I Don't Understand!!!?? - Downey,CA

There is a show on TLC about this. I think they do know, I just believe they are in extreme denial about it. (Or, if on drugs...to altered to be able to recognize it.) On the show, most of the woman have some sort of issue in their life, like your cousin. I think they just won't accept it. I will never believe a woman doesn't know she's pregnant. I personally believe it's impossible and they deny, deny, deny.

With that said, if the baby tests positive for drugs...CPS will get involved. The baby will stay in the NICU until they withdrawal and show a certain amount of days of no withdrawal symptoms. Drug babies are usually not happy infants. They are usually very high needs, very colicky, and have terrible sleep problems. If your cousin is in addict, she can't handle that. CPS wouldn't let her, anyway. I am not sure how CPS handles the placement of the baby. There is usually the option of baby going with family, as long as the mother isn't in the same house...when it's an older kid. It could be the same with babies, but I'm not sure. If she meets certain requirements, the custody of the baby can be restored with her...eventually.

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It happens. Especially with women who are already overweight, even more easy to happen if she was on certain antidepressants (some of which are known to USUALLY pack on 100lbs on a person in under a year). ALTHOUGH... It's entirely possible she's like me and gets antipardum depression (depression caused by the massive hormone shift while you're pregnant). It's far less common that post pardum depression, but JUST as devastating. Hint: If she starts feeling a gazillion times better each and every day after the birth, it was antepardum depression. Although the shock, guilt, dismay MAY mask the hormonal recovery.

Less commonly, only a few hundred cases a year, the uterus can actually loop a bit over the spine so the baby grows UPWARDS instead of outwards. Because there are almost no nerve endings deep in your abdomen/ thoracic region the pain and baby movements USUALLY translate as neck & shoulder pain, leg pain, and back pain. Ocassionaly heartburn. There's also accompanying numbness, some difficulty in breathing in some cases (feel like you have a cold you just can't kick). Rather ironically the VAST majority of pregnancy symptoms completely and totally disappear when a baby grows upward. Including their movements. Because there are no nerve endings to pick up the movements! The few nerves that do get impinged on make it seem like ELSEWHERE hurts. Except for the fact that it more commonly caused fetal/maternal death our bodies are just designed to be pregnant UPward, instead of outward. It was the bipedal shift that shifted how ungainly we become when preggers. If we were on all 4's, the uterus wouldn't protrude and handicap us so much as it does on 2 legs. Think of how mobile other pregnant mammals are. It's just bad design to "bump".

Anyhow, whether she was already overweight, or her uterus got stuck on her spine, the change in her girth can be as little as 2-4 inches. Pretty amazing. And pretty heartbreaking.

POOR GIRL. The absolute GUILT she must be swamped in. Can you imagine? Not only that, but outside of the medical community, or the rare rare rare people who've been through this... she's going to be faced with SO MUCH derision, scorn, disbelief. Exactly what every new mother needs, right? Poor girl. Especially if any harm came to her baby. How devastating. Also, not what any new mother needs.

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One of my professors went through this. No wierd circumstances or anything. She gained about 5 pounds & delivered a 6 pound healthy boy. The night he was born she thought she had some major food poisoning out something & went to the E.R. Complete shock for her & her husband. It can happen. Hopefully the baby will be ok

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I am with you. I can understand how you might miss the weight gain, and not all women stop having periods while pregnant, or have irregular enough periods to miss that fact. But how the heck do you miss the baby kicking? I thought that it felt like I had a alien in there trying to get out! If I didn't know I was pregnant and she started kicking like that, I would've been at the hospital freaking out, "My colon has come alive and wants out!"

But yes, I have a cousin that went seven months without knowing she was pregnant. She had a rough delivery, but her son is just fine.

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I had a family member who didn't know until like 7-8 months or so and was using drugs heavily. She checked herself into a rehab, got sober and now has a healthy baby boy who is 8 months and seems to be doing well. He sure is a cutie regardless! Everyone in my family took the attitude that we didn't know if he would be exactly as he would have been otherwise but he was ours and we'd keep him ;) She had a baby shower at the rehab and now is doing much better. So things can start looking up before you know it and even if the baby has some issues he/she made it here in one piece! I wish your family well in this stressful situation and I do hope everything is ok. Hang in there...

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Do you really think she would have taken care of herself had she known she was pregnant?

Anyway whether or not the baby sustained damage depends on what she was doing and when. Really you are best to wait to hear from your aunt. Considering you don't know what she has been doing so you can't tell us, we really can't help you.

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Nope but I have watched the TV program "I didn't know I was pregnant" a few times....having had 3 kids myself, I just cannot imagine not knowing! Of course from 23 weeks on, I look like I am carrying a basketball! Everyone's body is different though. I have a friend who is not overweight but carries very deep in her body cavity- no one would guess she is full term with a nearly 9 lb boy when she is. Prayers for your family and the little blessing!

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My MIDWIFE didn't know she was pregnant until seven months along!!! She is a big lady - not fat, but tall, big and strong (could just reach in an pull your baby out if it got stuck), and thought she was just putting on weight. She had also done pregnancy tests which were negative. All was well.

