I Am DRIVING MYSELF CRAZY!!!

Well, I can speak from the other side of things. I don't want to worry you because your daughter may be just fine but I think you should hear another point of view. My son, Noah, was diagnosed late because everyone kept telling me he just had developmental delays (possibly apraxia and sensory integration dysfunction). At the age of 6 1/2 he has been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. I always saw my son to be very social too or so I thought. He went through four teachers before someone saw there might be more of a problem. The pediatrician brushed it off too until this year. In a large group, his behavior became more noticable. He started chewing on his shirt and rocking in his chair. Most things, everyone blamed on frustration because of his speech issues. As he has gotten older we have noticed that he will be around children but tends to play next to them, rather than with them. He does better with small groups and can play fine with one child but has problems when there are more than that. He hugs people and can be very affectionate with people he knows. He doesn't maintain eye contact and has moments where he is on his own little world though. He does pretty well with most adults. He is perfectly happy playing by himself for hours but will play with other children if given the opportunity. He does have a lot of sensory issues though and prefers kids not to get in his space, but will get into theirs. He will sometimes hit kids when they get too close to him. Things have to be on his terms. Plain and simple, I guess what I am trying to say is that no two kids with autism are the same. There is no exact set of symptoms really because they vary in degrees. In order to be diagnosed with autism, they have to fit certain criteria though from each group of symptoms. There are different levels of autism too...there is aspergers, PDD-NOS, and autism. My son has moderate to severe autism, surprisingly enough. For years, everyone told me he was fine, which makes me wonder who I should have been listening to. I always had a gut feeling something else was wrong. He has potty delays, sensory issues, trouble adjusting to new routines, speech delay, plays with toys in strange ways (spinning things or lining them up) and has some social issues (but these were not real clear at first and are not severe). Like I said, different degrees. Not all kids with autism have a cold nature about them either, which is what I thought until now. My son is very empathetic and loving at times. I also have a nephew with PDD-NOS. He speaks but has severe social issues. If your child just has one symptom, more than likely she is fine and you don't need to worry. You should bring it up to your pediatrician if you have any concerns about her development or behavior though. Or ask the school for more testing or a psychological eval (if it is in writing, they have to consider it). It doesn't hurt to be sure, and if anything, it might put your mind at ease. A speech delay in itself is very hard to deal with and causes you to worry, which is understandable. If you ever need to talk to someone who has been there, feel free to email me. I hope I haven't caused you to worry more. You didn't mention your daughters symptoms, so it is really hard to make any judgement of whether I should be telling you all this or not. I thought if I can help someone to avoid making the same mistakes I did though, I should....

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I am a mother of triplets one with Autism (mild). When he was diagnosed several years ago, I looked at my other two children to see if they had any signs of it. They had quirks about them, but that is all. It is easy to hear/read all of the info about Autism and look at your children and wonder. What I have learned over time is that all of us have little quirks that make us who we are. Another thing is that because of the increasing number of children with Autism more people that take care of children (ie: preschools, pediatritians etc.) are aware of the warning signs to look for, and they would tell you if something seemed wrong because one thing known for sure about Autism is that early treatment has the best outcomes. Social behavior is one of the most obvious issues that is easily observed. If your daughter is social and likes being around other children that is a wonderfully positive sign that she is alright. That being said you are her mother therefore you know your child best if you are concerned ask your child's doctor. I hope this helps.

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I share your pain...I have a perfectly happy, social, two year who is non verbal and in our state birth- three program for speech. Every time he flaps his arm to show me he wants to play basketball, my heart skips a beat! I stare him in the eyes to make sure he is looking back at me. I know exactly where you are coming from. But my EI and pediatrician have assured me he is nowhere on the spectrum, and I have decided to obsess over the problem I know he has, instead of worrying about the one the same experts assure me he doesn't. Ask me anything about speech therapy trends, methods, and apraxia dx, and I could express my obsession in a healthier way!! Instead, I cram every minute after all three kids are in bed on the internet, hoping to find a magic bullet.

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Love your girls' names!! I think you need to just re-focus your efforts and stop worrying. Simple as that. When the doctor says he's concerned, you should be to. Concern and worry are different scales of the same thing. Being an anxious mother doesn't help you parent well and may make your daughter feel as though something's "wrong" with her. Every child is unique and special...they all develop at different paces. I have 4 and each is so different. I think in a few years, you'll see you didn't have anything to worry about. Here's a few scriptures about worry though:

Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? -Matthew 6:27

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6:34

You're a good momma!

