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I Don't Want My Baby to Go to Daycare but Her Father Does! HELP!

My husband for some reason wants to send our daughter to daycare (partly because he thinks she should be interacting with other kids and partly because he thinks I should go back to work). I am a SAHM as of right now, and its not like I need to go back to work but he has been pushing for her to go to daycare. She is turning 6 months old this week and she still seems sooo tiny to me. I want to spend all the time I can with her while she is young because I think she is so precious and I don't want her to be around all the germs and other children at daycare. What can I say to my husband to get him to understand that she shouldn't be stuck in a daycare? Does anyone know the average cost per week for a 6 month old in daycare? It would break my heart to send her away I just don't know what to say to him. Anyone have any ideas? I would appreciate all the advice I could get! Thanks

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Something I did when my little one was young. I wanted to stay home with her but had to go back to work but I started part time. Also I went for an inhome daycare, fewer kids, more of a personalized atmosphere. My child got sick more from going to the doctors office and being exposed to other kids there than she has from being exposed to the kids at her daycare. She was able to get the socialization and learn from the others, I got work and some errands done and sometime just a little time for me (we all need that some). I also got to still spend a lot of time with her and not miss out on important growing time. There are a lot of inhome daycare providers that will work with you on pricing if it is part-time. Also Mothers Day Out places my be an option for you. Letting go is hard but sometimes we have to let them spread their wings, even at a young age.

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Devil's advocate here....why wasn't the daycare issue discussed BEFORE the baby was born??? Just a point to ponder. But since that is neither here nor there, you need to make a decision based on what is best for your family.

Most moms would prefer to stay home with their kids, but for others there is no choice. For those that say it's a selfish lifestyle choice is plain BS. Maybe for some, but I think the general working-mom population would disagree. Some moms also opt for their kids to attend daycares and there is nothing wrong or selfish about that either. Some moms are BETTER moms because they work outside the home.

Anyway, your husband is right about a child needing to be socialized. I'm not sure there is much socializing going on at 6 months, but definitly by a year they should be introduced to their peers. It will only strengthen their independence as well as teaching them to share and play nice.
Your child would also gain so much knowledge from being in a center. If chosen properly, a daycare/pre-school can give them a GREAT headstart for when they do start school. It won't be such a shock to their system if they have spent time away from you and learned to cope on their own. This is just my opinion based on my own experiences with some kids, and to quote one of my fave Mamasource people, no heads exploding please....I think kids who go to daycare are much more advanced socially/academically and better behaved then kids who stay home. Again, JUST MY OPINION.

As far as the germs are concerned, it's better to have their immunities built up before they enter school and daycare does just that. My daughter was sick off and on at her school her first year, but it's been like three years and my DD hasn't had any major colds/flu.

Something your hubby might not be aware of is how expensive infant care is. At my DD center, it is $945 a month. Now I don't know what kind of job you would get, but you'll have to figure out how much would be left over after paying that hefty bill each month.

In closing, I really think it's a personal family decision. What may be good for that family, might not be good for this family. There are positives and negatives that can be made on both sides of the issue. The trick is deciding which outweigh the other for your family. Good luck!

2 moms found this helpful

I read some of the other posters comments and I just want to throw in my own two cents about daycare. I am a working mom, if I could afford to stay home with my child, I would. However there are very good child care options out there, should you need to return to work. My daughter is in an excellent in-home daycare. They take wonderful care of her, follow all my all my wishes, tell me everything that happened during her day and problem solve when issues come up. She has had a couple of colds since she has been there (almost 9 months now), but she is NOT constantly sick. She is actually healthier than a lot of stay at home kids I know (never had an ear infection, never had to be on antibiotics, etc).
If you and your husband do decide you should work, it is a good idea to write it out financially, ex: how much is daycare, how much gas costs to drive to daycare, etc. Because daycare can be very expensive.
I agree with other posters that maybe a mothers day out program 1 or 2 days a week might be a good compromise if you do not have to work.
Good luck

1 mom found this helpful

To put a 6 month old in a good daycare, it's likely to cost you $150-200 per week. If you don't have to go back to work then DON'T!! Kids that are in daycare, especially under the age of 2, stay sick! I worked in a daycare and I've seen it. No matter how often we sanitized things... they passed everything to one another. Kids don't even really begin to socialize with others until they're 18 months old. My son is nearly 2, and when we go to playgroups, he still chooses to play on his own.

On that note, try playgroups as an alternative for socializing. If money is an issue, and you need to go back to work, then look into Network marketing. I have my own business and love the freedom it provides. There are a lot of work from home options... I'd definitely explore those first. It is so important to a child to have their mother there, and I think children of stay at home mom's are more happy and secure (not that all those in daycare are unhappy or insecure).

