I Am Pregnant and He Is "Not in Love"

Does he want to be a part of the baby's life at all? If so, get a child support agreement drawn up by a lawyer. If not, have a lawyer draw up a waiver of parental rights and have him sign it.
As for you trying to decide whether to stay in the relationship, all I can ask is, "What relationship?"

I have to agree with many of the mothers on here that think he is scared. Perhaps this is the way he does feel to some degree, but I think most of it is triggered by fear. The reason I say this is his timing--somehow he has convinced himself that it is not too late, and he can still back out of the situation. At five months along, there is no backing out.

You are a mother now. This is no longer about you. This is about what is best for your unborn little one.

This man is being very clear with you. Please don't take the advice that he is just scared, that he really loves you, that he will change once the baby is born.
That is a huge mistake so many women make. Not sure why we choose to believe what we *want* to believe rather than what is being put right in front of our faces.

He is very clearly telling you that he is the most important thing in his life. He and the lifestyle he chooses to live. He very clearly told you he does not wish to compromise. That is not the quality one looks for in a partner (or a parent for that matter). This man is incredibly selfish. He wants you to have an abortion (at 5 months! The child is almost to viability!) so he can continue to do whatever he wants whenever he wants. That includes sex with you without a commitment to you, companionship whenever *he* wants it, trips, and who knows what else.

If it were me I would make plans to separate, have everything in place before I told him and then I'd leave. I would speak to a lawyer to discuss when dna testing should be done after baby is born to ensure that paternity is established quickly and learn how to get child support payments initiated. Get a support system in place so you will have that after baby comes-someone to stay with you for a bit, get food prepared ahead of time and in the freezer so you won't have to worry about meals, etc.

Bottom line is you can't make someone love you, can't make them be a good parent, can't make them not be selfish. You can only change YOU. And right now you have to change your way of thinking to take care of you and your little one.

This will be a huge test of your strength. But you know what? You are a woman. You are a mother. This is only the beginning of your learning how incredibly strong and powerful that is.
Best to you and baby.

"He is not breaking up with me today" - oh, I'm sorry but - yes he is.
He's fine with being friends with benefits but he's not fine in being in a committed relationship with responsibilities.
Well, a child with him means you'll have contact as long as he has to pay child support and he may or may not be interested in visitation and/or custody (but I can't see how taking care of a baby is going to be high on his list when golf, Vegas and trips to Hawaii are his priorities).
Ok - you've got this child to take care of and raise - you need to get your ducks in a row and see a lawyer to get child support set up and to iron out what ever needs to be in place.
It's hard - but you need to get over 'being hopelessly in love with him' - he's just dashed your hopes to pieces and 'hopeless' describes it alright after his rather blunt honesty.
Being a single parent is not easy (my Mom did it), but it beats being jerked around by someone who won't/can't commit to being a family with you.
Leaving him now will be better than later.

What I am going to say may hurt - but YOU NEED TO HEAR IT...

I am sorry you are devastated and blind-sided...

He's not scared.
He got free sex.
He doesn't love you. He made that VERY clear...he admires you..he got what he wanted - sex.

You may be hopelessly in love with him, but he is NOT in love with you and simply stated that...he got what he wanted from you - sex...

now that there is an unwanted/unplanned pregnancy on his part - he wants out....leave him now. Talk to a lawyer about financial responsibility and press on...

Don't live on the hope that MAYBE one day he will change OR when he sees the baby - he will change his mind...DO NOT fool yourself over this....don't think he will change...and don't BEG...be a big girl and now be a mom....it won't be easy alone...find support in family and friends. but do not wait around for him to change his mind, fall in love with you when the baby is born or anything like that - stand tall, tell him you'll have a lawyer contact his lawyer for financial support and press on.

"He is not breaking up with me today"...- Please don't let him rule this relationship. You're just going to wait until he's done with you? You should be done with him today!!! He doesn't sound as though he would be a great father, and who needs him anyway?

