I Am Lazy and Stupid for Being a SAHM..what!

If she works, she's jealous of you.

I have been asked what do I do all day long now that the kids are in school - like being a mom stops when your kids are in school. I say that I lay on the couch, eat bon bons, drink champagne and f*ck the pool boy. Then I walk away from their stunned faces. I have no use for people like that.

Pay no attention to her.

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You should have said "I want to make absolutely sure my children grow up to be well informed, well educated, thoughtful, respectful people. Too bad your mother didnt bother.

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People say just as awful things to us working moms. I think people who criticize others' life choices are just unhappy with their own. What difference does it make to anyone else whether you work outside the home or stay at home? Do what's right for your family and don't let people like that get to you. She's a nut.

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"Maybe I am lazy and stupid but at least I'm not a rude B*tch!"

This is the first time you talked to her?!? The nerve!

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Just laugh at her; tell her yes; you are a bit stupid 'sometimes I forget to turn off the BBQ, other times I forget which one is the brake and which one is the clutch so don't be surprised if you accidentally burn down your house and hers or drive through her front door ;-)
The fact she would even say something so rude and judgemental to someone she barely knows means you should never value yourself based on her opinion.

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I'm just soooooo curious what brought this up in conversation. I can't imagine a perfectly sane woman walking up to you and randomly calling you names. How did the subject come up?

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OMG -you've never talked to this person and she said this to you?!?! AND she's a neighbor of yours? She sounds like she has personality disorder! Even if she thinks that, she should learn how to filter!

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I actually got the reverse when my older kids were born. We could not get a sitter for them--no one was willing to watch 3 babies for the price we could pay and the amount they wanted could have qualified for extortion. I didn't think it was fair to leave them off on my mom )promised myself I would not do that when all my bros and sisters did) Anyway, I had insurance and daddy didn't. He stayed home. He got comments that I was lazy and did not care about my kids and it must be so hard to take care of them, poor daddy. This came from his side. Because it was my job to take care of everyone. When I got home, he went to work so we switched off. Taking care of kids is hard work--1000 jobs rolled into one so if you get the comment again, and really want to comment, tell the person you have the best job because it is the one you really want and you enjoy it. The best job is the one you love, in or out of the home.

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LOL Did you look around for the camera saying, "I didn't know Punk'd was still on, where's Ashton?" Seriously this woman is so far off base that she leaves a swath of destruction. I would bet she has criticism for most people who are unfortunate enough to give her the time of day. The only things you can do are shake your head and leave or be completely wacky and say something like "Would you like fries with that?" and then leave.....Leave and don't come back.

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She is just ignorant. Do waste any more energy on her or her ignorant opinions... enjoy the little guy!

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Geez that was really harsh. I am not a stay at home nor do I think I could be. IMO stay at home Moms (especially ones with small children) work harder than most people with paying jobs.

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Hi,
I just have to add a few things here. First of all, no one should make anyone feel less than adequate in regard to what they do and the choices they make. I am sure that each one of us makes the choices that are right for our family, and as we know, each family is different and has different needs and wants. HOWEVER, I think it is just as rude and presumptuous to assume that all working moms are jealous of stay at home moms. It is my choice to work and I have to tell you that having a career I love and raising a family that I love even more is the most rewarding thing for me. I am not going to go into all of the details of what me working allows our family to do, and no, I am not talking about vacations. I feel that we are well balanced and have super happy and well adjusted children. That being said, I would never ever think anything of SAHMs..good or bad. I look at you all as Moms...period. I think about my family and my family alone. I think what you have here is a woman who is probably rude on all levels and insults many on a variety of issues. So please, those that think all working moms are jealous...please think again and don't pity us. I think we are doing A-OK.

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Normally I click on this kind of link to support those of us who are working moms, but woah, I am so on your side here. This woman is clearly unbalanced. You just met her and she started insulting you? No excuse for that at all, and I would totally write it off. I mean, what if she met you and said "you're ugly and smelly?" Sheesh. Ignore her total idiocy and lack of manners and get on with your life.

Peace.

