I Don't Sleep in My Bed

I sleep in the master and my husband sleeps in the guest bedroom. He snores and I have insomnia issues. It used to make me feel bad but we've both gotten used to it... We just tell our son that daddy snores in his sleep and it keeps mommy awake...
I read an article about new houses being built and by 2015 new houses will start having 2 masters because TONS of couples sleep in separate rooms...
I don't "like" sleeping away from him but I need to sleep. That's more important for me to get a "okay" nights sleep so I can function the next day taking care of my son.
Good luck!

3 moms found this helpful

Well, I see your friend's point, but my husband and I have separate rooms and I don't know that it affected my children adversely. They always knew the reason - namely, that their father is the champion snorer of the Western United States. His room is downstairs and mine is upstairs and I can hear him snoring through my floor! I must add that we aren't in separate rooms every minute! If separate rooms helps you both to get the rest you need, I'd say you should do it at the moment - but you both need to counter that with increased communication and togetherness the rest of the time, so that separate beds don't turn into separate lives.

2 moms found this helpful

I would say what ever works for you guys. My grandparents slept in separate rooms, they both snored and kept each other awake.

2 moms found this helpful

I am a big believer in setting examples for children, even with something that doesn't seem like a huge deal. Although you and your husband have good reason to sleep in different rooms, I think you are sending the wrong message to your kids. They will grow up thinking that married people do not sleep in the same room and eventually when they figure ou that other parents do, they are going to wonder what is wrong.

I also think that even though you are sleeping, there is something to be said for being in the same room together as husband and wife. Location can cause distance and eventually put a wedge in your relationship. I say you sleep in the same room together, even though you come in and out at different times, just focus on being quiet so you don't wake each other.

If you think about it, even if you do wake each other, I am sure you can drift back to sleep pretty easily if you don't make too much of a ruckus.

Good luck.

1 mom found this helpful

My husband twitches his whole body and legs at night and it wakes me up big time. I get so mad b/c I have had sleep issues since my kids were born and I am a very light sleeper. I work fulltime, too, and have a 1 and 2 year old, so getting no sleep is not an option. I will kick him in his sleep when he twitches, I get so mad, and then that wakes him up. So, our solution is to sleep in different beds at night. We are thinking about getting a sleep number bed b/c I heard that they were good for this type of thing. But times are changing, and spouses have moved to doing what they are "supposed" to do to what is actually good for them. Go figure.

1 mom found this helpful

You don't NEED to do anything! Many couples have odd, different or variable sleeping arrangements for a huge number of reasons. Why would this impact your kids? If they see you interact with your husband in a positive way during the day, why would sleeping in a different place impact them at all? My husband sometimes sleeps in the guest room (he snores and often refuses to wear his apena device). Instead of assuming it bothers your husband or your kids, I would first talk to your hubby to see what he thinks. He might like the space! Then, if you think it matters, talk to your kids about why mom and dad sleep separately.

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Well... if it works for you then it works. If you are worried about it try sharing a bed on the weekends, this way you well get the snuggle time with your husband with out impacting your workweek.

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No. My husband and I sleep in seperate rooms too. He sleeps in the basement (don't worry it's very nice down there) and I sleep on the main level of the home. We do this for 3 reasons
1) He likes it so cold it should snow in the house at night; I have joint pain when too cold
2) I have a back injury that if he was accidently roll over into my back it could reinjury it
3) I'm a stay at home mom who is up all hours of the night with our youngest and something all 3 kids wake at night; He's active duty Army and needs his rest and he wakes up at 0430 or 0500 every morning and doesn't want to disturb me if I'm sleeping.

To be honest, It used to be common for spouses to sleep in seperate beds or even seperate rooms. If you are both in agreement about the sleeping arrangements and still "getting it on" then you are ok. Just be honest with your kids if they ask "mom why do you sleep in seperate rooms?" Our 4 year old will ask us and we usually just let them know our 2nd reason...momma's back was hurt in a car accident, so daddy doesn't want to roll over in the night and hurt it again. He's good to go.

