I Cant Stop Crying - Keller,TX

I'm not a doctor or health care professional - my comments are just my own opinion based on my "mom" experience. If it were me I'd start with a good quality B complex vitamin and add in an Omega too. I would also consider Vitamin D3. I always start "slow & low" - i.e., I add one new supplement a week at a low dose to see how it is tolerated (and if it seems to help me).

Don't underestimate the power of hormone issues and vitamin deficiencies. It's amazing how much worse things seem when you are feeling crappy and lethargic.

Along those lines - try to walk somewhere at least 30 minutes a day. Gradually increase your time.

Personally I have benefitted more from a nutritionist and integrative medicine than I ever did from mainstream doctors.

Good luck - please seek help immediately if things don't improve or get worse. Hope you feel better.

7 moms found this helpful

How old is your son? If you are potty training, I'm guess around 3.........

You need to get to the doctor.....you're depressed.......talk to the Dr. about how you feel.

As for your "bonus" daughter, I'm assuming that means your step daughter. I raised my step daughter and it's a struggle especially when Moms tend to say things that are not true............so, my advice to you on that, talk to your husband, tell him that she is being awful to you and he needs to talk to her...............get it all out in the open, what she says to you, how she behaves etc.................if things don't work after he talks to her, then you need to have a family meeting, this time with you involved...........tell her you are there as her friend, that she has a Mom and that's not your role, but you do expect respect and demand that you get it............and tell your husband that this has to stop, you love him and his daughter, but you are not going to be abused by her.

You are a woman, and you have rights, and emotions just like all of us...........time to pick yourself up, get to the doctor, get you some medicine, and take charge of your life again.......you CAN do this..........

I understand you're stress.........we have no money coming in, we are both unemployed, and I'm not sure how I'm going to pay bills today.........but you know what, there's always hope. Don't lose your hope. You can make new friends, take the kids to the park, talk to other mothers........

YOU are not ugly..........get yourself some make up on and put a smile on your face........you're a beautiful woman who can do whatever she sets her mind to do.....

You hang in there honey, and things are going to get better, because you can make them better.......

6 moms found this helpful

Dear N.,

I have had these moments too. When you are crying over the sink while washing dishes, it's time to make a change. Take things into your own hands. Can you speak with your hubby's ex about these terrible things your step daughter is saying to you? If you don't feel comfortable, your husband needs to take control and end her terrible behavior! She needs to be disciplined, your step daughter.

I too live far from family. The only thing that saved me was becoming part of a MOMS Club, Moms offering moms support. I am not a very outgoing person either, but you always have your children in common so it helps when making friends.

You need to do something each day to make yourself feel better. Take time out to read a book, exercise is a great mood booster, take a bath, anything that you enjoy doing just to make yourself feel like a woman and not just a mom!

My hubby does not help out around the house either, at all. In fact if something is lying on the ground, he just walks around it, no kidding. This used to make me terribly mad. It still does somedays, but I read a book that helped me deal with my feelings. It's called The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands. In fact, I think I might need to reread it soon :) He also doesn't help with my son's care, so I have a full plate around here.

You just need to find a little balance. It's hard, but just stopping to do something for yourself and making one or two friends should help. It's always nice to turn to someone when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Talk to your doctor about your feelings too. But exercise has been proven to reduce depression if not eliminate it better than medication in some cases.

Here is the link to the MOMS Club that I am apart of. It's only $25 a year to join. You can e-mail them to see if there is a chapter in your area.
http://momsclub.org/links.html

Take care!

6 moms found this helpful

you probably already know these things but we all need reminders some times. you could probably handle any one of these challenges on their own very well. we women are good at multitasking. but everyone has a limit to how much they can handle at once. stop and consider each thing that is overwhelming right now. consider who might be able to help you with each individual item: your husband, a neighbor, your children, God, a professional, a teenager from your neighborhood or church willing to make a few dollars. of the items you are able to identify possible willing helpers for, tackle one or two at a time-- with the helpers. things will start to feel manageable again and you will be able to better identify what you can handle right now and what you need help with.

