar that could fit in his pocket (like a tiny stuffed animal?). Best wishes!!!!
Consider changing his diet. Take away any artificial colors and flavors. Sometimes wheat and milk can cause behavioral issues as well. Remove both and see if his beahvior improves.
We had the exact same issues with our son and after much denial, finally had him evaluated for adhd. Hated the whole medication idea but we did it and it has done wonders. He is now a freshman in high school and an Honors student who still takes medication. If all else fails, might be something to consider.
T., I don't know the solution as I have had the exact same problems with my son (now 5). I don't have the behavior at home that they have with him at school. What I will tell you is that I felt the same way - guilty about being away so long while at work. I quit my job and got a part-time job so I could be with him more and the problems didn't go away. Sorry not to be able to give you any resolution, just trying to ease your mind a bit about being a working mom (in that you working may not be the issue). By the way - we are in a new school (his 4th since 18 months old...he has never been kicked out of one but it gets to the point where we are very close.) He has been in play therapy for 3 months - so far, so good.
Hi--my son has had the EXACT same issues as you described. After much research we found out he has expressive receptive language delay which he WILL grow out of (and he already is starting to at 7 yrs old)--he just needs to be taught a certain way which we have fought for with his teachers and now that they GET IT he has been so much better!! Please get the book THE EINSTEIN SYNDROME by THOMAS SOWELL--it describes the situation exactly and you will feel so much better. We even went to see the Dr.(Dr. Camarata) who did the research in the book and he officially diagnosed him and taught us ways to teach him. Please do not delay--the earlier you start these new ways of communicating with your son the better!
A.
PS DO NOT feel guilty about working--it has nothing to do with it--I have worked since the day I got out of the hospital practically and my son is GREAT!!
So sorry to hear this. I know how tough this is for you. You feel like you barely see him M-F and now you have to discipline him every night.
Just a suggestion, but try the opposite of what you have been doing. I am a firm believer in consequences and spanking so this goes against my general parenting, but it is worth a try. Try for 1 week of instead of consequences when he gets home, try just loving on him. Have a brief talk about his behavior, tell him you know he knows that what he is doing is not okay, that you have to work and you would love for him to have good days like you do. Then give him a hug and a kiss, read a book and go on about your evening. His behavior can't get any worse doing this! :) I say this because we went through a tough time with my son a little after he turned three and we disciplined like crazy. I don't think I was wrong, but looking back sometimes they just need more love and understanding. Good luck and I hope the diet suggestions below help too.
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Consistency is the key. Choose a consequence and stick with it; however, it may take a bit to master. My daughter was starting to say "no" and being disrespectful to her teachers. Now she is 2 1/2 a little younger than your son. However, when she exhibited this behavior at home she received a warning then time-out. We put her in time-out for 2 minutes. The behavrior was gone within a week. Also, the key is to reward good behavior. For example, if you see him being polite or sitting to still to acknowledge that behavior. Children naturally want your attention and want you to be proud of them. My children love when I acknowledge their good behavior out of the blue. They even tell me when they are behaving well so that I can acknowledge it. I really think this has been the most effective for our children. My advice would be to read a few books on Discipline. I don't always agree 100% with everything; however, I take away what I like. I have read "The Happiest Child" series (although I don't agree with 100% of what he says; however, some of it I use). I also follow Super Nanny techniques which have actually worked the best if you really follow through. Anyway, good luck!
Have you had a meeting with the director and teachers? If not, maybe you could all sit down and try to determine WHY your son is doing this. As a preschool teacher, I have found that it is very useful to observe and record children's behaviors. Often, when you write things down you can find a pattern or discover a trigger. I would encourage you to ask your child's teacher to help you determine the WHY and then seek a solution. Sometimes it's a lot easier than you think - you just have to find the cause!
How much time does he spend with his dad? running errands with him on the weekdays, playing next to him while he is working inside or in the yard, and does your husband discipline him regularly?
Secondly, I would highly recommend reading 'Bringing Up Boys', by Dr. James Dobson. It is also available on CD if that works better for you. It would be best if your husband and you went through it together, but I realize not all husbands will do this.
Maybe you could add information to your mamasource request, about the role your husband, his dad, plays in your son's life?? I've always heard that boys are more difficult when they are younger and easier when they are older. I hope it's true, for you and me both...my son is 7. Take care!
Stay home. I know, you said not possible but he does sound like he's not ready. Where has he been up to now? He sounds like he's very unhappy about something. Can he switch teachers and see if that makes a difference? Is he four? Maybe he needs another year at being a little one. Every kid develops at different stages.
Listen to him. Have you asked him why he's so unhappy? I find the best time to talk is just before sleep time while sitting on my son's bed. After I read a story we start talking and I start listening. He tell me many things and this is usually where he tells me his heart's worries. Try a little snack like a cheese stick too to alleviate any hunger distractions and sooth him into the talking spirit. He might surprise you by the things he has to say. Careful not to comment too much - only listen and acknowledge you are listening.
Good luck to you. C
