E.M. asks from Chicago, IL on October 13, 2009
I Am to Freakd Out by Postnatal Body , Dr. Keeps Chunking Depression Pills, ....
I had my baby 4 months 2 weeks ago ,and basically I am ok until my husband and I have sex I keep covering my meatloaf belly , and my vagina feels to loose. Or I get too wet? either way I'm trying to stop these childish crying moments but I am so dissatisfied with my body , I have nothing physical anymore , I walk I stretch I dance , I don't eat to much , and it all seems that my body has gone stalemate I've been stuck at the same wieght since my son was 2 months old. I want to be able to enjoy sex, keagles aren't working fast enough ?
So what I'd like to know who can help ( any suggestions s please this is affecting my realtionship)me pull my head out of the sand and make some pointers or something any advice and by the way seeing how healthy and beautiful my son is still hasn't helped me feel better and learn to love the new momma bod. I'm tired of crying my husband is getting sketch now.
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W.M. answers from Chicago on October 14, 2009
First, you are not alone!
Second, it is all going to take time. After my first, I was back to my old self by his first birthday. Lots of walking and breastfeeding. Please understand though, everyone is different (and every pregnancy is different). I remember being very uptight after birth, feeling like "hey, no one warned me about all this extra skin!". Slowly, everything seemed to fall back into place. Now after my second child, that's a different story! My weight has yo-yo'd since her birth and it has affected my self-esteem. Has it affected my sex life? Yes, but we've found coping strategies to make me more comfortable - lights out, positions where my belly skin isn't dangling (sorry - that's just nasty - but yet important).
Now, who to talk to...yea, a bunch of people are going to probably suggest therapy. If you feel that's right for you, do it. I would recommend finding a group a new moms you can talk to after all, you're all in the same boat. I know my hospital had a new moms group that met once a week. I had a few friends prego around the same time and we would sit around talking about skin & boobs all the time. I would also suggest yoga - lots of moves are based on a "strong core" which means flexing those pelvic muscles! If you could find a class that is postnatal yoga, you'd be mint!
1 mom found this helpful
L.B. answers from Chicago on October 14, 2009
The best way I've found to get unstuck is through energy tapping. Its the best and quickest way I have found to clear negative thoughts and feelings. Its simple & you can learn it a variety of ways, online instruction (youtube, even), emofree.com., workshops, classes or personal instruction.
Believe me, it changes lives.
J.C. answers from Champaign on October 14, 2009
This may or may not help you, but it really helped me.
There is a website called The Shape of a Mother (http://theshapeofamother.com/). Women upload their photos of their pregnant and post baby bodies. It really helped me to see that my post baby body was somewhat normal and to start to feel better about myself.
Another question - are you breastfeeding? My body decided not to lose any weight while I was breast feeding full time. I had to eat enough to maintain my milk supply and I thought I would never lose weight. When my daughter weaned I lost 10 lbs in one month.
And like the other moms have said "9 months to make a baby, 9 months to get back to (semi) 'normal'"
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M.R. answers from Chicago on October 14, 2009
First things first.
There is nothing wrong with the way you feel. It is totally natural, given the combination of taking care of a new baby (what a life change!), possibly suffering from PPD (which is a real medical issue), and have to deal with a body that is probably much different from what you had before you were pregnant.
The other posters have given such great suggestions but I wanted to offer an additional avenue you should consider: talking to your OB and perhaps getting a referral to a counselor or considering meds/therapy to help deal with the issue.
If you broke your arm, you wouldn't just go through life hoping, praying, and wishing it would get better, right? You'd go see a doctor and get it set, casted, and learn ways to manage the pain. Once the bone is healed, you'd probably go for physical therapy to rehab the muscles surrounding the bone.
Mental health should work similarly. Clearly you are feeling as if something in your life isn't firing on all cylinders the way it should. So, just like the broken arm example, going to get treatment for your feelings should be just as normal, natural, and acceptable.
Oh, and please don't forget that it took 9 months for your body to CREATE LIFE. Your body just finished an amazing task of putting together cells to make another living human being. It took 9 months to put on the weight, so it will take time for it to come off. Don't get caught up in looking at celebrities - if we all had night nurses, nannies, chefs, personal trainers, and a bazillion dollars at our disposal, well we could 'go back' to our pre-pregnancy self in 8 weeks, too. Unfortunately, that really isn't healthy yet it's like the only thing we see in media.
Good luck to you. Hang in there and I hope something works for you!
3 moms found this helpful
D.K. answers from Chicago on October 14, 2009
Dear E.,
It seems like this is more a issue about your perception than it is a problem with your body. If you can begin to let go of all of the thoughts you have about your body and see it for what it really is. This body of yours is the vessel though which you are able to be in the world. This awesome body you have allows you to move, dance, hold, touch and be with your family (your husband). This body just brought into the world new life!! Your body is a miracle, can you see that?
Your body needs time to recover from the extra ordinary process it has just been though and that does take time. Try to have patience and in the mean time, love it for the miracle that it is. There are many people whose bodies do not function at the level that yours does. How grateful are you to have the use of your body? To have a body that just produced the miracle of new life?
I know there is such beauty in you and your body, I hope you can see it too.
With Love,
D.
