I Feel Trapped in My House When the Neighbor Kid Is Outside!

It's tough dealing with neighbors sometimes and that's w/o kids and being pregnant. I would knock on the door and talk to the mommy...lay all the blame on you and your pregnancy so they don't feel like they are being attacked and be honest(or as honest as you can be)...tell them that you like how well the kids play together but because you are pregnant and they are still so young you would like to limit it to once or twice a week...tell them that you will be putting up a pool but because of your current pregnancy you are not comfortable with their child swimming w/o them and then try to set a date where they can come over together...you can also mention that you haven't offered their son food because you are unaware if he has any allergies and you want to do the right thing by them(this will open the door for them to mention any religious restrictions as well). If they don't spend time with him in their own yard odds are they will decline your offer of an invite to play together in the pool and even if they don't they will now understand that they(and their son)need to be invited to come over. Don't stay in your house because you feel bad, it's unfortunate but by watching this little boy you are enabling the behavior to continue...tell him "I'm sorry but I don't feel well today, another day you can come over." Sun is one of the best things for depression(good old vitamin D)...so get out there and enjoy your daughter and the sun...and if you(or the little boy)have extra people over tell him no...and when you put up that pool...adjust the latch on your fence so it can't be opened by the kids, the inflatable pools are required by law to be securely fenced just like any other pool...the last thing you want is someone getting in and hurt. Best of luck! (and hey worse case scenario, if you offend them by going over there then they will avoid you and you'll be rid of the problem altogether.)

L.,

We have similar situations in our neighborhood...the kids all invite themselves to our house. Like you said...I feel like then I'm babysitting all of these kids, and I already have 5 of my own. We live in a trailer park and kids are constantly running around without their parents and coming into our yard.

We have very strict rules...no one else in the yard unless all of my kids invite them...no neighborhood kids in the house ever, we don't feed or give drinks to the neighborhood kids...no kids on the trampoline unless their parents ok it...and no neighborhood kids in the pool, period, no exceptions. In addition, their parents must know where they are and be ok with them being in our yard.

I do not take responsiblity for these kids, but if my kids want to play with them, then I will let them. I know it seems harsh, but in a trailer park you get all kinds and we are not willing to be the neighborhood hang out to kids whose parents we have never even met, nor are we willing to feed the neighborhood.

So I would say this to you...set your rules, let the neighbors know what they are...make sure your daughter is very clear about them, and don't be afraid to say no. Don't be a prisoner in your own yard. The little boy can be told no. It is not your job to entertain him...and I really wouldn't let him in your pool unless his parents were sitting right there watching him...that's a HUGE liability, especially being so pregnant. At least you are lucky enough to have a fence!!

D.

Wow! Maybe my neighbor and your neighbor are related. We have been dealing with a situation similar to this for about 6 years. I just let my girls know before I let them out that if our neighbors were outside that no, they cannot come over to play, so don't ask. Then I'd explain "Mommy's busy and can't watch another child, mommy doesn't feel good, etc". This way my kids knew not to even ask, and if the neighbors asked them, they knew the answer was no. Then I tried to arrange some other play dates so they had time to play with other kids. Maybe there are some other mothers in your support group that have kids and would like to get together. You are doing the right thing, since you don't know all the details of the child and there is no sharing of supervision. I too, would feel sorry for the child, but you have enough to worry about with your own and another on the way. Keep concentrating on yourself and your family.

L.,

its not your job to monitor this kid, thats his parents job,

tell him he cannot come over unless he brings his mommy or daddy.

explain to your daughter that he cannot share her pool.

tell her only if his mom or dad come to monitor him.

Lets face it, you will soon have the additional burden of another one of your own children, and do not need the added distraction of a neighbors child.

At 2-4 they shouldn't be outside alone or unattended fenced in or not.

encourage the child to make his parents monitor him.

this way your making the reason he can't come over because or his lack of parental supervision.
And this way your daughter doesn't think its YOU as a mean mommy.

After reading the comments I want to just say

Muslims cannot eat foods that aren't Halal,
which means the food needs to be prepared and handled and prayed upon in a certain way.
Pork is forbidden altogether, religiously, but so is all food that is Haram.

I agree, he could also have food alergies,
My son is allergic to red dyes,
this child could have a nut allergy,
Honey if he is allergic to Bee stings
wheat and gluten

there are so many possibilities

with a pool there are added concerns,What if this child has a contagious skin infection or disease,
what if he drowns,

this is not about feeling sorry for this kid whose parents don't care enough to keep a close eye on him,

this is what is best for your family

Good luck sorry i couldn't be of more help.

