27 answers

I Lost My Patience:(

I am so depressed. I'm 7 months pregnant with my first daughter. I have three boys ages 9, 6, & 2. My two older boys are autistic. My 2yr old was born with a congenital defect where his bowels were in his chest. He is extremely lucky to be alive today. He spent 2 months in the nicu and has been physically healthy ever since. Well at about 1yr of age the behaviors started. He turned 2 in October and the behaviors have only gotten worse. He throws things, hits, kicks, pulls hair, breaks things (when he doesn't get his way). Whenever he eats he throws it on the floor or across the room when he's done. He fights when it's time to get dressed, or change his diaper. He is receiving speech therapy because his speech is very limited, and his speech therapist is attempting to get more services because his behaviors at times are disturbing. He slams his head off the floor and walls. He has given himself bruises, pulled his hair out, cuts on his forehead, and bloody noses. He has broken several rails in his crib with his head. He also smears feces everywhere if he goes while he's in his crib. He smears it all over himself, on the walls, on the rails of his crib, and has recently started throwing it around his room. This has happened 9x in the last week! He is constantly having destructive, explosive behaviors, and the bigger I get, the more difficult they are to deal with. Tonight I screamed at him and felt like I was going to lose it. I've dealt with behaviors before and NEVER been so helpless. I cry a lot because I need help and it's just not coming fast enough. No one understands it until they are around him. My husband is very patient, and even he is at a loss for ideas. Neither of our mothers will take him because he is so violent, and unpredictable. He has an evaluation coming up in June, and everyone is pretty confident he is also autistic, but these are behaviors I've never seen in my other two boys. ANY advice, or tips would be so greatly appreciated. If nothing else It felt much better to vent.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

This will be our last child. I will be getting my tubes tied after I have this baby. I wanted a daughter to be honest. My oldest son was just diagnosed aspergers about 3 months ago. I love all of my children and I love raising them. I would have 10 children if I could afford it. I didn't post this for criticism. My children are all very smart, and well taken care of. I have never been frustrated with a child like I have been with my 2yr old son. I came from a big family and all I ever wanted was a big family. I was posting for opinions on how to deal with his behaviors, not whether or not you think I should have more children. Plz keep your negative comments to yourself. I became sick after I had my first son, and was told I would not have any more children. That only made me want children more. I had my oldest son when I was 18, finished school, finished college, and take care of my children on my own! So maybe you should know the whole story before you comment. Thank you so much to everyone else for your helpful comments. I don't usually post on here, but his behaviors are sometimes hard to control.

Featured Answers

Dear Sweet Mama,

I am of the old school and know that my choices do not adversely affect my children in any way, shape or form.

I humbly believe it is time for a serious spanking. Warn first. Count to 3. Swat only on the bum. Make it swift. Look him directly in the eye and tell him from now on he will be getting a spanking anytime he chooses to be destructive and mean and throw things, etc. And don't back down ever again. Be the boss. He needs serious boundaries. You can do it. And if his behavior continues to escalate after a couple or 3 spankings then I would isolate him. Alone. By himself. In a corner. Set the timer for 2 minutes (1 minute per year).

Then you must reconnect with him and always tell him that you love him and you want for everyone to get along and be happy.

And you must get these age boys out to the park EVERY DAY for fresh air and exercise and exploring. Boys have got to have lots of outdoor time.

3 moms found this helpful

Hi- I'm sorry you're going through this. You probably know this better than anyone but I think you're doing the right thing by having him evaluated. Something is going on and it's good to have EI evaluate him. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Have the children been tested for Lead? Similar behaviors have been linked to Lead poisoning. Just a suggestion to get them tested.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

I want to say that there are many books out there that would help you. I never thought I'd read a parenting book and long-and-behold I've read a few and they have helped. I agree that sometimes time-outs aren't enough, but spanking is a hell no to me. ESPECIALLY a handicapped child. They don't have the mental capacity or normal range to even understand why your spanking them... all it would do is tell them hitting is okay. Have you talked to the pediatrician? or I believe they are called play therapists or something... they help figure out behavioral problems in children, solutions to the behavior problem.

Kendall was pretty harsh, the only time I would seriously want to put someone down and slap them for having a child is if it's relatives married and having kids. That is a guarantee of handicapped children and I don't think that's fair to the children.

As far as you yelling at him, babe, everyone loses their patience and yells at least once. I would commend you on not losing it so much that you hit him because like you said you felt like you were going to lose it. So good for you for stopping yourself and not hitting him or spanking him just because you were angry. That is a lot to deal with.

