Husband Won't Wear Wedding Ring

A ring is not going to keep a marriage together. I wear my ring EVERY day and have for more than 11 years. My husband on the other hand has not had his ring on since our wedding day. He wears NO jewelry at all and is not comfortable with a ring on. It took me a little while to realize it, but he is married to me and a GREAT hubby ring or no ring.

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My first husabnd wore his wedding banmd all the time and he was abusive and a cheater! My husband now, whom I've been married to for 14 years, is wonderful, caring, sweet, etc. and he has never worn his ring due to his profession. It's not about the ring it's about the man!

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Like it or not...complancency IS a reflection of how a person/couple feels about their marriage and possibly how they feel about their spouse. If he or she isn't good enough to invest in a ring and to go as far as to wear it, what's the point?

I think it is ironic so many people feel the same about their wedding rings as they do about an old broken down car, or an out-of-date outfit. For those who say it isn't a big deal, it sounds like the whole act of wearing one as a sign to your spouse of your commitment is out the window as soon as the jewlery is lost or doesn't fit. Isn't it worth it find a new one if the old one is lost or too small? Or is your spouse now no longer worth the effort?

Think about it. X number of years ago, those rings were probably the first big expense you had. For many brides planning and dreaming about their weddings, maybe more than the wedding dress, the his and her diamond ring set is the one thing the bride looks forward to giving and receiving. It's a guaranteed shot taken by the wedding photographer. Bridal magazines would be non-existent and half the jewlery chains in the malls out of business if wedding rings and the tradition, customs, pomp and circumstance around them weren't a big deal.

The engagement ring is such a big deal grooms the world over agonize over what type, saves up hours of salary to buy one, or worries whether he can manage payments if he didn't inherit his. And as is totally out of character for most men, but because he is so in love, probably spent many hours wondering `will she like it,' or his heart absolutely soars when her eyes light up when she picks out the one she likes at the store and so on.

The groom then plans to present it to her, she shows it off to friends and family, it sends a message to all suitors she's off the market-promised to someone for life. If the couple is religious, the engagement ring and wedding bands are blessed during the ceremony, and if the couple is lucky, these rings are passed on to their children or grandchildren when they have passed on. After the wedding the groom may be more a magnet to others with his ring on, but he's wearing it for YOU, and it is sending an important message to both YOU and THEM that he is commited to his marriage. It also is an important reminder to HIM to stay commited in times of temptation. Why do you think it such a big deal for most women when a man won't wear one?! Rings have deep meaning, no matter what people want to say.

While you can give your future spouse any kind of ring, and some people do, most will try to find something unique, that has meaning for the one who will be wearing it, and sometimes will spend large amounts to purchase a precious stone and precious metals to show that you're in for the long haul. I think if most grooms looked into the future the day they were paying for those rings, and saw that one day he and his bride would care less about those rings, he'd be devastated.

If you are invited to a formal party for work, or a wedding, don't you go and buy a new outfit, fix up your hair, to look your best? Don't you go out of your way to wrap a gift in pretty paper, with bow and card for birthdays? It's the effort and what it represents. It renews and reminds those around us we care, we love them, and no one else.

In response to those who claim a wedding ring is not a marriage or doesn't make a marriage, I agree. But the gesture or act of wearing does and speaks volumes! It just sounds like those who have lost theirs, gotten to big for theirs, or can't wear them because of their job or whatever have grown complacent. They've let time erase those feelings of chivalry that inspired them to romance their spouse, and happily wear their ring.

What is the big deal anyway? They aren't uncomfortable. Most bans for men are simple, and you'd forget they're on in time. Women wear rings whether it's for a wedding or not. Why not get a new one if you lost it or got too big? If you can't wear one on the job, why not put it on after you've finished your workday? It is a symbol, and important one. I feel those spouses who feel they aren't necessary are complacent. Just like getting flowers on Mother's Day or a card on Valentine's Day, these gestures aren't necessary, but they are important. Effort, symbols, and gestures of romance and love strengthen and protect a marriage. It's sad, that people don't make getting a new ring a priority as important as getting a new car, or planning the next vacation. Isn't your spouse, or your marriage worth it? Even if the ring were uncomfortable, then wearing it makes it all the better, as it would be a true sacrifice of love.

