17 answers

I Just Don't Want My Husband to Touch Me at All.

I have been married for 19 years. I am so sick of having sex with my husband it is driving me crazy. I don't want him to tough me at all. I am so turned off by him I just don't want to have sex at all. I would rather do it myself, it takes less time.

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I took some of everyones advise and tried some new things. Boy oh Boy what some hot oil massage lotions can do :-)

Featured Answers

If you are feeling emotionally disconnected and this is the "symptom", you need to remember that for men it is the sexual intimacy that gives them the emotional bonding. You may be sabotaging the very desire that you want from him. It is a choice so try to find a way...

2 moms found this helpful

Hi L.,

I haven't been married for nearly that long but I went through that as well. The only advice I can give you is get him to work for it. For me anyway, was that he really didn't do anything to contribute to the marriage and family but still expected sex. I couldn't be bothered taking care of yet one more thing. So he had to tep up the care of things in the house. eventually he did step up at least for a little bit. Mostly though he did n't change I just changed my perspective. I don't know if you wanted advice or where you just putting the info out there.

Anyway remember most of the time it's all about you.

hope it helps - if not tell him to go buy it, just use a condom.

B.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

If you are feeling emotionally disconnected and this is the "symptom", you need to remember that for men it is the sexual intimacy that gives them the emotional bonding. You may be sabotaging the very desire that you want from him. It is a choice so try to find a way...

2 moms found this helpful

I can understand where you're coming from...ever since my son was born (he's six months now) I'm not interested in sex and don't want my husband to touch me at all. Have you had a child recently? I agree I would rather do it myself as a time-saver...I have too much to do! I can only give you the advice I gave myself...maybe you're in a slump--it happens in relationships sometimes...maybe you're stressed out--if your other basic needs aren't met, you're certainly not going to have any interest in sex. I don't think it has anything to do with your husband personally and I certainly don't think there's anything wrong with you. All I can say is give yourself some time, talk with your husband about what you're feeling, and try to do other things with your husband that you do enjoy. Do you like it when he rubs your shoulders...goes for a walk with you...does some of the household chores without being asked? Maybe something like that will help to "put you in the mood" and rekindle past romantic feelings. Good luck...

2 moms found this helpful

I have to agree with many of the responces here. Many things can attribute to your non-existing want for sex. Have you or your husband gained weight? Have you been placed on medications that could possibly swallow up your libito? Are you under a tremendous amount of stress lately? You may also want to remember, intimacy doesn't necessarily mean sex! You both may need to find time to reconnect with each other. Find out exactly what brought the two of you two of you together in the first place. Was it his smile? His eyes? His spontaneous acts of love? Try going out on a scheduled date once every week or so. Do the things that will lead up to sex.

If some of these things are unachieveable, maybe you could think about marraige counciling. He may not realize (or you for that matter) what things deep inside you might be hiding.

I've been married for 7 years with my husband and I, too, went through this. I have 3 boys, my youngest being only 4, and haven't lost any of the "baby fat" and have gained even more since his birth. I didn't feel sexy like I did prior to my kids and that for me was a trigger to the "don't touch me" mode. But knowing that my husband loves me for ME helps me to get over those negative feelings. We may not have sex every other night like most couples, but the times that we do makes me feel even more loved than ever.

I hope that you find out what is causing your problem.
M.

2 moms found this helpful

That's kind of normal - check out a few things first like:
meds you are taking that lessen sex drive
menopausal symptoms
too much stress in your life

Other than that, maybe you need counseling - boredom has set in after 19 yrs. or maybe he has a lack of concern or respect for you that caught up to you finally. In any case, seek professional help to get to the root of the problem. Most marriages can be saved if the effort is put into it.

J.

1 mom found this helpful

I haven't been married as long either but I did also go through this. There were a couple things that I noticed that helped me. One thing was that it seemed to iritate me every time he asked for it or made comments so then by the time I did want it he had alreasy irritated me to the point that I would rather it not be from him. So I NICELY asked him to not ask so much. That it made me feel uncomfortable and that if he let it be for a little while he might have more luck.
Also I realized that part of the problem was that I didn't feel sexy anymore so it was hard for me to get into the mood. I bought myself some new lingerie that really looked nice on me and had my husband install a new lock on our bedroom door.
And lastly my husband must now shower beofre we have sex. I fold his skivvies...it's kind of a turn off. knowing that he is nice and clean helps a lot.
But as the others said it is probably something outside of the bedroom that is the problem even if it is just too much stress and you feel tired. Try to take care of that and things might change. And remember when all else fails someday he may not be able to do it anymore and you're going to wish he could. Enjoy it now!

1 mom found this helpful

L.,
L. again, I will respond privately.

1 mom found this helpful

From experience, the best thing you could do is see if there are other factors in your life right now that are affecting your feelings for your husband. Personally, if I'm angry with my husband or otherwise hurt and feeling discontent with him, I don't want him to touch me either. I don't even want to hold hands when I feel that way. When there are problems in the bed room, there are usually problems in other areas too. I think you might benefit from marriage counseling too. Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Hi L.,

I haven't been married for nearly that long but I went through that as well. The only advice I can give you is get him to work for it. For me anyway, was that he really didn't do anything to contribute to the marriage and family but still expected sex. I couldn't be bothered taking care of yet one more thing. So he had to tep up the care of things in the house. eventually he did step up at least for a little bit. Mostly though he did n't change I just changed my perspective. I don't know if you wanted advice or where you just putting the info out there.

Anyway remember most of the time it's all about you.

hope it helps - if not tell him to go buy it, just use a condom.

B.

1 mom found this helpful

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