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Dear E.:

My son is 15 months old and I have had the same fears, especially being that it is more common in boys than girls, this should give you some relief. I suffer from anxiety from time to time but the biggest thing that helped me was PRAYER, pray that God calms your heart and that you trust He has brought this child here through your body and He knows what is best. Why are you worrrying about something that has not even happended yet, doesn't that sound silly to you..it does to me, think about all the parents that deal with autism and say Lord I am grateful for what you have done and move on girl.

S. - 32 year old mother of 1.

E.
Can you be more specific? What do you want to know about the Autism Spectrum? There's too much to say to respond here. Call me this week and I'll see if I can help you find someone to ease your fears and answer your questions.

M. N.
ADDore YourSelf Coaching
ADD, Attention Development and Personal Growth Coaching
###-###-####
____@____.com

I think you need to relax and take a deep breathe! I know you must be beside yourself but don't worry until it's time to worry. Just because your daughter has a problem with speech does not necessarily mean she is autistic. And also the majority of children with autism are boys. Have you checked her hearing? Don't read anything about this if you can help it. But a mother knows her own child so if you are so sick with worry, be insistent with your pediatrician and have them do further tests. Good Luck , I'm sure she will be just fine!

I'll use one of my daughter's phrases here: "Chillax, lady." Just so you know, chillax is a combination of the words "chill' and "relax." Your girls will gladly indroduce you to all kinds of nifty new words like that when they get older.
ALL Moms are worry warts, just to varying extents. If the professionals are telling you that your child doesn't have autism, guess what? She doesn't have autism. Now breathe, take in it, and relax.
Take it from someone who has been through a lot with her kid: don't create problems where there aren't any. There is no lack of frightening information out there that those with a vested interest in "treating" your child are all to happy to provide you with. If something is seriously wrong with your child, you will know.
In the meantime, stop worrying and enjoy this stage in her life because it will be over before you know it. When those precious moments are over, they're over, and all you'll have are the memories. Make them good ones.
Good luck!

Okay, so what if one day you find out she it autistic or has some other kind of learining disorder. That won't change how you feel about her or how special she is. As a human being we are not in control of our world and the sooner we learn that, the easier it is to stop worrying. I will admit I worry sometimes too and some things keep me up at night, but you have to make a conscious effort to take each day as it comes and find happiness in something everyday. Everybody has an issue, no person is immune. Maybe you just need a group of close friends to share your worries with so you don't keep internalizing them so much. I know that once I have someone listen to what is bothering me and they show concern I always feel better. It sounds like you are a nervous person to begin with, maybe you need to get out all your nervous energy with a hobby or exercise (I know it is hard to find the time) Calm down and good luck.

I find this immensly helpful (from New Life Ministries)... Hope it helps you... L.

The Daily Prayer of Surrender

My Father, I come to you today just as I am.
I cast all my fears and anxieties and insecurities upon you,
Trusting that you will do your part,
Trusting that you will show me what my part is (if any),
And trusting that all things will work together for good
because I love you,
And because I am called according to your purpose.

Please give me the wisdom to know your will for me,
the willingness to accept it,
And the courage and strength to do it.
I covet your help in each of these ways,
for I can not do any of them in my own strength.

May I live today with a heightened sense of your presence.
May I catch glimpses of the eternal in all things.
May I be aware of, and listen to,
The promptings of your sweet and Holy Spirit.
I place my life completely and unreservedly in your hands,
And trust that you will not let anything happen to me
Outside of your will for me.

I ask these things
In the name and power and authority
of Jesus Christ,
My Savior and friend,

Amen

I had so much anxiety I could not sleep for about a month due a self diagnosed illness from internet research, so I can vouch for how crazy you can get. After I saw a doctor and saw my symptoms were benign, over a couple of weeks I was fine, but I did have to promise my husband I would be extremely careful what I read! Also keep in mind teachers and others tend to err on the side of getting kids evaluated when there is any possibility, so they really must not think she needs it. So I would suggest limiting yourself online and enjoy being with your daughters!

My first bit of advice........RELAX!!
Let me tell you my "credentials."
Mother of 10yr., 7yr and 17 month old.
Former teacher, taught spec. ed with mainly autistic children for 2 years.
Now, every child during their developmental years, will display some "sign" of autism. Children can and probably will be compulsive or obsessive during these developmental years.
You answered your own worries in your description of Mia, "sweet, vibrant, sociable." If Mia was autistic, these would not be words that you would use to describe her and her demeanor.
So, just relax, watch your daughter develop and enjoy her!
Hope this helps!