Look at yourself in the mirror and see the woman that you are, and KNOW your worth!!! End this before you are hurt. Your baby will appreciate your decision to get out of something that doesn't make you feel good. And what about him- He'll probably just see the baby on "his time". NO WAY. Don't let him control this. You step up and tell him how it is.

A few years from now, you'll probably be married (to someone else) and happy, and getting this mans child support while he's in Vegas.

#1) Make sure you have his social security number, birth date, and DL number. Also make sure you have his home address and employer's name and address. File for child support the same week baby is born.

#2) Start looking for a place that is affordable for you to live at and move out if you both are living together. Or start saving up A LOT of money to move out once the axe DOES fall on your neck.

#3) Start counseling for yourself - try to understand why you feel so in love with such a selfish, childish, self centered human being and how to take the steps needed to overcome it. It will also help you heal and move on so you can be the Mom you need to be for your baby.

#4) If someone says materialistic and self absorbed things are more important than you and a child of theirs - don't even try to work on it - those type of people will not change. He's not worth it but you and your child are.

I don't see how he sounds scared, according to some. I think he is being VERY clear on what he wants. And, that's not anyone tying him down. I can't tell you what to do, but I will say...sometimes love isn't enough. Not from one person. One person loving the other, can not keep a relationship healthy. Clinging to someone who does not want to be in a situation, will cause even more heartache. I'm sorry, wanting to go on his trips and being upset the mother of his children and child in his way...isnot love. Suggesting an abortion at five months, is not love. I would be very surprised, if he ever loved you. It sounds like he could have sex and keep his independent life with nothing getting in the way. Now, you are in the way...and it's time to get rid of you. What he is doing is VERY manipulative. He is saying these things, to make you have to break up with him, so he doesn't have to feel bad about abandoning you and your child. Because, well...he didn't leave you...you left him.

Not love dear...and he IS breaking up with you. Very passive aggressively and cowardly breaking up with you.

Keep the baby. Dump him and collect child support. He is not worth it from what you are saying. He sucks and sounds immature. Sorry to sound so harsh but it is the truth. If you give the baby up for adoption you will regret it and you will really resent him.

Well, it sounds like terminating the pg is not an option for you.
I see from previous posts you have an older son as well. (4 or 5?)
It would be difficult to explain adoption to that child, so I'm guessing you're keeping this baby, right?

The question is, do you stay with a man who just told you he's not in love with you? How long have you known him? Now that he's told you this, do his past actions make more "sense"?

I think we all deserve a partner that loves us. Warts and all. As is. Personally I wouldn't stay.

I hope you are a strong woman that can care for and raise two kids by yourself. That would probably be for the best, don't you think?

It's your turn to blind-side him now. Show self-respect and get down to business: since feelings are not involved anymore, no reason to waste anymore time showing him a love he doesn't care for, keep that for your children (much more worthy). Don't give him any satisfaction by looking devastated (even if you are), set up a plan to financially support yourself and the baby (through a lawyer), adopt a business-like demeanor to him, show indifference and give him the cold shoulder. He'll be shocked. And you'll be heading toward and emotional independence that will make you stronger. That man is a worthless a$$.

How awful.. I'm so sorry. While it may seem impossible right now, I think you should really break this off. What he has said to you is cowardly. I don't care if he was being honest.... you don't get brownie points for being honest about being selfish and self-absorbed.

In my younger days, I was in love with someone who wasn't in love with me. Although he was honest about his feelings, we spent most of our time together and shared many intimate moments. I kept hoping that time would change things and he would come to realize how much he did love me. It didn't. We didn't have children together but I was so emotionally invested in this that I spent 4 years tied to this man. I look back on that, and although I learned a lot, I really regret how much time I wasted with him. In that time, other men entered my life who wanted to date me but I never bothered because I was too infatuated with someone else. Such a waste. It took a lot for me to leave but I finally did. I moved on, took a lot of time to examine why I let myself settle for so little and eventually found someone new. My past experience prompted me to be very honest with my new boyfriend (now husband and father of my child) about my expectations right up front. It was the absolute best thing I could do and how I'm happily married to someone who respected me enough to not play games with our relationship.

