I Have a Strongwilled 11 Month Old... How Do I Discipline Him!?

I would say what you are doing is right on target. Just continue to remove his hand and use a stern voice (reserved only for "big" things). Don't yell though. The stern voice is always what got my son's attention.

I don't think "punishment" is really a good thing at 11 months. I doubt he fully understands why what he is doing is wrong. Babies at that age, and for quite a while longer, only know self-gratification. They only know what they want & when they want it and you are the bad guy for not letting them have it on their terms.

Good Luck & just remember to keep your patience with him!

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I remember that time with my son all to well! I did not discipline my son until he hit 2 years of age. I do not think they understand the concept of time out. One of the things I remember the most is he thought it was fun to go up to our water cooler and pull the handle, of course I had water all over the floor several times a day. When he would go to it I would say a strong/firm NO, pick him up and distract him with another activity. I felt like I was doing that constantly for months, however, to my amazement one day it clicked and I just breathed a sigh of relief he got it! During the process of distraction I remember thinking this doesn't work, he will never get it, but he did. I used distraction as the main form of discipline until 2 years old. TODAY he is 5 and he sits in his time out chair with no problems. Hope this helps,good luck and just hang in there, it is a stage and you will get thru it! Also don't pay attention to his smiling and laughing about what he is doing even though it eats you inside, just ignore it. Good luck!

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The best thing that worked for me was to remove and distract. You still tell him no but then pick him up and move him. He will eventually get it that if he does touch or do whatever it is that he wasn't supposed to, that he will get taken away from it. To me, even slapping hands just teaches them to hit. Especially with boys who tend to be a little aggressive anyway. By the way, I am a stay at home mom of a 2 1/2yr old and a 10 month old boys. Good luck!

My first born was like your little one, headstrong and onery, even at 11 months. at first I spat his hand when that didn't work, I started lightly swatting his butt. it was just noise and scared him more than anything, but it got him to listen. Good Luck! :D

My little one started testing me at 11 months too (she's 17 months now). I found Love & Logic Magic for Early Childhood EXTREMELY helpful and I would swear my daughter is happier now that her limits are clear. This is from the same authors as Parenting with Love and Logic (which focuses on older children). Good luck!

I have two boys who went through the same phase. It is very normal for children to test the limits and in my experience distracting them and redirecting their attention to some other activity is the best way to deal with the situation. It is not always easy to find something else for them to do but if you can think of things ahead of time like let's draw a picture and have paper and colored pencils or crayons readily available, they will usually take your suggestion and entertain themselves with your desired activity instead.

11 months is just such an exploratory stage! Even exploring your reaction when he disobeys. My suggestion is that instead of starting a battle with a person who has no reasoning skills, you divert his attention and distract him. For example:

"No, Tommy, we don't play with the remote. I'm taking it away. Here! Try this fun rattle!"

Always try to distract them with a more enticing option. Once he's older, he'll better be able to understand your rules, and in the meantime, you've won your "argument," and you both are happy.

I'm 37, I have 2 children @ home. I understand the strong will, I have 2 unbelievably hard-headed kids. One is 11, the other 14. I am also in college and presently I am in a behavior analysis class. I am changing behaviors in my home using positive reinforcement and it's working!! At only 11 months you kinda have to look at is what he's doing something he wants or is it just trying to get attention? As humans everything we do is learned behavior. There is a reinforcement somewhere that makes him continue that behavior. If he's getting attention whether it's positive or negative might not matter. What I would suggest is playing a yes-no game, kinda like a diaper camp instead of boot camp. Set aside short amounts of time several times a day to get it established. Engage him in an activity, and call his name while he's engaged then, the second he looks at you reward him with verbal praise hugs and maybe even a food reward. Transition that to a quick sharp sound like the word "no" when he's into something he shouldn't and the split second he stops reward him. Eventually you can thin this whole thing out because good habits will be established. Praising him when he's doing appropriate behavior is just the same as punishing him when he's doing inappropriate behavior...it could very possibly be just the attention. Give him more appropriate behavior rewards and the inappropriate should fly away...it really works. It's not as fast as we would all like and it takes effort I'm not use to doing but it works even better than punishment. I know this is long and I've probably rambled, I'm sorry. I hope this gives you some sort of starting place. My daughter was the same way...still is, I just keep her really busy.

A.,

I have two of these little guys. Discipline does not work at this age. I don't think their little brains get it yet. My oldest is almost 3. For TWO years, he would get in the dog food unless I removed it. TWO years! My second is doing the same thing. He actually looks at me, belly laughs, and runs to the dog food to make a mess. He is 14 months. While I find him absolutely adorable, I can not stand the mess this makes. I started trying time out where he had to be in his crib for 1 minute, but it doesn't seem to make much of a difference. I guess I plan to just hang in there until he starts understanding the concept of consequences. Good luck! Just know that some day that strong willed, curious little guy just might put that energy into something useful.

