I Am a Shopaholic and I Need Help!

D., I agree with Shannon, my husband and I are currently reading another of Dave Ramsey's books, Financial Peace, and are so excited about the prospect of being more financially mature with our money. Fortunately, we aren't in quite as over our heads as it sounds like you might be, but that's the great thing about Mr. Dave, his advice is solid for whatever place you find yourself financially. This will not be an easy process for you, in some ways I think a financial diet is harder than a food diet. But if you are willing to make some tough choices, big sacrifices, and changes in your thinking about money (why you are using it as something to comfort you) then you can be debt free and peaceful in your heart and home. Don't become a statistic, money problems are the number one reason for divorce, prove to your husband that he can trust you to be faithful to him with money. Plus, you want to be able to teach your daughter how to handle money responsibly so that one day she will not find herself controlled by her money instead of her controlling it (courtesy of Mr. Dave!) Best wishes to your family, you can have financial peace!!! :-)

2 moms found this helpful

Diane - RUN - do not walk - to the nearest book store and buy Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. It will change your life. I promise. Go check him out at www.daveramsey.com - and he is on AM570 from 1-4 Monday through Friday. I promise you, this is your solution, regardless of your income or your debt.

His philosophies changed my attitude toward money completely. I no longer feel the need to compete, and I do not buy a single thing on credit cards, and I save money every month. 2 years ago I lived in LA in a big house with a pool, pool boy, lawn boy, a mercedes, an F350, and an "extra" jeep cherokee. Now, that paid-for jeep cherokee is all I have. And you know what? I don't miss a thing. I can sleep at night. I know I will be okay when I retire, and I don't have bill collectors calling me. Dave Ramsey - it'll change your life.

I will go out on a limb, too, and tell you that 50% of the responses you get to this post will tell you the same thing - Dave Ramsey - he rocks.

I wish you lots of luck and happy budgeting!

S.

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I see someone else has already recommended Dave Ramsey's program. I'm taking it right now called Financial PEACE Universtiy(a 13 week course, once a night) and I LOVE it! I am on a cash spending plan, and it's very liberating and fun to see my debt go away and to take control. I highly RECOMMEND you get into a course. Just buying the books or tapes will probably not be enough to get you going. You need a support group for encouragement and accountability. I love to shop too! Also, being on a "budget" (or as I prefer to call it, a "cash flow plan") doesn't have to be restrictive. You just need to plan for all of your spending so you DO NOT overspend. His plan is awesome and he also makes it fun! Go to the website and see if you can find out where the course is being taught. It's SOOOOOOOO worth it!

Or, you might call Brenda in Corinth at ###-###-####

She counsels for donations through the Missions Dept. at Denton Bible.

Good luck! You must take action. Good for you to recognize this now. It can destroy you! As Robert Kiyosaiki, author of RICH DAD, POOR DAD says, you can either be a "Master of money, or a slave." It's your choice!

I would also invite you to read my website at www.HavensWize.com to see if something I've taken on as a side business might be right for you.

S. Havens

2 moms found this helpful

Look at your monthly statements and see where the money is going. You said you were coming home from the gym, so you must have a membership. Things like that add up (esp. monthly fixed debts). We have a weekly cash allowance. We have $ in an envelope (about $30), and can use it to do whatever we want, movies, dinner, fast food... but once it is gone, it's gone. It refills the next week. But if we want to spend more, we will buy nothing one week so that $30 dollars rolls over to the next week giving us $60. (we don't follow it very rigorously anymore b/c we are pretty good about not buying excess) but it gives you a good idea on where your money is going. In the meantime, I would sell/return things you don't need or use, on ebay/classifieds/green sheet/garage sale/consignment and put sweat equity on your side. Save all of this. I got myself in a mess at college (hey, first credit card, yeah!) So I got store cards (foley's, gap...) and everything started piling up. The only thing I could do was to consolidate my debts. Every payment I had was rolled into one monthly low payment. The company I used (Express Consolidation) "bargained" with my creditors, got late fees removed... Anyways, I paid it all off in about 2 years, and 4 years later I now have perfect credit. Look into that. We now don't even own a credit card (all debit cards). One other thing we do, once we get our paychecks, 10% immediatly goes to paying tithing, the next 10% immediately goes into savings and the rest is for bills, groceries... I can honestly tell you this has helped us out immensely! For your children's sake, start a fund for them, the Gerber life insurance policy is great, with great returns and it is super cheap!