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I work full time, so I can't say that I have been in your shoes- but I can tell you what I would do! I would have walked away without a word and would not speak to her again.

anyone ignorant enough to say those things after meeting for the first time does not deserve your explaination or courtesy of saying goodbye.

yikes- she sounds like she's off her rocker! lol

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Does she have large trees? How much toilet paper do you have? On a serious note. (Don't toilet paper her trees you could get in serious trouble) maybe if she would have had a SAHP she would know its not nice to say such things, to a neighbor, anyway. Just ignore her. She is ignorant and rude. Don't allow her to get under your skin and move on knowing that the decision that you made is a great one for your child. Being a SAHP is one of the toughest jobs I have ever had considering I have been a working parent and now a SAHM. What a bitty!

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Not exactly call me idiot but my SIL complained to my husband because I didn't take care of her mom needs (ALL her needs and recreation) because according to her I don't do anything all day long.
Oh yeah, I have 2 kids and an older boy (aka husband, lol) and she has 2 dogs, that should explain.
Take the words from who they come and stay away from negative people.

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It sounds like she's envious - of your former career, of your family life, of your having resources to make the choices of where you'd like to be, etc.
People who work outside the home (I'd never say staying home with the kids isn't work) are very resentful of people who work at home.
It's a grass is greener on the other side problem.
Each side thinks the other side has it better but
both have their advantages and disadvantages.
She's lacking in communication skills and/or doesn't care who she insults.
Her attitude and how she expresses it is not going to serve her well in life.
Pity her a little bit, but don't take her seriously.
If she talks like that to you again, tell her you are sorry she feels that way and has she considered therapy or anger management to get that chip off her shoulder.

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you are doing good at what you do. SAHM's are the least lazy people in the world. This parent deprived generation would do better if there were more mommies like you out there. Give yourself a pat on the back for me. And I am not pointing a finger at the many mommies who have to work to help put food on the table.....ya'll are great too♥

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OMG, S., your neighbor is SEETHING with jealously! Completely disregard her, don't waste any more brain cells even thinking about her ridiculousness and next time she starts her babbling, give her a "you're pathetic" look and walk away.

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I've been a stay at home mom for going on 19 years. I feel like I'm very smart and work very hard too. I homeschool 4 kids, I have a baby, I teach ballet in my home (3 classes), and I'm very active in two homeschool groups. I still have people who come across like I'm stupid and lazy. But these are people who don't know me. The people who know me aren't like that at all. They are respectful and kind and support me. Your neighbor is ignorant and has trouble with the filter on her mouth...LOL Little children do that. They speak what they think even if in pure ignorance. UGH! Good luck!

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Sounds like something similar that happened to a dear friend of mine. She's going into her 5th pregnancy and someone dared to ask if she was crazy. I told her to just tell then that she wasn't crazy, she just loved the sex. The things people say.

I'm a SAHM, growing up I was never really good at anything. I never went to college and never held any jobs besides child care. I loved working with kids, being with them, watching them change. When my daughter came it was so perfect, it's been such a dream. I'm finally doing what I was meant to do, be a mommy and I'm darn good at it. That's my job, I cook, I clean, I manage the checking account. If I got paid according to what I do all day, everyday my husband wouldn't be able to keep me.

You just remember that. You do have a job and she's just a jealous prat.

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I would put up a fence...

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No you are not! I have been both a SAHM and a working Mom and Wife and I can tell you that you can't be lazy and be a SAHM. The kids are up early, are demanding at times, need attention all the time, need to eat 3 meals plus snacks, need to be changed, need to be played with, need to be bathed and the list goes on and on. Why in the world would someone say that to someone when talking to them for the first time? She must be jealous or feels intimidated by you. I have never had anyone say that to me so she must just be Stupid and Lazy herself. It takes a lot to be a SAHM it is work too and sometimes no most times harder mentally and physically than going to work outside of the home since most days there are no regular breaks or lunch times. I think I wouldn't want to be friendly with her because I would tell her off.

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She obviously doesn't have kids of her own. And if she does I feel sorry for them.

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That was great Julie S!!!
I agree... she is jealous.

Our old neighbor was trying to get pregnant when we were. We had a baby girl, they got a dog and named her our daughter's name. Ugh!

Another day I was raking leaves and our neighbor said "I see you are trying to keep up with the Jones... we're the Jones".

Just have to laugh... People are funny.

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Did she really use those words? I can NOT imagine a non-related, uninvolved person saying such a thing.

