Welcome to my life! :) I know exactly how you feel. My husbands job is 100% travel. He goes out of state for a couple/few weeks at a time, then comes home for a week or two. When he is home, he is just home, doesn't work at all. Which is great and makes it much more bearable, but it still wreaks havoc on our routine. When he does get called out to work, he usually has 24 hours notice. Rarely more than that, and sometimes quite a bit less. So we can't schedule anything. I can try to get my hair cut when he is home, but there is a good chance I will have to cancel. And we never know with any certainty or advance notice when he will be home.
We don't have any extra money to put my son in a mom's day out program or daycare or have a nanny either. My husband would do it for me in a heartbeat if we could afford it, but the recession hit us hard- he was laid off for 6 mos and when he went back to work he went back at half the pay he was making. Sure, he'd like to find another company that will pay better, but it isn't likely. So we are stuck making the best of the situation.
I do have my mom close and she can watch him in the evenings, but not the daytime, so I never get anything done. And I feel bad asking her to watch him too often because she works like 80 hours a week. So I try not to take advantage of her. I feel a lot like I did when my husband used to be in the military and on deployment, but at least then they had family support groups through the base. I don't have anything like that now, and I would almost rather he still be in the military to have that again. My husband's field has a pretty high divorce/single guy rate. Not many guys have young families like him. But I don't mind him being gone, we got used to that with the military. And I don't resent his job at all. Sometimes I resent the situation, or wish that he had a different career/skill set, but there is not much I can do about that. That is what is hard for me to work through.
My days and nights revolve around my kid. I am frequently tired and I tend to slack around the house and stuff. I just can't do it all myself. But scrubbing floors just isn't all that important, in the big picture. I joined a moms club and that has been a lifesaver. We get out once a week or so for a playgroup or event, and I have made some new friends. They all say the same thing- "no way could I do that!" Well, you do what you have to do. I don't see anyone else stepping up to pay our way. And yes, you do have to think of yourself as a single parent, but you still have to take another person into consideration at the same time. I'm lucky to be able to stay home because if I worked my husband would become a complete non-entity in our lives, and I am not willing to do that. So it is tough sometimes. I just figure in a year or so we should be able to better afford a preschool program, and then I will be able to get a pedicure or a haircut or doctors appointment done occasionally. Any time you wanna vent, feel free to message me!