2 moms found this helpful

D.,

I'm going to watch the responses - but I'm going to take Shannon's advice - for my future...and get the book! My husband & I lived with my mom (which was a win win deal - we all needed each other) for 3 1/2 years!!! The plan was to save for a house - pay off old debt...etc...after the time living with her - I had paid down our debt - it was a gradual process - but I stuck to the budget!!! We also ended up pregnant during our stay...and I was able to pay the bills when I got them - and not have to delay payments...that was a great feeling! When it came time to get out on our own...we didn't really have money saved - but we were able to do it. Now we still live on the same budget - and I save college money every month - our savings has it's ups & downs...that's why I thank Shannon for the book advice - I hope everything works out! Make a budget and stick to it - knowing that the end result is a house for your daughter!!! Even if it's not a BIG house...ours is small - but my children have their own rooms...and a roof over their heads...try to stick with the money you currently spend - NO MORE!!! on the house payment...

GOOD LUCK!!!

1 mom found this helpful

I'm going to throw in my voice here too. Not because I have something new. But because I want to reiterate buying Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover. It's absolutely the most motivating book and the advice is proven to work if you follow it step by step. It's hard work and there's definitely sacrifice involved but when you read what he has to say you become excited about doing the hard work it takes to pay off debt on your existing income.

Truly amazing. You have to get it.

1 mom found this helpful

We got into a simular bind and had to borrow money from my family, not happy about, but had to do. We just put ourselves on a budget and stuck with it. Yes it might take you longer to get in a house, but you learn from your mistakes. I would never move in with my parents or inlaws, for me thats humiliating, and I would feel awful that I could not fix things by myself, like an adult. And for that matter my parents would never let me, they would tell me im an adult now and to try and fix it myself. Which I respect. Good Luck I know how you feel!!! Just fix it and move on and keep you head up high!!

1 mom found this helpful

Just my 2 cents...We bought Microsoft Money for the computer, and it tracks what you spend. It also links up with our bank. Every night, my husband and I put all our receipts from the day together, and we enter them into the computer. That way we can see how much we spend every day and know how much we have left over. It's a great way to keep each other (and yourself) in check. By the way, I'm the bad one with money, and it has helped me out tremendously!

1 mom found this helpful

I definitely understand where you're coming from. I was in the same boat a few years ago. My husband and I had amassed a huge amount of debt while I was in college(about $45,000 on 3 large credit cards). I thought we'd never get out of the hole. We decided to dedicate our income tax returns each year to paying off the bills and then cancelling the card once it was paid off so we wouldn't be tempted to charge it up again. I would recommend paying of the ones with the highest interest first and go from there. But, cancelling them once paid was the best way to keep my self from spending again. Good luck!

First of all, good for you for admitting that there is a problem. You know what they say, admitting the problem is the first step to getting help. I would recommend that you get in touch with a financial planner/investment person. They can help you to formulate a plan. The books that everyone has mentioned, sound very helpful, too. But as a side note, try to get into the habit of keeping your personal spending/marital issues as private as possible unless you want that un-wanted advice from your family. And secondly, and probably most importantly, think of your girls before go on that spending spree. In order to get into a house, you may have to "do without" and save. And I would not recommend telling your kiddos that its either "their toys or the new house". They are too young to be able to truly comprehend that. Just say something like, " I know honey, and Mommy and Daddy are working very hard to have a house for you and your sister some day!" Good Luck

D.,

Email me, I have some information for you, and may be able to assist. ____@____.com

Thanks!
D.

I'm right with you. We had a total of 7 credit cards($12,000). We put 4 of the highest amount owed on Genesis Financial Management Program. They got our interest rate down to 9.99% and instead of paying the four credit card payments we pay one payment to Genesis. Then they make the payments for us to those four creditors. It's been working GREAT for us! To get more info you can call them @ 1-877-202-9312 or visit their website, www.genesisfinancialmanagement.com. I also recommend the Dave Ramsey book. Great info, tips, and advice. I hope this helps! I feel your pain. You're not alone! Please learn from your mistakes and the next time you buy something, Ask yourself do I need or want this? Like the saying goes, "You can have all those dollars and no common sense!"

