I Fee!l like I Am at the End of My Rope !

Sounds like a tough situation to be in....talk to your mother when robyns not around... Ask we need to work together and i need your help...i would take the computer or only allow 2 hours per nite.......limits are tough but it sounds like its tough right now you are not alone

Not an easy situation. It starts with your mom. Living with her is like co-parenting, the two of you need to be on the same page. But YOU are mom, ultimately she needs to defer to you, she had her chance to raise her kids.

I have an 11 year old who is also a fan of you tube and other time waisters, I am not a fan. I have a rule that none of these things are allowed unless all other homework and chores are done, and then it is still a limited pre determined time limit.

There is no discussion, no yelling, if she gets snotty "thats one" if it continues "thats two" continues "thats three" and then she either gets a time out with no electronics or something else that will grab her attention.

Your mom needs to understand that you are taking the computer away because your daughter is abusing the right to use it, and because it works. But everytime she starts a fight with you about it she is undermining your authority as THE parent and allowing your daughter to find an easy way of controling the situation so she gets what she wants. Kids are by nature manipulative, it's normal, but we have to show them that it is good behavior that will get them what they want. They still have control, but only of themselves, and if they use self control they get what they want.

Hope I helped, good luck.

Have you thought abaout upping the security on the computer and putting a password on it. I would also tell mom that you are grateful for help in letting you and your kids stay with her BUT the discipline is your area. The computer should be taken away and if Robyn needs to do research, she can go to the library. I have done this with my two girls and it is working. On Satrdays AFTER they get their chores done, correctly, they can spend the rest of the day there. But they have to go dressed for church so I can pick them up at 4:15 to make it to 5 p.m. mass.

Tough place to be. Your a mother living with your mother. Boundaries must be established. The two of you are not co-parenting. You are the parent here. Perhaps a private conversation with your mother will help. Giving in to your mother isn't helpful to the children. Robyn knows she can disobey you and grandmother will let her have whatever she wants with no limits.

If some amicable ageement on parenting can not be established you may need to move. It will be a hard decision to make and supremely difficult to live with but it may be in the best interest of the children.

Robyn has to learn how to discipline herself. All too soon she will be a legal adult yet not prepared for it if this keeps up.

You may want to consider letting your mother deal totally with Robyn for a few months. She can now be your daughter's source for everything. Money, clothes, the wake up call for school, homework and time management, everything. Stand back and watch as Robyn begins to treat grandma the same way she treats you. Let her suffer the consequences of her actions under your protective umbrella. The sooner she falls, the sooner she can get herself up, dust herself off and grow up.

Parenting ain't easy. Either way you have options. I like the idea of your momma being Robyn's source. It gives you the break you need and should reduce your stress.

The joys of the computer age. How did we ever live with out it? That and video games, ugh!

I would set boundries with your daughter and give her time limits that she can be on it. You can do it one of 2 ways. You should be able to use parental controls on the computer and block sites unless you temporarily allow them or you can take the internet access like the modem or cpu after a certain time at night. This will let her know that she only has until X time to do research and chat with friends on those sites. Do you have access to her pages? You want to make sure they are locked down so people just can't view them but you also need to make sure what is there for friends to see is appropriate. By taking a main component of internet access she won't be able to be up all night on those sites. It should help her attitude and schooling. If she has a phone I would also take that away.

As for your mom I would have a talk with her without the kids around because it sounds like it might get heated. Show her the sites that your daughter is going to until all hours of the morning and let her know you are not against your daughter using these sites and that yes she does need it for research/assignments but that boundries need to be set. Then let her know what you are going to do, take it at X time or lock it down. When your mom gets defensive ask her point blank "mom when did you EVER let me stay up this late at that age? Let alone every night???". I would hope that would sink in and bring your mom back to reality. Kids nowadays are up way to late on computers, games, and cell phones. If they are taken at night then the child can get back to a normal sleep pattern and become a normal happy kid again. I wish you the best of luck. I've seen this with my nephews and it was the physically taking it away at x time that finally worked. I dread going through this with my own.

The only other option would be to move out and eliminate the frustration but I'm guessing that is not an option at this point. My sister at the time was living with my dad. He would get very frustrated at times but was very passive and let her do the parenting. He only stepped in if it got out of control. Both ways have their pros and cons.