5 moms found this helpful

ah, that old demon, depression. first off, ignore everyone who tells you that 'god never gives you more than you can handle' (nothing like blaming the victim) and realize that at the moment you cannot compare your life to those of others and keep finding yourself wanting. at THIS moment you have more than you can handle, so let's figure out ways of coping with what you have.
loneliness begets more awkwardness and feelings of isolation. you have done a good thing by reaching out here. there's nothing wrong with being an introvert. but in order to expand your circle of support, make it a goal to contact ONE new person each week. this can be as small as making yourself smile and say 'hi' to another mom with a small child at the grocery store, or calling an old friend for a quick 'i don't want to keep you, just calling to say i was thinking about you and just wanted to say hi and hope you're well.' even if you don't get a warm response, pat yourself on the back for opening up that small door to the world beyond your hard one and inviting some light in. after a while, that light will get brighter.
i'm sorry that you're not able to get pregnant right now, and you may be done having more kids. that can be a harsh pill to swallow. however, you're struggling with your current life load and the universe may be blessing you by not piling more on you.
i LOVE your term for you stepdaughter, even though she's challenging you right now. what a lovely thing that says about your character. it's okay to want the pressure of her defiance off your shoulders. and soon you'll have it. continue to be firm yet courteous and loving toward her. at some point you will see how very much this will pay off.
stop trying to potty train your son. you have enough to cope with right now, and your depression is affecting how you deal with him. diapers are a convenience. avail yourself of them. when your SD leaves you can always take it up again.
treat yourself to a one-time maid service to spruce up the house. then don't beat yourself up if you let it relapse a bit. when you're feeling better the house will reflect it. take a tip from flylady and JUST make sure the sink is empty and clean before you go to bed at night. that one small change will make getting up the next day so much better.
depression takes a toll. being a mom hasn't made you ugly, your depression is causing you to see only your flaws and none of your beauty.
you need to talk to someone professional, and perhaps get some pharmacological help. please don't feel depressed or ashamed of this. most folks could use this at some point in their lives. your entire family (even your SD!!) will benefit from this. i'm sure the budget is tight right now but your insurance may well cover this, and it's important. if you had a lump in your breast you'd get it seen to. put this in the same category.
good luck, hon.
khairete
S.

4 moms found this helpful

My first thought is this....take a deep deep breath and relax a little. I truly believe in self talk..what we tell ourselves affects how we feel. It's easy to get overwhelmed, especially when you're not in a good place. As for your listed circumstance I would say in regards to your step daughter...your actions with her will do more to repair her image of you than her mother's words. You can't control what she is told, but simply show your step daughter the real you....and take the words as just what they are. I know it's easier said than done, but if you give the words any weight it will affect your feelings towards your step daughter. Just love her, as it seems she may not have the most positive environment at home with mom. That doesn't mean you allow her to misbehave or be disrespectful by no means.

As for your friends are interested in reconnecting with your friends? If so, reach out to them to just say 'hi' and open the door to further communication. If you are seeking new friendships send me a message and maybe we can communicate and support one another!

As for your son don't stress about him potty training because the more pressure you both feel it will take away the ability for positive experience for you both..in time it will happen.

Lastly, if you are not satisfied with your appearance find one or two things you can do to make yourself feel better..for me i put on make-up and maybe earrings..we definitely change after kiddos...but that doesn't mean we aren't just as attractive and beautiful. I think sometimes we are harder on ourselves than we need to be...so as my sister tells me..be gracious to yourself.

I wish you luck and hope you can take a moment and redirect your thoughts for today,,,your day is what you make it!! Find something fun to do and start a new day...however if your feelings remain depressed I would encourage you to seek help..it happens to us all at one time or another.

K.

4 moms found this helpful

It does sound like you need to talk to a counselor - I went through an awful time a few years ago - lost my job, relationship ended, dad almost died and I just went into this depression. But thank God I found a great counselor who not only helped me work through things but recognized that with my family history of depression I needed to be on a med.

One of the things a counselor told me a long time ago is to not take everything at once. Take one issue at a time and address it:

-Husband not pulling his weight - sit down and talk to him about it and specifically identify what you need him to do (I think this may solve a LOT of the other issues)
-House too dirty - see if a neighbor kid can help for a couple of hours a week. Check out craigslist.com - there are so many people looking for any kind of work you can get help super cheap. I just met a neighbor's daughter who, for $10/hour, is going to give me a couple of hours of work before she leaves to college to help me clean the house from top to bottom. A younger kid might do it for $5/hour.
-Need a break - get a babysitter, ask a friend to watch the kids, get your husband to watch the kids/take them somewhere, have a bath, take a nap, etc.
-Skin looks rotten - schedule a visit to the dermatologist today and on a daily basis set a timer for 30 minutes you have to yourself - before your husband leaves or after he gets home - where you can give yourself a facial, meditate, take a nap, do your nails, etc.
-Are you exercising? This is SO important for people under stress/dealing with depression. Again, remember, a better you makes a better mommy, so don't feel guilty about taking time to work out for 30 minutes a couple times a week. A brisk walk/a good sweat will really change the way you feel. Studies have shown that many people who are on meds need lower doses or can go without when they're exercising regularly.

Most of all this is NOT a time to try to "be strong" - this is a time to let everyone you know that you feel like you're overwhelmed and need some help - church friends, neighbors, other mom friends, etc. You'll be amazed at how many women will help you.

Also, check out www.meetup.com to find groups of moms in your area - they have playgroups, moms groups, parents groups, working moms, etc. Don't be shy - I've found meetup group people to be SO friendly - the reason everyone joins is that they're all trying to make friends.

3 moms found this helpful

Your husband should step in with your stepdaughter. You should both make it clear that disrespect from her is not acceptible. He should talk to his ex immediately and inform her that whatever issues she had should be addressed with the two of you and NOT with the child.

As for your feelings, you need to talk to your husband and discuss what he can do to help with stuff at home and you should seek counseling. By not seeking the help you need, you are creating a self-fulfilling profecy...you can not successfully handle all your roles if you are crying all the time.