I went through a "Financial Peace" seminar by Dave Ramsey and it is very good. He teaches you how to be disciplined and budget your money...... he also has forms that you can use to do this. It was very informative - he also has a website and talk show on KLIF everyday from 1 - 4. You should check it out.... www.daveramsey.com. He is very blunt and straightforward but he only speaks the truth. The only was you will be able to pull yourself out of your situation is to be VERY DISCIPLINED! Good Luck!

Well, we are also going through a financial transition due to Dave Ramsey's books. I just wanted to add that my husband found Total Money Makeover on CD and has listened to it two times as he drives to work. He is SO PUMPED it is scary....he has the shopping issue. It really has motivated him...we are selling stuff right and left that we really don't use...look around...there is probably more than you realize sitting around that could be quick cash flow...sell on craigslist.net it has been great for us. We are selling our van and going to buy a cheap car for now....it has definitely gotten the fire lit under this house....

Good luck,
K.

Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover is WONDERFUL!! I was broke when I bought it and am still working on my debt but, he is great. I have it and would be glad to let you borrow it and would give it to you but, I still listen to the CD's every now and then to get myself back in shape. I live in Mesquite if you want to borrow it you can come by and pick it up from me. Let me know you can email me at ____@____.com

I am very excited by the response about this Dave Ramsey person. I'm going to go out tonight and look into his books. I was once in your shoes, too. We make enough that if we want something, we go get it, we can go out to eat whenever we want, buy things for the children if we want, etc etc. However, every time we paid off the credit card (with income tax refund or whatever) we would jack it right back up there again.
I sat down with every bill and looked at the due date. I divided a piece of paper into two sections (we both get paid 2cd a month) and put the bills into one of the 2 sections depending on the due date. Then I set up an Excel spreadsheet with 12 worksheets in the file and copied the template to each one for each month. The bills are basically the same every month so I entered each bill into one of the 2 pay periods each month and included money for gas, food, etc. This has been a life saver for us. We still are working on the credit card but we went to a lower limit card. Be careful, you don't want to hurt your credit either. Don't cancel long term credit cards b/c that builds up your credit score (to buy a house at a lower rate). Just apply for one and insist on a very low limit to be set and put your other cards away.

I agree w/ everyone else. It takes alot of discipline and planning. Like with weight, you can't just wish it away or ignore your spending habits. We now have an AWESOME credit score that has taken a long time to achieve and although we sometimes slip w/ the credit card spending, we are saving alot and spending an incredibly LESS amount than ever. OUr retirement investments have also reaped the benefit as we started putting more $ into it right out of paychecks so we don't miss it. Although I've come a long way, I'm always looking for advice so I can't wait to look up Dave Ramsey. Thanks to all for the advice, I'll take it too!!!

Try Oprah's Debt Diet!

You have 2 choices, to get a job to pay off debts, or sit and
budget what is a must to pay for. *rent, utilities, food, gas
for vehicle, other bills.* You will have to not shop for fun. Only food. Your little one wants the house more than a toy
should help you strengthen your resolve to not shop for fun.

D.,
My situation is a little different, but it all breaks down the same. My hubby was self-employed - we made just a bit too much to qualify for assitance but not enough to afford decent medical insurance. We paid cash (OK, credit) for 4 babies, plus fixed a huge gas leak, yadayadayada.... the debt kept climbing. We were basically robbing Peter to pay Paul- it was horrid. One Credit card company called- I set up a payment plan and found out even a $500 payment did not make the debt drop a bit- they had charged me a late fee b/c the day we set up the payments was after the due date for the month, there was a $50 transfer of funds fee, a fee for being over our credit limit...... you get the picture. If we actually worked out what we borrowed we had paid that back and then some, but w/ fees and junk we were still lost. Quicksand. After much prayer and counsiling we bit the bullit and filed bankruptcy. It was horrible.
Anyway- we never did have an extraviagnt lifestyle- I am just giving you this story as a warning! I sp[end evn more time than ever on thrift stores (great deals if you take the time to really look), shopping sales, meal planning using the sale ads.... I have made it a game to see what kind of deal I can get! I only use cash- period. That keeps my impulse spending way down. Hubbies truck is 12 y/o and has 120K miles but we are waiting until the van is paid off b4 buying a new one.
Just like a diet I don't think there is a quick fix for the debt. Just a lot of discipline.
Personally, I would nicely tell your mom that it isn't any of her buisness :-)
Hand in there!
D.

