24 answers

Husband Looking Through My Phone

Okay.... this is the second time I caught my husband looking through my phone. Should I be thinking he is guilty. A little history: My husband and I have had a very rocky relationship. He has been verbally abusive and Very Rude towards me for the past two years, I finally filed for a divorce. We still live together but the divorce has been in waiting because we were trying to work it out (I guess) anyways... He has been so emotionally detached from me for two years now, so of course at this point I am now at the "giving up" point. I learned to focus on myself and my kids now and of course God =.) He is constantly telling me how he doesn't care about me and how he does't care if I go through the divorce. So why is he looking through my phone and even calling and texting my phone while I'm at school. (He has gone for weeks at a time not calling or answering my calls , the only time we talk is when he is home and that is not good either. He is usually cursing me out) so now why the sudden "change of mind from him"??? I don't get it. Oh I forgot to mention that since he has been back (two months) he is constantly on his phone texting or on a "Game" (But I think he is chatting..) he says all hours of the day when he is home.

What can I do next?

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Guilty people usually assume the other party is guilty as well. Just leave him and get it over with so you can both start over.

2 moms found this helpful

When I was leaving my husband after his second affair he told me he knew I would date but he could not stand the idea of another man touching me in a sexual way. I asked him how he thought I felt knowing other woman had touched him that way while we were still married! Divorce often does not lesson the feeling a man has that his wife is somehow his alone, they do not like feeling like they can be replaced. He is dealing with the fact that you plan to love again, and that he was not the end of you. Just keep moving forward and ignore his jealousy.

1 mom found this helpful

I would agree that he's guilty and therefore thinks you are too. But, I would also say he DOES care. I'm not saying stay with him or anything, but I am saying that he cares way more than he lets on so just beware of that. It could make him angry if he finds out you've been talking with other people, even if he is totally unjustified! You also mentioned that you're trying to work it out, but you didn't really sound like that's going to hot...so I'm just going to say don't prolong things in front of the kids. If you want to work things out and you're both actively trying then I think that's great, but kids pick up on WAY more than the parents think, so if you aren't into working on it, one of you should move out. Don't let you kiddos see more of this drama between the two of you, that will affect them more than anything else! Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

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Guilty people usually assume the other party is guilty as well. Just leave him and get it over with so you can both start over.

2 moms found this helpful

My X-husband and I have been divorced for 2 years. In his simple mind there is still hope that we are going to get back together. He was also very verbally abusive to all of us. I will just give you some of the things that I have learned from dealing with a man that was probably cut from the same mold as your husband. He will never downgrade his ego and say that he needs me. If he does that then he has to admit some guilt on his part as why the marriage ended and he will never do that! I think that this is probably part of the reason that your husband that your husband checks your phone. He wants you back but if he admits guilt then he might have to change and that is not going to happen. I think that this is also the reason that he says that he does not care if you go through with the divorce. He just wants to use the reverse psychology mind game on you. I have learned so much from being married to this whackjob!! He probably wants you to be jealous since he is on his phone all the time in front of you. I would not give a second thought to these subtle mind games and do what is best for you and the kids. I now it hurt my kids terribly to see me get abused by this man.

1 mom found this helpful

I would agree that he's guilty and therefore thinks you are too. But, I would also say he DOES care. I'm not saying stay with him or anything, but I am saying that he cares way more than he lets on so just beware of that. It could make him angry if he finds out you've been talking with other people, even if he is totally unjustified! You also mentioned that you're trying to work it out, but you didn't really sound like that's going to hot...so I'm just going to say don't prolong things in front of the kids. If you want to work things out and you're both actively trying then I think that's great, but kids pick up on WAY more than the parents think, so if you aren't into working on it, one of you should move out. Don't let you kiddos see more of this drama between the two of you, that will affect them more than anything else! Good luck!

1 mom found this helpful

Given the circumstance of your relationship right now, I wouldn't trust him. There are several reasons why he was looking through your phone -- sheer curiousity, he's having a physical and emotional affair and he's looking for signs that you are too, maybe trying to glean phone numbers and information off your phone to use to his advantage some how (financially?) -- but given that the two of you are clearly at odds with each other and the relationship is over, there's really no good reason why he should be rifling through your phone without your permission. You may want to think about what you can do to live in separate residences pretty soon.

Wish I felt more positive about this situation . . .

1 mom found this helpful

When I was leaving my husband after his second affair he told me he knew I would date but he could not stand the idea of another man touching me in a sexual way. I asked him how he thought I felt knowing other woman had touched him that way while we were still married! Divorce often does not lesson the feeling a man has that his wife is somehow his alone, they do not like feeling like they can be replaced. He is dealing with the fact that you plan to love again, and that he was not the end of you. Just keep moving forward and ignore his jealousy.

1 mom found this helpful

I would put a password on your phone and get out of this situation as soon as possible. If he is abusive it could escalate. Being in that environment is not good for you or your kids.
Good luck!

Hi D..S usually when a spouse goes through another ones phone it's because they think they may he cheating, he also maybe going through it to see if maybe there is someone new if your life and that you have moved on. if there i nothing there I wouldn't worry about it. it sounds like he has some demons he needs to work through. You mentioned God, the promises we make to one another on our wedding days are the same promises we make before God and to God. it says for better or for worse, we all do great with the better, but when the worse comes we want to bail, when the worse comes we need to work even harder. J.