3 moms found this helpful

Dear N.,

You sound overwhelmed. You need to rebuild a support system and take some time tend to your Self. Please consider looking into therapy, perhaps even family therapy, to help you sort things out. You deserve happiness and you CAN get through this! Kudos to you for reaching out.

p.s. If you feel sad/blue most of the day, nearly every day, for more than a few weeks, then you may also want to touch base with a psychiatrst, who can talk to you about medications that can help jump-start your neurochemistry.

3 moms found this helpful

N....first of all, you need to start looking at your life in small bites instead of concentrating on everything at once!! It is no wonder that you are overwhelmed!!!
I can tell you that being a step parent is the hardest job in the world!!! I have a 44 year old stepson who lived with us about half of his growing up years. I felt like throwing a huge PARTY when he left for the last time at the age of 15 to go and live with his Mother!!! I loved him dearly, and I still do, in fact he feels much closer to me than he does to his Mother...but the challanges were mind boggling!!! I don't know how old your bonus daughter ( I LOVE tha term!!! I hope you use it around her all the time...what a positive loving thing to say to describe the relationship!!).is but you need to step back and let Dad take the front burner role in discipline and setting the rules etc with your stepdaughter. You concentrate on having fun with her and being positive in your interactions with her. Let her have wonderful memories of the times that the two of you spend together so that it is much more difficult for the Mother to poison her mind against you.
I would not worry about the coniditon of the house until summer is over and your bonus daughter has returned home. Don't pile more "stuff" onto your shoulders right now!!!
I also don't know how old your own child is...but I am assuming he is a toddler since you are dealing with potty training. Could you find a Mothers Group somewhere in your area that you could go to on a weekly or bimonthly basis? It would be a great opportunity for you to meet new people who have similar interests and concerns as you...and for your son to have a chance to play with other children his age.
I see that you work, so I know that your time is limited...but start planning time with your husband, away from the house and away from the children. I don't know what your financial situation is but I am assuming you are pinching pennies like most of us are doing right now. You can do things that don't have to throw a wrench in your budget....pack a picnic dinner and go to a local park, spread a blanket under a tree and just have some adult time together with him. Talk about your hopes and dreams, plans that you have together, and issues that each of your are dealing with.
SInce you have a young toddler at the age of 40....you are in a different situation than a lot of your old friends are probably in. That alone is an explanation of why you feel like you have drifted away from your friends.Do you have a church that you are involved in? Maybe that would be a good source of new people to meet and get acquainted with. Or find something in the community, a program at the library or local community college that interested you and your husband, you will meet like minded people in a situation like that.
You say that you handle all of the "adult decisions" in your family...this is something that you have taken on your own shoulders. Start discussing things with your husband...talk about the budget...do you need to trim corners? Have him help you decide which corners to trim. Let him start doing the grocery shopping with you...let him see how expensive things are and how much it costs to feed the family. My husband used to make fun of me for clipping coupons...so I started keeping track of how much I saved on the outside of my coupon envelope. When he was able to see in black and white how much money I had kept in our family budget by using the coupons, he started singing a whole different tune!! Engage your husband in the business of being a family...ask for his input and thoughts on things. He isn't going to pick up part of the load if you don't ask him to and make it easy and comfortable for him.
As to the issues of feeling like your hair and skin are so horrible...start taking one evening a week...let your husband and 2 children have together time and you get a good book, a wonderful scented candle, yummy shower gel or bath powder and just relax and pamper yourself!!! Go to Beauty Brands ( they are having their super liter sale right now! In fact I am on the way there with my daughters today!!) and ask them for advice on what shampoo and conditioner to get...and use it on a daily basis to revive your hair. Get a new haircut...change things up and make yourself feel good again!! You are the only one who can effect how you are feeling about these things and how you react to things.
Resolve to be more positive and loving with your bonus daughter...model for her the kind of relationship that a Mother and daughter should have, since she obviously is not getting that from her Mom. Enjoy the time with her as much as you can and don't stress about the house and potty training until she has gone back home for the school year. I am sure your son is reacting to the tension in the house...and that is why the potty training may have taken a step backwards.
I am sorry that this is such a long response...there just seem to be so many issues that you are dealing with and I have been there myself with most of them!!
Good luck!!!

3 moms found this helpful

Hi N., I am so sorry for what you are feeling. From someone who suffers regularly with it, It sounds like you are suffering with depression. Stress can bring it on even if you dont have a problem with it.

The other moms gave you some really good advice so I am going to try to keep this short. You definately need to talk to your husband about how you are feeling. It helps talking about it. Your husband needs to deal with his your bonus daughters attitude because it is his child. As someone else stated, potty training can be stressful so take a break. As far as your skin and hair go, make an appointment with a hair dresser and whatever you need done for your skin and take a day to pamper yourself. Take one thing at a time and do it. In fact make a list and then check it off as you go.

If you do not start feeling better you may need to get on an anti-suppressant for a short period to get your system back normal. I was stubborn and refused to take them and I have a problem with depression. I just recently started taking them and going to counseling because of a bad pregnancy and feel sooo much better.