You and your Mom need to work out some ground rules about parenting in your living arrangement. If your Mom is determined to undermine you at every turn, you need to get yourself together and move your family to your own house or apartment. Can your Mom REALLY think that all that time on the computer is a GOOD thing? My Space, You Tube, etc are NOT homework sites. Your Mom needs to be informed of the bad things that can happen with unsupervised unlimited computer use. And when you put your foot down, your Mom need to tell Grand Daughter "Stop your fussing and respect your mother" and not a word more.

S.- Oh, boy! Not a great situation, for sure. While I don't have a social teen daughter, I have a preteen video game-obsessed son, and I literally removed his Wii because he asked if he could play wii instead of going to his real baseball practice. He loves sports so I knew the wii was a problem. I too live with my mother... I don't need to say much more on that subject. I think I would make rules as to how the computer is to be used, make sure that my daughter and my mother understand that the computer is for school work. I would either cut off internet at home and get rid of wifi (because she can piggy back on someone else who may not have security) if no one else in the house needs it or you can set it all up on wifi with a password, so that you or any other adults can get access but she can't. You could also take her computer and have someone set up the security so that only you (not her grandma) has a password and blocks certain sites so you can control the usage. Then I would make it mandatory that she get social in-person. Movies with friends, friends coming over, you get it so that her social life isn't all about the computer. I would also consider a locked box, cabinet, closet that the computer and cell phone go into when you go to bed. Being w/o a computer, but still having your handheld is really not going to stop the poor choices, she'll just use her phone (unless you take all texting and data capabilities away, then it's just a phone.)

I'm a pretty strict mom, but I understand the guilt our kids/parents like to put on us. I think you need to take a stand. Every kid needs guidelines and Grandparents need to know when they're overstepping their bounds. I might even consider finding an article about the negatives of too much unsupervised internet usage by teen girls (I would even consider a really scary article - eg teen runs away with someone met thru fb, myspace, etc.) and share it with your mom. You need your mom to be an ally and keep your daughter's safety in mind. I'll bet your mom is not up to speed with all the ways kids can get in trouble on the internet, let alone how it's affecting your daughter's other behavior because of lack of sleep,etc.
Blessings...
S.

Where is your mother when your daughter is on the computer???? Mom needs to sit in with her and get a whole new education about these things! Yes even if it is three in the morning-then you should see a new look at the whole approach. When Mom realizes how your daughter is NOT doing her homework and playing with -well "who knows who" not only will she tell you to remove it-she may do it before you even hear about it. Your mom needs to be made aware of the possibilites of danger on the computer-even on my-space etc. Do this a few times if necessary and I believe you will find peace. You have a hard place to be as you have you mom living in the same sapce you are raising not only your kids-but her grandchildren-which she is very much a part of qnd of course she does not want to be denied that love in her life-so be gentle but firm. Then both of you can work together to raise the kids. (It is a lot less of a fight if you both think the same pathway).

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I can understand that this may be a delicate situation. Obviously this issue is a power struggle between you and your mother as well as you and your daughter. I agree with the posts that you are her mother, but I can also understand that taking that control is easier said than done when you are in this kind of situation. So if taking away the computer really isn't an option, can you get rid of the internet service? Disconnect the modem and hide it until you want to allow her on the computer? Or even put on parental controls and block all of the websites consuming her time? The other option may be to compromise on the internet restrictions with your mother. Allow her to earn free time on the computer for the weekend. I don't know if this helps, but good luck.

Try the same page technique...Sit down with your mom & partner (if one is in the picture) and each write on a piece of paper problems that you feel need revolved. Then discuss them one by one in a calm manor. Decide on an action that you are in agreement on and then write it down. Once you are on "the same page" on these items then you have both agreed to treat each of those situations in the same manor. Thus, less frustration for you, her and the child.

While doing this also kindly & respectfully remind your mom that you are the parent and that while you are willing to have some imput with her on situations that you ultimately make the final decision on other situations that may arise.