Sincerely,
A.

my guess is he's getting a kick out of your reaction! try to remain very unanimated and calm when you discipline him. at that age, in addition to a pop on the hand for big no-nos, redirect his attention to something appropriate. good luck!

Look at loveandlogic.com You could get a book from your library or buy one. Super helpful for this age! I just got a load of their stuff recently after attending a seminar in Plano. I'm telling you, it takes so much stress out of parenting and really uses common sense approaches. The main thing is discipining without anger or frustration (learn to hide it...REALLY takes practice)and using each situation as a learning experience. It's fun to see how they react to each little "experiment"!! Good luck and enjoy...they are so funny at this age...always testing you, huh?!

To train up a child by mike and debi pearl has been the cornerstone for out discipline. they are harsh and i don't agree with all they do, but i do agree with the underlying theme of childrens obedience. i have 3 boys who are older now....and i get the same compliments....in today's world acting bratty and rudely is the norm....i have more people tell me how nice and mannerly my boys are. And how they DIDN'T expect it of 3 boys. They tell me their expectations when they see us coming was "Oh Gosh...great 3 boys...what did i do to deserve this..." but it is usually nothing good. Then we get there and they are nice and respectful, have manners and know how to use them. And most people are very shocked!!! And I got to tell you, I was a drill sergeant when they were younger. And I expected obedience immediately. You obey me first and ask me questions later. And I started when they wer toddlers.
Now about the hand slapping....I used that and indeed had one who would smile back at me and do it again..
I always tell my boys----Ehtan, i could discipline with a harsh look and the word NO and he would cry and not do it again----Aaron, i had to say no, get up and slap his hand and then he would leave someting alone, but it usually only took once...he just wanted to see if i would get up.---Now Adam, my youngest(8 now) I would say no, get up and slap his hand, he would smile and do it again, slap hand again, smile and do it again...until I picked him up and put him in time out, in his crib in another room. He wanted attention and didn't care if it was negative or positive. So i put him in the crib and deprived him of ME. No audience and he couldn't see ME. and that was what worked with him. He is still the headstrong one. But he knows I mean business and I don't hesitate to correct or punish.
Establish his boundaries now and you will not be sorry later. If you don't have a handle on it now you will definatley be sorry later, because you window of opportunity will be gone.
good luck,
L.

My Strongwilled child is now 14. It does not go away. The James Dodson book was great, but the best advice I received was from a Dr. I was working for. He said "Pick Your Battles" At 11 months, it is simple things, like playing in the dog food. If it is not going to hurt them or someone else, let them do it. AS they get older, make them help clean up any messes they make. If they want to wear cloths that do not match, it is not hurting anything but your pride, let them do it. It is soooo hard. I also like the Love and Logic books.

I have a friend who's little one is into everything (and my second is getting that way too) She just has her little boy bring her what he has and says a great big THANK YOU! and puts it where it's supposed to be/out of reach. I guess it could be a form of redirecting, but it also helps them learn to obey, and that it can be fun to obey, and there's no "NO!" involved. Just a thought.

Read James Dobson's book, The Strong-Willed Child. Lots of
helpful advice. Be consistent in what you do. My husband and I had a strong-willed child 26 years ago. It was tough, we survived by being consistent in our discipline, even in public. Best wishes.

Just my little 2 cents. I agree with the previous posters about distractions and such and that you've basically got it right. I would suggest that you find another word or sound for 'No' It's not that I think you shouldn't tell your kids no, it's that no is one of the easiest words for a child to say. Use "uh-uh" or a similar sound and you may delay those days of your toddler yelling No, no, no back at you.

I strongly recommend Love and Logic - my mother raised 5 kids and was a professional caregiver for 20 years following. She read all the books and took all the courses and suggested them to me. Thank goodness!! I just wish I had read them 14 years ago for my first daughter - my life would have been much easier!

We had a little booklet that helped us when our girls were little -- and it's still available today. It's called "Under Loving Command" by Al & Pat Fabrizio and you can order it online.

Run... don't walk... to a bookstore and buy James Dobson's "THe Strong Willed Child." Another great one, whether you're CHristian or not, is "Everything the Bible Says About CHild Training." This second book is EXCELLENT for giving step by step instructions for dealing with strong willed children!!!

I think at 11 months redirection is the best. Just move him away from whatever he is not suppose to be touching. Tell him no and move him away. At 11 months he is still a baby and I believe 11 months is too young for really structured discipline--I think that starts more around 18 months or so. There are so many years ahead of you that you are really going to have to be strong with discipline--enjoy the baby years when you don't. Hope that helps.