As a teacher, and a mother to a 3 year old that is now in a preK special ed program because of some developmental delays, I want to let you know that it is hard not to worry. But if your daughter is social, that is one of the largest prohibitors of a child being labeled as autistic. My parents kept urging me to have him tested for autism, and I had him teasted, but not for autism; just for developmental delays. The psycologist assured me that because my son was so social and inquisitive, that she did not feel that he was autistic at all. I think that some of us just have characteristics that may sway one way or another. Perhaps you do a lot of things that sway toward OCD, but that does not make you OCD until it becomes a ritual that does not allow you to function normally. My son goes to speech. I have students who go to speech here at school, and they have never been diagnosed with autism. Just let your child develop at her pace. Take a breath and stop worrying so much. Just enjoy your daughter and her curiosity, laughs, hugs, and kisses and remind yourself that she is just a young child trying to learn, grow, and develop at her own pace. Don't cloud her childhood by trying to look for a problem. Accept things as they happen.

I'm sure your daughter is fine, but I am concerned about you. Have you ever been screened for anxiety issues? It's one thing to be a responsible parent and observant of your child's development, it's another thing to "drive yourself crazy." I suggest you research anxiety issues (perhaps take an online test such as http://www.med.nyu.edu/psych/screens/anx.html or http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/anxiety_abridged_acce..., and talk to your doctor. I wish you the best.

I have read all the responses and agree with most. I am going to school to be a Speech Therapist, have a son with Autism and ADHD. Have your child evaluated. My pediatrician told me everything was fine. My son is social, is verbal, is intelligent. He is still Autistic. I went with my gut and had him evaluated. Early Intervention is Key. If it turns out to be that she is fine, then great. You have lost nothing. Autism is a spectrum disorder which makes it very hard for the untrained eye to find out and it takes more than 5 minutes to see the child. Flapping is a huge red flag though, lining up objects, restricted and repetivive play. My son would memorize entire movies like Nemo at age 2. He would be interested in the containers videos come in (strange play) all those are signs. I can't stress enough to go with your gut. I did and now my son is 7 and in regular 1st grade class. Many don't even know he is Autistic. Good Luck to all.

I have had the same thoughts myself. But, trust your friends and sources. Autism isextreamly evident in social situations. I was a school teacher until I started staying home with my two children. The fact that she is social and curious is a huge indicator that she is not autistic. However, if you are really worried talk to your ped. they can definitly help and answer any questions. My son was 3lbs and 1.7oz at surpisingly not a premature baby, so we went through a lot a delays with almost everything--simply because he had a lot to catch up. After two months in the hospital we took him home and worried about everything. Is he eating enough, is he happy enough, is he rolling over soon enough, is he walking soon enough, will he ever talk!! Then, I came to realize that babies do things at their own time, their own pace! I am so sure that your beautiful daughter will be the smartest kid on the block for as long as you let her!
And PS don't believe everything you read on the internet and don't read unless a doctor tells you to, otherwise we start diagnosing ourselves with illnesses that probably don't exist and I know I really start to worry!
Hang in there...your doning a great job!!!

Watching things like that will make you crazy. If we watch TV (especially) we can ALL find a symptom from all the drug commercials out there. Your daughter is most likely fine, just like the sources say. If I watch TV, I tend to think I not only have depression, bi-polar didorder, restless leg syndrome, but also everything else they advertise. To actually have these things, we need to have almost ALL the symptoms listed though. And symptoms are vague, and fit almost everybody. (for instance, look at how many people you know that fit one symptom listed) So put your fears aside. Children are all different, and she is fine it sounds like. I think everyone would know by now if something was wrong. At 4 years old, it would be very apparent if she was indeed autistic. Try to limit her TV time though, as it does impair mental growth.
Just calm down. Everything will be fine. It sounds like all the advertisements are making you suffer from "panic disorder" (lol). Eat a bananna, it calms the brain.

Hi my name is M. H I'm a mother of Identical twins, now regaurding the problem that your having about your 4 yr old unless you actually believe that there is something thats just not normal about her that makes you believe that there is something wrong not because you read this or you heard that but because you know then just take here to see autistic speacialist you won't loose anything but gain everything.........don't be scared i bet she's just doing things at here own pace. Just to let you in my smallest twin kaylee is 18 months and still does not want to walk, While the other twin Kianna runs all over the place and talks a hole lot more but I just felt like whens shes ready I'm here to teach here, I do give her little walking setions to encourage her.

Pray & ask the Lord for help. Fear is not of the Lord & he will set you free from it. I too struggle with fear over y children & have to stay on my knees about it. Hope this helps, bless you :)

2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version)

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.