Also, I would make sure that you have your child's password and are monitoring her computer use. So many teenagers don't fully realize how dangerous the internet can be and give away so much information on it that they could easily be kidnapped or raped. I'm only 28 and I really am scared about what I see teens putting on the internet. I don't think anyone underage should have a computer in their room!!

well first of all i am a single mother of six and when i tell them no computer its always one that wants to test the water so what i do is i leave the computer and i put a password on it and when they start to b more responsible then i put the password on it so they can access it and as far as all those web sites u should be able to block them so that she cant get to them without your permission, and every loves there mom but sometimes when it comes down to u trying to get control and make your children do what u tell them to do u have to pull your mom to the side and politely tell her that u appreciate her concern and all but she needs to not butt in when u are trying to discipline your child and if that doesnt work then u and your three year old take a little time away with another family member and leave her there with the grandmother and see if they work things out without u being there but hopefully things will get better and she will realize that u only get one mother and when yur gone shes gonna wish she had paid more attention and listen more cause nobodys gonna understand u better then your own mom.................GOOD LUCK

hi!!!

just my 2 cents

i think you need to talk to your mom and tell her you are the mother of the kid when you are not around and she is watching her she has authority but thats it is a good thing that she brought the computer for your kid but is your decision if she uses or not.i know is hard but talk to her and is the only way she will stop parenting your daughter.

Personally I think you need to have a talk with "mom" away from the kids, go have a cup of coffee. I would say that it is not helping you parent by siding with Robyn, in fact it is making a bad situation worse. Either the computer has to go or there has to be a compromise. Is it a laptop? then make sure that Robyn can have it between..say...7 and 9pm, with the condition that she is allowed on X websites, you check the history every couple of days to see where she has been to make sure she is complying. If it isn't a laptop then at 9pm it gets shut down by YOU and cannot be started again without your password (if you don't know how to do that send me a private message and I will tell you how).
If mom isn't understanding this then sit down and SHOW her what kind of junk is out there. Even youtube (which I love btw) has some really NASTY things on it. Kids are curious, they will watch it. If your daughter has facebook or myspace make sure that you sit with her and go through all the privacy settings to safeguard her. Again, there are some pretty nasty things on it at as well.
Make sure you have no personal information on the computer that could get hacked.
More than anything this is a power play between you and your mom. Explain to her that you are the mom, you will set the rules and you would appreciate it if she would follow them...even if she doesn't agree with them. BUT that you are open to suggestions AWAY from the kids! And try and get out of there as soon as you can. The sooner you can have your own place the better.

Well lets address the first issue I am seeing here. You and your mother need to sit down and have a conversation. She is your child not hers and no matter where you live or who gave her the computer you are the one who controls the situation. Computers are a great resource for research and fun but there needs to be a limit and a 13 year old staying up till 3 or 4 in the morning is just not right. Your mother needs to understand it is not her place to judge or undermine how you dicipline your children and she just needs to back you up. The next problem I see is that you are just giving in to avoid the argument as to not subject your younger child to a screaming match. If you ask me there needs to be a screaming match here you need to make it very clear to your 13 year old that you are the boss not her and what you say goes and there is nothing wrong with your 3 year old seeing you take control of the situation it may help to prevent having this problem with her in the future. Also since the computer can not be placed in a common area due to space I suggest placing passwords on the computer so that she can only access the internet when you are home and allow her a certain amount of time to do so. Like I said the biggest issue to me seems like your mother is undermining your authority take care of that problem first.

You're the PARENT, you set the rules. Having a computer is a privilege not a right. There are plenty of other children who have no computer access at home who are able to do their homework.

It's nice that your mother gave her a computer but after that, it's your call as the PARENT to decide as to whether your child is earing the privilege of having the computer.

Would you like her to have the convenience of being able to type up her papers at home? Then disconnect the internet. If she needs to do research, she can use library time at school. Or *gasp* use books! And let her throw a fit...in her room...with her disconnected computer. And if she decides to "hurt" her computer as a form of retaliation, then she just proved that she never should have the computer to start with. My tactic would be to remove the computer completely for a six-week period (coincides with a six week period of school work) where she is reminded what it's like to have to work without a computer at all. Then, if she earns it, she gets the computer back without internet access for six weeks. Then, if she EARNS it, she can have internet back.

Stand firm, mama, because if you don't win this battle, then you're losing a lot of future battles right now.