Many in our church have visited and asked "is everything ok with you and matt?" It will confuse me for a bit, until I notice what they are referring to. It turns out that by us doing it. They feel they can sleep seperately too because of injuries or schedules and other reasons.

Just make sure you are being s**ual with your hubby at least 3 times or more a week to insure that your intimacy level is high because when you sleep seperately you don't have that late night chance.

1 mom found this helpful

Your kids won't think this is abnormal unless you let them. It sounds like there is a logical reason for this choice, and that it didn't bother you until your friend got involved. If it's not bothering you or your husband, I really don't see why this is a big deal.

1 mom found this helpful

I would sleep in the same bed. Just make it so you are careful not to wake each other. And if so, it's not a big deal. Just roll over and go back to sleep. If your bathroom to get ready is in the same room, just switch that up so you get dressed/ready in a different room. Set out your things/clothes before hand. Then all you have to do is climb in bed, or climb out of bed. There's little disruption that way, and if there's any, it shouldn't be a big deal.

I think you should be sleeping together.......you're kids are young, and they know more than you think they do.........

With that said, how about twin beds? My Mom and Dad did that.......and they could come to the others twin bed whenever they wanted........just a thought....

You can also get a King bed......ours is a soft sider water bed......it's has foam, with 2 twin water bed mattress's in it.......with a pillow top over them......it's great, he can move and do all kinds of things and not move me......yes he snores, but that is part of being married and you eventually get used to it.......more or less....

Good Luck and take care.

Your kids do notice that you and Daddy aren't sleeping with each other. Don't under estimate what kids see and understand.

I've been there myself, and it was one of the largest reasons my marriage was failing. I had sleep apnea and didn't sleep in the same bed with dh. It really took a tole on our marriage.

Please try to figure out a way to get back into your bed with your husband. It will be good for the kids, you and your husband and the MARRIAGE... Good luck!

Sorry I didn't read all the posts, but wanted to tell you what DH and I do. He gets up early and wears a vibrating alarm watch. It pulses and wakes him up with no noise for me. Also he gets his clothes ready the night before and just takes them when he gets up instead of making noise in the closet. I am a light sleeper and the alarm only wakes me up when his wrist is under my pillow. He was afraid he wouldn't wake up, but there were 5 alarms that he set all in a row and he's never slept through it. The one we have is: Casio Men's PAS410B-5V Pathfinder Moon Phase Hunting Timer Watch, $33 at amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Casio-PAS410B-5V-Pathfinder-Phase-H...

GL,
J.

My husband and I didn't sleep in the same bed for almost 2 years because of scheduling. He worked graveyards, and I had to be up all day with the kiddo. (OK, we slept in the same bed, just not at the same time). But it did put a strain on our relationship. We had to really work to keep the intimacy going (and I don't just mean physical, but emotional too).

We've gone through many years of other odd schedules. Sometimes he worked until midnight while I had to get up at 6. Others he had to get up at 4:30 for work. But it was always a comfort to roll over in the middle of the night and have him there. I am a very light sleeper, but learned quickly to sleep through his comings or goings. (But I would wake up if he didn't come in at the expected time!)
Every couple, every relationship, is different. But my advice is to try again to make it work to sleep together. Really try. Maybe a body pillow between you might be a start. Maybe a bigger bed, if you can afford it. But give it some time for both of you to get your bodies re-programmed to each other.

And I bet that, if you ask your husband, he would want you to be in the same bed as he is :D

hi,
It's actually fine as long as it does work for you(ie you can still make love and be husband and wife in the everyday relationship and not just roomates).My husband and i uses to do this and at first it was working really well then slowly he ended up having is own life and i had mine with the kids .We were just sharing a house and coparenting but that's it.And i am not talking about only the physical part of the marriage the connection was simply gone.Sleeping together does give you that somewhat of a clossness even if you don't talk.And it is easy to keep that connection alive is the other person is next to you and you just have to roll over instead of actually get up and go all the way done in the basement.Well, he ended up having a short emotional affair over the internet five years ago.Not so much because things were bad but only because the connection evaporated over time and his computer was closer to him(next to the bed as it is a laptop) than I.So, I say just be careful. I like the idea of twins bed next to each other if your guys truly are having problem sleeping with each other(snoring,rolling over one another...).JUst my experience but things are better since we do sleep back with each other and it was definately an adjustement to sleep together again.
Good luck .
N.