Go with your heart, this time in her life is but a moment, you will have plenty of time for a career in the future!

Good luck!

-A.

1 mom found this helpful

My husbands response to this was he can't make her leave the house and go to work and daycare if she doesnt want to exp if she doesnt need to! haha! Daycare for an upottytrained child is anywhere from $125-$200 or so a week. Plus added medical bills as she WILL get sick a lot more often. If he is concerned about interacting there are a TON of moms groups around here that do stuff together ALL the time with help in that and I can get you the info. That way you can have your wanted time with your child without working basically just to pay for daycare and he can have his want of having her be able to be socail. The moms groups are great too as moms need some socializing as well. :) One of the groups I belong to has a lot of little ones around your daughters age too. One thing they do is take the kids to the Ridgmar Mall play area every Thursday and have lunch there are well.

I would compromise and find a MDO program 1-2 days a week.

And you don't necessarily know that she'll be sick all the time if she's in daycare. I have a friend who has two young girls who are sick ALL THE TIME and she's a SAHM. I have another friend who has a nanny and her son was sick A LOT in the first 6 months. I have a 2 year old son who has been in daycare since he was 9 weeks old and gets 1-2 colds a year and 1-2 ear infections a year. Nothing more serious than that. He gets sick less often than any of my SAHM friends who have kids.

Plus, once she starts crawling (if she hasn't already), she's going to be crawling in germy places anyway. My son decided to find out what mud tasted like a couple of weeks ago. That's what kids do...

Daycare isn't necessarily a horrible place. Horrible things don't happen at every daycare. Just try to compromise with an MDO program...

If you can afford not to go back to work, I wouldnt. At least till the child is 2 or 3 yrs old when they can tell you what is going on. I had problems with my 1st born and daycares before he was 2. I would go and they would feed him food right before I picked him up and they wouldnt eat dinner and he would be in a high chair most of the day. So I had a 2 yr maternity leave for my other 2 kids.
I don't know what you can say to your hubby to make him understand. Most men don't understand.He needs to be told of the bad things that happen in daycares. Average cost for a baby in day care is $125 to $200 a week depending on where you live.
The germ issue you really dont have to worry about. It's actually better for them to be exposed to some germs at an early age. My sons school nurse says kids that get sick the most are kids whoud didnt go to daycare. Also, kids that went to daycare are more social when they get to public school.

Ummm... I would consider it when you're ready & she's more like 2 or 3. What "interacting" is there to do for a 6 month old? She barely barely realizes the difference between your hand and hers, if even. I'm sorry, I'd put my foot down on that one. Does he want you to go back to work, and is telling you that he wants her in daycare instead? I can't imagine daycare or even an MDO for a 6 month old if the SaHM isn't on board. Why is he so concerned?

D.

J.,

Maybe talking to your husband about why he wants her to go to daycare. Whatever the reason is, surely there's another solution than her going to daycare, especially if you don't have to work.

Maybe he just wants more time with you? If so, maybe a Parent's Day Out program a couple of days a week (usually Tuesday and Thursday), so that you and he can get some time together. The PDO programs are usually for just a few hours, like 9-3.

Hope that helps. I'd keep her home if she doesn't have to go to daycare.

Best,
L.

Just my opinion here - there is nothing better for a child than "mommy." Socializing? That's what playgroups, parks, friends, cousins, etc.. are for. A child has so many years of schooling ahead of them, why push it so early? As for your 6 month baby, I think she would need you more than anything. My baby girl is 6 mos as well and I would rather cut spending, make sacrifices and stay home with her.

I've toured several daycare centers with my SIL and they all pretty much had the same set up - cribs stacked along a wall, some on top of each other, basically the babies look like caged animals! For the life of me (n this is just me) I could never do that to my baby. Has your husband seen the daycares out there? Maybe this will sway him? If you absolutely had to work and work is the real issue here, I'd look for something part time when "daddy" is home. Again, that's just me.

Good luck.

Is he wanting you to go back to work? If not, maybe just a 1day/week MDO program.

Daycare for an infant is expensive - I would say around $200/week (or close to it).

good luck.

Why does your husband want your daughter to go to daycare? Does he want you to go back to work? I would sit down with him and try to figure out another solution. I know that before I started working from home, my husband never thought it would be possible not to have my son in daycare. If he is worried about money or just wants you to work I would love to help you work from home so that you can still be with your baby. My website is www.behomewithfamily.com please let me know if I can help!

N.

