Husband's "Work" Relationship

I wouldn't like it either or feel comfortable if it was my husband in this situation. Your husband needs to tell her to get help somewhere else. If he's not a counselor or psychiatrist, she needs to seek help elsewhere. He can still be her friend, but texting someone 10x a day is a little excessive. I'm glad you have been so understanding so far, but it's time for your husband to tell her to find help elsewhere. If your gut is telling you he is NOT cheating then he probably isn't however, I wouldn't trust this other woman. She may have alterior motives. Good luck.
V.

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I don't think I would go that far at this point. You know him best and are probably the best person to judge that. Just make sure that you are communicating your concerns to him. Sometimes these good guys can be completely blind in these kinds of situations because they genuinely just want to help. It is a dangerous line to walk sometimes even if it is innocent. Ask him what you can do to help. Let him know that you appreciate that he wants to help the girl but that if he continues to do so, you need to be involved in the process as well. Communication is the key to any relationship so just talk to him and I'm sure you will find a solution together.

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M., I think if he referred her to HR then it at least started with good intentions. I would be more inclined to suspect the girls intentions. Perhaps you could send her an occasional text to suggest some solution to her problems. Maybe hearing from his wife would send enough signal that she needs to back off!!

Just a thought. Hang in there and try to keep the lines of communication open with your hubby. Maybe telling him that you are afraid that she sees what you see, that he's a great man, will let him know why you are worried.

M.

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To be honest, it doesn't sound good. Either you and your husband are naive, or he is having an inappropriate relationship with another woman. Since it makes you uncomfortable (and it would make me!), you need to tell your husband so and ask him to stop all contact with her except what is necessary to perform his job. That is a reasonable request, and his reaction will probably indicate to you what exactly is going on. If he balks or acts suspiciously, then you have every right to invade his privacy by searching his things, his email, his phone messages, etc. to determine whether or not he is cheating. You have two children to think about. Good luck!

My husband had a similar situation at work with an abusive husband. This woman had confided in several others but my husband was the only male and also has a ministerial role so he was working in that mode as well. He came home every day and told me what was going on and we talked about different things that she needed to do and how to talk to her about those. She would call on occasion and I offered for her to call me if she needed. I made sure my husband was clearly outlining boundaries with her as well. He was sure to tell her that he was willing to help her as long as she was willing to help herself. One day I got a call after work that her and her husband had a big domestic issue so everyone was going to move her out of the house. We tried to be there for her but I warned my husband that she would probably go back. I told him that if that was the case he needed to severe ties and that he would only be there if she was willing to follow through. She went back to her husband and she lost a lot of credibility with her co-workers. They all still talk to her but not about her issues. I guess I'm saying that boundaries and staying firm to those are very important. If he is being open with you about the situation that's great. Talk to him about it often and provide advise. Sounds like he is honest and if her intentions are anything other than getting help, the boundaries laid out will help discourage that. With you both staying in good communication about the issue you will both understand when it is time to cut the ties.

Even a good man can become toooo involved with a clingy female.
Ask that he discontinue the relationship with her and advise her to find professional help.
Women like her know what they are doing.
Trust me I have been there.
KC

You are right to protect your marriage. The texting IS inappropriate. Please ask your husband to set some boundaries because it is making you uncomfortable. If there is nothing inappropriate going on, he should not be defensive and should respect your needs. You are his wife and should be his priority. Guiding this woman to someone who can help is all he is required to do to be a caring man to a co-worker.

i agree with everything vikki m said (i may have spelled that wrong and i JUST looked at it, i'm sorry!) it's great that your husband is trustworthy (most of them aren't, take it from me!) but this woman obviously has boundary issues, so he needs to put a stop to this. a woman that would text another woman's husband 10x a day isn't respecting your marriage, and i'm sorry, but that says a LOT, and yes i would be worrying. this is one of those situations that your hubby needs to step up big time because before you know it you could have all kinds of suspicions and trust is REALLY hard to get back. for your marriage's sake you need to be honest with him and point out that you are trusting him to step up and be worthy of the trust you have in him. good luck!

If you know this girl is texting your husband, he's not trying to hide it so you can probably be assured that he's not cheating, there are ways to hide texts.
Young people these days don't think twice about texting or posting things on Facebook or Myspace, typing a thought seems so impersonal that it seems that most people don't really even think of it as talking to a person as much as it seems that you are getting your concerns out to the universe. They also don't have filters in place telling them what is inappropriate, they will say things in a text that they may not say in person.
Maybe he needs to talk to HR about her texting and they can talk to her about inappropriate work relationships. Also if he doesn't text her back it will probably stop. Hope this eases you concerns and you can get some relief from your thoughts.

You are correct. It is inappropriate, especially if she is refusing the help offered. She should not be processing solely with a man friend through her issues. I feel you should gently talk to your husband about this, if he really wants to help her, she needs him to show boundaries and draw the line, re-directing her to a professional. Just be cool and calm in your approach, being accusatory will only create defensiveness. I'm sure you both will choose to do the right thing...

M.,

If all that's going on is texting, then I really doubt anything else is going on... yet. You have every right to be concerned. Get to the bottom of it now before it goes elsewhere.

Is he still acting the same?... treating you the same?...coming home at the same time? Is he working out, if he didn't before? If the first three are a "yes" and the last is a "no", then I don't think you have anything to worry about.

He needs to tell this "lady" she needs to seek help from upper management, or a professional and leave him alone. If you're husband is any kind of gentleman, he may feel genuinely bad for her, and want to help. The problem is if she KNOWS what she's doing, or not, this kind of thing can spiral out of control... even without him realizing it.

The best way for this to stop is through your husband. He needs to tell her that this has to stop. He needs to stop receiving text messages and cut off all contact with her completely.

You are NOT being stupid for thinking this way. You have every right to protect your marriage and family. Next to a personal relationship with Jesus, the relationship with your spouse is the most important thing in the world.

I'm thinking your hubby will do the right thing... just make sure he does it ASAP!!

God Bless! ls

From past experience communication of this sort is always inappropriate. I would put a stop to this at once. Kids are a blessing, but the husband wife relationship needs to come first to have a balanced happy home. Good luck.