This is so common right now with women.... we find someone we really care about, they seem to care about us but when things get serious, all of a sudden it's "Oh, well, I'm not ready to settle down.." However, they don't want to break it off completely because they still want to have sex whenever they want, but they want to be able to do so without a commitment. Women settle for that because we want to be with them and we hope that they'll come to their senses and change their minds. I was lucky enough to go through this nonsense in my early 20s and learn early on what I didn't want from someone. I now have friends in their 30s and they're going through the same thing and it's that much harder.

You deserve total commitment in your relationship, not the scraps that he's willing to throw you when it's convenient for him. What's one of the worst aspects of these types of relationships is that while you're investing so much precious time and energy into a man who will never care as much about you as you do for him, you're blocking out all of the men who come into your life who would treat you well. They will see that you're in love with someone else and they'll keep moving. These are the men you want, not the one you're with. Walk away with your dignity. Find a support network that will help you raise your child (people do this all the time today and so can you), take the money he gives you and raise your child the best way you can. As someone who has been in a similar situation, you will find someone else who you will fall hopelessly in love with and who will fall hopelessly in love with you, too.

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. I hate to say this, but the axe did fall. He told you that he doesn't want to adjust his lifestyle and the "life" that he was living with you wasn't based on love and the hope of a family some day, but on mutual interests and enjoying eachother's company. He's not in love with you now, my guess is that he won't be in love with you a year from now. Admire? Sorry, Leslie, but that isn't the primary emotion men use about the woman they are in love with who is about the have his child.

However... better to know now so that you can wrap your head around being a single parent than a year into parenting and having to deal with your emotions AND a child's!

He is breaking up with you... at least he's laying the groundwork for a break-up. Personally, I would have to walk away from this relationship. If I was pregnant with a man's child and all he could say was "I admire you, but don't love you. I don't want to be a father, but I will support the child financially"... well, no matter how much I loved him I would hope that I would take that statement for what it was and start making the arrangements for child support and visitations (if any).

Good luck. He may feel differently at some point, but right now he's being pretty clear and honest.

Never make someone a priority when to them you're just an option!

I left my fiancé when I was five months pregnant because he was still making some bad decisions that weren't conducive to a family life. I canceled our wedding and moved everything I owned back to my own place. It took about a week for him to see I was dead serious about doing what was best for me and the baby. I let him in slowly and made conditions he had to follow.

We ended up getting married about a month before she was born because he wanted to be a family. I told him if the dress from September still fit I would :)

It did and seven years later we have two girls that he loves more than anything. People can and do get scared and can and do change for the better. Sometimes they just need a good kick to get them going! I say move out and prepare to do it alone, and hopefully for his own sake he will wake up and see what's he's going to miss!

I'm sorry. You need to cut your losses and let go. You can't change him, and at least he's being perfectly honest with you about his feelings. It will take time to get over, but get monetary support (legally) from him. Staying around until he absolutely ends it is only going to drag it out and make it worse for you. Focus all your energy on building a new life and preparing for your baby. If you feel like you can't handle motherhood right now, look into adoption options. Whatever you do, don't waste anymire time with him!

He wants his freedom, so give it to him, but make sure you hammer out a deal for appropriate child support. Consult an attorney.

Well, I think most people SAY they want honestly, but the fact of the matter is that they don't want to hear it, because, well, the truth can hurt sometimes.

He has laid it all out for you, so if you choose to stay it is inevitable that the relationship will self combust. I think I'd get out & situated by myself before the baby is born. Dealing with a break up on top of a new baby is not something I'd want to deal with it.

I'm sorry you're in this situation & for what it's worth, he sounds like he's not worth your time. I think it's a sorry thing, to tell a pregnant woman you're not in love with her anymore, even though he carried on with you prior to this & whatever you had was good enough. Sounds like he's not a man at all.

Bottom line, you cannot force someone to love you. I think it's sh*tty that he's putting this decision on you, because he really is an immature, heartless d-bag who doesn't want to be the guy who leaves a pregnant woman.