First of all.... the average cost of child care of a six month old is about $150 (sometimes more, sometimes less). I would suggest asking him if you could wait at least until she is a year to put your daughter in child care. The first few years of a child’s life are crucial and she will never get the nurturing and support she needs in daycare that she will with you. She will have plenty of time in the future to go to daycare and build relationships with other children. At this early stage in her life she will not be making friends with other children (she's too young for that). Good luck, I hope your husband sees your point of view and that you both can come to some sort of compromise.

Hi J.,
Ohhh! I know you must be stuggling with this. Here are some things you might suggest to your husband.
-If he wants her to interact with other children join local MOMS group with weekly playgroups or a church moms group.
-If you need extra money work from home. I do. I was a kdg. teacher for ten years before I had my own children. Now I work part time flexible hours and am a full time mom which in my opinion is what is best for children.
I would avoid daycare at all costs especially for a child that young. While in college I worked at numerous daycares and would not recommend anyone who does not have to put their children in do so...not to mention all the bleach and cancer causing cleaners they unknowingly expose children to. Cancer has become the number 1 killer of children ages 5-9 mostly because of exposure to toxic products.
Good luck, we are here to listen and support you,
M.
www.BeHomeToo.biz

Something I did when my little one was young. I wanted to stay home with her but had to go back to work but I started part time. Also I went for an inhome daycare, fewer kids, more of a personalized atmosphere. My child got sick more from going to the doctors office and being exposed to other kids there than she has from being exposed to the kids at her daycare. She was able to get the socialization and learn from the others, I got work and some errands done and sometime just a little time for me (we all need that some). I also got to still spend a lot of time with her and not miss out on important growing time. There are a lot of inhome daycare providers that will work with you on pricing if it is part-time. Also Mothers Day Out places my be an option for you. Letting go is hard but sometimes we have to let them spread their wings, even at a young age.

You mentioned in your note that your husband wants you to put your daughter in day care partly because he wants her to interact with other children and partly because he wants you to go back to work. In regards to the interacting issue, in my experience, children really don't "interact" with other children until 18 months or later. I don't even know of any Mother's Day Out programs that take children less than 18 months old partly for that very reason. My 2 1/2 year old son, who's been going to a drop-off daycare at least once a week since he was 1 never started playing with other kids until about a month ago. I've read that the first 3 years are considered the "formative" years and are very very important. The more exposure a child has to "negative" behaviors during this time, the more likely those will affect his behaviors later on down the line. I was fortunate with my daughter in that I was able to stay home with her until she was 2 years old. I had to work at least part time with my son since he was 3 weeks old so not as lucky a situation with him. I personally believe if you don't have to work, stay at home with your kids as long as you can. You can always join a playgroup or do a mother's day out or part-time daycare situation once she gets older, like 2 or 3, if you're concerned about socialization.

In regards to the issue where your husband wants you to go back to work, depending on your financial situation, that's something you two will really need to come to an agreement on. If you need to make an argument for your point of view, put it in numbers for him. Good quality daycares are going to charge $170-$225+ for infant care usually. You'll have the added expense of gas to and from work, additional wear, tear and maintenance on your car, wardrobe, eating out, etc. The cost for diapers go up when you take kids to daycare because they are forced to change diapers wet or dry every 2 hours I think it is. They can't split and save unused formula at daycares either so that will be an added expense. There will be extra trips to the doctor 'cause kids do tend to get more illnesses when going to daycare. That's also going to mean using sick time, vacation time or time off without pay for one of you when you can't take the baby to daycare because they are sick. My daughter and son both have reactive airway disease. When my daughter was young, her pediatrician really pushed for me to find a way to stay home with her because she was constantnly getting sick after she started daycare. Now that my son goes to day care 3 to 6 days a week, he picks up every bug that goes around as well. Before we put him in day care, he had an ear infections maybe once and a cold maybe once, so I think it's true that kids do have more illnesses once they start daycare.

I hope you get to stay home with your child as long as you can. There are so many mothers who would love that opportunity and don't have the choice. I guess worst case scenario, you could try to get a job at a daycare. That way you could still be with your child and your husband will get what he wants as well. Good luck to you!

If you want to stay home than just say no! Marriage is a partnership and unless you all are seriously hurting for money and you getting a job could help that, than he needs to let you be the mother you want to be.

Daycare in my area for a child under 1 runs approx $200/wk...and that's at a pretty basic daycare that I could stomach leaving my DS#2 at when he was 9 mo old and I had to go back to work.

That said, you may want to investigate working from home part-time. I do transcription (general/light legal) from home at night after my kids go to sleep so that I can stay home with my two youngest (2yr old DS and almost 4mo old DD) while my oldest is at elementary school.

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