I am an introvert as well so I know exactly how you feel. If you have time because you mentioned you work, join a moms group it made a world of difference for me. I was very uncomfortable but made myself go for my childs sake and eventually made a few friends. My child was also alot happier because she got to play. Well I hope some of this helps. I have felt like you before and have pulled through I know you can do it. Take Care.

3 moms found this helpful

Mom,
It sounds like you are suffering from some depression, please see your Dr asap and he/she can help you or refer you to a counselor or psychiatrist. Get into some counseling and if recommded I'd consider medication to help. You are very smart to realize this in yourself and get help, things will get better if you do. A good psychiolgist can teach you some coping techniques too. Please look into this for yourself, you have lots on your plate. Hugs 2U

3 moms found this helpful

I just recently found out from my OB that sometimes women can not break down the nutrient Folic Acid (yes the stuff that is so important while pregnant.. but also the body needs it while not pregnant as well). When the body can not break it down it creates sadness and anxiety. She gave me a pamphlet and some samples to take home with me b/c I do not consider myself depressed, but it just seems lately like I can not keep my emotions under control (darn hormones). Anyways, the samples tha she gave me is NOT medication, but just a dietary supplement. It is called "Deplin". Dr.'s have been giving it along with anti-depressants, but again, it is not a medication, just a dietary supplement to help the body break down folic acid. The important reason for the folic acid in a persons body is to turn it into folate which gives you your energy and contributes to your emotions and so forth.

You may want to do some reading up on the Deplin supplement.

Good Luck!

2 moms found this helpful

If money allows, go to a salon spa and check out rejuvenation packages. Take a a few days off and do things that you enjoy or buy a few blouses or pretty jewlery to cheer you up in the short term.

Long range thinking; Start exercising to get some natural endorphins (sp) going. It might help elevate your mood naturally and give you a new activity or hobby to enjoy. Hire a cleaning service to "spring clean" your home, so you can get a break. Plan a weekend get away for just you and hubby so you can relax, rekindle, and have some fun without the kids if possible. Find a babysitter to hire in when needed, so you can have a few hours to yourself and alone w/hubby.

Find a therapist, or better yet, take a class through community ed and make some new friends who will surely share your interests. You might even consider finding a mom/daughter activity/class that you can participate in with your daughter to help counter-balance the negativity she's receiving on the other end. If you disprove mom's hateful words with love and tenderness, daughter will find it hard to hold you to her mother's words.

Lastly, 40 is not old. It might be a little tougher to conceive, but not impossible. While IVF is the preferred method for women this age, there are many less promoted options that are equally effective and in some cases cheaper as insurance covers much of the expense. Check into something called the Creighton Fertility Method. There are clinics all over the US that use this method for infertility (not implying that you are...it's just they are really great at helping people no matter what their situation!!). See: http://www.fertilitycare.org/

2 moms found this helpful

How is your husband dealing with his ex? I think he should be speaking to her and disciplining his daughter. As for being exhausted you sound depressed, that shouldn't be a shock after what you are dealing with and being a stay at home mom.

2 moms found this helpful

Do not feel guilty and assume other women are handling their lives better. They may be at times, but we all have massive slumps. Your list of things troubling you are very difficult things, especially all piled up. It's great you can identify them and voice your frustration.
If I were you, I would pick a few things that I COULD improve, and take a little action on just those. Making a little headway will make you feel better in general, and able to handle a few other things.
I'm recently coming out of a pregnancy at 40, husband always gone, massive IRS issues, no budget for help of any kind with 3 kids under 5, no money for nice things-at times I start to flip out. But you know what, ALWAYS, it is ALWAYS about counting your blessings to feel better, and reaching out to other people, I know it sounds cliche, but it's always true.

Sure, we're on a shoestring budget and constant stress, but for now I have a roof over my head, electricity, and time home with healthy kids without working full time like I did my whole life before taking this "break". I truly believe anyone with a healthy child, or two or three and no serious medical issues has no right to complain (for me, not saying you're complaining), because anything could happen any minute, and you haven't appreciated what you had...etc...you know all that.

What really got me down on a superficial level with the finances and the pregnancies, was that my appearance really went to hell. I had a high risk pregnancy with lots of bed reast and gained TONS of weight, meanwhile, no budget at all for any decent maternity outfits or hair upkeep etc. My skin was horrible etc. Then once my 3rd baby was here, I had no help and no budget still, so I was still in the crappy cheap maternity clothes forever.

ANYWAY. That's what I zoned in on first. My husband was away a lot, so I made a pledge to get on track, lose the weight, pick up a couple of very cheap new things here and there as the weight came off, found a way to renew my gym membership (with daycare) at a discount by begging the owner for help, ate restorative good simple healthy food and got my skin on track, wore make-up, got my hair to cooperate a bit, and TRIED to be nice and cheerful to my husband again, not sad because I felt ugly. Each day was a little bit better than the last, and I felt SO much better once I got on track with that.