Most of the responders have stated that you should end the relationship and they are probably right. If a man can say this to a pregnant woman with a sincere face he is telling her the truth.

Start thinking of how you are going to handle this new person in your life and make your new start. Sit down an plan a plan of what you are going to do and how you are going to do it. Put it in motion and move on. You are worth so much more even if you don't see it right now. Look in the mirror at the beautiful person you are and go from there.

You cannot force a person to love you it will/would only get worse and you don't need it.

I know of a friend whose husband had a child prior and does not have any kind of contact with that child. So he wasn't a dad to that kid. All he knows is the sex of the child and that's it.

There are many more fish in the sea. As a friend says there is a bus coming along in 10 minutes and that men are like that.

May you have a healthy pregnancy and delivery.

The other S.

PS This too shall pass in life. Be strong and have faith.

UPDATED: Now that you have separated I would get my paperwork in order and have him for child support or severe his rights and place the child up for adoption. The best to you. Do keep us updated.

Yes, he is being clear that you are on your own with this baby. He does not plan to change his lifestyle one iota for you or your child. I know this situation well because it happened with my first daughter. You need to make plans for you and your child. Those plans do not include a selfish partner who you will never change. You can do it. Create a life for you and your child. You do know that this relationship is going nowhere and the sooner you realize that the better off you will be. yes, I was a single parent but we were happy. Yes it was hard, but not as hard as trying to be a partner to someone who had no desire to be a partner.

I would leave now...I don't see the point of hanging around when he has made it very clear that he does not wish to be a father and does not have strong enough feelings for you to have a future together. I understand wanting to keep the baby, but is adoption something you would consider also?

There is no way to keep this immature idiot.

I suggest you leave now, and get on the road to independence. And make sure he pays a LOT of child support. He obviously isn't poor.

Your love isn't merited. Your feelings aren't true love. Is he really good-looking? He doesn't deserve your love, he's a loser. Stop "loving" this guy.

As hard as it may be, I think its best for you to cut your losses and move on. He's very clear about how he feels and you hanging on to nothing is only going to make it worse for everyone- you because you will continue to be hurt, and him- becuase he clearly doesn't want to be with you anyway. You need to know you are worth more than what he is giving you and run with it. Take care of yourself and your baby and move on with your life. You will find some one who will LOVE you for all you are. Good luck to you and stay strong.

leave him- you deserve to be with someone who is in love with you. Go to court and get visitation and child support settled. You don't want your child to grow up and think that he/she is the reason you stayed together and the reason you are unhappy. Your child deserves a happy mom and you can totally be happy with someone else. Be strong, you can do anything you put your mind to!

I think only you know what needs to happen. Is he just scared right now? Are all his buddy's telling him he screwed up getting a girl pregnant and now his life is over? Will he lay eyes on the baby and be sooooo happy you didn't walk away? Just trying to figure out if he was in love pre-pregnancy and the thought of being a father and possibly in a relationship with you forever just freaking him out? Or has he wanted out for a while and now that there is a baby on the way he REALLY wants to escape? I don't know? I do feel bad for you. You have enough going on without him telling you he only wants to be supportive financially. A baby changes EVERYTHING, but most of us know, it's the BEST thing that could have happened to any of us. Maybe he will fall in love once the child is born? Maybe he is just talking right now and really does love you, but needed to vent or to express he is nervous about this whole thing? Or maybe being with him is not the right thing and you need to move on and find someone who does love you like you deserve.

Best of luck to you!!

I am sorry for your pain. Believe it or not, he is doing you a huge favor. He is letting you know how he really feels and that he is not going to be your husband. He probally wishes you would abort so he could get out of child support, like many young men.