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I haven't come across anyone quite like that. For me it is more of people assuming that we are wealthy because I can "afford the luxury" of being a SAHP. What they don't realize is that my husband and I have sacrificed a lot so that our children do not need to be placed in daycare.

I do know a few people (men and women) who feel as though SAHPs are lazy and/or uneducated (read: stupid). These are the people who either do not have children or who do not raise their children (kids live with grandma).

Your neighbor's comments are a bit off the wall since you just met her. As for reaction....there isn't any point in saying or doing anything. She feels as she feels. Ignore her. She isn't worth your energy.

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Good fences make good neighbors.

A fence might not help her mouth, but you should look into some fencing.
My friends got a mesh fence that they could actually move from place to place in their yard to keep their dogs out of the garden and away from the pool and fire pit area, etc.
Put it up on the property line. You won't need a permit because it's on your property and it's not a permanent structure. And you have a little one to keep safe. Video tape the condition of it once it's up in case her puppy tries jumping it or clawing at it. (Or any other damages occur to it). She may not like it, but she will have to keep her dog and it's poop on her own side of the yard. She'll have to keep her garbage on her own side of the yard.
90% of what she does and says is just to tick you off. Draw the line. Literally.
I have been blessed with such nice neighbors, However, my mom and dad lived in the country. He owned that property when there were only two houses on the entire road. Well, property owners across the street sold their acreage and split it into lots for building houses. Super rural, there were still only 8 houses at least an acre apart, if not two or three. It was a little slice of heaven until people moved up from L.A. and decided they were going to tell everyone else how to live. They called the cops everytime someone had a bbq or the horses in other people's fenced yards weren't tied to a tree. (Why live in the country with horses and keep them tied up? You don't tie horses up for heaven's sake). They were serious jerks with no lives of their own. They couldn't be happy in the middle of nowhere with everyone minding their own business. Some people have nothing to do but be pains in someone else's rump.
Like I said, a fence won't stop this woman's mouth, but you can follow through with reporting her threats.
You should.
Seriously, call around and ask about the mesh fencing. There will be no drainage issues and the lawn mowing, dog pooping and garbage putting will all be a thing of the past. It will be worth the investment. They aren't even that expensive and can be rolled up and stored when not in use.
Check into it. I think you'll be glad you did.

Best wishes.

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Someone told me I was " mooching off my husband". This person is a friend of mine so I just kind of let it go. Sometimes people say innapropriate things and maybe there is a bigger underlying reason. I'm not defending anyone but some things the person / situation isn't worth the energy to address it. I used to always confront people but I feel as time goes by, I find it easier & less stressful to let the small stuff go. She was being ridiculously rude, though.

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at that moment I would have punched her in the face.. I am not a SAHM and to be honest with you I regret it. My husband is in construction so I work for the steady pay and the insurance. I have been lucky to always have jobs that let me come and go as I please- but I really really regret no being home when the boys were babies. That is just a terrible person and I would tell her she is just jealous and an awful person.

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Oh wow...I am so sorry that you live next to this witch. I would steer clear of her and keep your head held high...you are doing the best for your son. There are very few women that work because they want to be away from their children. It is usually because of neccesity; either financial or they find the challenges of being a SAHM harder than working outside the home.

She sounds completely jeolous and you certainly don't need to explain to her your reasoning.

Good luck and enjoy your little one.

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Sometimes, there is ugliness from people who simply don't appreciate all the hard work mothers do. (and sometimes there is ugliness from "ugly" acting people!)

I have been a SAHM, and am currently working-in-home with my preschool (my son goes to a separate preschool, because that's best for both of us), and will likely go back to SAHM over the summer, and doing my writing work in autumn when preschool starts again.

Both of these lives are demanding in different ways. Intellect has less to do with it than perhaps emotional intelligence, some days. Nonetheless, there's plenty of judgment on both sides of this fence. Most of my family feels it to be ideal that women stay home with their kids but some of the women don't have that choice. There have been a lot of assumptions about how 'easy' the SAHMs have it, and also about the elusive lack of 'something' motherly or correct about those mothers (myself) who have the resources to be an SAHM, but choose to do preschool for their child and work.

There's a great book about these assumptions called "The Wall Between Women" based on a many interviews with SAHMs and Working Moms. It's actually insightful, because this book shows both the real and perceived advantages and disadvantages of each position.