I don't buy the bull from the one poster who claims he'd wear one if his wife asked. I think he should just do it. I think alot of spouses just bite their tongue when their loved one doesn't wear a ring. Everyone knows what they symbolize, and everyone remembers their own wedding ring story(ies). Bottom line, I thnk most would admit it hurts when their spouse doesn't wear a ring, but they're probably just not saying anything.

Sorry...but rings ARE a big deal.

On a spiritual note, I like what JL suggests. Maybe if more people understood the origins and custom tied to the wedding ring, they wouldn't be so quick to abandon wearing them.

4 moms found this helpful

I dearly love my wife, but I haven't worn my wedding ring in 15 or so years because I gained weight and it won't fit.

I inherited some jewelry from my parents and grand parents and back. My mom kept them in a safe. I never got to see them. When she passed away, I knew who some of them belonged to, but not all. When my kids started to get married I let them choose a ring to give to their brides to be as a wedding ring. One of my sons asked if he could have my wedding ring as his wedding ring. My wife was very pleased to pass it on.

My wife knows I've been "hit on" by some pretty women. She also knows I've always told these interested women, that I'm married, but thanks for the offer. I wear my wedding ring between my ears. And my wife is happy with that. If she wasn't I'd wear a ring.

Good luck to you and yours.

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I don't think any feelings are irrational, just how to deal with them.

If he's never been someone to wear his ring, then I think you're hard pressed to change that now. Even if you are together again and in therapy.

Perhaps you'd be better off talking about this in therapy...not focusing so much on him wearing the ring, but what wearing the ring means to YOU.

Remember some people think a ring is just a piece of jewelry. It doesn't keep someone faithful or mean they love you more if they wear it. Esp if they don't share the mindset that is't MORE than a piece of jewelry.

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Since you say he was never big about wearing his ring I would say you are being irrational. He is doing as he normally does, which would show he feels you guys are on the right path, you seem bent on making something bad about something that was never an issue before.

I do a lot of stuff guys do and I have to take my ring off all the time. Sometimes I would forget to put it back on when I am done. That doesn't mean I am any less committed to Troy, it is a ring for Pete's sake!

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I don't know what your husband's situation is, but I know that neither my husband or father regularly wear wedding bands because of the risk the rings can pose in the workplace. They are both engineers and are often around machines in their jobs that other people have gotten injured by due to wedding bands getting caught. However, they will both wear them at home, to church, on dates, etc. (if they remember to put them on). It's not a reflection of their commitment, just a safety precaution.

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I've been married for 14 years. My husband lost his wedding ring on our honeymoon.

I've not worn my wedding ring for about a year now. I DO NOT need the ring to tell the world I'm married or that someone out there in this huge world found me attractive and wanted me.

Can you tell him why it's sooo important to YOU to have him wear his ring? For me - it's NOT the wearing of the ring - it's HOW he treats me and respects our marriage...I don't need that material "thing" for the world to know he's married....

I hope you can talk to him and tell him WHY it's so important to YOU that he wear the ring. TALK about it - don't whine, yell or scream - TALK to him about WHY YOU FEEL it's important that he wear the ring....don't accuse him - simply state "it is IMPORTANT to me that you wear your wedding ring. I feel ......" but do NOT accuse him...that will just cause a fight...

GOOD LUCK!!

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Not at all. It's an outward sign of his commitment to you and the marriage. Suggest renewing your vows at some point, and pick out a new ring together that he will wear.

Be sure to bring this up in therapy. If you are Christian, there are teachings/writings about the symbolism and significance of wedding bands. Perhaps find some of these and read them to him, so he can understand why these rings aren't just jewlery. With this new understanding, he might be more willing, if not honored to wear it. Just a suggestion.

He just might not be ready to wear an outward symbol of his commitment yet. Perhaps he still has some bugs to work out. Not to upset you, but we have dear friends who were separated for a while. The husband didn't want to wear his ring either...because he was still on the fence about coming back to the relationship on her terms. He wanted the freedom to still play the field. For him, he felt wearing the ring meant his "out" was over and gone. She too is very hurt. She didn't know that's why he didn't want to wear the ring until she brought it up in therapy and he revealed that he still interacted with women outside the marriage. She thought they were on the mend. He wasn't quite there yet.

