35 answers

Husband Wants Me to Leave

My posts recently have been about my husband and me fighting. Things have become bad. I tried to talk to him so many times. I told him we should talk about the things that bother both of us and try and fix it, so I asked him what about me bothers him, he told me some things that bothered him and said he wanted to go out with his friends more, and that he hates it when I pawn our daughter off on him when he gets home. He didnt ask me what bothered me about him and didnt even seem to care. So a couple of days went by of us fighting some more and I told him what bothered me about him. He sat there and just watched tv. Things have never been this bad with us. He told me he wanted me to leave and he didnt want to be with me anymore.

I dont have any family here. All of my family and friends are in PA. I told him if he wants me to leave then the only option I have is to go home because I don't have a job or any means to support myself and my daughter. He said that was fine and that I can go. I dont see what I did that was so wrong that he doesnt love me, or want to be with me anymore. So basically I guess I'm moving to PA and he just doesnt care.

I talked to my Dad and he told me I should keep talking to my husband but this past week Ive talked to him and came to him so many times and he shows no emotion. I dont know what to do. My dad thinks hes just being "macho and immature" and that I should keep trying. If he doesnt care if I leave, should I just go?

What can I do next?

So What Happened?™

I did get some free legal advice, and in california if you are married you can leave states and its not kidnapping. Also after 6 months of my child in another state, it becomes her legal state of residency.

My daughter is 14 months old. Me and my husband have only been married for a little over a year. I would love to stay here but there is no way that I would be able to afford it. Were renting and its very expensive. I thought about going home with family and friends because it would be rent free until I got on my feet.

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I wouldn't go. I'd have his stuff packed on the front porch. It's insensitive of him to make you leave when you have a daughter together. He should be the one getting a new place to live.

3 moms found this helpful

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I'm not one to casually suggest divorce, but this just doesn't seem worth the struggle to me. You're working way too hard and are way too miserable for someone married just over a year. My guess is that you were dating, got pregnant, and decided to get married because you were having a baby. That's not enough to sustain a marriage. Now you know.

If I were you, I would take the baby, any belongings worth moving across the country, and I would go. My sister was engaged to an immature loser for a long time and they had a baby. After almost two years of miserable parenting together with a guy who just wanted to party and be single, she finally woke up, packed up, and came home. It was the best thing she could have done. With the help of family and friends, she has been able to get back on her feet.

10 moms found this helpful

I think that you should clean out the bank account and leave. Go back home, find a job, and have a life.

This man isn't your husband. Not emotionally. You got married because he knocked you up and, viola! instant family. But he doesn't want to be with you, and you clearly aren't in a real marriage. I think that he's cheating on you, likely wasting away the savings account gambling and partying. Quit grovelling at his feet, chasing after him, looking for his love and approval. Go stand on your own two feet and learn to be a real woman.

10 moms found this helpful

Not sure how many people have read your SWH before answering.

You don't own, so that's a plus. You are a SAHM and don't have the money to pay for rent. That's a problem. You don't have a job, so it is conceivable that he could sue you for custody. NOT because he wants his child. It's obvious that he doesn't. He would do it to try to get you to agree to less child support.

California is a very expensive state to live in. If your father would let you and the baby come home, that might be your best alternative. Get a job as quickly as you can so that you can show the court that you can support your child. Your husband OWES this baby child support. It would be wrong of you to not pursue him for that. Your child comes first. That includes before you.

I disagree with the premise that two parents are better than one, regardless of the circumstances. Your husband doesn't want to step up, doesn't want you to be there and doesn't want his child. Your father is correct about him being immature and macho, but that doesn't mean that anything you can do or say is going to save your marriage. He has decided that he doesn't want to be married anymore and doesn't care about being a father.

When you went to the lawyer, I hope you two discussed how you can protect yourself financially. You need to have bank account at a different bank than he banks at. You need to put money in it. He's not going to give you any money and he may close the account so that you have no access to it. Take care of this first and foremost.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Take care of yourself and stop caring how this man feels. You need to start thinking about yourself and your child now.

8 moms found this helpful

Haven't read your previous posts but any true MAN would not just let his daughter let alone wife just walk out the door without a fight.

If you have the support in PA pack up your stuff and go.

5 moms found this helpful

File for legal separation before you leave so he has to pay spousal support and it's on record that you didn't just up and leave with this child. He can claim you left and he didn't even know you were going. He can claim all sorts of things so you might just want to protect yourself by filing this.

Of course you'll have to put in there that you want full custody and what arrangements you have with hubby about his visitation, when and where he can pick her up to take where ever he wants to take her for their visit. He'll have to have a written specific time and place to return her. If he doesn't follow this court order then he'll be in contempt of court and can be legally held accountable.

If it is filed and on record then he can't say he didn't know. This way you'll be out of his reach when he gets notice to pay child support and spousal support.

If you leave he can sell off, pawn, toss out the front door and put a "free" take it sign to anything you leave behind to make sure to have something specific in regards to anything you want that you have to leave behind.

5 moms found this helpful

The problem is: he is a little boy. And he has not grown up.
He cannot handle having a Wife and a child.
He just wants to be by himself a single guy.
He can't handle the responsibility, nor on being a parent.
Why have a child, with a guy like that?
He will not be, a parent.
Does not want to.
Make SURE you get sole custody or whatever you can.
There are different types of "child custody." Google search it and look it up.

Being "macho and immature" is one thing.
But people don't just change, because you have wishful thinking.

5 moms found this helpful

Your Hubby wants you to leave and you're just going to pack up your child and leave?
Well, your Hubby does not automatically get what he wants.
Do not think that running back home to the folks is automatically your best option.
Is Dad hoping you'll patch it up with Hubby so you won't move back home to PA?
Dad is not necessarily the best person to be giving you advice.
Talk to a women's shelter - they are use to talking to women in all kinds of situations - some worse than yours.
Get some counseling.
And - you need a lawyer.
Sounds like divorce is heading your way - I don't know how long you need to be separated before one of you can file and since laws vary by state you might want to stay in CA until the divorce is final (that could be 6 months give or take) - this is something a lawyer can tell you about.
You're going to need to find a way to support yourself and your daughter.
Also, just because Hubby doesn't want to play married with child anymore does not get him off the hook for child support (and possibly alimony for awhile depending on how long you were married and how long you have not worked).
You can't be 'there you push me there I be' about this.
Get mad, get some good legal advice, be fully prepared to piss off everyone then do what's best for you and your child.
(This is the screwing he gets for the screwing he got.)
That might not be what your Hubby or what your Dad wants.
Too bad for both of them.

4 moms found this helpful

So I think you have tried enough. STOP IT!!!!! He is not worth it. I think a marriage is worth fighting for it both people are willing to fight but it seems to me that your the only one fighting. I have heard in a lot of cases that the first year of marriage can be the hardest but I cant imagine that it would be that hard. I think you need to pack you and your baby up and go home. If a man tells you its ok to leave and take his child clear across the country then he really doesn't care it's time to let go and build a life for you and your child. He clearly doesn't want the same things that you want and he is making it very clear so go on with your life if it's meant to be he will come to his senses hopefully it wont be too late but you need to go home. NOW

4 moms found this helpful

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