If you are happy with your role as a SAHM, more power to you! It's hard work to do well. With regard to your neighbor, just remember--only a pretty miserable person would venture to insinuate these things. It's too bad her attitude can't be more inclusive, like yours sounds. I think I would just ignore that neighbor the next time I saw her!

Added: quite sad that this is devolving into just the sort of conversation I mentioned. :(

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Obviously this woman neighbor is an extremely rude person. She must have a chip on her shoulder for working and not staying home with her kids and feels judged by the stay at home mom crowd. I have never come across this before personally, thank goodness! Stay away from her...you don't need that kind of mean person around you!

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hahahahahaha, what a bit#% . She is obviously out of her mind and should be avoided at all costs. Ive never met anyone who calls what we do lazy or stupid, actually the knowledge that family life is preferable to have an in home parent, is on the rise.

avoid her like the plague, she is probably crazy

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I REALLY hope you told her to Go "F" herself. Your lucky to be able to stay home!

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Bummer about the neighbor - sometimes I think that the people who are most vocal about putting down someone else are mostly trying to cover up their own insecurities. I agree with the "ignore" approach - if she's going to be rude and insensitive, there's no practical reason to let her words stick around in your brain. Just remind yourself that you and your husband have made a decision that's right for *your* family, and your neighbor's opinion is worth about as much as a dirty diaper ;-).
I occasionally encounter people who think I'm 'wasting' my college degree by being a SAHM but I just sort of chuckle to myself because IMO anyone who thinks that a SAHM is wasting her college degree has never had to field a continual stream of questions from inquisitive elementary schoolers!

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She is just jealous! I have not gotten anything like that, thank goodness!

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Each couple has a balance - a way of dividing the chores of living between spouses. Between two adults money must come in, chores must be done, errands run, kids raised, money and a household managed. That's a lot of work and you've only got 2 people to divy it up between. How each couple divides the labor is no one's concern. It will be different for each couple.

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She's an idiot. To say something like that that could affect another's feelings means there was some type of emotion behind her comment and I am sure it is jealousy. I would do my best to ignore it but I would also surround yourself with people who are supportive so that her message is not the only one you are hearing. If mother's have been doing this for thousands of years why is it wrong today? People are not using their heads and are allowing others to influence them. It is called brainwashing. You are a wonderful person to put your child's needs in front of yours. We need more selfless people in this world. There is too much "me" mentality around. You and your son will benefit by your sacrifice. (And society too)

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I would call animal control every time that she has the dog out in your yard and tell them she will not move it. Let them know that the dog has already scratched him. I have no idea what is wrong with her, but i would avoid direct contact with her. WOW!! Sorry you have a neighbor like that. Hope you get it figured out. It is not fair to your son to no be able to go outside!!

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Julie S. Hilarious!!!! I shall borrow that one from now on if I may.
S., I had a lady ask "what DO you DO all day? So like, does you husband never run out of underwear and his shirts are, like, always done? I said, " yep".
You got to let that garbage go, don't dignify her asinine remarks with a response.
She is jealous and you probably make her look bad ;- )

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How can someone who you have spoken to for the first time say such derogatory things (ps I am a working mom).

Why do you feel the need to explain why you stay home?

I would not be associated with that neighbor again

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sounds like it's time to put a nice tall "good neighbor" fence between the houses!

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Find out exactly where your property line is and put up some stakes and some of that orange fencing (I think it may be called deer fencing?). I won't matter how your yard drains because it's not a permanent fence. Find out what the animal control laws are in your town. I'm sure you're not allowed to have your dog poop in someone else's yard. Keep a written record of every conversation & issue you have with her - keep it in a notebook - dates, times, everything - even if it's just a record of seeing her or her dog on your property. If she's a renter, get in touch with the owner of the house she lives in and tell them that you will hold him/her responsible if anything happens to your child as a result of his tennant letting her dog on your property. Good luck - you're going to need it. PS - she sounds crazy - beware but you might want to drop a few hints that your husband is REALLY crazy and you don't know what he might do if he finds anything out of place on your property - tell her that's why the other people had to move out.