C.

My now 12-month old started doing that at 10 months. He'd start to do something, I'd say "no", then he'd get this glint in his eye, look straight at me, and continue doing it. What worked for me is saying "no" the first time, then if he continued anyway, I would pick him up, set him down in the middle of the floor, and turn my back and walk a little ways away. He'd cry then, and I'd wait just a few moments, then explain why he couldn't do what he had done, and then distract him to restore his good mood.

Its been working for us. I'm going to continue to read your responses, though, just to add more things to my bag of tricks! Good luck!

Redirect, redirect, redirect! He's just testing his world out and he likes that you respond to him even if it's negative. 11 month olds do not understand "bad" behavior vs. "good" behavior. I have a book suggestion, Positive Discipline, The First Three Years by Jane Nelsen. You can get it at the library, I did to review it then found it at Half-Price Books. It's a pretty good early childhood development book and seems to be very age appropriate as it follows the development of a child. Good luck!

Until they are two, they just don't get it. Everything is a game to them. I'm with everyone else, You tell them no, and remove them from whatever it is they are doing wrong. Also, prevention helps. If they get into the dog food, feed the dogs during nap time, if they are climbing into the dishwasher, make sure the door is closed, if they are getting into a cabinet, lock it, etc. Just make sure you give him lots of things he Can explore and get into.

Once he's two you can start with a few minutes of time out. But be prepared hon, it's all a battle of wills from here on out.

the first problem is saying no....try to say "not ok" or something else. they will just tune out no. slapping his hand at this age is useless. try redirecting him to something else

Slapping his hand at this point isn't going to work because he's not understanding anything you're doing. Try to save the word No for really bad situations such as if he's getting into the fireplace or something dangerous to him. Other than that, tell him nicely Don't touch...or something similar and if he still does it again, just gently move him away from the object and sit him down somewhere else. You can also distract him with a toy. When my son starts banging on my glass door, I tell him not to bang on it. He'll look at me and smile and do it again so I pick him up and move him away from it. If he goes back to try it again, he gets moved again somewhere else and given a toy to play with. Redirection at this age is the most important thing. If he can get your attention and get a response from you, whether positive or negative, he'll keep doing it. Hope that helps!

A. understand at this age that he is testing his boundaries. Your telling him no is a game to him especially if it is done in frustration. When he does something, get on his eye level...looking him in his eye and say a firm no as you remove him from the temptation. Do this everytime. Plus all family members especially grandparents have to do the same. consistency!!!!!

My 11-month old does the same thing. I try to just distract him with something better that is safe to play with. Like a toy that makes noise or a plastic baby spoon that looks like the spoon he is trying to reach. Now we are also using baby gates, cabinet locks, keeping things in high places or behind close doors, etc so he has less things to get into. Good luck!

I recommend To Train Up A Child by Michael and Debi Pearl
Read the whole book before you think it is not for you. It is not a big book. 5x7 bout 100 pgs.
It has made my life a LOT easier. My children do get noticed because of their behavior not due to LACK of behavior. Best Wishes!

Keep it simple. Redirect his behavior and use distraction. You are actually probably making the taboo behavior more appealing by making a big deal of it. He is too young for punishments right now. His little guy brain can't really learn from punishments right now. Just redirect and keep on truck'in.

You've gotten a lot of responses already, so I'll keep this short! I have a very willful 14-month-old boy, who is definitely a challenge compared to his twin sister! What's worked best with him is to say no firmly once, remove him from the temptation, and if he does it again, he's in his crib for one minute (or his high chair if we're downstairs). I have had to be very consistent with this, sometimes he's had these "timeouts" a dozen times in one day. But, it works! There are things I thought he would NEVER leave alone that now he does not go near. It is frustrating adn hard to do, but with consistency it is effective.
I've also ntoiced that my tone is very important. Most of the time, it's quiet and calm even when I'm saying no, there's just a firmness to it. When he does something that's actually dangerous, my tone is louder and more harsh. This is also very effective, because it kind of shocks him into listening when I'm louder and more harsh.
So much for keeping this short! Good luck!

A. he sounds just like my baby when he was little (he's now 12) I first started with thunks on the back of the hand (a flick) moved to harder thunk its. When that stoped working I moved to time out. We always had a spot so he knew where to go.

Hope this helps!

At this young age, sitting on a chair won't work, ha, so my suggestion is go ahead and say no , then remove him from the temtation, or you will have a battle ofthe wills, which he really isn't old enough to reason with yet, so try the discipoine first and go from there. I think they all go through this stage.