I Haven't Shown Enough Appreciation for My Sister's Gift

Sounds like you could use a real day of vacation. Make it a fun event with your boys to get the telescope working. Sounds like a win-win for everyone - you, boys and your sister.

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I am kind of surprized at some of the responses. Mostly the one with the drama queen and her pitty party. First this is not a friend situation, you two are sisters, so I do think your sister is probably upset because she spent 150.00 dollars (even if it was half price its a lot of money) and nothing was done with her gift, she must feel like she threw her money away. I agree with Tamara, we make time for what we want to do even in our busy lives. Is say bite the bullet and apologize, let her know it was inconsiderate of you to not do anything with her gift and that you understand how that makes her feel. Good luck.

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J.,

You poor thing. It appears that you have a drama queen for a sister who bought your kids a defective telescope for half price, and is taking it out on you! Since she is the one who bought the gift, SHE should be the one to find the replacement parts. She needs to let this go and move on! However, a true drama queen probably won't let it go for a very long time. She is far from done with her pity-party. I have a couple of drama queens in my life, and I know how emotionally draining it is/they are. Best of luck!

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J.,

Moms are always busy. I'm sure your sister is busy too, however, it doesn't sound like the gift is a priority to your family right now and sometimes that is just life. Why not sending her a note thanking her for the lovely gift and explaining that space and time wise it just isn't right for your family at this time. Then offer so pass the telescope back to her. It will allow her to re-gift it to someone else or to get the other parts and use it with her own children. Just an idea. We have had a telescope we bought at a garage sale we had to get parts for and it ended up being a great thing in the house for the kids! Hopefully this will restore the calm and relieve the stress over the gift. :)

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I think it is sad you have to explain yourself to anyone that much especially your sister. She should be the one who understands you the most. Maybe you should wrap the almost 3 year old gift up with a nice card stating that you all where very excited about the gift but as life carries on it has been difficult to fully enjoy the great gift and that maybe her child would be better suited to use it at this time. Send it back and drop the guilt. We are too busy to carry extra baggage around.

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My thought is that your boys are old enough to do this theirselves. You have enough on your plate that you don't need to add another project. Have your boys look up the company on the internet and do what needs to be done. If they aren't interested, then the gift wasn't right for them. It was wonderful that she found a great deal and was thrilled to get it for them, but sometimes a gift we get just doesn't fit the person. It is ok to admit that. As far as your sister goes, you might want to offer it back to her nicely or just admit that the boys aren't interested or don't have the time, but you'll keep it safe and maybe at a later date they will grow to appreciate it. You're doing the best you can and you don't need to be worrying about this. Gifts are not supposed to bring guilt, especially for this long. Good luck!

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Be up front and honest. I didn't read completely through the message the first time to see that your parents lied for you and told her that the boys were enjoying the telescope. Firstly, ask your boys if they are interested. If not, then tell her you apologize,, but they show no interest. She's your sister, so it should take more than this for her to be exceptionally mad at you. Secondly, if they are not interested, don't push it on them. Tell her the truth. Ebay is always an option. Sometimes with kids, it's hard to tell what they would really like or not like. Let them tell you and then it's up to you to tell her...but now that it's an issue, I would move it up further from the bottom of your priority list to somewhere closer to the top. Also, if the boys ARE interested in it, incorporate them into searching for the parts for it and have THEM put it together. They are old enough and i'm sure the parts can be found. Ebay or Craig's List is a near for-sure on being able to find the parts if you cannot locate them anywhere else.

Thirdly, regardless of interest on the boys' part or not, I would apologize to your sister and explain that your life has been exceptionally busy and that everything else has to take priority (especially your recovery) before anything else. However, any news to her ASAP about their interest in the gift is important. It is also important to not let this be something you lose sleep over. I am a single mom too. When I saw that you are working 7 am to 7 pm, that was enough for me right there. Your health and sleep is the most important of all, without your health, you won't be able to take care of anything, will you? And since it's been 2 an 1/2 years, I kind of think she needs to let it go at the end of the day regardless. I mean, to be mad about something that happened that long ago is petty.

Good luck

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You have told your sister Thank You, that should be enough. Since it appears that it isn't enough for her..maybe next time she asks about it say something like, "You know, I've thanked you countless times for this gift, given almost 3 years ago, I don't know what else you expect me to say. So, thank you for the gift..from 3 years ago and that is the last time I'm going to talk about it." Maybe, since your kids aren't using it that much, maybe offer to give it back to her? I know with my 2 older sisters, we can get very sarcastic with each other and usually after some remark, we shut-up about it. Knowing me and my sisters, I would even add..."well, it's sort of hard to use, since there are missing parts, so why don't I give it back to you, so your kids can use it?" Give it back and see what she does with it. If she finds the time and funds to order the missing parts..then kudos to her and move on.