Also in university I had a big friend who hid her pregnancy until she gave birth. She was drinking and horse riding and doing all sorts of things she shouldn't have. Her son is now 18, healthy, tall as all get out, and fine.

Best wishes for the new little surprise!

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I have a very good friend that did not know and neither did we. She was a large woman.. not really fat but big and tall. She had been on BC for years. Towards the end she did seem to have gained weight, but all over. Not like a pregnancy belly.

She thought she was just having some sort of cramps and they got worse. That night her husband took her to the ER, they checked her and they told her she was in labor.. She was so shocked and in denial.

But she delivered a beautiful baby girl. Amazing. She said it made her feel better that we had not noticed it either. Her daughter is now a mom.. Amazing..

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I've always questioned that. I had a friend (and some others) that SWORE they didn't know until they almost due or went into labor. Now going some months I could see, but I've been pregnant 3 times and I'm telling you when a baby kicks... when MY babies kicked... there is no way I could have mistaken it for gas or anything else. There is just something so different about a little human living in your body that rules out anything else. At least for me. Anyway, my kids were all planned so I always knew early on that I was pregnant. As for your cousin, I doubt she'd have been doing any better even if she had known she was pregnant, sounds like she's living rough. Hopefully the baby will be fine and she can get help to learn to be a good mom.

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I guess I would have to research that or something because when I was 6 month pregnant my daughter was kicking me, I could see her hands sometimes on my belly. If she has been using drugs and doesn't stop when the baby is born, hopefully someone in the family will get involved and get cps or someone with authority involved and get custody of the baby. Custody to someone in the family who won't just let the mom take the baby and will supervise the mom with the baby. That isn't healthy to do it. The baby's first few months in life are hard when drinking and drugs are involved. Watching this show on tv, I wish I could've jumped in the tv and strangled the mom especially after seeing the poor baby going through withdrawals... it's so sad.
Keep a close eye on the situation so if the baby needs to be taken away someone will actually do it. I won't ever get how you think gaining 30-40lbs and feeling kicking inside you and not think I may be pregnant. Maybe if I researched or talked to people that didn't have kicking babies or thought it was normal to just randomly gain weight very fast then I would understand, but right now I just think they are in denial or high all the time and don't realize it.

Good luck, I hope she steps up to the plate and gives the baby a healthy environment.

I do agree with christine, in that I believe people not knowing the first 5 months. I didn't gain much weight at all in the first 5 months, but boy the last few months I blew up like a balloon. Looked like I had a basketball strapped to my stomach lol.

LMAO jennifer, funny stuff. alien and colon coming alive and tryna get out. Made me laugh. That's how it feels

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My good friend's adopted daughter was the product of a surprise pregnancy. The birth mother didn't know she was pregnant until she gave birth. The birth mother smoked pot and drank throughout the whole pregnancy. No one knows to what extent though. The little girl is as perfect as can be though! No health issues, and she is now a smart little five-year-old.

I hope your cousin's baby is okay. And I hope she is up for the challenge of raising a child now.

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Oh my gosh...wow! I think different body types must make it easier to not know you're pregnant. I have some friends, even slender ones, who barely look pregnant at 34 weeks. They are usually a bit taller than average and have a long waist. But they don't show hardly at all! So, I could see how even in slender people it can be a surprise at times. But, with how I carry pregnancy - NOT POSSIBLE to be surprised. I'd have to be an idiot to not know I was pregnant. I get a big ol' belly. The rest of me stays about the same, but I definitely show! I feel the baby kick, and there's no way I could mistake it as something else. There's just no way with my body type that I could be surprised suddenly and find out I was 8 months prego...hehe.

anyway, so I think that's probably what it is. Different bodies react differently to pregnancy. She probably really didn't know. Is she overweight or slender and tall or long torso? That's so crazy!

I hope that everything is okay with the baby. Could you imagine? How wild to not even know!

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Well, whether to believe whether she knew or didn't know is moot at this point. Talk to her, support her and see what she needs to do. If you think that she is going to do drugs/drink while caring for her child you probably need to do something like talk her into going into rehab for awhile. If yo are saying that she doesn't have that kind of problem, but she may have recreationally done drinks/drugs while pregnant then if the baby is healthy then the past is the past. I would just try and surround her with a constant presence of family after she goes home so you guys can make sure that baby is ok. If there is any question, you have to say something to CPS. Good luck

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"Grow A Baby" Only from one of those TV shows like Maury Povich....so wait until you know from the doctor/hospital and support your cousin in the same manner in which you supported her before you knew she was with child.

Do you consider your family normal or dysfunctional? What can you do to be the one that begins to make a change for the better?

Blessings....