Not saying this is your case, but I think it real important to NOT to let this go...or carry on, on his terms. He needs to know your expectations and feelings and deal with it, or neither of you will benefit from therapy. You'll spin your wheels. Truth hurts, but it also heals. You wouldn't want to be misled in anyway.

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My husband hasn't worn his ring in YEARS. And didn't like wearing it in the first place. he doesn't even wear a watch. He's just not a jewelry guy.

I haven't worn mine in ages either. I lost my wedding band, and had to have my engagement ring cut off when I got second degree burns on my hand. I have yet to have it fixed and the burns were almost 10 years ago. I did get an inexpensive cz and sterling silver set I wore for a little while, but once I got into the medical field even that came off. It's just a pain trying to get gloves on and off over a ring.

My marriage isn't based on my ring or the piece of paper that says I'm married. It's based on the commitment hubby and I have to each other. And while that commitment has stayed in tact, over the years it's been on shaky ground a time or two. But the ring/paper had NOTHING to do with it surviving or the shakiness.

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I would be pissed AND hurt if my husband didn't wear his ring. My husband expects me to wear mine and he should be expected to wear his too.

Part of the marital issues may have stemmed directly from him not wearing his wedding band...

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My husband swore he wouldn't wear a ring before we got married. Now he wont take it off. I am the one that no longer think the rings is as a huge a deal. I cant clean with it on and I often times forget to put it back on. We went through a period where I was pissed because he made such a big deal about it but would not get me a new ring. My original was cheap and had been resized to many times. I spent years wearing my moms old band and I was over it. Even though we have come to some kind of agreement, it is still a thorn in my side.

I just do not think it is fair to make someone wear something they don't want to wear. What are his reasons for not wanting to wear it. I can tell you pressuring him will only make it worse. I truly love my new ring, but I do hold some resentment towards it because I feel he only got it for me to prove a point, and not that he felt I deserved it. So I still do not see it the way he does, and it is partially due to his treatment towards me for not wearing one.

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I don't wear my wedding ring because it bothers me when I work. I don't think that this should be a reason to be hurt. Some people just don't like wearing rings or jewelery in general. I doesn't have anything to do with how good or bad the marriage is (my husband and I have been married for almost 18 happy years).

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My husband and I have rings, but we haven't worn them in ages.
We both work with our hands and any jewelry just gets in the way and annoying.
We do not feel that wearing rings makes us any more married or more faithful.
We're married. We love each other. We're not out trolling for attention from anyone else. We're confident in who we are. We hold each others hearts and treat them kindly and carefully.
The ring is a symbol of the marriage, but the marriage stands just fine on its own without the symbol.
You are not irrational, but you and he need to have a meeting of the minds on what the rings really mean and why it hurts you if he doesn't wear his.
And he should care about why you are feeling hurt.

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I think married men should wear their rings period. If their profession is dangerous fine don't wear it while working...Put it on when you're away from work. Can't speak for the abusers and unfaithful husbands...What I can say is that it is an outward symbol that you are taken no guess work...There are so many metals, shapes, styles etc that would be appropriate for even the pickiest of tastes and comfort levels...IMO...husbands and wives should wear their rings..Sorry I feel strongly about this issue.

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It's not the ring that keeps the man in a marriage. :)

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My husband forgot to pack his wedding ring for our out of town wedding. So he father gave him his first wedding ring, then my husband broke it work. The wedding band he forgot he left at work one day and some guy didn't realize what it was and decide to see what it would take to brake it. So both of his wedding rings have gotten broken at work. I told him it was fine if he didn't wear one because I don't want to have to keep replacing them. It is more funny then anything because both of them got ruined at work. I don't think a wedding band makes you married or not.

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Why won't he wear it? One of my girlfriends has a husband in a band that travels around the world. He wouldn't wear it; she kicked him out. They're done. That was a HUGE dealbreaker for her, and it would be for me too. RESPECT THE RING!!