Next I made a pact not to let the IRS looming catastrophic project get me down. I just refused. I did the tasks I had to, but I also counterbalanced it with something nice and fun for the kids each day. We just spent time, not money. I accepted that bankruptcy or losing the house might lie ahead, but I wasn't going to feel bad before I knew. It's still looming. I still don't care! My husband helps with nothing-he's not home! I spend way too much time dealing with it, and it's not fair, its my husband's debt form a corrupt scenario by his accountants at the time, but I made the mistake of filing jointly for the years in question. So what, nothing new, One day at a time. Counting blessings.

One of my favorite books is A New Earth, and I always remember not to overwhelm myself with cumulative problems including past and future, but to really take one day at a time, one hour at a time, and I always, pray prayers of thanks and ask for a little strength to turn my attitude around every day. Sometimes several times. A nice list of all my blessings, out loud, and giving sincere thanks.

It's understandable to miss your mother. Allow yourself that, but realize when you are letting it make you depress yourself. She wants you to be happy.

Your bonus(?) is that a step daughter? THAT is a tough one. You just need to love yourself, and NOT let her get to you. I know it seems impossible and easy for me to say. I don't know her age, but if she is out of toddler years, there is no harm saying, "It's OK if you don't like me. I understand. I don't like everyone either." Try to just sort of steer clear of her except to be nice, like you are, do nice things for her, uphold your rules and then buzz off when she turns sour. Remind yourself you know why she is doing this. Do not take it to heart. It won't last forever. She will not always be young enough to be manipulated by her mom. Just be a good person. Isolate it in your mind, address it mentally, and move on with the day as many times as it takes, do not let it gang up on you. Remember your blessings.

Potty training-SUCKS!!! It takes FOREVER. I've given up 4 times too-my son's still not trained. It will get solved.

I counted myself lucky that my husband isn't harsh, and did not make my life hard or bring me down during that slump, even though I was not that fabulous chick he married. I've bounced back.

I have to do all the work around here, I'm the only one stressed while my husband is off on tour not dealing with daily finances, but its worth many other things. Nothing has to be permanent. One day at a time.

You may be done having kids, You may not. Don't pre-worry. Work on yourself and your health, and enjoy your un-potty trained precious little son.

If I were you, I would address your physical appearance and health a little first, to perk yourself up. I would also ACT happy even before you feel it, at least a few times a day. Do something nice each day for your husband or one of the kids, just for self therapy. Next I would do something above and beyond at your job-since you're feeling inadequate there. Do something extra in some way. Just one day. Then something the next. A few days later, reach out to one old friend. They will be happy to hear from you. Ask about THEM and do not dwell on yourself. I find that focusing on others ALWAYS makes me feel better. Don't sweat the family-I'm glad none of mine are close. You only need a couple of good friends. Reach out and make them. Force yourself.

Don't say your husband is a good man BUT he could help out more. Say he's a good man and treat him like gold. He'll help out more, when you're being happier and doing extra things for him-it always works that way. Ask him if you can splurge and get a cleaning service to give the house a fresh start.

You are a beautiful and important woman, and you can believe it if you take action. Treat those around you with the love you wish you had for yourself at work and at home, and things will get better. Give yourself daily things to do, but don't overwhelm yourself,and take one day at a time. Be good to yourself. Treat your appearance and health like they are important-they are. Your family loves you and your step daughter will too one day. This will pass. Blessings-these times are really hard, you'll make it!

2 moms found this helpful

no, honey, your life sounds like its pretty hard to deal with right now,

1. i suggest you find counseling of some sort.
2. you need to have a conversation with this girls mother.
3. maybe its time for a job that challenges you, and that you believe in.
4.stop stressing about your son, he wont be in diapers forever
5. talk to your husband, he may not realize how stressful this all is, its likely he will want to unburdeon you, hes married to a great woman not a martyr

and it sounds like you need a day at the salon, i cant tell you how many times an eyebrow wax/mani/pedi and cut and dye job has saved my month from being bleak and depressing.

it may sound silly , but God is in the details.

2 moms found this helpful

I absolutely know how you feel. I just had a baby, but yet right when I came home I picked up everything I used to do...budgeting (I keep track of all the money, not him, he signs the check and I deposit it lol), house cleaning, cooking, yardwork, AND take care of the newborn. He comes home and plays video games. He helps out occasionally when he's home. I'm slowly trying to let things be...if some housework doesn't get done, no big deal. It used to give me major panic attacks when I wouldn't have time to do all of it. I feel unattractive, too, but I'm working on it. I don't know what I would do without my older sister around...I'm not close to my parents (who live in Hurst) or anyone else really. What are your hobbies? Doing something you like and sticking with it can make you feel a lot better. I wouldn't pay any mind to what your bonus daughter is saying...like you said she is a child and if you let her mother's words hurt you, then she has won. I'm sure you are a terrific person :) Make sure your husband knows how you feel as well. If you need someone to talk to more, you can message me. I know how bad depression is...I've been battling it since I was 13.... good luck and hope you get pregnant soon!