2 moms found this helpful
J.W. answers from Chicago on October 14, 2009
Don't feel bad, as a fitness and health professional, an educator in maternal and child health, at 4m, I felt awful...tired, sore, etc. Baby steps. It took me 15m to lose all of my baby weight, the last 10 after I was done bfeeding, took 3m, I stopped when she turned a year old. It takes baby steps, give yourself at least a year, it is a phase of your body's life, it is not forever.
go to www.totalcontrolprogram.com it is a fitness based program designed by a local who has launched it nationally, it helps restore your abs and pelvic floor...it is more than just doing a Kegel...her website is www.womenshealthfoundation.org I am workign towards being a Master Trainer, the studies and results they are publishing are outstanding. Women are feeling better about themselves, the are regaining the strength of their pelvic floor, she also has DVD's, but I highly recommend taking a class so you get the concept first. If you are nursing, it does take a while to get things back to normal...if your baby is waking at night still, this can impact weight loss, the most important hours to get sleep is 11p-5a, if you can get that stretch, you will be great. I had my moments with my hubby too, he always said honestly, he did not care, just to share the love between us is what mattered, so keep that in mind and that should help. That is how you created that beautiful baby.
Hugs to you,
J. W. MPH
Maternal and Child Health Educator
Chicago Examiner Family Health Expert
http://www.examiner.com/x-7158-Chicago-Family-Health-Exam...
2 moms found this helpful
W.M. answers from Chicago on October 14, 2009
First, you are not alone!
Second, it is all going to take time. After my first, I was back to my old self by his first birthday. Lots of walking and breastfeeding. Please understand though, everyone is different (and every pregnancy is different). I remember being very uptight after birth, feeling like "hey, no one warned me about all this extra skin!". Slowly, everything seemed to fall back into place. Now after my second child, that's a different story! My weight has yo-yo'd since her birth and it has affected my self-esteem. Has it affected my sex life? Yes, but we've found coping strategies to make me more comfortable - lights out, positions where my belly skin isn't dangling (sorry - that's just nasty - but yet important).
Now, who to talk to...yea, a bunch of people are going to probably suggest therapy. If you feel that's right for you, do it. I would recommend finding a group a new moms you can talk to after all, you're all in the same boat. I know my hospital had a new moms group that met once a week. I had a few friends prego around the same time and we would sit around talking about skin & boobs all the time. I would also suggest yoga - lots of moves are based on a "strong core" which means flexing those pelvic muscles! If you could find a class that is postnatal yoga, you'd be mint!
1 mom found this helpful
C.C. answers from Chicago on October 14, 2009
Hi E.,
Congratulations on being the Mom of a 4 month old baby! It is important to be active, have other Moms to get together with...one of the post natal affirmations is "I can do this!" (because the job of being a Mom is a huge job especially with all the changes to your hormones and the rest of your body).
There is a "baby and me" yoga class for Moms to bring the baby aged 3 month to a year on Tuesdays at 11:15am at www.universalspirityoga.com There are also prenatal/postnatal yoga provided Saturdays at 10am and Sundays at 4:30pm - again you can bring your baby along with you.
It is important let your doctor know about feelings of sadness. You are not alone and you are wise to ask for help.
Having exercise including dance should bring you endorphins which are a "feel good".
I'd also suggest writing in a journal about your exercise and how you feel on a daily basis to see if there are any patterns?
The breathing exercises offered by yoga are known to help people. Yoga has been known to positively impact body image and self esteem. It takes more than one yoga session to do this.
C.
mom of 3
yoga teacher
1 mom found this helpful
L.W. answers from Chicago on October 14, 2009
E.,
I think you're going through what a lot of new mom's go through. It took me a long time after my first to feel comfortable with myself again. I heard somewhere it takes 9 months to put on the weight and 9 months to lose it. Don't get down on yourself. I definitely think it's worth talking to your OB/GYN or your internist...I'm all for therapy, if you don't feel comfortable taking medication for the depression then you should at least be talking to someone about your feelings. Good luck - things get better!
1 mom found this helpful
L.R. answers from Chicago on October 14, 2009
Hey there lady...it'll be ok. It is such a shock to the system to go through the pregnancy and post-pregnancy experience. I know I've remained horrified at my pouch (not that I didn't have one before,:-) but it's even more pronounced then it was). It sounds like you are trying really hard to do what you can with diet and exercise, and there are a lot of people with great advice on other exercises.
A friend of mine told me when I went through the same feelings after having my little girl, that it literally took her 2 years with each of her children before she felt fairly normal again. So, give yourself a break and take a deep breath...it will happen in time, although your body may not be EXACTLY the same.
Have you had a very frank talk with your husband? Keep in mind that they can't read our minds, they can't even remotely relate to what we go through, and (no offense to those out there) all they really care about is the fact that they are still getting some action on the homefront. You need to explain to him how you feel so he knows where you're coming from. Prior to this, you've only ever know one body and how that felt. It's kinda like living in someone else's body...very alien feeling. I hope he is making attempts to make you feel beautiful and not bad about yourself.
J.C. answers from Rockford on October 14, 2009
I completely know how you feel! It sounds like you are doing good exercise, so keep that up. You mention you do not eat much, but to ensure proper weight loss you do need to eat enough and eat smart, so take care of yourself that way. You also mention the doctor is giving you depression meds. If you are on them, they can cause weight gain or prevent weight loss. Also, be sure your diagnosis is correct if he has you on them. I was once prescribed them and I was totally depressed taking them, as I did not need them (my problem was sinus and inner ear, so the depression meds did wacky things to me). Keep eating right and exercising and in time you will feel better. 4 months is not all that long ago from your body going through so much, so you will need to give it some more time. I wish you the best and hope you feel better soon!
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