26 answers

Husband's New Female Co-worker.

My husband has a new female co-worker. He's an electrician and she has been hired as an apprentice- he has to train her 1 on 1. Apparently she's 18 and just graduated from high school. And they carpool together into the city to work to save money (an hour each way). I trust him but this whole situation just makes me feel so uncomfortable. Am I being unreasonable? I have tried talking to him about this but he just gets defensive and insists I'm being crazy and jealous.

What can I do next?

Featured Answers

My husband just gave a good suggestion: have her over for dinner. Then you can get to know her and, after seeing them together, see if it's a gut feeling or just nerves. Perhaps his reaction to that will be telling too. All the best to you!

1 mom found this helpful

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You might consider that perhaps this 18 year old girl is equally uncomfortable with the hour spent not working and just riding in a car with your husband. Young teeneage girls are rarely gifted in the art of conversation.

You might also wish to consider that, just because you find your husband appealing does not mean he will be to anyone else. Furthermore those little annoying habits that everyone has, nervous habits, tongue clicking...whatever if you will, quickly become evident to someone in a car with him at least 10 hours a week.

Smile and remember why you trusted him enough to marry him:-)

4 moms found this helpful

How old is your Husband.......she probably thinks hes OLD!!! If your worried just feed him garlic and onions for dinner and let nature take its course in the morning. LOL

3 moms found this helpful

I used to be the only female in a shop of 50 men when I repaired computers in the Air Force. Frankly, I thought it was fabulous since guys are much, much easier to get along with, there's no cattiness and wondering about cheating, etc. The wives OTOH were terrible....is my husband doing this, is he doing that, what does he do all day, ugh. They just couldn't 'get' that a woman could work and not think about getting into their husbands pants all the time. An no, none of the men ever tried anything...they loved their wives and families and wouldn't jeopardize them. They knew I was married too.

I tried my darndest with socializing with the wives and making nice and realized at the end it just wasn't worth it since the wives were just catty and assumed that a man and a woman working together will just end up in some sexual escapade. And seeing by the responses below, you can see that's how most women seem to be wired.

Me, given my experiences working with men, I would give her the benefit of the doubt. I would also stop the assumption that every time a male and female work together it will end badly. I'd also give your husband a little more trust. Just because they're opposite sex doesn't mean they're into each other.

3 moms found this helpful

I would invite her over for dinner. Creating an environment in which everyone is treated with compassion and humanity is the first step to your relaxing or seeing if your concerns are well founded.

This gives you a chance to get a sense of who she is/how they interact and to create a relation with her directly.

Don't worry, and do pay attention to what is really happening.

3 moms found this helpful

You either trust your husband or you don't. I agree with the other poster who said womens brains are wired to assume the worst with male/female co-workers. I would take a guess that if she has gone into this business it's because she is smart and knows there is good money to be made when you become a journeyman and higher. This is not a female dominant trade so she's got to learn from someone. Be thankful your husband has such good standing with his company, especially in this economy.

2 moms found this helpful

Both my husband of 28 years (as of tomorrow!) and I have good friends of the opposite sex. We really DO trust each other, and that means that we don't doubt our spouse's dedication to our union.

I have also worked in a woodshop with quite a number of young, attractive guys, when I was a young, attractive woman. Only once in three years did I see an incident in which a new female employee put the moves on one of the married guys, and she was quickly uninvited parties and social gatherings. Most of my coworkers were unmarried, and they STILL weren't inclined to mess around.

I know that this probably won't be much comfort to you, just as you can't tell a child to stop fearing the dark. But it is usually anxiety about the unknown that grips us the worst, because our imaginations fill in the blanks with what we're afraid WE might do in similar circumstances. Or what all those celebs and politicians who hit the headlines apparently do at every available opportunity.

So I would suggest that you keep lines of communication open with your husb, get to know the young woman, and work with reality instead of your imagination.

Good luck. It will probably be all right.

2 moms found this helpful

Understandable. My experience tells me that a husband can cheat in a huge variety of situations, if they want to find a way to "connect" to other women, they will and almost never it is the first girl "at hand", rather another woman they have been "monitoring" for a while and had fantasies about. He did not choose to have this girl around, plus, an 18 y.o. girl is generally very blah and unappealing to navigated, sexually experienced man. if i were in you I would not build her up in his head, no talking about her, just plainly ignore her because sometimes our jealousy make our men think that we see in this other woman something we feel threathened by and makes them curious about them....what does my wife think this girl has over her? You don't want to instigate him to find out why you think this girl is a threath to your marriage.We just HAVE to trust our spouses...what else could we do anyway? And mind me, this advice is coming by somebody that has been betrayed. We just can't control all that happens around us...each of us makes choices everyday. I chose that feeling jealous is normal but acting jealous is undermining of my image and basically pointless. Best of luck to you, I am sure this girl is nothing, just don't give her importance to your hubby's eyes anymore.

2 moms found this helpful

Give her a break, she is young and trying to learn a trade. Most of the people in the trade she is learning are male. Some one has to train her, you husband was probably chosen because he's good at his job. Just because she's a woman doesn't mean that she's going to be after your husband. She would jeopardize her career.
Sounds to me like you husband is a nice guy who's trying to help out a young person looking to get into the profession. Has he ever given you reason not to trust him? Of course he's getting defensive, he's just doing his job and you are accusing him of cheating, or thinking about cheating. You are telling him you don't trust him, and he might have only the most harmless intentions and be doing the right thing. I'd be mad if my spouse questioned my fidelity with out good cause.
I agree with the person who said invite the girl over for dinner. Then you can get to know her. That will also let you see how she and your husband interact. I'm guessing the relationship is strictly a mentor type relationship.

2 moms found this helpful

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