My parents do not sleep in the same room. Just because they don't does not mean they love each other any less. It just works better that they each have their own space. They still share everything in a marriage that I do with my husband, who by the way lays on me at night and I do not sleep well till he goes to work. LOL. I understand if it is best for you two and work. My thing is do you still show love and stuff in front of the kids? If so they know you love each other.

I would say you need to sleep in the same room even if your schedule might say otherwise. This can potentially bring something between you and your husband, you should be happy to see him in the same room as you even if it does wake you. You really need that time together as much as you can. I would make a change now. Good luck.

I really think that you need to talk to your DH about it. He is the only one that can tell you whether he's okay with it or not, from his perspective.

Regarding the kids' perspective, I think that as long as you, the parents are happy and loving toward one another and they can see the affection, it doesn't make one whit of difference. They may ask why you don't if they see other kids' parents do, or people on TV do, and you can explain it then. Or you can explain it in kid friendly terms if you think that they might have questions they haven't asked. But I don't think it will scar them or anything. The big thing is how you & your DH act toward one another and them, not where you sleep. :)

I also think that if this is a route that you both want to continue with, you need to be extra diligent in making sure to get in enough time together with the physical intimacy that you both need, so that both of you are happy and don't start to feel strained or alone in the relationship.

There was a report on msnbc.com last week about how at least 25% of married couples don't sleep together--for reasons just like this. I don't think it's a big deal, so long as you have some personal time together. Good luck!

I think you should get back in bed with your hubby. You may not realize it but it probably does affect your relationship. And your kids definitely notice, they might be used to it now but they notice. At least give it a try. I bet you forgot how great it feels to look over and see your husbands face. Good luck!

There was a study just put out showing that sleeping together is a very important key to keeping a relationship together. There are lots of options to make that possible. Temperpedic beds are great for not feeling movement and letting the other person sleep. My husband used to work 2nd, so we were in a similar situation. More often than not, I never heard him come home once I adjusted, and he was often surprised to see me gone in the morning. We used the bathroom outside our bedroom to get ready so it was less disturbing. I'd put my clothes out there at night. I just think it's very important to have that time together as a couple. It increases snuggles and spontaneity, which help with the overall health of the relationship, if nothing else.

i think its dangerous to say the least, people that pefer to sleep separate from their spouses are sending the wrong message, ive been there, my husband pretended as if it didnt bother him , but i know it did. It sends the wrong message.

On the radio the other day they were talking about a lot of new homes being built with dual master suites, with an adjoining bathroom - because I guess a lot of people are doing this. I enjoy sleeping in bed with my husband, and really dont care what time of day or night he needs to come home or leave (for work stuff)...but that is me. If it works for you guys it does. As long as your kids see that you guys are in love, it's all good!

We teach our children about how to be in relationships. I think it might be good to find other ways to manage besides sleeping in separate rooms. Can you wear earplugs so he doesn't wake you when he comes home? Can he do the same? I personally feel that it's a bad habit to get into...

The important thing is that it works for you guys. Sleep is critical-- I always think that it is worth doing whatever you need to do to get it. I don't think it will scar your kids-- they probably won't even think about it.

Personally I think it is a personal decision. I wouldn't worry to much about what your kids think. As long as you are showing your kids you care about each other.

If you have a normal healthy relationship and that is the only reason you sleep seperate, then get back in the same bed...get a king size bed if you need. You kids with think that sleeping seperate is the norm. I am not sure what that will do for them in the long run. So if you happen to wake each other for the 5 mins...you can always go back to sleep immediatly after.
This is my opinion. Good luck!