I also agree that since it was an "incomplete" gift it is her responsibility to replace the missing parts.

Has she not given your kids any other gift in the 2 1/2 years since?

Maybe she feels guilty for giving a gift that really can't be used!

I too, give gifts with thought and care, once I've been thanked I move on. Knowing they aren't being used does hurt my feelings, but I kind of have to tell myself, "Oh well, I gave a gift, was thanked" AND MOVE ON!

Sorry this is long, but I have an in-law sort of like your sister and it burns me up when stuff like this happens. So, there is usually some sarcastic remark flying out of my mouth about it to that person.

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Just send her an email. "It was so nice of you to buy the telescope for the boys. I am sure they will love it, but I simply haven't had time to figure out what parts are missing and how to order them...Life has been so busy, as I know you can relate. Anyway...You are the best Aunt ever!"
I wouldn't even address the part about your parents lying, unless she asks...then just tell her that you don't know why they told her that. Hope this helps you feel more comfortable with the issue! Take Care~

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To help your sister to understand why you haven't ordered the parts yet to put it together, "tell her just what you said in your message on Mamasource". Time is something you don't have a lot of and she needs to understand that. If she doesn't, then it's on her, not you. Some people have more time than others and maybe "she is one of those persons". Don't feel "guilty" because you have nothing to feel "guilty" about.

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find a few minutes to order the parts, ask your husband or a friend or even your mother to call and order the parts. You are not only hurting your sister's feelings but also depriving your boys from a good learning tool.

Goodluck
A.

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Relationships are always more important than things...do what you can to keep your relationship with your sister. Ask for her help in obtaining the parts, invite her over one evening to help her nephews put it together, then all go star-gazing together. You have to make the time, and make it a priority. It's not necessarily about being "guilted" but do it because you love her and want her to be a big part of your lives.

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J....what a pickle! i say "eat crow" you don't have to lie or tell the truth...just say "I am SO sorry for how I have offended you! I never meant to hurt you, etc etc," don't explain yourself...if she repeats the story she left you on the answering machine just nod your head and say "I apologize," "or yes, you are right, I am sorry,"
Hopefully she won't ask you again if you have ordered the parts!! however, when you get some down time in the next few years, it might be wise to find the parts and give the telescope to her child. Hopefully someday she will understand...perhaps when her child has a schedule as busy as her own...it takes being in a person's shoes to understand...unfortunately this is something she may hold a grudge about (since she is bringing it up two years later)...hang in there!

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did your children send a thank you card for the gift? If so then you have done everything you should do and shame on your sister for "fishing for compliments" for her "great gift." If your children did not send a thank you card then Shame on YOU for not teaching them the proper way to thank someone when they have been thougtful enough to think of you.

A telephone call, email, or verbal "thank you" is NOT enough when a person takes the time to so something for another person. If a person thinks enough about you to take time out of their busy day to buy you or your childrena gift, or do something special, or even have you over tho their house for a overnight visit.... it is proper for you to take the time from your busy schedule to sit down, write a thank you, and mail it.

It that has not been done, do it NOW. Simply state you are so sorry it has taken so long but you DID want to express how thankful you and your boys were for the wonderful telescope.

D.

Mother of three: 18, 17, and 4

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My mother is someone that no matter how much you appreciate it's never good enough. 2 1/2 years? And she's still got issues? Give me a break!
Give YOURSELF a break! You are working like crazy, raising a family and yes, you appreciate what she did, but are you going to have to be burdened with it forever?
My mom does not speak to her only sister (since 1965!!!) because her sister did not appreciate something my mom did for her.

Maybe your sister won't be happy no matter HOW much appreciation you show. FORGIVE YOURSELF, get OFF the guilt trip bus, and let your sister have the pity party by herself!

The only approval we really need is that of Our Lord.

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Your sister needs to get over herself and you need to be honest with her! You have an extremely busy life!! You don't mention anything about a husband?? I'm married w/three children and I also work full time. I know how challenging it is to keep up with everything, and that is with spousal support. I have a sister-in-law is also well-intentioned, but all the same I am honest w/her when these situations crop up from time to time. It may hurt her feelings a little and that is not my intention, but at the same time she needs to understand I live in a very different reality from her and so my priorities are very different. All I can stress here is being honest w/each other! And I completely disagree w/some of the other responses that say you should apologize!! You have nothing to apologize for!

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Honestly, you only have one true choice and that's being honest with your sister.

I understand and can see that you are a busy mom. Most of us are. It really sounds more like you don't want to do anything with the telescope. Generally, we make time to do the things we want to do. You haven't wanted to put the telescope together or order the replacement parts, so you haven't done it.

