25 answers

I Don't Want Anymore Kids, Husband Does

My husband & I have two children, both boys. The oldest is mine from a previous relationship, but my hubby has always been his father figure. Anyways, my husband always told me he wanted a girl & back then, I always said I wanted boys, no girls. Until one day when a friend pulled up on the internet what is actually done to a baby boy for a circumcision. I freaked & instantly since then want a girl just so I don't have to put another child through that. Yes, I know it's better or whatever to have a boy circumsized but had I known then what I know now, I'm not sure if I would've followed through with that with my 2 boys. Anyways, since there is NO guarantee that we'd have a girl, I honestly just don't want to have anymore children & my husband is having a hard time with this. He says he got his boy now he wants a baby girl and that we should at least "try" but I just don't feel that I want another one or maybe deep down I do, I just don't want to have to go through that again if it were a boy. My sons are 4 & 5 also and I feel like I'm content with the way things are as in we are out of the diaper stage, bottles, diaper bag, etc. Does anyone have any advice for me?

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Featured Answers

Sorry I have no advice but I just wanted to say I can't stand it when people say they want a boy or they want a girl. I am led to believe that you have no choice in the matter!! You either want another baby or you don't!! The sex of the child SHOULD have nothing to do with it. I know so many people who have been pregnant and they tell people "oh we are hoping for a boy/girl" So when it arrives and its not what you were hoping for - are you disappointed???? Hopefully not but there will always be folks like me who will remember and will be thinking that you ARE disappointed. My sis is pregnant for the 3rd time and no kidding if one more person asks her what she would like (DUH - A HEALTHY BABY WILL DO QUITE NICELY THANK YOU) she is going to flip.
Sorry for my rant but there are so many people who would give anything for one healthy child, no matter what sex and can't have any.

5 moms found this helpful

Kari N said everything I would - more and more people are NOT circumsizing...my husband isn't and if we are blessed with a son, he won't be either!

3 moms found this helpful

You don't want another child because if the baby is a boy you don't want him circumcised? Well then, don't have him circumcised. That's it. If you don't want more kids because you don't want more kids, that's different and you shouldn't have more kids.

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I'm not seeing exactly what your issue is: another child or circumcision?

Anyway, your husband's "I have my boy" (what about your oldest?!) sounds a bit immature to me. That's the WORST reason to have another baby, b/c you HOPE it's a boy OR a girl.

As for circumcision--you don't have to!

BUT, the vibe I'm getting is that you're *done* and feel complete and finished. And those are very good reasons to close up the vending machine!

7 moms found this helpful

Sorry I have no advice but I just wanted to say I can't stand it when people say they want a boy or they want a girl. I am led to believe that you have no choice in the matter!! You either want another baby or you don't!! The sex of the child SHOULD have nothing to do with it. I know so many people who have been pregnant and they tell people "oh we are hoping for a boy/girl" So when it arrives and its not what you were hoping for - are you disappointed???? Hopefully not but there will always be folks like me who will remember and will be thinking that you ARE disappointed. My sis is pregnant for the 3rd time and no kidding if one more person asks her what she would like (DUH - A HEALTHY BABY WILL DO QUITE NICELY THANK YOU) she is going to flip.
Sorry for my rant but there are so many people who would give anything for one healthy child, no matter what sex and can't have any.

5 moms found this helpful

and it's better to circumsize because..............? plenty of people aren't and more and more parents are choosing not to every day. There are risks and benefits BOTH ways and it's really nothing but a personal choice. And just because your older boys are does not mean you would need to do it again. 2 of my boys are and my youngest is not. Seems like a really silly thing to base having more kids on. Maybe you should take some time and really think about why you don't want more and then maybe your husband will at least be able to accept the way you feel.

4 moms found this helpful

what if you agree... and then you have another boy......... will your husband want ANOTHER!? lol ... then what? the circumcision thing..i agree just don't circumsize

3 moms found this helpful

I heard only 50% of boys are being circumcized now. We did not circumsize.

I have a 3 & 5 year old (luckily a boy & girl) and no way do I want any more babies. I am also not willing to go thru the diaper stage, not to mention the pregnancy. Maybe you should considier adopting a girl that was a toddler or older?
You could "try" several more times and still get boys, I don't think that's a good idea.

Not sure why Dawn is so worried about you, it makes sense to me that you wouldn't want another boy if you think the only acceptable option is to circumcize and you would not want to do that to your baby.

