I Asked About Potty Training and I Still Haven't Had Anyone Venture Any Advise.

First of all, feel good about yourself for being able to take care of a young child at your age. I was 34 before I had my first child! It is a huge responsibility, and I commend you for it.
I have potty trained a girl, and the best advice I got was to just go w/ underwear only during the day (except naps and night sleeping, but she should be beyond naps by now, probably). They get confused if you switch back and forth between the pullups. It will help if you set aside a weekend or so to stay around the home to enforce this new "undies only" rule. Talk to her about it, that "we don't go pee in our undies" and how it is okay to go pee in the potty and tell you about it if she can first. Try to hide your frustration as long as you can, as she might be using this to lash out at you in some way. If she sees that you are not going to bend, she will probably just give in and start using the potty. Also, peer pressure might work. Talk to her about some of her friends that are 100% potty trained and how she would be so happy if she were also. But don't use it in a negative way, like "jenny is potty trained, why can't you be too?" That won't work. Just the nice easy approach will be a nudge in the right direction. Hope this helps, good luck!

my little girl is soon to be 4 in october. i was very lucky, she has been "trained" since she was two. it's something she did on her own, and she has never had any accidents. but i didn't do any work. she did it when she was ready. i agree that the change may have set her back some. she may be trying to get attention - even if it's not positive. do ya'll get together with other children? when she sees other "big girls" that might get her excited to catch up again.. is she in pre-k or any other programs?

My daughter wasn't potty trained until 4 and I had to go to get some help from professionals. First I went to the pediatrician and asked for a referal to a child psychologist. Insurance paid for everything and it really helped me learn why she wasn't going to the bathroom even though she was perfectly able to. And from the sound of it, your little girl is going through a rough time and perhaps needs some help expressing herself differently. My insurance paid for everything so, get a referal and look into it, you might not have to pay anything or maybe only a copay. Hope that helps.

Hi, I am a mother of two boys and know very little about potty training girls, but I figure they all go thru the same thing. I can give you as much advise as I am able and hope that it helps.

First of all, I think that she is not going pee in the potty because she could be adjusting to change since you recently took custody of her from her mother. Some things bother young children and that can prolong or even stop them wanting to potty train.

Also, I believe the reason why she will poop and not pee in the potty is that the poop is dirty and gets all over her unlike when she wets herself which doesn't look dirty just gets her wet and wipes off her easily, She obviously doesn't like the feeling of being filthy, and doesn't mind being wet.
Pull-ups soak up a lot of urine and then they don't feel it as much after they have wet. Panties are not absorbent at all, and the urine runs right thru them, but she feels it. I believe that she needs to feel that pee is also dirty. I would recommend putting her in the cotton cloth underware with the absorbent cotton liner.It works like panties and pull ups. It absorbs like a pull up, and when she does wet she'll feel it and it will have weight to it from the absorbtion.
I too feel that she could be holding in her urine and then when her bladder gets full she has to release and has no time to make it to the potty.If I were you, I would put her on a potty schedule. I would not ask her if she needs to go every two or three hours, I would just take her. I just think she needs to be retaught. I hope all goes well with you and yours. I hope my info. helps...I am here for you...Mail anytime.

I'm not saying this to be mean. I have 2 ways of tring. one I did with my daughter and it worked out. I put a little potty in the bathroom and had her come in with me when I went and set her on the little potty, with my boy he was harder. he was showen repet and repet, and then when we knew he could use it and he just didn't want to go take the time to use it. We got up set and we talked about it. we desided to set him on the potty with him wet pants in his hand and told him to smell them and look at them he was holding them. it took 2 or 3 times of him looking at them and smelling them and us asking him if he wanted other kids or other people seeing him and smelling that nasty pee smell. He didn't like that and now I have no problems with him peeing or washing his hands.
S.

i have 2 smaller girls...the way i potty trained them was not as hard as you think. if you have a potty chair for her dont use it. there is a seat cover that goes on the toielet set and they have some that even play music. get one of those and stay with her in there. take her about every hour or so.....and use the bathroom with her so she sees you go too, being you are her mother and a girl.and by all means...if that doesn't work...put her in daycare for a month or two....they have to train her by their rules if she isn't. they will do it for you!