The best thing you can do is accept reality, grieve it, and build a life for you and your baby. Get a paternity test and a court order for child support. He SAYS he will support the baby, but it will change when he meets the woman he does want to marry and has kids with her. If you don't want to dump him today, I understand. Just know he has been HONEST and you can't hold out fantasy for the ring, the Mrs., and the life you might have imagined with him.

oh hon, I am sorry. I think any man who would suggest abortion at five months is a not worth too much as a boyfriend etc. I really agree with the mamas who suggest getting your legal ducks in a row so that when that little baby arrives you are all taken care of on the financial end. I mean he basically said what he wants is more important than you and even the life of your innocent baby, c'mon, that is more than just scared it's down right selfish. What does that mean, he doesn't want you to abort but since he has no actual love for you aborting his child would be ok? I think that remaining friendly for getting through your pregnancy would be good if you can deal and also for raising your child, but start wrapping your brain around being a single mama, you will be ok!!

I would not consider him a jerk. I've heard a lot of lip service from guys that meant nothing. At least he "admired" you enough to be honest and tell you how he feels. It hurts because the love you feel isn't reciprocated, but at least he's not verbally abusing you OR giving you a bunch of flowery promises that turn to nothing.
Yeah, I would take that as a break up. Why would you be in a "relationship" with someone who doesn't love you? Maintain your dignity, possibly your friendship, and cut your losses. You're not going to marry this guy. There's not going to be an "ever after" with him. But hopefully he's as honest about being financially responsible as he is about not wanting to be a "real" bf or be dad.
Yes, he's probably scared. But if he was head over heels in love with you, the baby wouldn't scare him away. I wouldn't be mad at him. I would just focus and concentrate on the task at hand: making preparations, whether you will adopt or keep a baby, there are lots of preparations to be made. (Including child support--you can have this discussion without animosity and legally set up before the food, diapers, and medical start pressing down on you. It needs to be legal though). *Perhaps* you can be amicable. Don't count on anything more than that though. I wish the best for you.

set everything in place now for him to be financially responsible for this baby. I would get out of the relationship now. he has said don't get an abortion but don't plan on me being in the picture for you as I will be traveling. sounds like he is all about him. I would get out now.

He doesn't deserve you. Would you rather leave now, or later when you have a small child and are even more dependent on him? If it were me, I would leave now.

You also need to think about the baby. Children learn how to be people by watching their parents. Do you want your baby to think that it's ok to treat people the way your "boyfriend" is treating you? I'm fairly certain the answer is no.

Ugh men! Did he tell you before you were pregnant that he loved you? How long have you been together? Once you have your baby, the way you look at everything in the world will change. So I hope you will look at your child and realize what a jerk his dad is and pack up the baby and run! The hard part is your forever tied to this man and everyone that will come into his life after you could have a hand in raising your child - that in itself would make me crazy.
The bottom line is you are getting this little gift from God! What a child teaches you and gives you in return for loving them is a kind of pure love that until you have a child can not be understood or expressed in words. If you keep this guy who is clearly not ready for love or the responsiblities of a relationship or fatherhood than you are not open for someone to come along that will love you and your child.
The longer you stay .... the older you get and the chance of finding and wanting that will fade away. I know because my mother stayed with my dad and she shouldn't have. Who knows what her life would have been like had she opted out when she felt young and attractive enough to do it and my mom was and still is a knock-out but she never realized it. I waited 35 years to find the perfect man for me and it happened completely out of the blue and I'm so glad that I had the courage to get away from my last "just OK ... bordering on bad" relationship otherwise he never would have found me! Good Luck and remember you are exactly where you are supposed to be right now and everything happens for a reason. Trust in God and love your gift!!

I would not jump the gun on this. If things are otherwise acceptable I would roll with it. He may just be freaking out and this is his way of understanding it. Ya know like baby = no golf trips etc.?

I agree with the others that you should not stay with a man that does not love you but I guess I am concerned that he may love you but is freaking out. Guys can be silly that way. Meh, maybe we all have that ability to just look at what is on our plate and not realize what anyone else may be going through.

I would take a deep breath and then see where you are at when the baby is born. It is not like 4 months is a huge part of your life and really having even a friend there to support you is better than going it alone.

The relationship is over. It's much better that you find this out now, rather than later. While you are still on good terms, work out a child support agreement and then move on with your life.

