Husband of 5 Years Has Just Joined the Navy!

I would suggest talking with other military spouses. I know eventually you will get to know them. However, for now, I'll bet you can find some online support groups on Yahoo. It was just a thought. I am not a military spouse, but I dated a man in the military and grew up as a "military brat."

My husband has been in the Navy 15 years, we've been together for 12. He's deployed, recruited and is now on unaccompanied orders overseas. I know it's scary. Military spouses are the strongest people you will ever meet. We all fall apart , we all pull ourselves back together and we all help one another. The military has a lot of great things. My son for example. He's 6. He was born in CA and has lived in 4 states visited 2 other countries and has had wonderful experiences. Right now we are on vacation in Greece for the summer and he is in a Greek soccer camp. He speaks little Greek, they speak little English but he's learning how to adapt and over come that barrier at 6 1/2. He explores everywhere we go, I made him an explorer backpack with a journal. Kinda like Indiana Jones. When my hubby is away we do the chain counting down until he returns. We talk about him, email him, webcam him every week. At 4 it's tough to talk to. With my son I paralled it with something he knew. Star Wars. They have good vs bad. I explained about dad fights bad people and protects good people. He goes away because it's his turn just like when we play games. You wait in line and when it's your turn you go when it's someone elses turn you are home. There are a lot of support online. One I know of is www.militaryonesource.com it's great. Google military family military spouse etc and read.

Take Care, J.

i was married and was with the guy all my childhood 11 years to be exact i am 23 now it was very hard for me and still is today he joined the army and was killed over seas in iraq bahgdad he was a sniper i try to block it out of my mind but i can help you a little bit what i know is keep your self busy and i do mean busy if he goes over seas diffantly busy but if he stays in the usa go with him pick up and travel be faithful to him while he is over seas all men need good faithful woman write a note everyday to him get a jornal and write down your feelings i have got remarried now so my 4 and 5 year old could have a daddy but i was nine months prego with our second kid when he passed and yet agian i am a army wife my husband now is in adminstrative work and in nine years has never gone over seas so thats the way to go if he is in tell him go under adminitrative i would love to be your support cause woman need it too e mail me anytime on here

A. ,

First of all big hugs.
Second , every military spouse goes through this same exact thing.
How do you explain it to your 4 yr old?
Daddy will be gone for a little while but he will be back and while he's gone you can draw him pictures and mommy can send them to him.

how do you get through without him? you get used to it, you find new hobbies, friends, family, prayer , church, and write lots of letters and make the best of every phone call.

What if something happens to him? he's just going to basic nothing is going to happen to him. He's going to sweat a lot , climb a lot of ropes and get dirty. When he gets out he's gonna get an assignment, if it's state side y'all will move to whatever base they put him at and you'll live in base housing and be able to buy everything on post tax free. He'll have to go and live on a boat every now and then and you'll stay home and you'll write letters and get calls every now and then and even email, they do have email on boats.

We all have to face these questions every time they are away from home.

It's ok to cry, but you need to be strong for him and for your boy. You are his anchor back home.

While he's gone you can make a really long paper chain one for each day he will be gone counting down to the day he returns or you go to his graduation. and your son can take a piece off every day and he can see that it's getting closer to the day daddy gets back.

you should be proud of him for taking this step that many are not willing to take.

We are a going on 10 years military family , we are Army so a little different but the feelings are the same. We've been through the many deployments and training away from home and a lot of moves, but we are still together and our kids are great kids , very smart and have many friends from everywhere.

You will be fine.

one of my biggest places for support is an online game I play we've all become great friends and I know no matter what time it is I can log into game and talk if I need to. Someone will be there.

You may be surprised at how your friends and family will step up and help you through it.

I know that you have had lots of advice, so I will try to bring some different things to the table. My husband joined too when our baby girl was 4 mo and we were married 6 years. It is no doubt an adjustment and a sacrifice in ways. It also brings my husband great fulfillment knowing that he is providing for us in such a way.
We dont call ourselves a military family, because the military is our job, not the whole of who we are. We are in the military and have met some wonderful people through it, but most of all it has drawn us closer together and strengthened our family and marriage in ways.
As for the kids. We have something called a daddy doll. we took a pic of my husband in his regular clothes that the kdis see him in everyday and sent it in to have a doll made. this is great i think you can google daddy doll or hug a hero. they are great. also, we skype when we can. I know that he cant during basic, but the letters you will write to each other will be so special. we also had my husband video himsself reading books and stories and singing songs to the kids. we watch this every night before bed and anytime in between that the kids want..i dont consider this "tv" time like I do with videos and other shows.
I wish you the best. If you have any questions feel free to let me know.

You can do it and navy is one of the easier branches for communicating while on deployment (right after Air Force) unless he's on a sub. So get a webcam for both of you so your son can see daddy and talk to him. Also i believe there's a sesame street or elmo video about deployments he can watch and just keep reminding him that daddy loves him, but he has to go protect you guys, pump up the hero aspect, makes 4 yr old boys feel more important lol. Also take lots of pics and let him take some so he feels apart of it all. goodluck! and there is a military SO website where you can get more help...http://www.heartsofourtroops.com i love it.

A.,

This is such a rough time for so many people in America and then there are people like you, whose loved ones are heading to the military to try and make things work financially. I truly cannot imagine being in this situation and will definitely be praying for you and your family.