You are not alone. I have a neice that was the same way as your "step" daughter. We encouraged her by offering rewards for if she were to stay dry for a whole day. At the same time, we would tell her about her special exercises that she could do to help her not peepee her pants. I was talking about the Kegel exercises that you can have her do while she pees in the potty. She can start to pee, but then stop peeing for the count of 3, then pee some more, then stop for 3 secs then go, etc. It worked for my older sister when she was trying to stop bedwetting as an older child. I hadn't seen where anyone recommended that so I thought it couldn't hurt. Also, I know that it could be hard on the laundry bill, but maybe you could have her wear her big girl underwear and make sure she has socks on. This way when she wets, she also gets wet feet. It feels horrible to have cold wet undies and feet. That would be a good discouragement.
You're not alone, hang in there. Good luck.

Sorry, I don't have a solution, you may need to speak with a behavior specialist or a counselor, but I believe she has suffered trama from her separation from the life she previously knew. With her mom it may not have been the perfect situation, but this child was comfortable there and I believe she is having separation anxiety issues. Good luck

I had a similar experience between moving my daughter from daycare to daycare...she was potty-trained and the just stopped. Pooped in the toilet and that was it. I found that M&Ms worked (or even tiny marshmellows). Every time she pottied, I would reward her with M&Ms. She loved it, of course. And...instead of always asking her if she needed to go potty (she would become annoyed of this constant question), I would say, "Mommy needs to go potty - want to come with me?" A majority of the time she would volunteer to go with me. Then after I was done, she wanted to go. Worked for me...Good luck and keep us posted!

My daughters have gone through a tremendous amount of changes from remodeling our house and changing their school schedules to now moving cross country, living out a box until our things get delivered and now going to a new school. My youngest is 3 and she use to speak clearly, sleep great and was 100% potty trained. Now she baby talks, walks up at 12 & 3am every night and pees in the potty but poops in her pants.

I called our pediatrician and I'm assured that this is normal for a child who is experiencing a massive amount of changes. People are a creature of habit and when things are disrupted it takes a long time to get adjusted. For some, they never really get back in the groove but take on a different path. With children it's the same way.

So take a few steps back to when you first started to potty train your child. You will have to take her to the potty the minute she wakes up, after meals and before bedtime. After awhile she will remember this routine and do it by herself and you'll find the accidents are few and far in between. Just be patient and celebrate it when she does it right and teach her when she misses. If she has an accident, still put her on the potty while you clean the mess.

Good luck.

The only thing I can say is that with all of the changes in your childs life, it's no wonder that she isn't potty trained. My advice is that when things are stable and constant again in her life then start over with potty training. They need routine and changes can make a child regress. Don't force her to potty train. If it's because she wants to then it will work much faster. If she knows it's because you want her to then she may fight you.
Good luck!!

J.

It sounds like this poor child has been through alot during her little life. More than likely she has emotional problems because of what she's been through. My step daughter is 17. She still has accidents at night. She went through a lot when she was little too. Her father (my husband) doesn't believe in Pshycatrists, so I haven't been able to do anything about that. She says she has accidents when she's upset, angry or stressed. You may want to find a doctor for her. I could be a physical problem too. Best of luck to all of you.

M. B

Wow, lots of responses now! I have 2 boys, one with High Functioning Autism - and he was hard to get to use the potty. Here are some things my family has learned:

1) The part of the brain that controls bladder/bowl function is at the back base of the head where the neck joins. This is one of the last areas of the brain to fully develop, and if you are 12 and still wetting the bed at night and there are no physical issues, the part of the body that is responsible for waking you up to tell you you need to pee is too tired and underdeveloped to work. There are medications, but honestly, the fewer medications you take the better off you or your children are.