In answer to your original question - you are neither stupid or lazy because you want to raise YOUR child. Nothing against working moms - I give them a lot of credit for what they do - but you are not stupid or lazy.

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Lol! Ignore her. I've done both, and I always end up going back to work in one capacity or another because being a SAHM is just NOT for me. Way too much to handle! :)

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No need to respond to her! Ignore her. You do not need to justify yourself to anyone.

All the time. Just let her have her option and smile. Not much you can do...

It sounds like you need to get the land surveyed, and then put up a fence. Even if it's just a visual barrier of some kind, or even just a line spray painted on the lawn to show where the property line is.

As a working mom, I would never ever say such awful things. She was being a rude, mean, nasty person who is clearly not able to act like a responsible adult.... So, let her nasty comments count for exactly what they are worth: nothing.

Also, you may want to call your city to find out the rules on dog ownership/trespassing, etc. There are probably ordinances. Once the line is marked, start videotaping the dog coming on to your property and peeing/pooping, so you have evidence if needed.

I, too, choose to be a SAHM for our two sons. I do not need to defend or justify my choice to anyone other than my husband and God. You don't either.

Well, S., I don't think I would let her keep me from going outside. I'd just make sure to have a baseball bat with me! ; )

I think the suggestions for getting a fence are right on the money. Put up a fence, and file a report with the sheriff every time she gets confrontational with you.

You also might try talking to her dad next time he's over, because he sounds normal, and maybe he could give you some insight as to what is wrong with her. And take the advice of Jess, who said to talk to your old neighbor who rents the house to her. Maybe they know what her problem is. Because you're right, if this is exactly the way it happened - she's nuts.

Best of luck. Let us know what happens!
J.

What a creep. Fill out police reports regarding the dog being on your property even one inch, and definitely for scratching your son on your property. See if you can file police reports every time she puts her trash or does any dumping of anything whatsoever on your property. There's no need to talk to her at all. Just let the law and property or city rules do the talking for you.

CLEARLY you don't need her as a "friend". She obviously likes putting other people down to feel good about herself. Maybe she's jealous and CAN'T do what you do so she tells you it's stupid or you're stupid. People DO that kind of thing all the time because they don't know anything else.

Response: You can think what you want, but you're dead wrong. I'm NOT stupid. I understand the value of my relationship with my child and the time I spend with him/her is VERY important to me. I want my child to know that I CHOSE him/her over work. If you choose daycare, that's YOUR choice, but it is NOT mine. This is your opinion, that's all. I haven't belittled you for choosing daycare. It's my choice....respect that. If you can't, that's your problem, not mine. Just out of curiosity, have you ever considered that people might think YOU are lazy and stupid because you choose to let other people raise your child instead of you? Again...it's a choice. Respect it.

Based on the information you have posted perhaps a talk with the person who actually owns the home. I would also make sure the sheriff has a report on hand what has happened even if it takes til the next day - which I find ridiculous but that is another issue. Usaually people like this are very unhappy - jealousy brings this out also. You are very fortunate to be able to do this. My mom stayed home with us until we were older went back to school and became a teacher but we as a family made that decision. I think is great you can do this.

I have always been of the opinion that you get more with honey then vinegar. Perhaps (just thinking) perhaps she could use a friend. Maybe try that approach and maybe it will get better. You don't have to be bff's but maybe she just needs to know her neighbor. Believe me I do not condone what she has said and done - and I think she may have issues - but maybe your hubby could watch your child and you go chat with her or invite her in for coffee/tea and see what happens.

As a former teacher and SAHM mother of six, I congratulate you on your decision to parent your child! Enjoy! As for your "neighbor", you do NOT need her negativity, so just be polite.....she has a NERVE saying such things.
Find other mothers who share your outlook, and support one another.
For your own sake, do not invite negative attitudes of this kind into your presence.......your child will be the proof of your decision to stay home.
And thanks to your husband for seeing the importance of this....I am eternally grateful to my husband for the same......

Take the upper position and blow it off. She is trying to get you upset and is jealous. Think no more about it.
Dr Phil : Good fences make good neighbors.
C.

Let her know you are more than capable of being a sahm you'd rather not work & let another person be the primary care giver take to your son, work for a pay check then turn around to pay the child care provider whom watched your son while you worked & have little to none left for your family.
SAHM's aren't lazy nor stupid