I don't understand why you're still living in the same house as this man, and why would ever even consider trying to work it out. You don't mention that you're in counceling? He is abusive, you need to get away from him. How old are your children? How do they feel when they have to constantly deal with all the yelling? Do you want them to think this type of behavior is ok?

As far as looking through your phone, are you sure he's not looking for something to use against you in the divorce? What do you think he's guilty about, doesn't make sense to me? What is he texting you about? Is it important? Is it something stupid? Is it just to annoy you? Does he think you're cheating on him, and he's trying to find evidence?

I know this is easier said then done but I would get your kids and yourself out of the house until things are settled. Do you have family or friends that you could stay with for awhile? Or, even better, insist that during the divorce proceedings, that it is not in the best interest for you and the children, to have him stay and that HE should stay elsewhere.

The phone situation is horrible but the other things you mentioned are even worse.

Take care of yourself, Please!

Sounds like you need to go into family counciling i hope this will work good luck A. no hills

Updated

SOUNDS LIKE YOU NEED TO GO INTO FAMILY COUNCILING I HOPE THIS WILL WORK GOOD LUCK A. NO HILLS

It's time to leave him and move on.

have some friends send you text messages congratulating you on your lottery winnings!

My aunt always says "you can only trust someone as muc as you can be trusted" so... if your husband feels like he can't trust you and has to look through your phone that probably means HE can't be trusted! Good Luck!

Him snooping around your phone is literally the least of your worries. You ask, "Why is he looking through my phone?" I ask, "Why are you still married to this tool?" I agree with Lisa C.: Your kids will be happier when you're divorced. Good luck!

I am sorry you have to deal with this unfomfortable situation.
Can you keep your phone on you or hide it somewhere where he can not find it? Not that you are hiding anything but you NOT ALLOWING him to check up on you like that.

What is HE up to?? Every time my husband would act like this..it was because he was doing something he shouldn't be. He is just trying to find an excuse in you that makes what he's doing okay. Give him the boot asap. Good luck!

In one conversation with my ex-husband (while we were waiting for the divorce) I brought up a guys name and that I was going on a date (just being honest) and he totally was crushed. I jokingly asked if he thought I would never move on/date again.....and ready for what his response was.....with a total serious tone he said no, i knew one day maybe, just thought you never could after getting a divorce. What was THAT supposed to mean? He also for a long time was mad everytime I brought up a guy's name (even my guy friends). After that I just assumed that even though it's not working out doesn't mean they aren't territorial. Good Luck!

Hello, I can understand your not wanting to give up on your marriage. However, I don't see that he is trying to help save it. It sounds like maybe he is looking for a reason to accuse you of something he is probably already doing.
If I were you, I would ditch him and go on with my life. He doesn't sound like a very nice person.
Good luck with your precious children and your own life.
K. K.

This is an easy one. Password protect your phone, pack your stuff and get out. You have already filed for divorce so what are you waiting for? Good luck.

you two need to be apart. If for any reason to be out of each other's business while the "monkey" business is happening. If he has already been abusive and is continuing to be abusive why are you "working it out"? This is not working it out, this is he is still in control of when and where he stays ans still is able to get you to take him in, let him treat you the way he wishes and continue with his life. Sounds like he is just not mature enough to be on his own...now you have to be mature and strong enough to love yourself and family enough to let go of the bad relationship. If there will ever be anything to work on, it won't be until he loses his world as he knows it and is able to work his way back. trust me, by then, you may jsut be so "well" that you will be far too protective than to let him back in. I wish you the best but you really need to take care of yourself first.

My parents divorced when I was 5. People always ask me if I wished they would have stayed together and the answer is absolutely NO. I was only sad that it made my Mom so sad even at 5 I knew it was a bad relationship. My Dad was very cold to my Mom - you could feel the tension between them which made my brother and I very uncomfortable. Over the years, I respected my Dad more because at least he left - My Mom continued to cry over him for years. I had a hard time respecting her because I couldn't understand why you would cry over someone who treated you with such little respect. The moral of the story is be strong and take care of what's important - "You and Your Children" Even they know you deserve more. Think about what you are teaching them. No abusive relationship is worth staying in; even if you said "for better or for worse" in your vows. Part of parenting is to teach your children to be strong and to make the hard decisions - respect yourself. Oh and your husband sounds like a complete control freak and seems like a very weak egocentric man - I have no doubt that he is trying to find something to get you on - men like him can't stand not to have control all the time. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Two things come to mind. It sounds like he's being nosy and maybe all these times that he wasn't calling or answering your calls, he was busy with someone else, so he didn't focus on you. Maybe that someone else is history now and he wants to see what you are up to. It could also be he's looking for a way to get out of this relationship with you, so he's hoping that you have moved on so that he can too.

M

look at his phone to document what he is doing, it might serve you in court. I'm sorry you are going through this. It does seem like the actions of a guilty man.

I don't think he is changing his mind, I think he's looking for dirt to use against you.

I wish you peace. This sounds like an awful situation to be living in.

Put a lock on your phone so he can't snoop.

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