2) This young lady has gone through a lot. Control issues show up in many many ways. Check with your local univirsities to see if there are any programs through the Psychology departments - in San Antonio St. Mary'sUniversity has the Family Life Center for family/child counseling that is overseen by the phd's and run by the graduate students. Fees are on a sliding scale, from $0 to $20 depending upon income, expenses, children etc. They can help, along with your physician if appropriate, identify the issues going on.

3) Our pediatrician suggested the going without panties for the day routine, and while we talked about it, we did not do it. It probably would have helped, but what did help was the wonderful people at my son's school who coached him through this process. They were able to disassociate themselves emotionally from the process, where I would get too involved. He knew what to do, but usually he got too wrapped up in what he was doing he would forget. A timer sometimes helped. Good luck. Don't take the behavior personally, and give lots of positive attention when she does use the potty, or you remind her to try and she goes to try. Don't do anything when there is an accident - don't scold, make eye contact anything - like training a puppy. Good attention for good behavior, ignore bad, and reinforce good with treats. Sad, but it works!

I would talk to a pediatrition. with all the changes in her life I would say it is a control issue...it is the only thing she knows she can control....but thta is just mho

Honey, I am going through the same thing with my son who is almost 5. Some kids are just lazy when it comes to going to the bathroom. We had him potty trained at 2 1/2 yrs also, but he gets busy doing something and would rather pee his pants than go to the bathroom. Is she hyperactive? One thing that we have done with our son that works as long as we are consistant (which is key) is to give him positive reinforcement....for example, if he doesn't have an accident all day long he can play his playstation game the next day. If he doesn't have an accident all week we take him to the dollar tree and let him pick out a surprise.

So, consistancy is key, rewards for good behavior work and just hang in there because some kids just take longer than others. Also, be aware of the signs that she is going to have an accident, i.e. the "Pee-Pee Dance" or holding herself and take her immediately to the bathroom. Sometimes taking them every hour on the hour to the bathroom helps.

I might tell her (if she is excited about going to school) that she cant start untill she goes like the big girl she is.

I have a 4 year old daughter who was fully potty trained by 23 months. Then suddenly at 3 years old she started wetting herself just tiny drops like she was too busy playing so she'd just let a little out to releive the pressure. This went on for months and I was so frustrated because she was soo easy to potty train initiallly and she knew better. So, I ended up taking her shopping one day and let her pick out whatever panties she wanted. I told her they had to be the most perfect panties ever because those would be her most precious one's. So she picked out the disney princess panties and once we got home we had a little talk. I told her how beautiful her new panites where and how special they were. I told her she would only get to wear them if she didn't pee in her other panties for a whole day. I also told her that for any pair of her new panties she did pee in then they would go straight to the trash and she'd loose a pair of her perfect panties. She had to go a whole day with no accidents then I'd let her wear a new pair the next day. She did really good with this. Granted she did have a few accidents but it worked better than anything else. I would also ask her constantly if she had to go and I would take her in there even if she said she didn't if it had been a while since she'd last gone.

I also agree with what someone else said about not using a potty seat but using the real toilet. That is what worked for me as well.

Hope it helps and best of luck to you. You are truly a special person for taking on the responsibily of raising a child!

It sound like alot for a 4year old. I would talk to her piedatrician and possibly get a referral for a urologist. A friend is a urolgy nurse and she said it could be the trauma or something physical. If the urologist finds nothing physical I suggest counseling.

Hello J.,

Sorry that you haven't had any respones. I am just now beginning the potty training adventure so I don't have any advise to offer. I just wanted to let you know that NO you don't have to know someone within Mamasource to receive responses. If someone can relate to your situation then they offer their expertise. I have asked questions as well with no responses. Have you asked her pediatrician? Do she attend daycare....some daycares are good with getting the kids to potty. They have them "try" like clock work.

Im sorry for what you are going through. I had the same potty problem with my 2 year old son Noah. He would do so good during the day and at night he would pee in the bed. It was hard. And I would tell him when you get the urge wake me up and Ill take you. But that did not seem to work for the longest time. So I would sit him a chair and he could not get off till he told me he had to go to the restroom. We did that for a week or so and he stoped peeing. Its been 3 months. I know your probably frustrated and to the point where there is nothing you can do.But just give it time, maybe she just needs more time adjusting to her situation just like you. Just let her know that you understand and your here for her and your going to do it together. Good Luck, V. from Tx.

