I Am So Sorry That My Kid Is the "Biter".

My mom was a preschool teacher for 12-20 month children for years. When my son started nibbling while breastfeeding she gave me some advice for when he was older. If the kids in her class were biting, she would watch them carefully and if they were about to bite, she would put their own arm in the way. They would end up biting themselves and the behavior would stop almost immediately. My son hasn't started doing this, but I will try this technique if he does. Hope this helps.

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I hope not to be looked at as a "bad" mommy. My son, who is now 21, bit his sister when he was 3 and she was just 1 1/2. I simply bit him back, not enough to break the skin, but enough to make it hurt - he never bit anyone again. My Mom was furious at me, as both children were hysterical, but neither of them have ever used their teeth for othr than eating. Sometimes they need to feel what it is like to know it is not good.

Hope this helps --

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Is he particularly fond of this new puppy? Maybe you should try threatening to take the puppy away if he bites again...and then do it. When he's a little bit older, you can try again with a new puppy.

A little drastic, I know, and probably should be a last resort thing, but it will definitely send a very STRONG message. I'd be willing to bet he not only stops biting, but also stops other behaviors you want stopped later; he'll know Mom does NOT mess around.

Hi A.,
I have sooo been in you're shoes, I promise you will get through this. My son (now 13) was the worst biter, we couldn't do play groups,he bit several of my good friends kids and school was a nightmare in the early years. I was always calling the ped about it, they always told me to take things away, time out (that never worked well), and just kepp telling him it's not okay to bite people, that hurts them. Biting is the worst over, hitting, kicking or slapping, because it's also a health hazard if the skin breaks. My advice to you is to keep in touch with his teacher, his ped, and keep telling him "we do not bite, it hurts people", and take away his favorite things, tv, whatever. Hang in there, eventually he will stop, just keep up what you are doing. Good Luck

Hang in there. My daughter has been the victim more than the offender but has been on both sides of this. I think the 2 key things to remember is : be consistent, whatever method you think is best but do it consistently everytime it happens ( it sends a clear cause & effect message)
the other thing is that typically kids who (bite,hit, pinch etc) do so out of frustration usally steming from not knowing how to express their wants/needs etc. Try watching for his cues before he bites and try to discover the root of the frustration

Good Luck!

I read somewhere that kids do this when they are overwhelmed in a group situation. I wonder if it would help to pull him away from the other kids and have him sit down in another room or a corner for some "reflection time"--not as a punishment exactly, but to give him some time to calm down. Have him fold his hands and tell him to get some self-control. Don't let him get up until he calms down. If he does it again, repeat. Consistency is key. Talk to him calmly, matter-of-factly, and with a little empathy, because he probably doesn't know how to express what he's feeling and also doesn't like being out of control.

If that doesn't work, I like the apple cider vinegar idea. :)

My friend had this problem with one of her kids and she asked me what to do about it, as she had tried everything. I don't suggest hitting (that just teaches them how to hit too. They model our behavior, as you've found out.)

Anyway, my friend did what I suggested (because I did this years earlier and it worked for a kid that I was a nanny to at the suggestion of the mother) and it worked for my friend too. I would use apple cider vinegar. Yes, very nasty for kids. All you do is stick your clean finger in the bottle and get it wet and wipe it on the tongue of the child. That child does not get anything to drink for about 5 minutes. It should work well. When I did this (at the request of the mother) it was with a spitter and he stopped after the 2nd time. With my friend, her child didn't bite another child until about 2 weeks later and she did the vinegar a second time and her daughter stopped...never to do that again.

I know this may sound weird or even harsh, but ACV is good for you, but quite nasty. lol I've never done this with any of my children, as I've never had this problem, but if I had ever had that problem, I would use this method.

Good Luck!
40yo Mother of 4

Hey I think we should have our kids play together. Yours will be the biter mine will be the newly over-aggressive child in class. I can't believe my kid is the hitter! I'm also doing everything and everything to change the behavior. I think its going to take a while. Stay strong we can do this.

a friend told me to completely ignore the biter and lavish attention on the bitten child. it worked for us!

This may sound weird, but have you tried giving him something specific to bite? It works about the same way as giving a punching bag to a hitter. The biting may come from frustration, and while biting people is not appropriate, biting a leather strap or teething ring may let him get the frustration out in a better manner.

Since you are not at the school you certainly can't use some of the suggested methods, that would be done like stopping him and removing him from it happening then using a method like flicking him. Spanking well that's a personal thing and frankly since the director is coming up with a plan, it might be best to use her plan at home that the teachers are using then you would have be working together. Using the same approach at home as the teachers use at the school would be a better choice and wouldn't show mixed signals. Imagine a method at school then going home and getting spanked..very confusing, frustration for the child. I think different ideas work different on each child. Lets face it, if one method worked on all children for say biting to stop them we'd all do the same and never have to ask for advise.

I have found at our prek using the same method at school and parents enforcing it by using the same at home helps us teachers and the child. It's the same reaction for the same action of the child then the message may become easier for the child to understand.

Biting a child back in most cases just makes it worse. It can't be done at the school and no teacher is going to do it, so using a plan the same as the teachers will result in a better message being sent to the child.

many blessing

My daughter did this once when she was three after a child did this to her. I told her "ouch, bite yourself and see how it feels". Well she did and looked at me and said "ouch". I said "see that does not feel so good". It never happened again. I was lucky but have you told him to bite himself? He may be surprised and stop.

I never had this problem, but my sister did, and she was sued. Her son bit a little girl, and broke the skin. The child ended up with an infection at the bite site and it was a big mess. After my sister had to pay a large sum of money ( I think because it was an on going problem, and the other parents got really tired) she finally put her foot down and starting spanking him. That worked. He is now 9 and is walking a straight line. Good luck to you, and remember this too shall pass.

My daughter bit me once, then I popped on her little diapered butt and she never did it again.

or you can thump him on the side of the mouth when he does it , ie punishing the offending part.

If you do bite him back again, you have to make it actually hurt. And then talk to him about it. "did that hurt?" " did you like that?" Then don't do it to other people. Use the golden rule analogy.

Edited to add, No spanking does not teach children to hit. We've spanked both of our children and have never had a hitting problem EVER.

Hi A.,

I actually worked at a daycare with the 0-18 month children and my son came along with me (VERY DIFFICULT!!). He began biting the other children when he was about 14 months or so. My mom bit me back (and left teeth marks btw!)and said I never did it again. So I tried that too. Didn't work. So when I caught him doing it or saw him about to do it, I would immediately remove him from the room to a private bathroom or something, do the mouth flick thing like the other mom suggested and FIRMLY made it clear that we do not bite, it's not nice because it hurts others. I had to do that about 4 times before the biting ceased. I know you can't be there when it's happening at school, but if you can catch it at home it will make a difference! Just yesterday another mom in our playgroup said she put her daughters arm or finger in her own mouth and let her chomp down on it - that worked on the first try! Every kid will respond differently to different methods, but you have to get a handle on it now before biting turns into other unwanted behaviors. Just be consistant with whatever you do and let us know what works for you!
~God bless you and your family!~