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I don't wear mine because it gets in the way when I clean and do physical things(yard, garden, paint). I got out of the habit. Also, if I swell up, it is tight. If I drop 10 pounds, I fear losing it. I hate all jewelry now so much that I thought about a ringfinger tatoo. But I hate tatoos. I am going to buy a cheap, simple, gold band to wear in its place if it bothers him.

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I know the ring doesn't make the marriage, but let my find my husband without his and I will raise holy hell on him. He didn't wear it when we first got married and I almost left him over it. It was around the time I also found out he had cheated on me PRIOR to our marriage. So things were just bad anyways. To me, it's a reminder to him that he is a married man and to let other women know he's off limits. Just me. I take my rings off when I am REALLY mad and ready to walk out on him - 2 times in 7 years. Otherwise, they never come off. I think men should be the same. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or is putting in any less effort, but I'd want it on.

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When we were first married, my husband swore it was a "chick magnet". He said all of a sudden women were coming out of the woodwork to notice him (not something that happened much before we were married - lol). He wears his all the time, but even if he didn't he knows he's still married to me and acts accordingly. I trust him either way. I think the question for your husband might be - if you know it bothers me when you don't wear your ring, then why don't you wear it for me?

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This would bother me also. Unless your husband made it clear to you prior to marrying that he prefers not to wear a ring, I personally think it should be worn, especially while working as hard as you are to mend things within your marriage. May I offer a suggestion? What if you spoke to the therapist who is helping you and asked them to help you find an effective and appropriate way to address your feelings about this matter and see if your husband and you could then come up with a good solution? This would also teach important skills within your marriage that could strengthen it in the process...communicating, team work, consideration of the others feelings, etc just to name a few.

In the meantime, try to avoid arguing about this. It will only cause more hurt and stress to you. Consider the reasons he has given to you in the past for why he doesn't wear it and determine if they are valid at all to you. Then look at the reasons behind why it's so important to you that he wears it. What does it symbolize, does this stem from past relationships or childhood, etc so that you fully understand why you feel as you do. Once you fully comprehend that, maybe you can come up with possible resolutions that you would be okay with and how you could meet him part of the way. The counselor can guide you from there and help you decide how to proceed and hopefully come to a peaceful and mutual agreement. Good luck to you on this issue, as well as working out and saving your marriage! I commend both of you for being willing to try your best to honor your commitment and love to one another, especially in a time where so many just throw away marriages without really trying to fix it.

I am not sure if you are Christian, but there is a great book called, "The Love Dare" that I highly recommend. It does have a slight Christian undertone to it, but it also has some great advice on love that is universal. It really opened my eyes to ways I could grow in my marriage and every other relationship (kids, friends, family, etc.) that I have. You may want to check it out and see if it can offer you additional resources to assist you.

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my husband won't wear his either. It bothers me a little bit. He first stopped wearing it because he gained some weight and it didn't fit. So, I took it to the jewlers to get re sized and was told that his exact ring can't be resized. So, I let it go. But he has since then lost a lot of weight and it fits him now, but still a little snug. We were 21 when we got married and we are both 30 now, so of course we can't have our old teenage bodies back like we wish, lol! But, for him, he will not wear any jewlery AT ALL. He hates the feeling of it. He has considered just getting my name tattoo'd on his ring finger, which I am totally fine with, but we can't afford right now. So, for now, it is what it is. I know he loves me and that is what's most important

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You can express your feeling and requests, but ultimately it is his decision about wearing a piece of jewelry and you need to honor this.

Ask him why he does not wear his ring.. Then accept that answer. Do not burden him with your insecurities based on the ring.

Part of being married is accepting the spouse as they are and not being hurt and insecure about "things" but trusting that the LOVE between you is all you need.

I know a lot of men do not wear rings because they do not like the feel of jewelry. Some because of the professions they are in makes it dangerous.. I know my husband has gained weight and his is tight, but he refuses to let me have it enlarged...

Maybe he would consider a tattooed ring. I have a friend that is extremely allergic to all sorts of metals and this is what she did..