Hi D.,
We make good money but have/had poor money managment skills. Like many others, we turned to Dave Ramsey's teachings. I found him on the radio one day looking for Dr. Laura! I listen to him on FX radio, but he is on an AM station here in dallas. Go to Daveramsey.com and you can find the stations he is on.

He lived through your situation and provides good old fashion advice for getting out of debt and thinking differently about money, material things and changing your family. That's why so many people responded to you about him. We aren't there yet, but we have both picked up a parttime job (my husband got two consulting gigs) and most of all we are changing our view of money and credit.

For a parttime job, you could try LiveOps.com which is a customer service company that allows you to work from home and answer calls, setting your own schedule.The pay is per minute of talk time. I work full time but just finished my training for this company. I plan to work it after I put the kids to bed and on the weekends while my husband has the kids. Take care and pray for strength to overcome this issue.

D.

My husband and I both used to work and used to make ALOT of money...and then the bottom dropped out and we kept spending. You can't imagine the debt we had. Over a period of time, we lowered our overall monthly spending by 75%. We moved to a cheaper part of town. We got rid of our cars and bought ones that we could own outright--no car payments!! How liberating! We immediately got rid of our credit cards and beging working with them on "workout" (they come up with a payment plan that we could afford). We've been living on a bank debit card for 4 years. We'll never go back. If we can't pay for it, we don't buy it. If you need to buy clothes, go to resale stores. If you need your shopping fix, put $20 in your pocket and go garage saling. Believe me, it hurts, it's extremely humbling. My husband and I used to travel the world luxuriously, owned luxury cars, lived in posh townhome in Turtle Creek, ate at every top restaurant and bought everything we wanted. But we've learned that our money doesn't belong to us, it belongs to God. Once we started living like that, our money situation turned around. I know it sounds crazy, but we're happier now because we've put God first. Oh, and I forgot to mention one of the most important things---you must tithe a portion of your money. I know it sounds crazy, but believe me, God will bless you enormously. I'm praying for you.

Hello D.;

I am sorry to hear about your shopaholic addiction but I am sure you can get it under control, Lisent I am a mother of 4 two are in school and 2 are at home with me. I wanted you to know if you want to go back to work I would love to watch your daughters since I have a 3 1/2 old daughter that would love to have little playmates while you work for a very reasonably price and if you want you can have me watch them until you pay off all your debts, I really know how it is to want to have a HOME for your children and not being able so If I can help you let me know..

Sincerely,

E. N.

D., WOW! You have gotten some fantastic advice. A couple of thoughts for you...1) you are right where you want to be (desperate and at a place of surrender) to begin making changes. 2) I did Dave Ramsey and he is great but another book will help at a more personal level. "Secrets of the Millionaire Mind". This book explains how we all have a financial blueprint in our heads, from many things (how our parents managed money, the many comments we've heard about money throughout our lives, experiences). Some of us go along with our parents ideas, some of us rebel and go in the opposite direction. The book will help you and your husband to understand your financial blueprint and create a healthier one. $19.99 at Barnes and Nobles, also the author is coming to town in 7 days to give a free seminar. 3) I have 7 children and am committed to being at home so I started a home business that works around my schedule. Am currently earning over 50 thousand a year and continually increasing (since the income is of the residual type) as I continue to work my 15 hours per week. If you would like more information on any of these thoughts, feel free to call or write. I hope that these many responses from all of these compassionate woman have given you hope and a feeling of not being alone! Have a blessed day and be encouraged, N. ____@____.com ###-###-####