Husband Stopped Talking to Father

My husband is going through something similar right now, and I just told him if your dad dies through this surgery, your the one left here to have on the guilt laid on you. Your dad will be gone and won't have to live with it. You have your own family and children to think about, you don't need that extra guilt weighing you down. Say what you have to say and move on, so that you don't have so much baggage that your holding onto.
He did and he feels a lot better. Still hasn't actually spoken to his dad, but my husband at least knows he said what he had to say and he can be at peace with whatever happens.
Good Luck...It's amazing how stubborn men can be at times.

Wow, tough call, so I approached my husband for a male perspective. His point of view the best thing and only thing you can really do is try to get both in the same place at the same time. If at that point they still won't talk then each will have to deal with the following consequences. Not very comforting, I know. From what you posted, not a probable situation either.
One thing to keep in mind, and I know this isn't always the easiest thing, as his wife approach him when things are quiet and it is just the two of you. Snuggle up and say quietly, I love you and I want to support you. I know that you are angry with your father. I hope you understand that it is because I love you so much that I have been pushing towards you and your father working out the issue or at the very least setting the issue on the back burning during this medical crisis. Also because I love you, I won't push the issue anymore. I want to know what I can do to support you through this time and I would like for us to make sure that we protect our daughter from all of this internal family angst. I hope that you understand even as I want to support you, because of this medical crisis I do not want to feel like I need to take sides in order to support you. For me, I want and need to be there to support your father and you mother and the rest of your family as your father goes through surgery, recovery and any further medical care. Sometimes, the role of a good wife is to simply step away...and that is super tough!!
One more thing to consider, men communicate completely differently than women. According to my studies in a recent social psychology class, men communicate on a dominate/submissive playing field and there is no in between. When a man apologizes in his own mind, in his own world he becomes the submissive. So if you are talking about a legitimate issue aka one which is pretty darned important to each of them, then by asking them to resolve/resign is the same as asking them to relinquish a bit of their manhood. Of course as a women, I say the situation warrants rising above all of that - but I can begin to fathom admitting being wrong anything other than simply being a human.

Best wishes...and please, please let us know how everything goes!

Hello KC,

Great advice given here. specially about telling you husband how much you love him and support him. maybe they need to agree to disagree and pick a date 3 months from now when they would approach the subject again.

Now, to manipulate a bit the heart strings...I just had this idea: what if you find pictures from when your husband was little. pictures w/ his mom and dad. fun things they did, vacation and special ocassions and lay them on the coffee table. and add a couple of pictures of your husband w/ your daughter. (I would not do that w/ your father in law because it might be too much for his heart)

You can also tell your father in law that you still love him and appreciate that he raised such a fine (and perhaps stubborn) man. and that without him you would not be the happiest wife and mom in the world. and if he mentions the subject, tell him that you'll be willing to talk about it in 3 months.

I hope this helps and I pray that his heart surgery goes well.

Your husband need to take the high road, not necessarily appologize, just tell his dad that he loves him, or.....just squeeze his fathers hand and say nothing....his dad will understand. Dad is scared right now, and needs family support.......Good luck......truth be known, your husband is probably scared too!

If your husband is a Christian, then he should know that this is a sign for him to make up with his father before he goes into surgery. Whenever my husband has ill feelings toward some situation or person, I always appeal to his Christian beliefs and that usually gets him to thinking straight.

If that doesn't work, you might go the empathy route. You have a daughter now. Ask your husband how he would feel if 20 years from now, this was happening to him and your daughter refused to make up with him before he goes in for surgery. The world is full of people who regret not making up with a person they've lost when they had the chance. If he doesn't do it with his father, how will he feel when his children do the same to him?

Sometimes we have to put our pride aside to make the right decisions. It hurts, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone regret it. There are many people though who regret not making the choice to let go of their stubbornness and make up with whoever they are fighting with before it's too late.

Good luck in convincing him to do the right thing. :-)