Figure out why you feel you need him to wear the ring and be honest.

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My husband of almost 23 years does not wear a wedding ring and it does not bother me at all.

The ring does not make the marriage.... the two of you do.

We are secure in our relationship and a ring will not make a difference in that security either way.

Best wishes to you on mending your relationship.

Well, my opinion is this: I like that my husband and I wear our wedding rings. His is actually being resized right now, so he doesn't have it on, and it makes me sad to see him without it. He says he had gotten so used to it on his finger that he misses it too. I think rings are important. They symbolize a special day when you put them on each other's hand. And, they show the world that there is someone special in their life. That's how I feel about it. HOWEVER, not wearing a ring doesn't make a marriage less strong or less loyal. Some people don't wear them and they have no problem with it. For your situation, since you say that he's always had a problem with it, I do think that asking him to wear it now is a little irrational. If you've been working on mending your marriage, there are deeper issues than wearing a ring (although I admit, if it was because he cheated, it might be a little more important to me)...It's a tough call, but you should definitely talk to him about it and express your thoughts. There is a middle ground somewhere.

I know I am in the minority and in your case there appears to be more going on, but neither me or my husband wear our rings. I don't like jewelry and also only recently changed my name after being married more than 4 years. We are "non-traditional" in the sense that we take separate vacations sometimes and my husband enjoys going out to clubs and bars with friends. We have a great marriage and these things have never been an issue for us. I have always felt that the ring is just that - a ring. Plenty of people wear theirs while having an affair. It's the quality of your relationship not the presence of a ring on his finger that is the important thing. Have you asked why - maybe he just doesn't like rings? Good luck!

I'd be hurt too. It's a respect thing in my opinion and if you're not okay with it then it needs to be addressed. Are you in counseling? If so I'd wait and bring it up with the counselor present, if not then I think you're going to have to sit him down and tell him how you feel about it.

My 1st husband (of 5 yrs) wore his wedding ring until he "lost" it. So I surprised him with a new one on a rose in front of his work buddies. He was so happy to get a rose from me, he hugged me then realized there was a ring on the rose. He left his buddies and took me out to a french resturant and a walk on the beach. Later on the new ring got a crack in it, and he would not wear it. (URG!!) ....DRAMA..other DRAMA lead to divorce. :-(
New hubby and I married for 10 yrs wore his ring all the time. I made sure we spent good money on a quality ring so it would not break. Well he was a large heavy set man, and marriage made him lose over 100 lbs. so the wedding ring don't fit anymore. He is afraid he will lose it, after he found it on the bed one morning. It bothersme that he wont go get it resized, he said he wants to lose more weight. If he loses anymore weight I think his fingers will be right about where they need to be. It truly hurts for my husband(s) to have not wear their rings. So I understand your feelings, but glad to know it's not just my guys who go through this.

(Remeber feelings are real, they are just not always true.)

What kind of problem? Doesn't fit, turns his finger green?
Did he used to wear it?
Don't know enough to say.
best, k

Same with Mine! He threw his down on the couch when I told him to get out after a tirade. I let him come back and asked him if he got his ring. He said no. I didn't look for it and I don't think he did, so it's somewhere in the couch or living room. Mine havent fit since partway through my twin pregnancy so I bought a white gold band to match another ring I had and wore them. They did not really look like wedding rings, so I bought a couple beautiful rings from Premier. Two months later the finish has worn off to the copper looking base and the stones look dull, and they turned my finger green, but they WERE beautiful. So, starting this week, I haven't worn any rings. I feel naked, but don't know what to do until the origionals fit again.