HOwever, for you and your hubby to discuss all the possible options with a counselor may be a good idea, and also ensure that your relationship will not be damaged by this disagreement.

3 moms found this helpful

Kari N said everything I would - more and more people are NOT circumsizing...my husband isn't and if we are blessed with a son, he won't be either!

3 moms found this helpful

When I was in highschool, I saw a video of a circumcision in health class, and was so bothered by it that I swore I would never do it. When we found out we were expecting a boy my 1st pregnancy, this became a pretty big debate since my DH was circumsized. My DH gave in when he saw how strongly I felt, and neither my son, nor the 2 more that followed were circumcised. This is pretty normal for my side of the family though. My parents were both born and raised in Europe and none of the males in our sizable family were circumcised. No problems.

So, if that's the only thing holding you back, just don't circumcize

3 moms found this helpful

My kids are 2.5 and 5 so I know what you mean about being done with the baby stage. I have one of each so we didn't have a gender issue--but that is all luck. Also if you don't want to circumcise then don't. My son isn't (even though dad and both grandpas are). I know someone with 4 boys. The first 2 are circumcised and the younger ones aren't--no big deal in their family.

I think you need to figure out your own feelings and decide based on that.

2 moms found this helpful

It has to be about having another child not having a girl. As far as the circ. your baby doesn't even remember it. Are your sons traumatized by it still? What did you think happened? I don't think that is a reason to want a girl. I have 3 boys and a girl would be nice so I am not completely out numbered but IF I went crazy and had a fourth child I would most likely have a boy and I would not be devastated! I think people shouldn't say they would be devastated if they don't get the sex they want. I (like Faye) would also remember someone said that and when they had the sex they didn't want I would always be wondering if they secretly loved the other(s) more. My friends SIL used to go on and on about how she hated little girls and how they were all little bitches by the age of 2 and she only wanted boys and blah blah blah well she had a boy then she had a girl and her 3 SIL's all watch and judge the way whe treats their niece. The whole family does. I am just saying you need to watch what you put out there and if your happy with you're two boys then tell your husband. He can't make you have another baby.

2 moms found this helpful

My sister tried for a girl 4 times... all boys.

Really trying for a certain sex isn't a good enough excuse in my opinion when you already feel complete as a family. And I do have 2 boys as well and would love a girl... but the only certainty in that is to adopt.

Also, some states are trying to outlaw circumcision right now, it's a huge movement to not do it. You don't have to circumsize if you have another boy, so don't let that be your defining reason of not trying.

2 moms found this helpful

A man who actually WANTS another baby . . . consider yourself blessed.

2 moms found this helpful

There is no law saying you have to circumcise boys.
You DON'T have to do it. Alot of people choose not to.

2 moms found this helpful

I am concerned that your husband says that he "got his boy" and now wants to try for a girl. If he wants a girl, I strongly suggest adoption.

I know a family who has almost a dozen children. The LAST one was a girl. I feel bad for all the boys who were the test models.

If you are done having kids, then your husband needs to accept that! I wouldn't even make circumcision the issue. I would be far more worried about your husband being angry if he didn't get the gender he specified.

2 moms found this helpful

Circumcision is such a tough and personal choice. I think American doctors and hospitals automatically push for it just to make a little more money. After my awakening, I opted not to have my son circumcised even though he is the only one in our family who is not. There really is no reason other than religious to still have them done. Today with the proper hygiene instruction, uncircumcised men can maintain proper hygiene and studies have not proven that they are at an increased risk for diseases. They imply there might be but as of this date none have proven. What puts them at risk is what puts every male at risk of contracting venereal diseases, sex with more than one partner or with a partner who has had previous partners with diseases. America is still the only country that performs circumcisions for other than religious reasons. The big question is whether your uncircumcised son might feel out of place in a culture where it is so widely practiced? When I ask my 16 year old son if he would have preferred I had it done to him, he looks at me and with a smile of gratitude and thanks me over and over that I did not choose that for him. He personally doesn't mind the extra hygiene care necessary and he doesn't mind being different in that way from the boys in his class either. He did confide in me that he knows several other boys that aren't circumcised either. My personal view is that God created man in His good and perfect image and if it weren't for the religious views of the Jewish faith back then, His Son probably wouldn't have been circumcised either.
Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

Not to pressure you into having babies that you don't actually want, but if your only reason for holding off on having another baby is because you're afraid of having a boy and you're afraid of circumcising... DON'T CIRCUMCISE. You don't have to circumcise even if your other boys already are. I'm not against circumcision in the least, since I feel it's completely a parental decision one way or the other and I think there are good arguments for and against it.