2 moms found this helpful

Girl,
You need a break. Do you do anything that brings you joy any more? Have you had your hormones checked? Your OB won't be able to do an accurate test but I found a clinic that does an AK test that has helped me gain myself again. I can not tell you how much I am empathizing with you---I have been there and felt doom everywhere. "Praise you in this Storm" was the theme song of my life and if someone from the outside saw my life they would not understand why that song was the one for my life......two counselors told me to reduce my stress, and get out of the house more. I also found Dr. Chalmers but the grace of God and he has been amazing for giving me ME back!!!! He is in Frisco and SO worth the drive. I can not tell you how much this treatment has done from my life; all natural too. Let me know if you have questions.....careful, the MD's will try to put you on antidepressants or anti anxiety meds....which may be needed, but I knew it was not my case and sure enough the anxiety and doom lifted with the hormone supplements---especially since it is tailored for MY body....seriously so worth it.

http://chalmerswellness.com

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Definitely talk to your doctor! There are many possibilities, all of which can be taken care of and treated, as some have mentioned depression, etc. Also, I know several women lately who have had very similar symptoms and turns out they were Vitamin D deficient! That's something that is very easily treated. Your doctor can help you determine if this is medical (like a vitamin or hormone imbalance), or emotional, or both, and you find ways to feel better.

1 mom found this helpful

I feel your pain. I too had a child later in life and have felt the withdrawing.

I am 40 and have a 3 yr old and it took me almost 18 months before he even felt like he was mine let alone stop feeling guilty because of it.

It could be post partum. Odds are it is. Could be hormones. Could be thyroid, but many people use that as a blanket diagnosis for 'I don't know so lets call it this...".

Stop trying to battle with a child that will be gone soon. You can't and wont win so don't try, but do talk to your husband about her behavior and that it WILL reflect on your youngest child. Don't be ashamed for wanting her to go and be beligerant with someone else. Its normal. I get it.

My boobs are sagging, I have found wrinkles in places I didn't know I could get them and I have gray hair in my nether regions to the point that I don't even want to look at me much less be intimate with my partner.

I have no family here either. My other half is a good man but he never makes any decisions about child or home (I have older children and own my home so he leaves all that stuff up to me...joy). And I too, cried every single day for a good year before I realized that it got me no where.

I tried counseling...didn't work for me. May for some so I always suggest it. I DID get on an Antidepressant for a while. Maybe 9 months. To help me stabilize and re evaluate what was going on because I couldn't do that on my own. I did talk to my other half and let him know how I was feeling because he had to think I'd lost my mind by that point. And finally, after 2 and a half years kinda took a step back and realized I have it so much better than allot of parents. And even tho things didn't go quite as I planned, they are the way they are supposed to me.

You are stonger than you think. I know you don't feel that way right now, but there will come a time when you do. And if you ever want to talk, just let me know. Cause there is strength in numbers.

I am sending good thoughts your way.

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Honey you are beautiful!!! A doctor or counselor will help you feel better too-this may be some hormones out of sinc as well as all the stuff going on in your life-you need to see your Dr./gynocologist too-and go talk to a professional.Nnow about the household--My concept is that it will wait till I get to it and ya know what-I may take my good old time too! I figure when the kids are grown and out then I can do the housework. That means this is not the end of the world and get your sweet husband to help he can make it better and he does need to go to the counselor too-just to figure out where he is in this business with "his child" that apparently you have been doing everything for...he needs to be in there with you-not put it off! When you are talking to your bonus child-be sure to use the words "ok if this is your CHOICE" on every thing that she fights you on-it turns it back to her to make any decisions and does not put you in a bad place and stick to it as any child will try their very hardest to make it all you and not them. Pay attention to what she is telling you and yet don't "bite" into it a simple uh-huh or I hear you-without any play on it works wonders as all of a sudden the child is not in control and has still been heard-for whatever they think it would get them. You are still the one in control but don't tell them that just acknowledge you have heard it but you don't have to play it. Be strong mom and know we are here to help you-even if only with venting-which helps LOTS! Good going on your budgeting-I would not let my husband near that! I want him to know I have complete control of all we need in the house and to use these great coupons-he doesn't always see that so I like being able to make sure we get all the credits we can-you go girl! And for the potty training-well your son will most likely have that down when he gets into school so don't let anyone tell you it has to be right now-do it when it feels right and not so wild around your house-I promise when he wants to borrow the car he will have that long out and other things will be there--lol-- so just take it easy and it really is ok if he is not done/trained yet. After all we are the moms we are strong and yet we still need each other to remind us we are! Hang in there mom and take your husband by the nose to help-in every way!!!! Take some tissues too-for he will need them when the counselor gets done...

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Although I do not have the extended children, I understand the feelings you are having. What I did, was first talked with my hubby, a long talk, I mean we talked for an hour or so. Then we decided it best for our family to participate in family meetings. We cleared up actions, feelings, and happy things. Each person has a chance to say what is on their mind and each problem we tried to have a solution. We have these meetings about once a month,more if needed. Couple rules if you decide this, No Yelling, No Accusing, No Name Calling, and each person must talk. We even have a talking spoon that I made, whomever has it is allowed to talk. It works and I am happier and so are our kids. I am able to say what is on my mind and makes me feel better.