I didn't with my oldest for almost six months (and I exdh and I had had a lot of mc's too) Despite my irregularities I still had my cycle at the same time every month those first months. I lost weight not gained. We were even involved in a health fair for the major university exh was attending. I had not one but THREE-and one of those was a blood test! PG tests and all were negative.
Hence around six/seven months when I was feeling ill like the virus that was sweeping the campus (scary one too from another country) and they told me I was pg and how far I laughed for quite a few minutes. Especially since several weeks before they had told me not possible. And he didn't move until around the 8th month.
And I had too much knowledge for our ages so for the ones who say there is just no way that a woman wouldn't know there are plenty of ways to not know. No denial etc involved. It happens. It is more common than people think. I am a grandmother now:) My four pgs with current and (final lol) dh 20yrs come Sept! Were much different. Very very different and he knew before I knew or thought yep PG.
Friend in high school had an aunt that never stopped. That was before they knew what endometriosis and fibroids were. And women still largely ignored by medical professionals unfortunately. It was very difficult for her to know when a baby or no baby. Poor woman lost much of her mental health.
My dad had a friend in the 50's-she didn't gain ANY weight, never ill and continued to water ski competitively, In the middle of one she had horrible abdomen pain and they thought it was a ski injury. Everyone was in shock when they got her to the ambulance.. Especially give the time period!
So it can and does happen.

A lot of CPS/DCYS like to try and keep the families together when possible. If the baby tested positive for drugs and alcohol they will likely remove the baby from her care, help her get rehab and parenting classes while the baby is in foster or other family care. Then they will do assessments to see how things are going and go from there. Congrats on being a new cousin. I hope you hear from your Aunt soon and that baby and mom are doing ok.

I have heard that it is possible for someone to be pregnant and not know. I was super sick and super uncomfortable but it does happen. hopefully the baby is safe and healthy. keep us updated.

I shared a hospital room with a woman that didn't know she was pregnant. I never believed her story. It was her 2nd baby, she was a cop, and she was in school getting her masters. Yeah....She wasn't married, same guy father to both. No one in her family believed her either.

I think it is sad. if she was depressed-who knows. but fat, and pregnant do not look the same.

Im with you! Im so sick with my pregnancies there's no way on earth I wouldn't know. Ive never known anyone that didn't. Hope everything is ok.
welcome!!

I made it thru the first 5.5 months without knowing.

I went to the doctor because I had a raging cold and possible Whopping Cough. That all melted away when she walked in with a positive preganancy test.

I had to be quarantined for five days and couldn't seek medical help until I was cleared by the city. Scariest thing EVER.

I took prescribed drugs and had a couple of drinks during that time. I was a nervouse wreck until my son was born. He was fine but I had to stop taking my medications. The withdrawl was horrible but I survived. GOD KNOWS what a drug abuser goes thru because I was really freaking out in in matter of hours.

Wow G. - sounds like she should be on one of those TV shows. You don't say how old she is. Maybe she's young? Sounds like she was in denial and makes lots of bad choices. I hope the baby is okay.

If she is young, is social services involved? If she is a drug user, she shouldn't be taking that baby home, not at least unless the aunt is talking to social services.

So sorry, G..
D.

How can you not know you're growing a baby??? I hear you guys on all of these stories, and I believe you, but what?? I was totally happy to have a viable explanation for the extra butt and cup size I had going on.

I Don't mean to judge, but physically there is no way a woman would not know she was pregnant the stomach is a totally different shape when you arem pregnat than it is when you are just gaining weight when you are pregnant there is morning sickness at some point swollen feet and if those don't tell you when the baby starts moving if you don't know then you do have a poblem, she probably knew but since she didn't take care of herself sheued it as an excuss. J.

Updated

I Don't mean to judge, but physically there is no way a woman would not know she was pregnant the stomach is a totally different shape when you arem pregnat than it is when you are just gaining weight when you are pregnant there is morning sickness at some point swollen feet and if those don't tell you when the baby starts moving if you don't know then you do have a poblem, she probably knew but since she didn't take care of herself sheued it as an excuss. J.

Updated

I Don't mean to judge, but physically there is no way a woman would not know she was pregnant the stomach is a totally different shape when you arem pregnat than it is when you are just gaining weight when you are pregnant there is morning sickness at some point swollen feet and if those don't tell you when the baby starts moving if you don't know then you do have a poblem, she probably knew but since she didn't take care of herself sheued it as an excuss. J.

Updated

I Don't mean to judge, but physically there is no way a woman would not know she was pregnant the stomach is a totally different shape when you arem pregnat than it is when you are just gaining weight when you are pregnant there is morning sickness at some point swollen feet and if those don't tell you when the baby starts moving if you don't know then you do have a poblem, she probably knew but since she didn't take care of herself sheued it as an excuss. J.

BEst friend went through the same thing, was not doing drugs, but dieting all the time! (not healthy either obiouvsly) she could not understand why she was gaining weight. Also I am her best friend and in no way shape or form did she look pregnant! When she went into labor thought it was kidney failure (which she has had before) and went to the ER, found out it was a baby coming instead. So weird. Baby was normal, but is slightly delayed in school now, (he's almost in Jr. high, but has a harder time grasping things than others, not sure if this was a consequence of not taking care of baby or just how he is) But other than that things turned out fine...a miracle if I ever saw one!