I'm sure it's way past the time for an abortion, however, it's never too late to consider adoption.

5 months means you are about 20 weeks which means ultrasound and baby movement. So now it's real. The baby really is in there and it's probably not going to miscarry at this point. He really is going to be a dad and you really are going to be a mom. Scary time.

I have been through this situation twice. The first my bf asked me to have an abortion. I didn't. We stayed together for the first couple of months and then he split. I have no way of tracking him down and 10 years later still do not receive child support. Next time this happened my bf scooched over as far as he could on the bed and refused to touch me for the rest of the pregnancy. I don't know if he didn't like the idea of the baby kicking him or hurting the baby. Either way, he is a wonderful father. We have our ups and downs, but he loves his son and my daughter very much.

I know you don't want to hear this or believe it, but he is not going to be there for your child. Your number one priority right now and from now on is not yourself and your feelings, but what is best for your baby. Do what is best for your baby, including going and getting on state aid as a single pregnant woman. Even if you stay with him for now, you are not lying. You are single and you are pregnant.

He's telling you he doesnt want to get married right now. If your relationship is decent enough for him to participate in the birth of his and your child, keep things open. He may mature up after the baby is born, you never know. I'm sure he has friends and family that are concerned about the big life changing event, and he's getting lots of feedback right now. He has cold feet. Being "in love" is not necessarily a precursor for being good parents or even having a good marriage. It's really about the commitment part. He's letting you know that he's not ready to be tied down. Make sure you get the financials in order because he owes you and his child that.

Oh man, he didn't! I feel badly for you, because pregnancy is tough enough and emotions are magnified 100X! If I were you, I would take that as the beginning of the end. He doesn't want to be too hurtful and he wants to give you the option to reconsider your pregnancy. I'm not sure how long you've been together and why you weren't doing anything to avoid a pregnancy. Sometimes women will get pregnant hoping to lasso their man in serious relationship and I'm sure his friends are labeling you as such, whether that's the truth or not. Don't make the mistake of throwing yourself at him, and begging for his love... it doesn't sound like a winning situation for you! The best thing you can do is to give him space and time, maybe that will change things, but I wouldn't count on it. I have friends that have been in this situation and every. single. time. it turned out to be a disaster and they ended up being single parents arguing over visitation and child support! I'm sorry to be so harsh, but it sounds like you need to be aware of how ugly things are/can get.

Good luck to you!

I'm thinking technically he did break up with you. He "greatly admires you, but not in love with you"? HMMMM.. he doesn't want to be the one to break it off because he will look like a complete butthead. Dumping preggers girlfriend so he can play golf and go on vacation? Yeah, he's a prince. I would start distancing myself. Are you able to support yourself and a child? I admire you for not terminating but if you are unable to care for a child at this time, what about adoption? I will keep you in my thoughts. Best of luck. This is such a joyous time and you aren't getting that. I'm so sorry!

Oh my gosh i am so sorry. What an awful time for him to drop that one, right? Men are so insensitive! I can't tell you what to do. Definately can't abort a 5 wk baby. That would be crazy and i know you dont want to. Is that even really legal?
Anyways, you guys have been together for over 6 months i am guessing, so if he was going to fall in love with you he would have all ready. I don't understnad why anyone wastes their time on a relationship they know isnt going to work in the longrun.
I just realized as i was writing that i did do that. Its because you are setteling. You deserve someone who is going to love you for everything that you are. Don't settle, it will all blow up in your face in the end.
I vote leave the emotional and sexual part of the relationship, but remain good friends. You are haveing a baby together and if he wants anything to do with the baby then you will have to co-parent for the next 18+years.
Goodluck. PM me if you need anything. My ex dropped this one on me after he cheated on me 5 months ago while i was 7 months pregnant with our 3rd child.

I'm going with the group that are saying he's scared - shitless. Men are dumb. I've experienced similar. My now ex pushed back against me getting pregnant for almost 15 years because he "couldn't handle the emotional risk" blah, blah, blah. Finally I just put my foot down. Our daughter is now the "best thing in his life" and he couldn't imagine life without her. Men. Jeesh.

