40 answers

I Feel like a Bad Mom...

I have a 21/2 year old son, and an almost 4 month old daughter. I find myself getting really sad and lonely sometimes even when the entire family is in my house. I have been blowing up at my son, yelling at him for throwing tantrums or having an accident in his underwear and an inconvienient time since we are potty training. I will even get frusterated with my daughter who is entirely too young to know anything, and she is such a good baby... I just don't know what is wrong with me sometimes. My husband is very busy, but gets frusterated about our sex life which only happens maybe once a week because he is persistant. It rarely crosses my mind, and when he brings it up, and feel too tired and don't want to. Do I have post partum depression? Am I a terrible mom? I feel like I am scarring my son! He just started stammering a few weeks ago, and i'm afraid that it's because of me. I am also very anxious and worried about EVERYTHING! From car crashes, to cancer, to spiders.... I'm just nervous! My husband helps alot with giving my son a bath every night helping to get him ready in the morning before I leave for work.

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I don't thnk you are a bad mom & I don't think it's depression. I get the same way even now that the kids are big. Lot of people label it depression & pin it on the mom when really it is the family's fault for not helping out. You work full time! And babies! what happens when the entire family is in the house? are they helping you? it is not your sole responsibility to care for & raise the kids, especially since you work full time. I think you are stressed out, & the grandparents if there are any need to step up & do their jobs. when I get like that it's because i see my relatives lazing around & not helping out & then they want to show the kids off as though they had something to do with making them what they are. I think your son is too young to be out of pullups especially when you are not there all day to supervise & train him. Boys are slow to train. my boy wasn't fully trained till age 3, whereas my girls were done aroung age 2. don't get mad at the poor little guy or the babies. they are what it's all about. can you cut back on your work? get more help, get more rest, cut back on work if possible. if stressed, take it out on somebody your own size, not the babies. exercise or something whatever helps you get rid of your mental stress

1 mom found this helpful

sorry to hear how you feel and i think that you should talk to a doctor or something because it does sound a lot like you have post partum. i think every woman goes through it after having a baby and it really sucks. i know exactly how you feel. i had it with my youngest. i use to have like little visions or movies or something playing in my head when i would take her a bath. i picture her falling under the water and i would just stand there and watch her drown. i was really freaked out by that and went straight to the doc. i love my kids and i thought something was really really wrong with me or i was gonna be a horrible mother, but it turned out i had post partum and they put me on anit depressants until i felt i didn't need them anymore. i hope this helps you. hang in there

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I was pretty young with my children as well and things can be very overwhelming, especially if you have friends your age who are going out, etc. Don't take on ANYTHING extra. Try to get your husband to help more or relieve you every once in a while for a nap, nice bath, or to get out of the house. He should give up his softball for a while until your children are wel or until the baby gets older and doesn't need to much of your attention.

If you do think you are having post-partum, then get to the doctor or a psychologist. Someone you can talk to about what you are going through.

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You are not a bad mom. You need to talk to your doctor ASAP. You may have post-partum. If you do, you need professional help. You are very self-aware and that is awesome. Please talk to your doctor and tell them everything you've told us. I had a bit of post-partum with my first (I have 2 also).

As for your relationship and your new family dynamic, I found a great book that has helped my hubby and me understand all the stuff no one ever told you about having kids. It's called "Babyproofing your Marriage". It's funny and written by 3 moms just like us.

I'd be happy to chat with you some more and offer my support if you need it.

Just to make sure you got it: YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM!


1 mom found this helpful

BIG HUGS to you! you are NOT a bad Mom! It is hard to transition from one to two little ones. I have been in the same place you are. It DOES get easier. I too have lost my patience with both kids, and I know the guilt all too well. For me, patience is something I have to practice on a daily basis, something I have to constantly remind myself of. I know it may sound next to impossible, but you need to find an outlet, a hobby, a moment of peace every day for YOU. You say your husband is great and supportive, which I'm sure he is, but you mention that he is busy with softball. I'm not sure if that means he plays or coaches, but either way that is his outlet. If he is indeed supportive, got to him and communicate that you need some YOU time once in awhile. I'm sure he will have no problem with that. And if he does....don't ask for the time you need, Demand it! Did you have a hobby or something you enjoyed doing before kids? If so, take that hobby up again. It could be something as small as scrapbooking or reading a book. Even going out for coffee with a couple girlfriends once a week will help. As far as PPD goes, you may in fact have it or you may just be overwhelmed. If you feel it's more than just being overwhelmed, maybe you can talk to your doctor about it and see what they suggest. I think what you are going through is completely normal. Many Moms go through it, you aren't the only one! I hope it makes you feel better knowing that. :)

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Okay since everyone's already said very loudly that it's postpartum depression, I'm just gonna comment on the sex part that you mentioned.. Girl, believe me when I say your hubby is LUCKy to have sex with you so soon after having a baby, and ONCE a week? he's a monster! You should not feel bad for not caving in.. afterall, liken the sex to babysitting... Tell him.. okay.. you work hard, and so do I.. how about you take charge of th ekids, then tell me how horny you are. Believe me, he won't be interested, especially after changing diapers, being thrown up on... not having time to shower... and when you feel icky, you simply feel icky. It's totally normal. I don't mean he's mean or anything, just that he sounds a bit unreasonable to think that you should be giving it up all the time. You don't want to hate sex altogether right? And you will, if you feel pressured all the time. Tell him to romance ya... remember, just cuz you're married, he still has to work to KEEP ya!

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It sounds like it to me. I had horrible PPD but never recognized it. My Dr. diagnosed it after my 5 child. Talk to your Dr right away. You may need to make some changes in your lifestyle but it will be worth it for you and your family in the long run. Pray about it even if you are not a believer it will help because you are not bottling your feelings and you will feel less alone. Insist that your husband help more until you feel normal again. If he does and it comes back you know things are not working the way they are setup now. Sometimes just a very simple change of pace can make a world of difference. Do you work? Do you have friends you regularly spend time with (away from the kids?) As far as your sex life if you don't want it you don't want it, don't let him make you feel pressured or like you are being unfair to him. Men are designed differently and statistically if he is getting you once a week he is doing better than most. Even newlyweds and people who are dating sometimes don't get together that often he should feel lucky. I say leave him with the babies for a weekend while you rejuvenate yourself and see if he is ready to romp the minute you get back. Men just don't understand emotional exhaustion is worse than physical exhaustion and dealing with babies all day long with not enough adult interaction is exhausting. Good Luck my dear many of us have been there you are not a bad Mom and you are definitely not alone. K.

1 mom found this helpful

You are not a bad mom. Working full-time, have a new born, potty training another and your husband plays softball and wants sex once a week? You need to simplify your life a little. Tell your husband that perhaps he should consider skipping softball this season and help you out - the reward? maybe you'll feel like having sex. What else can you simplifly? Perhaps slow down on the potty training. There's no rush, right? I waited until my daughter's were really ready and they had almost no accidents. Of course, they were well into their third year, but there wasn't the struggle and accidents.

I had a mild case of postpartum depression and I became easily overwhelmed - making cupcakes for preschool was too much - and I cried alot. For me it happened when my second was 3 months. I did get medication and it cleared up.

I realize that you and your husband are very young and perhaps he hasn't yet figured out that your life changes when you have a baby, not to mention 2. Sometimes you have to give up some of those additional activities while your family adjusts to a new routine. I consider the first year of a child's life to be the hardest.

Can you take off work for a year or two? Think about what would help you be a better mom. It sounds as if you're bearing the brunt of the new family changes and your husband just goes on his merry way, playing sports, being busy at work, etc.


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