M

I hate to say this, but I think you are wrong on a lot of levels. You are holding a 4 year old boy responsible for a problem that you as an adult should be handling. I am sorry for you rough pregnancy. I have had three pregnancies each with horrible morning sickness and prenatal depression, so I understand not feeling well. You need to be a grown up and speak to the family. Not hide behind your pregnancy and the fact that you had an issue with the music. Also these are your neighbors and you are not being neighborly. But mostly I find it sad that your daughter and this boy next door are paying the consequences for the sins of the adults in this familly. Be the bigger person and knock on the door and work some thing out with them that will make everyone happy, but especially your children.

Send all uninviting children home as soon as they invade...either call their parents to come and get them or bring them home yourself if you have to...tell their parents "they came uninviting and that you don't have the energy to watch them all. Please keep your children from coming over uninvited as it isn't safe or O.K. for them to do this." If the visits continues after talking to their parents, call the police station and tell them your pregnant and very tired and have children who wandered into your yard and home uninvited that don't belong to you...ask them to please come to take them safely home as soon as possible...

Hi. I live a densely populated neighborhood and we just know that we will always be interacting with our neighbors. It's a great joy and also sometimes a tough situation. We love most of our neighbors and have similar parenting styles but there are exceptions. A few family's have really different lifestyles, never watch their kids and this makes things kind of tough. In general, you need to make sure your daughter knows the rules for your family (don't leave the yard without your permission, don't invite anyone over without your permission, etc.) and you probably need to deliver your rules to the little fellow next door. If his parents are never available to talk to. I have had to do this with a little fellow down the street. When we are packing up to go somewhere, if I see him, I remind him that he can't come in our yard without our permission (I often find evidence). I also try to remind myself often that, we all need to get along (we might be living together for the next 20 years) and I want to make sure that I am friendly with this fellow and his family now so that I can still approach him when he is 6 feet tall and in high school. You might want to try to check in with his family about whether you can give him a healthy snack (probably the only food a Muslim pakistani would avoid is pork) and this can show you care caring and concerned and ahem, taking care of their kid. It would be nice to open the communication doors over something that isn't a problem so that you can have a better relationship when there is a problem.

Good luck.

J.

Hi L.,

I don't have advice about your neighbor, but I wanted to respond to your comment about prenatal depression. I have gone through horrible bouts of depression, and am now 8 months pregnant. I spoke extensively to my ob/gyn about this after I found out that I was pregnant. Turns out that there ARE medications for depression / anxiety that are commonly perscribed during pregnancy. In addtion your ob/gyn should be looking at the risks vs benefits. If you have severe depression, the benefits of taking medications while pregnant likely far outweigh the risk. If you are feeling healthy, you'll be taking better care of yourself, and therefore your unborn baby. Please talk to your doctor and see what you might be able to work out.

Good Luck!

I agree with what Christina said. I'd also mention to the mom that their son opens the gate by himself and it makes you anxious. They may not be aware that he is doing this.

If you are worried about approaching the family because of the previous incident, ask your husband to do it. or write a friendly note and slip it in their mailbox...

Then again, you could always put up a stockade fence. "Strong fences make good neighbors" has a lot of truth to it.

First I want to say congratulations on you upcoming new baby.

I can relate to your situation as we have this happen to us also. The parents are never around while these children are playing outside. They come and knock on my door all the time to ask my daughter to play. The young boy is autistic, therefore his social skills arent the best. We had an incident were he was verbally disrespectful to me while I was trying to show him saftey rules (I almost hit him w/ my car), I drove to his house and told his parents, which immediately went to get him and took him inside. He was then not allowed at my house for the entire summer, by my choice.

Both children come done occasionaly and play, but with guidelines. They ask and at times I say no becuase my daughter is busy at other times she goes and plays.

The one thing that I thought about is this, what if this is a test for me? Am I showing the love to the little children? It may not always be fun and I truly dont believe in the way these children are being raised, but if I dont show the kindness and love, who are they getting it from? I can make the difference to show them the polite way in society. It took me two years to get them to understand that my house, my rules and if they dont want to follow them, dont come down. I always ask them, do your parents know your here and send them on their way when they do not act appropriately and restrict them like a "time out" from coming for a period of time.

Things are now much better and I can see a growth and improvement in attitude. I know at times I do not feel like watching them myself, so be honest, tell him your not feeling well today and maybe tomorrow morning he can play for an hour. You are teaching him while you are making your rules.

Enjoy your daughter, the summer and remember you can show love and respect for others to this child who is seeking.