You have lots of choices. You could wait to see if he sees the light. Or you could be strong and show him the door. Either way, get the legalities in place ASAP for child support. Sounds like he has the ability, with his "way of life" to support this child well and your baby deserves that. Take charge of your life and your feelings (I know, hard!) You need to take care of yourself and your baby. He might grow up, and fast when the baby arrives. I've seen that happen. Or he might not.

Sorry but I say dump his sorry a** and go after him for child support!

Wow - he sounds like a real winner! what a jerk!! I think you need to move on, go get yourself settled. He will either figure out that he DOES in fact love you and wants to win you back OR he won't and you will be just fine on your own. Whatever you do, be strong, don't try to guilt him in to staying with you or trying to make it work. You do not want to be with someone who does not love you and want to put your best interest before his selfish indulgences.

I wish you the best, and I really hope that you take the time now to get yourself adjusted and used to life on your own before you have this baby. There will be a man that comes along and sweeps you off your feet and will treat you and your baby good. It may be him, or it may be someone else. Set the bar high, don't settle, you deserve better!

hi leslie, Im not so sorry to hear this...because I believe you are stronger than that. just by the fact you wont terminate the pregnancy thumps up for you girl. Look...how many times have we seen couples that do the whole engament...wedding, plan kids etc...couples years after? DIVORCE! so either he loves you or not man are like this sadly but truly...Im corrently with the father of my 10 week old baby hes an amazing friend and partner but who know who he would be tomorrow...us woman are the ones that at the end end up being father and mother for our kids. You sound strong and determine so do what you gotta do for the best of you and that baby inside of you...show no attention, no hard feelings...just like nothing ever happened. You will be surprised how he would be after you trying to get the attention he was looking for since the begining. sometimes those type of man that like independecy so much say those things to their partners are just attention suckers and insecure of themselves; thats why they need to do all this crazy stuff to feel accepted...
If he wants to leave, let it go...if it comes back, it was meant to be...if it doesnt it was never yours. just saying you deserve someone that respect you and takes care of you. A man that has a family has nothing to do out by himself partying while your at home pregnant carrying his child. isnt about marriage! how more marriage can you be when you have a baby together. Money isnt the answer...so what are you guys going to tell that baby when he grows and realizes he doesnt have a united family? that daddy its doing him because he never wants to take responsability because trips, fun , and parties are more important? You have to think about this baby first than you hun. I was raised by my mother, never met my dad until i was 6 years old...he gave me tons of money growing up...but if you ask me if i love him, of course not! he was too busy dealing with his own little "issues" while my mother struggle to raise us correctly. good luck i hope the best and god bless you for not aborting. Cheer up :)

Haven't read your other answers but - honey - this guy is doing you a BIG favor. He is telling you up front that he has no interest in YOUR happiness. If his biggest concern now is what he's NOT giving up to be in a relationship with you and raise the baby you both created, then I would RUN! Honestly, you deserve someone who loves you and everything about you. Someone who will be there for you through everything - especially when things are hard. This guy is selfish. There is no room for a relationship when someone is selfish. Work out the legal stuff - get a lawer, get his responsibilities for the baby in writing and wish him well. The right guy is waiting for you, but you'll never find him if you stay with the loser.

Please think about adoption.
What ever you do leave this man. Today.

I think most of the answers you're getting here are pretty realistic. Your BF sounds pretty immature and self-centered. It seems that there are so many men who don't ever want to grow up and have no sense of responsibility to others. The culture promotes 30 yr old "teenage boys" and we women do nothing about it and never hold thema ccountable. Many men do eventually grow up - but if he's telling you "he's not in love" that's his way of getting you to break up with him so he doesn't have to feel responsible for leaving his pregnant girlfriend. That way he gets to be a creep but gets to have a clean consicence in his own little mind.