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First, if you're not in church, I would find a good church home. Second, you may need some antidepressants. I went through this EXACT scenario bonus daughter who hates me, lost a baby, had a son that hadn't gotten over that loss, making all of the decisions ( and consequently taking the fall if I didn't make the right one) I went to my OBGYN when especially around my cycle, my thoughts could tend to get really desperate. He put me on Lexapro and it has made such a difference!!!! Plus, a lot of prayer. God Loves you and will help in situations like this. I know he did me.

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N.,

Many of the posts, as usual, have given some wonderful advice. I would like to add that I too, believe that you have an underlying thyroid problem, but it's really only a symptom of adrenal fatigue/exhaustion. I find that many of my patients that are suffering from EXACTLY the same issues you're suffering from just need to feed their adrenals with the proper supplementation program, minor diet changes, give themselves some me-time, get their nervous systems in line using gentle chiropractic care and their world changes within a few months. It took you a while to get to this point of exhaustion, it will take a while to get you back. I would highly suggest that you get some counseling as well--someone out of the situation can give you more impartial views than someone in your family. Your husband should eventually be a part of it as well.
Why can't you handle your life right now? Your stress threshold is basically in the basement. Once you start giving your body the proper food and nerve system information you will start to notice that the little things don't seem like a mountain anymore and you will better be able to cope. One step at a time and things will get better.
I encourage you to start with a program that is more conservative before jumping into medication. Especially thyroid or antidepressants. They could make the problem worse or just cover up an underlying condition that's easily treatable with safe and effective treatments such as supplementation, diet changes, exercise and chiropractic care.
I realize you are in Keller, so my Plano office would not be very convenient for you. My chiropractor though, has an office in Grapevine and she's wonderful! If you're interested, please email me personally at ____@____.com and I'll send you everything you need to get started and get well. God Bless, Dr. Jenn

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I have been where you are, and still am at times. I am 40 and have Bipolar Disorder. I'm not a doctor, but it sounds like you have good ol' Major Depression. You would benefit greatly from: 1. See at psychiatrist - a psychiatrist is a doctor that can prescribe you a medication for how you are feeling, which is a necessary first step for really dealing with major depression. Don't go to your family doctor or gynocologist for these meds - they don't have the experience to pick the right medication (there are many) and to give the correct dosage. I found this out the hard way after many years. 2. Find a good therapist to talk to. This does wonders to have an impartial party to talk to about how you are feeling and to give advice. 3. Read the book "Feeling Good" by David D. Burns M.D. - it will give a lot of insight on Depression and give you exercises on how you can get to feeling better. 4. Even if its hard (and it is) try to surround yourself with a support system, whether it be family, friends, church, etc. It is very easy to want to be alone all the time when you are depressed, try not to slip into this trap. If you are following #1 it will be easier to do this. I know some people of scare of taking meds, but trust me - it can save your life.

I would recommend my psychiatrist & therapist to you, but I see you are in Kelller & my doctors are in Addison. If you don't have recommendations from anyone, get recommendations from your family doctor, or if all else fails just see who your insurance covers nearby.

I hope this helps. Please know you are not alone. There is a group for people with Depression and Bipolar Disorder for support called Depression Bipolar Support Alliance - they have lots of support groups and educational nights, etc. You can check out the website at http://www.dbsa-dallas.net.

If you have any questions about Depression feel free to message me - They thought I had Major Depression for years before I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder.
L.

