M.. asks from Detroit, MI on February 05, 2012
I Dont Know How to Say No??
My neighbor/friend across the street has been trying to have a baby for 5 years. She is finally pregnant and due this summer. She is a teacher, will be going back to work in the fall.
She has asked me to watch her infant for them fulltime when she goes back to work.
I currently have 3 kids. My youngest is 8 months old and I quit my job when she was born because my husband works ALL the time and I didnt want my kids bouncing around babysitters while I worked all different hours. I quit my job so I could be there for them fulltime. Between school, preschool and an infant, I feel like I have my hands full. I was really looking forward to next year when the baby is bigger and we will be able to get out and do more things.
I feel I cannot put my heart and soul into watching someones baby. I find it hard right now to juggle the 3 I have and give each one of them the attention they need. I do, but its not easy by myself.
I want this baby to have better care than I feel like I can offer her.
But, I dont know how to say no. It would be the perfect situation for my neighbor, just to drop her across the street and head to work. She trusts me and I know she would feel most comfortable having the baby with me. But, I just dont think I can do it.
Of course she would pay me, but I dont care about the money. Even though the extra money would be nice, I would never base my decision on that.
What do I do?
Featured Answers
E.A. answers from Erie on February 05, 2012
You've gotten some great advice here. I just want to tell you that I can empathize. For some reason, many people who work think that those of us that stay home have all the time in the world to spend watching other peoples' kids. Or even that we want to, which I never did.
2 moms found this helpful
V.C. answers from Dallas on February 05, 2012
I agree with the others to tell her just what you have told her. You should not feel obligated to do it.
It would be a disservice to say you will do it then have to try to back out of it. That would leave her with little time to find someone else. As it is now, she has time to find a solution.
2 moms found this helpful
More Answers
E.T. answers from Albuquerque on February 05, 2012
You have said it great in your post. You want her baby to have better care than you feel you can offer since your heart is elsewhere. Ultimately you'd be doing your friend a huge disservice if you said yes but didn't really want to care for her baby. She needs someone who wants this job. Not someone who is doing her a favor.
It will be hard to say no, but just imagine how much worse it could be if you start to watch the baby and hate it.
8 moms found this helpful
☆.H. answers from San Francisco on February 05, 2012
Just tell her your hands are full with your 3 children and you don't feel that you can take on another one.
7 moms found this helpful
T.C. answers from New York on February 05, 2012
You are the kind of caring considerate person who puts other people's needs before your own. Sure it is a nice idea and would be convenient for her, but that has nothing to do with you. Personally I would never dream of asking someone who already had 3 including an infant to watch my baby. I wouldn't feel they were getting the attention they needed. But maybe she's naive and doesn't realize how much worked is involved. It is flattering that she trusts you this much, but you simply have to say no. Explain to her that you are honored that she asked, and if your circumstances were different you would love to but there is no way that this arrangement would be good for anyone. That is really all you need to say. Good luck!
7 moms found this helpful
L._. answers from San Diego on February 05, 2012
You have to say no. The mom would most assuredly NOT feel most comfortable with you if she knew how you feel. You owe it to her and that baby to tell her the truth.
6 moms found this helpful
A.S. answers from Boca Raton on February 05, 2012
I think you are very wise to recognize the problems with the idea . . . it's better to say no up front, than accept and then resent doing it (and ultimately quitting down the line).
There is nothing wrong with you wanting to focus on your own kids. After all, it's why you gave up working!
JMO.
6 moms found this helpful
J.B. answers from Atlanta on February 05, 2012
You just simply tell her that you've given it some thought, and since you have three small children, you just don't feel like you can do it. No one should expect to have that situation. I mean, it would be nice if we all had a trustworthy neighbor to leave our kids with all the time, but most of us don't. This is obviously her first and she has no idea what goes into caring for and watching kids! You can't really fault her there, but just say no!
5 moms found this helpful
D.S. answers from Kansas City on February 05, 2012
I wouldn't try it out, I wouldn't tell her "in a pinch," I wouldn't offer excuses no matter how valid because that gives her a chance to counter your excuse. I would tell her that you are flattered she thought of you and trusts you so much but it simply isn't something you are interested in. It's ok to say no!
5 moms found this helpful
R.J. answers from Seattle on February 05, 2012
1) Say No. If you need to, practice several times out loud and in your mind. "I've given it a lot of consideration, and I don't feel that I would be able to provide the level of care your baby will need in addition to my own family."
((This will probably not be the only time you're asked to do this kind of thing as a stay at home parent... just follow the link at the bottom))
2) If she argues or tries to convince you at ALL... thank your lucky stars you didn't say yes!!! Anyone who can't see that someone else has a full and busy life, that being a childcare provider is a full time job, and is just blind to other considerations is NOT someone you want to be having to deal with in a nanny situation. They will use and use and use you (and ignore, and ignore, and ignore... like bringing over a sick baby/child even when you've said not to, not "let" you take vacations "Oh can't you wait until ________,". You'll here the words "just" and "can't you" and "oh it won't" and AWFUL lot with these types of people.
3) DO let her know as soon as possible (so she can work on another alternative)
4) BE VERY WARY about accepting provisionally "Until you can find someone". I did this once, to cover a "2 week gap" between nannies... that turned into MONTHS. I can't even count how many other people I know who have been suckered into the same position.
And for moral support... I was climbing the walls a few years ago becuase EVERYONE (it seemed) seemed to equate that I was a SAHM with =ing I had no life and "should" be their babysitter. Paid or free, it doesn't matter. Many of whom would argue with me (wth?), just show up anyway, etc. There was an outpouring of support from other SAHPs and WPs who would never make such presumptions. I'm NOT saying your neighbor is like this (but once bitten, twice shy)... but that outpouring has a lot of chutzpah behind it! :) :) :)
5 moms found this helpful
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