Sorry you haven't gotten much response. I don't know too much about potty training. I have a 28 month old boy who has been potty trained for about 1 month now. I know accidents will happen, however it sounds like your child isn't having 'accidents'. I do believe that stress and major change can have large effects on a child's behavior and one way of acting out is pottying inappropriately. I suggest seeing a pediatrician about it and be sure to tell him/her about the huge change in your child's life... being separated from siblings (basically losing her identity and family), moving to a completely different state - new house, new environment, new peers and absolutely no siblings to help maintain a sense of self and security... I would expect to have many behavioral challenges after such a big life change for such a small person. Please, don't think I'm judging the situation - I'm not. Fact remains, these are huge changes to go thru even for adults, much less being a young child.

J.,

I am no expert however it sounds to me like your little girl has been going through a lot of changes and this could be the root problem for her regression. My only advise would be to be patient with her and do what they do in day care 101 potty training. Take her out of the pull ups and every hour take her to the potty and let her sit there until she does her business. Keep this up consistantly. If she potties in her panties take her every half hour if need be. Some times you just got to start over. Good luck

J.,

I agree with most of the responses I've read. I'd definitely consider family therapy whether there is a potty training issue or not. If money is an issue--call a local Church--they often have their own counselors or can give you the name of local Christian counselors. I know from experience that the Church counselors are often free and outside Christian counseling will only charge you according to what you can afford. I went to one that only charged me $15 a session.

I have to admit I am worried about you also. You've taken on an awesome responsibility at 23 years of age. At 23 I was just finishing college and starting to take care of myself. I am now 43 with a 4 1/2 year old and a 2 year old and I can't imagine doing this at 23. I commend you for seeking advice. Continue to do so! Don't give up--having a support system is priceless!!! Four year olds can be difficult even when they haven't been through the trauma that this child has endured!

I definitely would also seek the support of her preschool/daycare teachers!

Regarding the potty training--I agree with the others who said NOT to get caught up in when society say a child should be potty trained. If her other issues are being dealt with professionally and CONSISTENTLY--the potty training may follow quickly. I will say that I had my daughter go bottomless and I think it helped. I planned a few days where we wouldn't have to go anywhere--and she went bottomless all day (until Dad got home). She did pee on herself a few times and she didn't like it so she worked harder at getting to the potty. I have to add that none of my downstairs is carpet--so we stayed downstairs and when there was an accident--I did NOT get angry--and it was easy to clean up. Also,my husband and I discovered that our daughter didn't like the child's portable potty so we bought a couple of inexpensive padded seats (with handles) that just sit on top of the regular potty seat. We kept one in the downstairs bathroom and one in her bathroom upstairs. When she was through using the potty--I just wiped the seat clean and set it beside the potty. For some reason she liked getting her seat and placing it on the toilet herself. They do slide a little bit if the child moves around on the seat--so we would help lift her up on the seat until we got her her own little step. To me that was MORE work--put the step in front of the potty--lift the lid--place the padded seat on the tolet--then get up--but that's what she wanted. I kept the portable potty in the back of my car with wipes and hand sanitizer. Believe me--that has come in handy more than once!!! The ONLY time I used the pull ups was when we were going to be out or in the car for a long time. We also made a special trip and I let her pick out the panties she liked. She liked to read the book "The Princess and the Potty" about a princess who finally chose to use the potty because she didn't want to have to take off her pretty pantaloons and replace them with a diaper.

Lastly, I think the best advice is to take the time to come up with a plan that both you and your boyfriend agree to follow--write it down-and above all else be CONSISTENT and POSITIVE. You said that sometimes you put her in pullups or panites--whatever you decided was best for that day--that is not being consistent. After what this little girl has gone through in the last few years, I'm guessing that she could use a huge dose of consistency in her daily routine.

S.