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with the exception of the bonus child and going through potty training---you could have wrote this for me! Everyday is a different challenge. Today, I met really nice people at a church picnic (not my church--we were at the park and some people with this church invited us to participate in the activities and food.
I let the kids see the characters, play the games, etc. My hubby goes to get some BBQ and a nice man asks, "Why don't you join us at our service tomorrow morning? We have a youth club......" Husband replies, "I'm just here for the food, I don't go to church." I almost died!!!!! He knows I believe in GOD and so do the kids and the 3 of us go to church and they go to VBS, yet he says and does things that are rude and offensive to others and I don't want us "put in a bad light" because of his comments. He is very unsociable. He was shy when I met him but he was always friendlt and polite when he got to know you (usually through my outgoingness (is that a word LOL?!) He changed his hours to be home more and initially said it was also so he can help me so I can relax (I have a heart condition). To no avail!!! He lounges around or does what he wants and doesn't even play with the kids. He won't go to see them play sports and even said, "When can we leave/" during our child's 5th grade graduation. He has turned off a lot of my and his family members that we are down to about 6 people (some I honestly don't mind having to see LOL!) Because of the fatigue I have from my heart condition, it is REALLY hard for me to clean (I like a very clean house) four floors. He helped out when we got the house and when the kids were babies but it's like mid-life crisis got to him and now it's all about him. He works, his money, his decisions. I have decided to give it a little while to see if he snaps out of it. I have talked to him and the kids have even begged him to go places with them or play games with him and he brushes them off. So I too feel lonely in a way and feel like a single parent. Plus, he has let himself go---appearance wise--he had gained soooooo much weight. I was 110 and I'm now 151--I have had to drastically reduce my gym exercises because of the breathing trouble and fatigue. I swear it's a thyroid problem but tests are normal and docs run one test--normal--that's not it then to them and pass you along to someone else. SO you are definately not alone!!!!! Many of us are dealing with this. I tell myself everyday how much my kids need me and that I need to be healthy and happy for them and I read daily positive phrases and poems each morning and night to put things into perspective. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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You can handle it because god dont give use what we cant handle.Its how you handle it.Before you throw in the tile and start to feel sorry for yourself.Remember thers always someone outthere thats worse than you.Exsample I am a mother of 7, children 5,8,14,16,18,20,21, They are all home at this time I have been Married for 21,years all these kids r his he has 2 more daughters before me.I went through a lot with his kids and there mother.but you have to demand your repect as a wife and as a person.if the husband dont like it witch he wont because everything this child and her mother do will be alright with him because thats how men are.if she does not repect you send her home and don't let her come back until she repects you.the mother and your husband is not going to like it .but if you put and keep your foot down you will see that if she wants to see her father she will respect you but if you dont this is not going to go away you will always have this problem.and you will always feel depressed because the reson your feeling like this is because you are letting this happen and you realy don't like it.try this and you will see you will start to feel good about yourself again.and also remember if you dont stop this your child is watching mommy. you dont want 2 disrepective kids do you?. my point is you don"t have to take this .Iv been there done that dont have that problem any more

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First of all I'm sure your not an ugly person,that's just a feeling we all get..it's natural to feel the way you do sometimes I have been there so have many other people.Try to take some time to yourself when the kids r asleep and think of why you became a mother and got married those reasons dont have to end look at old pictures,videos it will make you smile again and be thankful for what you do have think of the woman and children that is less fortune that have to struggle just for a place to sleep and eat.As for your bouns daughter rember she will grown up and rember how u treated her and she will rember that her mother did nothing but feel her head with lies...it wont be now but in 10 years I know that seems like a long time from now but rember when we all coulnd't wait to be 21 it will be here before u know it.If you live in ft worth visit Gateway its on the internet also Pastor Morris is great to listen to he just did a 4 week sermon on Broken Repairing the Family one is Happy Husband happy wife happy child happy house look on the internet for the month of June.I have been were u are me and my husband we have 5 children between us none with each,your blessed to have one with him.Rember u can do this dont listen to any negative remarks from people worse thing anyone can do stay far from them.As for the potty train ing that will come when it is time every child is different.

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Monday morning, go straight to a doctor and have your blood work done including a thorough thyroid panel! The symptoms you describe sound very much like a thyroid deficiency. Don't just take a diagnose of depression as the whole answer. The Lack of energy, thinning of the hair and changes in your skin are all symptoms of low thyroid. Make sure they check your thyroid antibodies as well to see if you have Hashimoto's thyroiditis or Graves Disease. The crying and despair are also symptoms of thyroid disease.

I am not discounting that your stresses from the bonus daughter are real, but if your thyroid is out of wack and treated, you should be able to handle this stress more rationally.

Oh, N., you are not crazy. This could greatly be physical. See a doctor right away.

K. Voigtsberger
www.wholeheartbirth.com

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Dear N.:

My heart is breaking, hearing what you are living through.

Having been there myself, it sounds as if you are depressed. Have you considered this? Can you pinpoint when you started to feel this way? Your mom's death wasn't very long ago. Do you think this could be why?

Depression is an awful thing that can make you feel like everything is wrong, bad, hopeless... If left untreated, it can last for years and years. After my brothers suicide in 2006, it took me a full 2 years to finally be able to see that I was really a very lucky person. Every morning before I got out of bed I told myself all the reasons that I had to be happy about. My children are healthy, my husband works hard so that I can stay at home, we live in a safe neighborhood, my children have wonderful friends, I have wonderful friends (who I had let slip away b/c of my isolation - but, then made the effort to bring those relationships back into my life). In short, I had so many things to be truly happy about. It was time for me to get out of bed and look towards the positive. Of course, that also came with help from my doctor, who prescribed me some anti-depressants, along with diagnosing me as ADD, and prescribing that medicine as well. I'm telling you N., it's a whole different world out there.

I am telling you about my experience because I'm wondering if you will see yourself in anything I've mentioned.

I can totally relate to the problems you are having with your bonus child as well. I just had my niece here for just 8 days and every time she spoke, I heard nothing but negative coming out of her mouth - just like her grandmother, who she lives with. It really makes you feel bad about yourself for not liking a child. I know I really beat myself up over it, knowing that she was only repeating what she's heard.

Potty training is always a struggle and it can take up to 9 months or a year sometimes. Both of my boys, it seemed, took forever. It is nothing that you are doing wrong!

So your house is dirtier than you would like. You have many more important things to work on right now. Your home will look better when you start feeling better.

N., please hang on! Please tell me that you will see your doctor!

With love and friendship,
K.

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