As someone else said, while your'e still together get all of the details you need about him - DOB, SS#, etc. Begin saving and planning a life on your own. Definintely get counseling to help you get over being in love with this knucklehead. As a young mom and woman with the responsibilities of another human being you do not need to have this dead weight of a man-boy around your neck dragging you down and causing all kinds of emotional damage. If you stay with him expect taht your life will be like a roller coaster and the stress is not good for you or your precious baby. There is a good man somewhere out there for you who will love and cherish you the way you deserve to be loved. But you have to expect more for yourself than this guy is currently offering. Raise your expectations.

Also - you may want to consider adoption. I know its a incredibly tough decision to make - but there are so many really loving, wonderful couples who could give your child all the financial stability and resources that you may not be able to provide at this moment. They would love that child as much as you would. It would be a heartbreaking, but unselfish way to express love to this precious child you are carrying.

You are a healthy and beautiful young woman. God made you amazingly wonderful and He has awesome plans for your life if you are willing to listen for Him. If you don't believe in God - or think it's a fairy tale - just ask him to show you that he's real. You may be very surprised.

leave his sorry a$$!!!!!!!!! leave now!!

I am sorry that you are having to go through this. But I am going to say that unless he gets a huge wow moment with God, he's worthless and always will be. Anyone that could keep suggesting abortion at this stage isn't worth the air he breathes in my book. But darn it all but God loves him anyway. If you do know the Lord, then you should know that the book has lots of answers for you. If neither of you know the Lord, I would say get the heck out, go after him for as much child support as you can get.

Love love LOVE T J. and Grandma T's answers. April C, Dori W and Melissa J also tell it like it is. I liked hearing the guy's perspective (Sepi B.). I think it is possible that your guy is just freaked out right now. But it's also possible that he's being completely honest and you need to cut him loose. You need to act as if he's being honest, as T J. did, and hope for the best. Good luck, and you'll be fine on your own. LOTS of single mamas out there- we did it, and you can do it too! PS, I left my daughter's biological father while I was pregnant- message me if you'd like :)

EDITED TO ADD: just read your update. You go, girl. I know it hurts, but you're going to survive. He might come around eventually, but don't keep your hopes up. Sending you warm thoughts of support :)

im so sorry to hear that. and i can relate to how you feel. i wish i had an answer for you. but i myself do not know what to do. I wish i had the strength to do what i know i need to do. my love for my BF is ver strong as well and it breaks my heart to replay the words in my head. i hope and pray it all works out for you and your baby.

I know you're hurting right now but I have to commend you on being strong enough to accept the situation as it is. Good luck with your new little one. I'm glad that the baby's father will do what is right even if he can't be with you everyday.

Reading between the lines, it's only now dawned on him that he'll be a father soon and the idea of the responsibility is freaking him out! He's "hedging his bets" so now (if he fails to live up to his responsibility) he can say that he gave you the chance to abort! If I were you, I'd be just as honest with him! Tell him that you love him and the baby, that you're NOT "getting rid" of baby and you're willing to take things "one day at the time"! Now is not the time to make any "drastic" decisions. Try and enjoy this time of being "one" with another human! Once baby is born, your bf might "fall in love" all over again ... or not, either way you have a part of him forever! Love your baby and keep open and honest communication going between you and the baby's father, and everything will work out as its meant to. Best wishes!

It is ultimately up to you whether you stay with him or not but it sounds to me like he is immature and irresponsible. For him to chose his "trips" over you and the child you both created is wrong. I'm sorry this has happened to you. I know what it feels like to be in that situation where your bf tells you to have an abortion. I understand how you stated this is unplanned pregnancy but I'm so glad that your not choosing abortion. The baby should not have to suffer the consequences whether he/she was planned or unplanned. I wouldn't stick around with someone that selfish. I do hope everything works out for you. I did have one question though are you ready to be a single mother or were you going to chose adoption? I dont mean to sound rude I just know that you said no to abortion. Well I hope that things get better for you.
I just read your update. I'm happy to hear about the step you have taken to separate from this guy. You can get through this. If you ever need to talk just write me. Take care.