I hope things are better (I've read your earlier posts)

8 moms found this helpful

Coveralls may help avoid the messes. I wouldn't wait until June to get him help-you will be having your baby then. I would find a specialist who will start helping him right away-that way you may be able to get some of his behaviors under control before the baby comes. God bless you all, Sweetheart.

5 moms found this helpful

My heart goes out to you! The only advice I can give is to help with the diaper issue. One of my 2-year-old sons loves to play with the contents of his diaper. We leave him in zip-up pajamas turned inside out all day long. This keeps him from stripping naked and getting into his diaper. Duct tape worked for awhile, as another person suggested, but he would go in through the legs of the diaper. The inside out pjs keep the mess contained.

Good luck to you!

5 moms found this helpful

You surely don't need to apologize for losing your patience! Is there any where else you can go for help? The evaluation in June will most likely give you more information, but it sounds like you need help now, in dealing with the day to day difficulties of caring for your children. I'm afraid I have not had to deal with autism, or other disorders, but wonder if you've exhausted all your options for getting help. Could you find or hire someone qualified to come into your home to give you a break?

4 moms found this helpful

Congratulations on the upcoming new baby! Something to look forward to.
The only suggestion I really have is about the diaper and poop situation. Have you considered using duct tape around the waste to make it so that he cannot get his hands in there?

Once he is diapered, start at the back with the duct tape and bring it all the way around the waist band (not on the skin of course) and meet it at the back.. This will make the waist band hard to stick his hands inside.

4 moms found this helpful

I have worked with severly autistic children and have seen many of the violent behaviors you are describing. In your situation, I can understand how you have lost your patience!! Its amazing that you haven't lost your mind!

I cannot offer you specific advice on how to deal with the behaviors...but you absolutely need help. There is no way you can bring a newborn baby into a home environment like this.

Is there anyway you can get the evaluation sooner?

Can you older boys stay with the grandparents after school until your husband is home?

Have you heard of ABA therapy?

As you know children with autism can do well with a very specific schedule. Do you have a schedule with him?

Do you have access to any of the services your other sons may have used that can help guide you?

Take a breath. One step at a time...

4 moms found this helpful

Dear Sweet Mama,

I am of the old school and know that my choices do not adversely affect my children in any way, shape or form.

I humbly believe it is time for a serious spanking. Warn first. Count to 3. Swat only on the bum. Make it swift. Look him directly in the eye and tell him from now on he will be getting a spanking anytime he chooses to be destructive and mean and throw things, etc. And don't back down ever again. Be the boss. He needs serious boundaries. You can do it. And if his behavior continues to escalate after a couple or 3 spankings then I would isolate him. Alone. By himself. In a corner. Set the timer for 2 minutes (1 minute per year).

Then you must reconnect with him and always tell him that you love him and you want for everyone to get along and be happy.

And you must get these age boys out to the park EVERY DAY for fresh air and exercise and exploring. Boys have got to have lots of outdoor time.

3 moms found this helpful

Wow, I'm really surprised by the lack of empathy some moms have shown here!!!!!!!!! This mom is going through a very difficult time right now, and all some of you can do is make harsh, judgemental comments!! Didn't your moms ever tell you "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."? Why the need to chime in only to be critical? You are in no position to judge this mom! Sorry, but I'm absolutely fuming right now! WTH?!

Now that I've gotten that off my chest....
I am so so sorry you are going through such a difficult time! You are a really good mom, but you are only human, and you need to forgive yourself for losing your patience. God knows I've lost mine over much less! I only wish I lived closer- I'd gladly help however I could.

I wish I had some fabulous advice to give, but the only things I can think to suggest are to keep calling those you're waiting on, make sure they understand how desperate you are. Ask if there's some way they can speed up the process. My husband is a nurse, and he always says the squeeky wheel gets the oil. You've got to keep speaking up until you get help.

I don't know if this is an avenue to explore, but has he been seen by a pediatric neurologist? Ask your son's pediatrician to recommend every/ any specialist that might be any help.

Also ask if there are any support groups for parents going through these types of problems. You really could use the support of people who understand what you are going through.

I hope you get some answers soon. You and your family will definately be in my prayers, and I know of 2 separate prayer lines I can add you to, so
you will have dozens of people praying for you!

Congratulations on the baby girl you are carrying! I also had my 1st girl after having 3 boys. We'll also be praying for her :)

3 moms found this helpful

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