Explain your frustration with the telescope to your sister and apologize to her. Show gratitude for the gift that your sister put a lot of thought into and make the time to order the parts and put the telescope together.

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I'm a single mom and you know what I love to do? I hire a teenage boy to watch my son so that I can get OUT. While I am out, I tell him (the teenage boy) the large heavey objects that I need to move, etc. (like the basketball goal dumped over once, and we got a new slip and slide that he set up another time). While I am gone, the teenage boy takes care of the problem. I suggest that you go out for dinner while the teenage boy sets up your telescope! (I know you need some parts; maybe someone else can take care of that for you).

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if it really bothers you, you should take the time to get it out and order what it needs you really should have told her when you got it that it was not complete and took care of it then. now you have several problems that can only by fixed by getting it fixed or you have to call your sister and tell her that she is being lied to and you never took the time to order the parts for the gift that she was so proud of being able to afford for your children, i know how it is to be busy but you only get a sister once she can't be rebought or played later or done later like other things on your list can, either get the parts or get on line and order another one like it and get it put toghether, or be honest knowing you are going to hurt her badly, or keep lying to her and when she figures it out she will hurt later especially since not only you but your parents who are trying to protect the relationship between you and your sister have been lying to her. i guess it is a matter of prioritys and how high your relationship with your sister is on that list, pray about it and you will probly find you have more time than you thought skip some cleaning it can be done another day, but when your sisters gone shes gone god bless

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Dear J. N:

We have ALL been in your position. Someone gives a thoughtful gift, but was a little THOUGHTLESS about the effort and time it would take to use their gift.

I would just honestly let my sister know my schedule and that I just haven't had time to assemble the parts and telescope. She might be a little mad for a while, but that's okay. Spending time with your children is more important than running down the parts. Maybe future gifts will come with parents in mind, i.e., with all the parts!

L. F., mother of a 12-year-old daughter.

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Hey Jen,

If you cannot talk to your sister, why not just send her this letter you put on here explaining to her what all is going on. She may be hurt but, she is your sister and in the long run she should understand. Believe me, I have gone through enough things like this with my sisters. Just be honest. I personally would have probably done the same thing that you have done and I am not quite as busy as you are.

Good Luck!

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I understand your busy but i also agree with one other person. if you have time to wite this and read the responses you have time to look up the missing parts. This was a long post and time waisted not doing research.

Yes it was a gift and all the response needed was a thank you and that is that....but this is not a gift from a stranger. it is a gift from your sister who worked hard for the money as a single parent and thought long and hard about the gift. So I see why her feeling are hurt and esp. since it has been 3 years why in all that time have you not ordered the missing pieces? It just sounds like your being lazy and not considerate.

If you really feel that you just dont have the time...why dont you tell your sister your sorry that things are just crazy for you and would she mind ordering the parts for you and make it a project for the boys to help you put it together.

Just order the parts and put it together...it will make your sister happy and a happier relationship for the two of you.

I have a sister as well and I think she would be heart broken if this had happened to us. It only takes a few minutes to go online and look for replacements parts. If you cannot find them, then call your sister and tell her. Explain to her you have looked online and cannot find any place that sell them. Maybe she can help you locate them and your boys should also be able to help you with this they 12 and 16 year olds are much better at surfing the web than any adult. It should only take a few minutes at most you can find that sort of time for your sister.

It is slightly tacky to give an incomplete gift and then expect the recipient to fix it to enjoy it. Tell her to get over it and next time if she wants you all to use the gift, make sure it is usable to begin with.
J.

Jen ~
It really sounds like this is something that has been upsetting you for a long time. I am sure by this point it has interfered with your relationship with your sister. So what now? It doesn't seem like you don't appreciate the gift, and are obviously very busy woman. Sometimes it is important to realize you cannot be superwoman all the time; your boys are 12 and 16, and lots of boys enjoy fixing things and putting things together. Ordering the parts will take no time at all for you; perhaps now that it is summer the boys will have some time to put it together themselves. I am sure your sister will be thrilled to hear about their experience putting it together and be proud of their accomplishment.
Another option may be to ask for your sister's help in putting it together. The time spent together doing that may be good for the relationship. Either way, you should definitely be honest with her, and let her know why you hadn't used the telescope, how much you did appreciate the gift, and try to mend from there.

Perhaps you should set a limit on the amount of money you spend on the kids. It was obviously a big deal to her, and she is hurt. Order the parts...it is a small thing.

L.