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Hi A.! My husband is in the military. He joined about 2.5 years into our marriage so it was something that I never dreamed of during our dating/newlywed days. Our circumstances were kind of similar...my husband lost his job, had always wanted to go into the Army, and so he joined pretty quickly. It has definitely been a whirlwind. He has been in the Army 8.5 years and has been gone a total of 4 years from our family. There are lots of benefits: getting to live in new areas, meeting lots of people, and a major benefit: financial stability. We have free health benefits and my husband makes a really good salary which enables me to be a SAHM. The biggest issue is the frequent deployments. The Army currently deploys my husband every other year. He just returned from Iraq last July (gone 15 months). He leaves this fall to Afghanistan for 12 months. It is super important to stay VERY busy while my husband is away. I'm very involved with my local church, YMCA, MOPS, etc. You really have to learn how to become independent..handling car repairs, mowing grass, handling finances, etc. (I even had to give birth on my own!) My faith has really helped to carry me through these hard times. It is also very important to schedule regular time for yourself while he is gone. I will pay babysitters or use the free childcare on base. I think that they give you about 15 hours a month while spouse is deployed.

As far as explaining it to your children, you just be honest. You tell the child that Daddy is going to be gone a long time. I tell our daughters that Daddy is very busy flying his helicopters and helping other people. We have frequent phone calls and can do web cam over the computer. The girls really miss their Daddy but I'm sure to reassure them of his love. Keeping busy helps all of us! We also use the opportunity of him being gone to visit extended family/friends. Last deployment we flew to Colorado to visit some Army friends of ours. You make extra money on deployments so we would get to do special activities like "A Day Out with Thomas". We just make the best of things.

You also said that you worry about something happening to your husband. I'll be honest, I don't really worry too much about something happening to my husband. I believe that God has a plan for his life and that this plan will be fulfilled whether he is on the battlefield or driving in his car. I have spent time thinking through the 'what ifs' but mostly to make sure that everything is in line if the worst were to happen. You have to make sure that there is life insurance, wills, etc. Before a deployment, the Army makes sure that you have your things in order.

I hope that this helps to answer some of your questions. I've found that military life has made me a very strong person. I wish your family blessings as you embark on this new path.

A.

Hi A.! I feel so excited for you as your new journey unfolds. All the things these wonderful ladies shared with you is great. I grew up a 'Navy brat'. My father retired after 30 yrs. My brother followed in his footsteps, and now my 19 y.o. son is getting ready to join. I grew up on the bases (many of them are now closed down so I don't know if things are a little bit different in that respect.) I never felt like we lacked for anything. The other military families were our family. It was a great way to grow up. I have nothing but fond, special memories. My mom and the other moms were strong, learned how to be resourceful and just had an overall good attitude about their situation which, I suppose, translated over to us kids. One of my fondest memories was when my father's sub was due to come in after months of being out to sea. Our mom would get us all dressed up and we'd go to the pier and watch the boat (sub) come in. It was an amazing sight...the men all standing on top of the boat in their white uniforms...it seemed like forever before they would dock the boat and finally get off. I would search for my dad's face...and then...there he was, like a white knight in shining armor. I can still smell all the smells, the ocean, the smell of a 'dad'...It was THE happiest moments of my childhood every time he came home. I am so thankful for that childhood. I think the times I had to be away from him made me appreciate when he was home all the more. What is cool about your situation today is that you have cell phones, the web cam, etc. that can help you be in touch more often...that's a huge bonus.

My father passed away a year ago, but he will always be my knight in shining armor.

I wish for much love, light and happiness for you and your young family as you embark on this fabulous adventure. How great for you!!! God bless!

I was an Army brat all my growing-up. I know that military wives can be the most awesome community. See if there's a way the Navy can get you in touch with some other Navy wives in the area. Military wives are a special breed -- strong, resourceful, and go through a lot of heartache with grace and make it look easy. At the end of the day, you have your family and your community to support you. You WILL be fine. I feel for you and your coming to the end of a difficult year knowing things could be better -- or they could be worse -- and not knowing which is terrifying. So, I'm sending you a cyber-hug!

Congratulations on your new adventure!! I'm a Marine wife and my hubby was already in the service when we got together so for me it was either sink or swim but at least you get to start from the beginning with your hubby. I have to say, I totally understand why he may have done this, steady pay check (1st and 15th of every monty), housing, medical for you and your child-that is just the financial end of it. But in this day and age, that is almost enough for some guys to sign up just to take care of their families.

For your child, you can explain to son that daddy has to go away to learn about his new job that he is going to have. And don't forget, you'll also probably be moving sometime within the next 6 months to a year as well. But you can take construction papar and cut it into strips, for each day daddy is gone, you write on a stripe something that happened that day (good or bad, don't ever hide the bad when they are gone) and link them together in a paper chain across the house for daddy to see when he gets home. This also works great for deployments too!!

Also, you need to learn how to take care of the house and yourself while he is gone. Depending on what his MOS is (his job) will depend on how he will be deployed. We are stationed in Beaufort and have Navy that work on the planes with us and then we have one Squadron that is a boat squadron that goes out on floats (what they call deployed). But you'll need to learn to be mom and dad in order to take care of your son. It isn't easy, but you'll make it and when you get your orders for where you'll live, you'll met new people that are in the same situation as yourself!!

I have a friend that in the Family Readiness with me and she is a Navy wife (they are normally called Obudsman), if you'd like, I can give you her info and she can better explain to you how things will go with him at boot camp and what not. Just send me a private message on here.

Good luck!
S.

Does Caleb go to a child care center? He needs friends. A picture of your husband would help him and telling him his dad is doing an important job. What do you do all day? Try knitting, crocheting,crafts or doing something to earn some money it will take your mind off the "being alone". It's hard, but not eating is hard too. Your husband made a decision to try to help out in the only way he knew how. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. God only puts on us what we can handle. Go to church, see the lives of other people.