But if that's your reason, there's nothing stopping you from saying "No" to circumcising a third boy.

1 mom found this helpful

Well, if you don't want to have another child just so you don't have to have him circumsized - there's an easy answer to that. If you have a boy, just don't have him circumsized. There's medical evidence on both sides so you could argue it's better to be circumsized and you could also argue that it's better not to be. If circumcision is all that's stopping you, I'd probably say that you should give another baby a try.

If, however, it's really that you feel your family is complete and you don't want another baby... then be honest with your husband... the two of you will have to decide together.

1 mom found this helpful

Well if the question is to have any more children, it sounds like your mind is fairly made up and you don't want to have anymore children.
If so my answer would be not to have any more kids or to very heavily weigh that decision.
You may not get pregnant with a girl and it sounds like you don't want to have to start over and I get that.
If it is about circumcision, I completely understand that as well.
Should you decide to have another child, don't do it to have a girl.
With your youngest being 4, I completely understand being content and not wanting to go through the sleepless nights, diapers etc.
I say you know in your heart what you want, try to have a heart to heart talk w/your husband. It's easier for them to want more kids as they do not have to go through what we do and they generally aren't the ones affected by the childbirth, sleepless nights etc.

I think you are really asking two questions here. You have to decide for yourself how many kids you want. My Aunt wanted a girl and had 4 boys. One of those 4 boys wanted a boy and got 4 girls.

My ex-husband was not circumcised as a baby. When he was around 12, something happened, he's not real sure what, but basically it closed up and he had to have surgery. It was a very tramatic, painful experience for him. And they told him it was because he hadn't been circumcised. When our son was born, it was not an option for us not to have him circumcised.

You don't want another child because if the baby is a boy you don't want him circumcised? Well then, don't have him circumcised. That's it. If you don't want more kids because you don't want more kids, that's different and you shouldn't have more kids.

My husband has a daughter and I have a son and we had a son together after being married for 11 months. I kept asking for another and he kept saying "no" since we had three kids with mine, his and ours. Two years after we had been married we found out we were pregnant. Needless to say, he had a hard time at first wondering how we'd pay for everything with me not working. It all worked out and we were blessed with our baby girl. I do understand about being out of diapers and bottles as my son was 5 when we found out we were pregnant. So, if you don't want to circumsize the boy don't, there are plenty of parents that have not had that done to their boys. What else may be the reason you don't want anymore kids beside the diapers, bottles, feedings, and circumsion

So, it really all depends on what you both want and why you want or do not want it. I was always told to write down the pros and cons of any situation. Don't know if any of that helps you.

I can understand where you are coming from... I want 3 girls and 1 boy. I have 1 girl already )almost 6 y/o) and newborn boy on the way. If my 3rd is a boy, I'd be a bit devastated, but I'd still try again. I was always anti-circ, even before I met and married my European husband... so circumcision was never an issue - I just wanted more girls than boys :o)

If you don't want anymore then don't have any. I've seen the circumcision video too and even though it's bad it's something they don't remember. Most boys are circumsized. My Uncle chose not to have my cousin circumsized and guess what happened? When he was in High School and had to change in the locker room he was teased for having a funny looking you know what. So that may be an issue with not circumsizing. And boys do look and compare. Its a man thing. Good luck with your decision.

So, you found out what really happens during circumcision and don't want to have a boy because you know what he'll go through to be circumcised? Don't have him cut if you have a boy. Two children isn't a very big family.

If you have some doubt then perhaps it's time to try ad see what happens.

If you are adamant and it's a deal breaker for your hubby how are you going to feel?

regarding circumsizing. I know it is tramatic as we know it but as I child it is forgotten. I know my father was not and had a variety of issues and at 40 had the procedure done. He insisted my brothers have it done as infants so they would not have to go through what he did nor would they be able to remember the pain.

Be open and honest with your husband about your feelings. It is nice to be out of the diaper stage etc so you can have more time as a family and for yourself. It is not selfish.

You can also adopt a toddler girl who is past those stages.
Best wishes it is a tough decision but needs to be mutual .

I had all girls. My grandmother had all boys. Two of my aunts and uncles had boys and one of them adopted two girls from Vietnam in the 70's. My brother had girls. It seems like that happens so often.

I wish I were in your place. My husband is done and I'd love to try again. At my age it's just not that smart. But I know what I want and so does he. There's just no easy answer.

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