Hi J. - would recommend being honest always. I am the 'OTHER' sister in my sister relationship.
Let her know that you had trouble getting it together and never really got it off the ground-could she help? If she is upset-explain you just kept thinking you could get to it and time slipped by-honest.
As for the toys, let her know to keep them simple and inexpensive. Her time coming over to visit is much more valuable than any toy. CAN SHE COME OVER for a visit?
My sister always tells me she never likes my gifts or the kids stripped the dolls or something. Pretty heart wrenching when I tried to pick out just that wonderful gift from me that could be remembered as from me and it was not wanted and being a single mom - it was even more difficult to do.
So I have learned to keep things simple - send gift cards or money and let them tell me what they bought. I learned I am not remembered by the toys- just the remembering them part on their days.
I love my sister and would never let anything so simple come between us - she is my only sister and I adore her - even if she is totally honest. :)
Hugs to you - slow down you - all or nothing is too hard and no fun!

Jen,
First of all, don't lie! It is condescending and disrespectful. Just take some time out to call your sister and tell her the truth. Tell her that it was missing parts, and while you'd love to figure out how to order them and such, that you simply don't have time. Since it isn't right to give someone a broken gift, you should have been honest in the fist place so she should taken it back and then gotten the parts and put it together. Or, get her money back! She shouldn't be out that much money for something broken that never gets used. You should have been upfront from the beginning. Tell her that you appreciate her gifts and made a mistake by not calling sooner but you didn't want any feelings to get hurt. She may be upset right at first, but if you explain it all correctly, she'll surely come around and understand and either fix it for you or take it back and give it to someone else she knows who may use it. Good luck.

In my opinion, if you've already thanked your sister, explained about the missing parts, and have had such a hectic year, then you need to stop feeling guilty and trying to justify why the telescope was never put together and used by your sons.

Since she gave the gift, it was actually her place to replace the missing or broken parts and it still might not be too late. Some gifts, though given with love, are just too complicated to mess with, LOL! You just have to use this as a learning experience and move on.

Pray about it and let the Lord show you how to handle things after such a long time.

Your relationship with your sister is most important. I lost my sweet sister in mid-March of this year.

In the meantime....breathe, breathe, breathe!

I think you stated it correctly in your title. You haven't shown enough appreciation for the gift. Your sister's feeling are understandably hurt that something she picked out has been so carelessly thrown away. I do understand getting busy and not getting the parts ordered, but that seems like such a small thing to do to fix something that can blow up so big. No other family members should be less than honest in speaking about it and neither should you.

Order the parts and apologize for letting this drag on. Let her know that you appreciate her thoughtfulness and her gift. Don't let it drag on. Do it know and face her and get it over with. Don't let something so little get in the way of being friendly with your sister...you never know when you might not get the chance to make it right.

You seem really busy and have a pretty hectic schedule. Although we often want to be Superwomen, we just can't. Don't be so hard on yourself and I just wouldn't even discuss it with your sister. Everyone has to remember that gifts are for the recipient and that recipient has the right to use it or not use it at their discretion. I definitely wouldn't bring up the subject, but if it happens to come up just start telling her how much of an awesome gift it was and how much the kids love it (which I'm sure they do like the gift) and change the subject. Also, just tell her you haven't had the time with your schedule to actually sit down and take part in them playing with it, but you plan to as soon as time permits. Hopefully, she can understand and just let her know she's a great sister and you really appreciate her putting so much thought into the gift.

I absolutely understand the lack of time with having to do things. But I also understand that buying something even though it was half price especially if it is meticulously picked out for you and your boys is time consuming and for a single mother, expensive. I feel like you let this drag on too long. You should have told her that parts were missing from the get go. AND you have two boys who are "capable" in helping putting it together.

I think you didn't like the gift because it was bought half off.

You should tell her the truth instead of having your parents lie for you. What is that showing your children?

Understandably, I disagree with other people that your sister is the drama queen. This should have been taken care of 2 1/2 years ago.

When someone give you a gift, it is just that; a gift. It doesn't matter what the gift is, or who it came from. Your only obligation is to say "thank you" for the gift in an appropriate way. Then, it is entirely up to you what you do with the gift. You can sell it, give it away, return it, use it, or put it up in the attic for 3 years. It is not really any of the giver's business what you do with it. Of course, you want to be careful not to hurt your sister's feelings, because she is your sister. But after accepting the gift and thanking her, you are under no further obligation.

First, you had enough time to sit down and write this post on Mamasource and I am sure you are sitting there reading the responses.
Just in that amount of time you could have ordered the parts.
Second, it is not about how much your sister did or didn't spend and if all the parts weren't there because she could not have known that. It is how you are raising your children. You are not teaching them the value of a gift from others, nor are you teaching them to respect what they do have and you are certainly not teaching them to take some responsibility for their things.

Maybe you should issue a post to all family and friends asking them not to send gifts to your family and to donate the money to Scottish Rite hospital to help families and children that need it and will certainly really appreciate it.

R.