I love my ring, I love my husband, I love my married life!!!!!!! So freaking happy. HOWEVER, I almost never wear my ring. I play in the dirt, do pottery, hook nasty worms to hooks, am cooking with raw meats, get bloated, whatever.....I take it off and put it in the little tray by my sink when washing my hands (especially to cook) and then won't think about it again until the next time I'm dressing up and wanting to wear jewelry.
My husband: he was VERY picky about the ring and made sure he was the one to choose what ring he wears, because he says some are just really uncomfortable. They feel "weird" on his middle finger and pinky finger. He has to have the thin curved "comfort fit" ones. I worked in chemical plants where they were forbidden because of hazards. Like seriously, not allowed at all. (Along checking your boots for steel toes and having you draw a poker chip every day---red means go to work, black means go take a drug test, and other joys of life). There could be any number of reasons. I used to get aggravated that my husband would remove it and spin it on the desk while at work talking on the phone or on the computer because I just knew it'd get lost. Once he was late coming to the car (his was in the shop so I was his ride), I waited like 40 minutes and finally went up to his office to yank him out, and he was on his hands and knees, butt up in the air, trying to get the stupid ring out of the air vent on the floor. Maintenance had to come get it, lol. He was scared to go home without it in case I would get mad. But, he did end up losing it once and for all, right in front of me. We were at the beach and swinging our son over the waves (I had one hand, he had the other), and then we saw the ring twirl into the air and splash....we searched forever but couldn't find it. I told him I wanted us to get matching wedding band tatoos instead that said "Taken B*@*#es" around our finger, but he declined, lol. Said it didn't go well with the suits he has to wear to the office. Oh well. Our behavior says more about our marriage than a ring could anyway.

Yes it would and it does! Your not alone. We are not going through a seperation but I wear mine faithfully everyday. My husband has never worn his. Why not? It pisses me off but o well. Good luck on your marriage. I pray it all works out.

Focus on fixing your relationship - a ring is nothing. My husband has never worn one - doesn't like jewelry - and I honesty don't care. I know he loves me...and to be honest...i haven't worn my own in ages...just don't think about it too much. Doesn't mean i don't love him - or value my marraige - it just means i'm busy and don't really think about putting it on.

i think it's a small thing to pick at while your trying to rebuild your trust and love - just focus on that for now - you can always nitpik about the ring later. ;-)

good luck

Just a little tip, a ring doesn't make a marriage.

Also a wedding ring actually ATTRACTS women. It shows that they can commit so wearing a wedding band often get same men 'attention' they normally wouldn't get.

Mine wears his when the opportunity comes about. I don't need him losing his finger/hand while making Raid or OFF! at work. THAT WOULD SUCK!

When we got married, we got matching solid gold bands, after the wedding my husband wore it for our honeymoon and after that he hasn't. He works construction so if his ring were to get stuck with a power tool he could lose his finger. I don't make a big deal about it, he loves me regardless of if he wears the ring or not. We got married back in 2002 and we don't even know where the ring is.

Not at all. You are still married and he should wear the ring. What is his reasoning for not wearing it? It seems like a simple thing, but I think it has more meaning to it that needs to be explored.

My first husband never wore one due to his job, too dangerous to have one on, so we never invested money in something that he wouldnt wear on a regular basis. My now sweet husband, lost his about 7 months after we were married, took it off to do some work that would have compromised it or his finger and we never could find it afterward (put it in his pocket or somethin and it just disappeared), and we've never replaced it. It doesnt bother me. Women are just better with jewelery I suppose, however I did lose my first wedding ring too, at work, because I put it in my pockiet AND I was so sad because I had my great grandmothers ring bonded on to mine!
Some men like to wear them and some men don't.
They do take time to get used to when you do start wearing rings (you know that if you think back to the first time you started wearing them as a girl). I think lots of men just dont take the time to get used to them so they don't like to wear them. Some men dont have that problem. I think it's kind of a personal thing man to man to man. If he's only doing it to spite your marriage, well that is something for your counsel to work out with him.

I can't get my husband to take his off! We are vacationing outside the country and I just bought a fake ring to wear and mentioned I should get one for him too (ours are very big) and he was like "no, I want to wear my original and i don't think I can even get it off!". But I said for that exact reason, that I don't want the original lost in the mexico beach or stolen that I want him to wear a stearling one. :o) This is the first time my rings will be off...I wear them constantly, even to sleep in, so does he. So if it were me, i'd be upset...its a physical sign to everyone else of our love and committment to each other and I would view it as rude and disrespectful if he didn't want to wear it. I would definately talk to him about it and see if he will wear it for you. maybe even have a recommittment ceremony or something and exchange rings again? Good luck!!!